Hey Thanks for everyone who reviewed the first chapter.
Nimhithriel: Patience my love. Good things come to those who wait. Thanks
for coauthoring this with me. Love ya lots.
Haldir's Heart and Soul: I really appreciate your review but because of
religious beliefs, I do not write slash. Sorry to disappoint. I hope that
you will continue to read.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
So my new toy departed from my lands to face dangers untold and hardships unnumbered. Oops wrong movie, so sorry. I missed him terribly especially with Celeborn's newfound love for the dwarf Gimli turning him into lazy, love sick fool. I really should kill him. We continued our communications through letters, (Privately of coarse because apparently some stupid pervy dwarf fancier thinks that it is ok for him to have an affair but not for me) and I watched him daily through my mirror. Haldir is now my favorite companion and confidant for we now have a common topic to discuss, but sadly it was not to last. I received a communication from stupid dark haired son-in-law saying that he needed troops from Lothlorien to help fight at Helms Deep. Haldir being march warden had to leave. The following letters were before Helms Deep. Note to self, hobbits rather cute, perhaps will keep a few for self.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Dearest Prince of Mirkwood, I hope that your time with Haldir was enjoyable. I scheduled a last minute concert so most of my subjects were there instead of wandering around. I took your advise and rescued the hobbit Pippin from that smelly, flea infested human that seems to think that he is good enough for my only grand child. I really shouldn't allow them to wed, it will only dilute my family's line even more (stupid Elrond). Well I hope that you had fun last night. Lovingly, Galadriel, Lady of the Golden Wood
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
My Darling Galadriel, Thank u for setting up a WONDERFUL evening...Haldir and I got to *know* each other quite well, and it was very *enjoyable*. Have you found the hobbit to your liking? You must share the wealth, you know! Also, try and keep your husband in check! Haldir had confessed last night that he was heavily beset by Celeborn while attempting to bathe...if it helps any, the Marchwarden has 2 brothers...maybe if we got Celeborn drunk, he would not Be able to tell the difference....very, very drunk, as Haldir is by far the prettiest of the Guardians of Lorien...though not as pretty as me of course....Agree about the human...he is most persistent - why pick on me? There are enough boy toys to satisfy at Rohan! Hell, even the slut of Meduseld has taken to him, the "sheildmaiden" - and he always has Gimli, yet its "Legolas, help me put on my armor", "Legolas, wear this poke bonnet" "Legolas, why don't you try on these new trousers I bought you? Right NOW?"... Got thoroughly annoyed when he became so demanding as to almost lock me up in the rancid caves of Helms Deep, saying I was by far to pretty to fight...my butt(like granite!)...Trying to get Haldir all to himself, he is... in the end acted on pent up lust for Marchwarden and hired an orc to make Haldir collapse, so that he (conveniently behind him) could catch the Elf... could do nothing, as was constantly followed by Gimli....stupid dwarves - cannot even unbuckle belt properly - what a nuisance! I am sure Arwen could do much better than that fleabag! awaiting your Reply, Prince Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood, The prettiest.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chere Legolas, I am so glad that you had a wonderful evening with Haldir. I agree that my husband can get a little out of control. He first confirmed my suspicions of him cheating when I discovered him shagging Gimli in our bedroom and in result of their little session, I had to have several repairs made to the chambers because lord knows that that room sees NO action at all. When we were first married, I had to get him drunk before he would ever help me conceive a child and then no more. That egomaniac thinks so highly of himself, he just doesn't want me to have a male child in fear that the child would some day take over the kingdom, even though it did make child birth a
little easier seeing the look on his face during the entire time. It's not like he rules the kingdom anyways I do almost all the work he just does the
political crap. Unfortunately I was forced to remove the hobbit from my kingdom for he distracted too many of my servants, soldiers and subjects therefore taking attention away from me. (the Prettiest) I sent him to live with stupid son-in-law. You trust the life of your ONLY child to a 3/4 elvish king and what does he do? His lack of security measures cause her to get kidnapped by orcs, tortured and killed. And now granddaughter is going to marry hobbit obsessed flea ridden human with 1/16 of elvish in him. I swear if I ever have another child, it will marry a full blooded elf with hair of gold and silver. I am so sorry for complaining so much, it's just all the stress of packing up an entire kingdom and moving them overseas is starting to get to me. I have to do it all and whenever I ask Celeborn to so much as lift a finger it's, "but darling I have so many important matter to attend to." "Sweetheart, you know that I would love to help but..." Yeah he's busy all right, busy shagging dirty dwarves and trying to seduce poor Haldir. By
the way, my husband did not want to send Haldir to the battle of Helms Deep, But Haldir flashed me a look saying that he'd rather go then have to stay here and continue to ignore my husband's advances. I hope that everything is going well. Your Loving, Galadriel, frustrated Queen of Lothlorien. PS. Attached is a photo taken from the last Royal Elves Convention. Notice how Celeborn stands away from the rest of us like he is too good to be with the
rest of us. Excuse me who bears a ring of power hear???? OH yeah ME. Your Lady, Galadriel
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Cherie, I am sorry that you have to have the weight and worry of a moving kingdom on your shoulders now, .but just think - we won't have smelly humans or dwarves, or unpretty orcs in Valinor! It will just be our kind! I think it is worth it! Also, maybe if we smuggle Arwen there, That fleabag "I'm meant to be king" human wont be able to get to her! (Or to me...) On the minus side, no hobbits in Valinor... ah, well...we must make memories now, I guess! I, too, am not exactly singing with happiness - after a nice jog across Riddermark (human tried desperately to keep up and dwarf lagged behind looking at my butt) we met up with another half-descent human with a band of brigands on horseback...it wasn't until he nearly speared us, insulted elves, and hit on the dwarf left right and center, that I could get a good look at him...Well, let me tell you! The blatant attempt to copy my hairstyle went all wrong, and he looked absolutely ridiculous without his helmet! He also gave us only 2 horses to ride, the bastard, and I was stuck taking Gimli, as Aragorn needed to "check for signs of the little ones"...pervy hobbit fancier if there ever was one! The dwarf's hands kept drifting, and all in all it was a very unpleasant ride... Gandalf's back, by the way - says hi... good job on his laundry - who had any idea that his gray robes were actually white underneath? He said he had changed the name to "Gandalf the Grey" so as to avoid being called "Gandalf the Unclean"... but sparkly white now! On our way to "Meduseld", the supposed "capital" of this provincial land...as if anything here could even pass for a town! Will write again upon reaching this "Meduseld" that is, if will be able to fend off the human's advances and get rid of Gimli... so I doubt highly that you will hear from me before the night... I wish sincerely that I could be with you now, my lady... By the way, I could not help but notice; you qualified yourself as the prettiest, while that title rightfully belongs to me! Please relinquish it and return to the proper owner, as I AM the Prettiest! And I look better holding water pitcher than u do, too! What battle of Helms Deep? He's going off to battle? Well, can't blame him, really...Celeborn rather frightening...personally, left Lorien with fellowship b/c was frightened... Write back soon, my love! Your sweet Prince of Mirkwood, Legolas
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
My Prince, I think that you misinterpreted my words, I merely stated that I was the prettiest in Lothlorien (except for when you are here.) It is hard moving an entire kingdom to Valinor but it will defiantly be worth it. I do hope that my son-in-law can convince my only grandchild that she is better off with an elvish man and without a dirty human that doesn't bathe himself. Speaking of bathing, this morning when I passed by the royal bathing chambers, I herd some disturbing laughter that sounded like Celeborn and some squealing, along with the distinct smell of strawberry bubble bath. Figuring that it was none of my business, I returned to my usual morning activities but I did notice that one of my soldiers was walking quite strangely and he reeked of strawberries. poor child, he was barely a man! Feeling sorry for the child I put him on the next boat to Valinor with a large group of ladies in waiting. I am sorry that you are having a harsh time out in the wild! Personally, I would hate to be out there with promiscuous unshaven humans and dwarves. I have an idea for you. Pretend to be into the scruffy dirty bas....I mean future king. This will make the dwarf extremely jealous and eventually one of them will push the other off of a cliff, thereby ridding you of his presence. I will close this letter now because I have another ship to send over to Valinor. This group is a bunch of builders and glass workers to rebuild my kingdom just how it was here. I enjoy Lothlorien and do not wish
to leave it, so it will be rebuilt in Valinor, complete with soft moss like
grass all over the place; shoes are so constricting, don't you think? I hope that everything gets better for you. Your Loving Queen of Lothlorien, Galadriel
Ps. Forget about what I said about Helms Deep, I keep forgetting that no one else can see the future but me. All you should know is that everything will
be all right.
*****************************************************************
Here, communication was interrupted as the Battle of Helms Deep and other events happening in Middle Earth at the time made it impossible to send letters to distant lands
*****************************************************************
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
So my new toy departed from my lands to face dangers untold and hardships unnumbered. Oops wrong movie, so sorry. I missed him terribly especially with Celeborn's newfound love for the dwarf Gimli turning him into lazy, love sick fool. I really should kill him. We continued our communications through letters, (Privately of coarse because apparently some stupid pervy dwarf fancier thinks that it is ok for him to have an affair but not for me) and I watched him daily through my mirror. Haldir is now my favorite companion and confidant for we now have a common topic to discuss, but sadly it was not to last. I received a communication from stupid dark haired son-in-law saying that he needed troops from Lothlorien to help fight at Helms Deep. Haldir being march warden had to leave. The following letters were before Helms Deep. Note to self, hobbits rather cute, perhaps will keep a few for self.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Dearest Prince of Mirkwood, I hope that your time with Haldir was enjoyable. I scheduled a last minute concert so most of my subjects were there instead of wandering around. I took your advise and rescued the hobbit Pippin from that smelly, flea infested human that seems to think that he is good enough for my only grand child. I really shouldn't allow them to wed, it will only dilute my family's line even more (stupid Elrond). Well I hope that you had fun last night. Lovingly, Galadriel, Lady of the Golden Wood
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
My Darling Galadriel, Thank u for setting up a WONDERFUL evening...Haldir and I got to *know* each other quite well, and it was very *enjoyable*. Have you found the hobbit to your liking? You must share the wealth, you know! Also, try and keep your husband in check! Haldir had confessed last night that he was heavily beset by Celeborn while attempting to bathe...if it helps any, the Marchwarden has 2 brothers...maybe if we got Celeborn drunk, he would not Be able to tell the difference....very, very drunk, as Haldir is by far the prettiest of the Guardians of Lorien...though not as pretty as me of course....Agree about the human...he is most persistent - why pick on me? There are enough boy toys to satisfy at Rohan! Hell, even the slut of Meduseld has taken to him, the "sheildmaiden" - and he always has Gimli, yet its "Legolas, help me put on my armor", "Legolas, wear this poke bonnet" "Legolas, why don't you try on these new trousers I bought you? Right NOW?"... Got thoroughly annoyed when he became so demanding as to almost lock me up in the rancid caves of Helms Deep, saying I was by far to pretty to fight...my butt(like granite!)...Trying to get Haldir all to himself, he is... in the end acted on pent up lust for Marchwarden and hired an orc to make Haldir collapse, so that he (conveniently behind him) could catch the Elf... could do nothing, as was constantly followed by Gimli....stupid dwarves - cannot even unbuckle belt properly - what a nuisance! I am sure Arwen could do much better than that fleabag! awaiting your Reply, Prince Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood, The prettiest.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chere Legolas, I am so glad that you had a wonderful evening with Haldir. I agree that my husband can get a little out of control. He first confirmed my suspicions of him cheating when I discovered him shagging Gimli in our bedroom and in result of their little session, I had to have several repairs made to the chambers because lord knows that that room sees NO action at all. When we were first married, I had to get him drunk before he would ever help me conceive a child and then no more. That egomaniac thinks so highly of himself, he just doesn't want me to have a male child in fear that the child would some day take over the kingdom, even though it did make child birth a
little easier seeing the look on his face during the entire time. It's not like he rules the kingdom anyways I do almost all the work he just does the
political crap. Unfortunately I was forced to remove the hobbit from my kingdom for he distracted too many of my servants, soldiers and subjects therefore taking attention away from me. (the Prettiest) I sent him to live with stupid son-in-law. You trust the life of your ONLY child to a 3/4 elvish king and what does he do? His lack of security measures cause her to get kidnapped by orcs, tortured and killed. And now granddaughter is going to marry hobbit obsessed flea ridden human with 1/16 of elvish in him. I swear if I ever have another child, it will marry a full blooded elf with hair of gold and silver. I am so sorry for complaining so much, it's just all the stress of packing up an entire kingdom and moving them overseas is starting to get to me. I have to do it all and whenever I ask Celeborn to so much as lift a finger it's, "but darling I have so many important matter to attend to." "Sweetheart, you know that I would love to help but..." Yeah he's busy all right, busy shagging dirty dwarves and trying to seduce poor Haldir. By
the way, my husband did not want to send Haldir to the battle of Helms Deep, But Haldir flashed me a look saying that he'd rather go then have to stay here and continue to ignore my husband's advances. I hope that everything is going well. Your Loving, Galadriel, frustrated Queen of Lothlorien. PS. Attached is a photo taken from the last Royal Elves Convention. Notice how Celeborn stands away from the rest of us like he is too good to be with the
rest of us. Excuse me who bears a ring of power hear???? OH yeah ME. Your Lady, Galadriel
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Cherie, I am sorry that you have to have the weight and worry of a moving kingdom on your shoulders now, .but just think - we won't have smelly humans or dwarves, or unpretty orcs in Valinor! It will just be our kind! I think it is worth it! Also, maybe if we smuggle Arwen there, That fleabag "I'm meant to be king" human wont be able to get to her! (Or to me...) On the minus side, no hobbits in Valinor... ah, well...we must make memories now, I guess! I, too, am not exactly singing with happiness - after a nice jog across Riddermark (human tried desperately to keep up and dwarf lagged behind looking at my butt) we met up with another half-descent human with a band of brigands on horseback...it wasn't until he nearly speared us, insulted elves, and hit on the dwarf left right and center, that I could get a good look at him...Well, let me tell you! The blatant attempt to copy my hairstyle went all wrong, and he looked absolutely ridiculous without his helmet! He also gave us only 2 horses to ride, the bastard, and I was stuck taking Gimli, as Aragorn needed to "check for signs of the little ones"...pervy hobbit fancier if there ever was one! The dwarf's hands kept drifting, and all in all it was a very unpleasant ride... Gandalf's back, by the way - says hi... good job on his laundry - who had any idea that his gray robes were actually white underneath? He said he had changed the name to "Gandalf the Grey" so as to avoid being called "Gandalf the Unclean"... but sparkly white now! On our way to "Meduseld", the supposed "capital" of this provincial land...as if anything here could even pass for a town! Will write again upon reaching this "Meduseld" that is, if will be able to fend off the human's advances and get rid of Gimli... so I doubt highly that you will hear from me before the night... I wish sincerely that I could be with you now, my lady... By the way, I could not help but notice; you qualified yourself as the prettiest, while that title rightfully belongs to me! Please relinquish it and return to the proper owner, as I AM the Prettiest! And I look better holding water pitcher than u do, too! What battle of Helms Deep? He's going off to battle? Well, can't blame him, really...Celeborn rather frightening...personally, left Lorien with fellowship b/c was frightened... Write back soon, my love! Your sweet Prince of Mirkwood, Legolas
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
My Prince, I think that you misinterpreted my words, I merely stated that I was the prettiest in Lothlorien (except for when you are here.) It is hard moving an entire kingdom to Valinor but it will defiantly be worth it. I do hope that my son-in-law can convince my only grandchild that she is better off with an elvish man and without a dirty human that doesn't bathe himself. Speaking of bathing, this morning when I passed by the royal bathing chambers, I herd some disturbing laughter that sounded like Celeborn and some squealing, along with the distinct smell of strawberry bubble bath. Figuring that it was none of my business, I returned to my usual morning activities but I did notice that one of my soldiers was walking quite strangely and he reeked of strawberries. poor child, he was barely a man! Feeling sorry for the child I put him on the next boat to Valinor with a large group of ladies in waiting. I am sorry that you are having a harsh time out in the wild! Personally, I would hate to be out there with promiscuous unshaven humans and dwarves. I have an idea for you. Pretend to be into the scruffy dirty bas....I mean future king. This will make the dwarf extremely jealous and eventually one of them will push the other off of a cliff, thereby ridding you of his presence. I will close this letter now because I have another ship to send over to Valinor. This group is a bunch of builders and glass workers to rebuild my kingdom just how it was here. I enjoy Lothlorien and do not wish
to leave it, so it will be rebuilt in Valinor, complete with soft moss like
grass all over the place; shoes are so constricting, don't you think? I hope that everything gets better for you. Your Loving Queen of Lothlorien, Galadriel
Ps. Forget about what I said about Helms Deep, I keep forgetting that no one else can see the future but me. All you should know is that everything will
be all right.
*****************************************************************
Here, communication was interrupted as the Battle of Helms Deep and other events happening in Middle Earth at the time made it impossible to send letters to distant lands
*****************************************************************