A/N: I'm sorry it's been taking me so long to update, my semester ends June 5th so I've been studying for finals. I haven't dropped the story though. I should be able to update sooner after next Friday.
The Island
March 24, 1946
She was restless as she slept that night, tossing and turning beneath the sheets. Her dreams were jumbled, fast and feverish scenes jumping all over the place: meeting him, kissing him, lying naked beneath him in his bed after they married. Even in her sleep, her head was spinning.
She jolted awake at a loud crack of thunder outside. She was breathing heavily, frantic and sweating. The dream felt like it had lasted for hours, just an endless loop of amorous hallucinations. She could still feel his hands on her, his touch oddly cool against her flushed skin; she still tasted him kissing her, the scent of his hair still lingered in her nostrils.
"This is too much. I can't think, can't breathe. I can still feel him...everywhere," she thought as tears started rolling down her cheeks. "I need to figure out where I came from and how to get back. I need to find my way back to him."
She got out of bed and went into the bathroom, turning on the shower and peeling off her nightgown. She turned the cold water on in the sink and splashed her face to calm herself down, then got into the shower and let the hot water roll over her skin. Everything felt numb. She couldn't stop crying, her tears falling faster than she could attempt to hold them back; she collapsed to the shower floor in defeat.
"Everything feels empty when I wake without him," her mind raced with grief. She couldn't hold it in anymore and screamed in her anguish and pain. Almost immediately, she heard banging on the door to the adjoining hotel room. A few seconds later, she heard the hall door fly open, followed by the bathroom door. The shower door was opened and the water turned off; unseen hands wrapped a towel around her and lifted her off of the shower floor, carrying her out to the bed.
She looked up, finding Howard sitting next to her, a worried look on his face. "You wanna talk about it?"
She hesitated. "I keep having dreams of someone. I think that I truly knew him, the dreams feel so real, like memories being relived every time I close my eyes. I don't know my own name, but I know him. I need him. I need to find him." The tears started pouring down her cheeks again, like waterfalls from her soul.
"Hey, hey, shh," he said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as he tried to comfort her. "I'll do whatever you need me to do to help you search for him. But keep in mind, you fell out of the sky. He might not be on this planet. We don't know where you came from yet."
Her eyes scanned the space in front of her as she tried to reason with what he had just told her. The thought hadn't crossed her mind until then that she might not find him. The hole in her heart felt like it was ripping open farther; she needed him.
"Calm yourself. You don't know for sure. He could very well be somewhere on Earth." The storm still raged on outside, as a loud crack of thunder made them both jump. A moment later, the adjoining door cracked open and Jarvis peeked in.
"Is everything alright? What's happened?"
"I had a strange dream. I began crying in the shower and I screamed, and Howard came to my aid. I'm feeling quite better now. It's still late, though. We should probably all go back to sleep, I suppose."
xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx
Star awoke three hours later when the sun rose; she found an emerald green dress laid out on the chair next to the dresser, and a pair of black heels on the floor. There was a note taped to the front of the dress.
I hope that this fits, until we go shopping today. There is a hairbrush and some bobby pins in the bathroom. Once you've dressed for the day, please join us for breakfast. No rush.
-H.
She quickly dressed and braided her hair, pinning the braid up around the top of her head like a halo, then slipped her feet into the black heels and walked a few steps across the room before she lost her footing and stumbled. She fell onto the foot of the bed, then stood and tried again to walk in the heels, moving slower and adjusting how she stepped.
"These shoes will take some getting used to. It seems almost impossible to walk in these things."
She knocked on the adjoining door, and was greeted by Jarvis with a smile. Howard was on the telephone, calling up a bellhop to assist Jarvis in bringing the luggage to the car; there was a plate of bacon and eggs on the table, and he gestured for her to sit down and eat.
She picked at the food in silence while the two men moved around her, making sure nothing was left behind when they checked out of the rooms. She saw Howard box up the chocolate cake from the night before and hand it to Jarvis.
"We'll eat it on the plane," he told her, and they exchanged a smile. "Whenever you're done with breakfast, we'll head out to the shops. We've got quite a bit of shopping to do."
"We could go now."
"No, you barely touched your dinner last night," he insisted as Jarvis looked on, "I understand if you're going through some things right now, trying to adjust to being on Earth and all, but if you don't eat you're going to get sick and weak. We have a long flight ahead of us, and the only food on the plane will be chocolate cake. Please, just try to eat now."
"Okay," she timidly replied.
"I'm gonna go down to the car with Jarvis and settle the bill at the front desk while you eat then. I'll come back up to get you in about twenty minutes."
Once she was alone, she began eating as fast as she could, just to get it over with. The scrambled eggs were cold when she had sat down, but the bacon was still warm. After she cleared her plate, she walked to the window and looked out at the view. There was a white sandy beach as far as she could see along the coast, and the water was a beautiful turquoise as the waves rolled in to the shore. There was a knock at the door, and she opened it to find Howard waiting for her.
"Sorry, I turned in the key when I paid the bill," he smiled.
xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx
They spent the next two hours shopping for clothes. She wasn't a complicated woman, so she chose clothing quickly after the tailor took down her measurements. Howard kept pushing her to buy more clothes; when she finally was fed up with shopping, she had chosen nine dresses, five skirts, seven blouses, two pairs of pants, and three pairs of shoes. She made Howard take the clothing back to the car while she was fitted for undergarments, and when he returned, he made the purchase while she held the bag, insistent about not allowing him to carry it.
"So, once we get on the plane," he spoke as they walked to the car, "it'll be about eight hours until we land on Guam to refuel again, then we'll fly a bit further south to the island we're staying on. It's off the coast of Australia, far enough that we shouldn't see any locals or tourists, just the three of us. The privacy should give you ample peace and quiet to practice and learn what you can do."
"How do I practice it though? I still don't even know what I did, or what I possibly could do."
"Well," he thought for a moment, "maybe you could think about it before you go to sleep. You've been having vivid dreams; if they're really memories like you think, maybe it'll come to you in your sleep. We've got a long flight ahead of us, it's worth a shot."
They reached the car and Howard opened the trunk. She added the bag she was carrying to the rest of the shopping bags, and he closed the trunk and opened the front passenger door for her. She quietly got into the car, deep in thought.
"What if he's right? What if my powers lie with my prince, and following him through my memory is the key? It couldn't hurt to try."
They drove back to the airport in silence. When they pulled up to the plane, she turned to Howard. "Once we get into the air, I'm going to try to sleep. I think your idea might be right."
"Okay," he said, "but try to keep it calm, don't cause anything that'll drop the plane into the ocean."
xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx
An hour later, Howard and Jarvis were in the cockpit, and Star shut herself into the back room again. She stripped out of her dress and got into the shower; the hot water would help her relax and fall asleep easier. When she stepped out, a knee-length purple nightgown was laid out on the bed. She opened the closet where Howard had hung up her clothes, finding the bag of underwear in the bottom corner and picking out a pair of panties. She dried off and slipped the clothes on, then sat on the bed brushing her hair as she looked out the window on the side of the plane. All that she could see were clouds stretching on forever.
She hesitated for a moment before pulling the blinds closed and lying down beneath the sheets. The room was dark except for tiny slivers of light that crept in around the edges of the windows. She was nervous, afraid that she might put Howard and Jarvis in danger.
"You have to do this. You need to try. You need to know." She closed her eyes, letting sleep take over.
xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx
She found herself in the meadow of pink wildflowers, with him standing before her, a serious look on his face.
"Now," he spoke, "let's see what you've already learned." She knelt down and gently touched a flower that hadn't opened yet, and was shocked as it bloomed against her fingertips. She paid close attention to everything, her posture, her mannerisms, her concentration. He chuckled, "That's adorable, you've been playing with the flowers!" Her cheeks flushed pink, embarrassed that he was mocking her. She stood up, dusting a few blades of grass off of her dress. "Hmm, now, where to begin? Let's start with fire. Come here and place your hands on top of mine, the same way mine are facing," he said, holding his hands out in front of him with his palms facing up.
Star did as he said, gently resting her hands on top of his. She was surprised that despite the warm weather, his hands felt ice cold. She was nervous about using fire magic, but she felt nothing but trust for him. "I'll do it the first time, then you have to focus and do it yourself," he said, and she jumped at the sound of his voice. "Relax. Focus," he said, a stern look in his eyes. She took a deep breath and straightened her posture, then looked down at his hands, waiting.
He was still and silent, and after a minute she peeked up at his face. "It's hard to concentrate on anything that isn't him. I just want to break away from this repetition of memories and hold him," she thought to herself. Then she felt a warmth moving up through her hands, although his palms remained cold against her skin; she looked back down and rested her hands slightly more against his. He flashed a glance at her at the contact, as though being touched was something that he wasn't used to. Then a small ball of flame burst from each hand; she gasped and went to pull her hands away, but his reflexes were faster and he squeezed her hands between his thumbs and pinky fingers.
"Don't pull away like that!" he scolded her. "I'm tutoring you, not torturing you. Did you really think I intended to burn you?"
"No," she spoke, breaking through the memory, "I trust you. I know you. You would never hurt me."
His eyes darted to hers when she spoke, looking shocked and almost frightened. "...How?..." He let go of her hands, grabbing her shoulders tight, not breaking eye contact as his eyes began to tear up. "Why would you say that? That's not what you said that day. There's no reason why you would say anything different because you're..."
Before he could say anything else, she reached up and touched his face; he quieted at her touch, watching her inquisitively. She ran her fingers lightly along his jaw, gently pulling his face to hers when she reached below his chin. His breathing was heavy and he seemed both mesmerized and heartbroken.
"I'm here," she whispered. "I'll always be here." She lightly grazed her lips against his, and something in him snapped; he was rushed, kissing her frantically as though he hadn't seen her in years. She backed up with him as he moved towards her, until her back was up against a tree at the edge of the meadow. He lifted her up until she was at his height, and she wrapped her legs around his waist as best she could despite her dress. He continued kissing her, so passionately that she feared she might catch fire against the tree and burn the forest down.
He paused for a second to catch his breath, his hands still urgently tracing over her arms, her face, her hair, as though he was memorizing every tiny detail. "I miss you, love. I...I can't do this," he said, lowering her to the ground and back away from her as tears started rolling down his cheeks.
"Please," she reached out for him, "don't leave. I love you." He squeezed his eyes shut when she said those three words, refusing to look at her as though the sight of her was too painful for him to bear.
"What happened to me, to cause him this much pain?"
Before she could say anything else, she was shaken awake by Howard. "No! Why would you wake me? No, no, no... I was making progress with him, I was about to ask him his name. He was so sad." She sat up in the bed and looked angrily at Howard. "What did you wake me for?"
"You were mumbling in your sleep, loud enough that we both could hear you through the closed door from the other end of the plane. Even Jarvis was worried. It sounded like you were in pain."
She looked disappointed and sighed to herself, then perked up, cupping her hands together in front of her and closing her eyes as she concentrated. Howard watched her curiously as she slowly opened her hands, peeking into her palms before smiling wide and jumping to her feet on the bed. "I did it!" she shouted excitedly, waving a tiny pink flower in his face. "I made this, I did it! I saw these flowers in my dream!"
She stopped and sat down on the edge of the bed, twirling the tiny flower in her fingers as her smile faded. "I was there. He was so terribly sad. He needed me and I must have disappeared before him when you woke me. I need to go back to sleep. Now!" She stood, pushing Howard out of the room and closing the door behind him.
She laid back down in the bed, but her mind was racing and it made it impossible to fall back asleep. "I got through to him somehow, he recognized me. He seemed so heartbroken, though." She touched her scar through her clothing. "What happened to me?"
After twenty minutes, she gave up on trying to go back to sleep, making her way out to the front of the plane. Howard was sitting in one of the leather seats in the midsection of the plane reading a book, and Jarvis was in the cockpit.
"Can't fall back asleep?" Howard asked apologetically, and she shook her head. "Are you hungry? We still have that chocolate cake."
"That sounds great!"
"Take a seat, I'll cut you a slice. Jarvis, do you want some chocolate cake?"
"No, thank you."
Star looked out of the window on the left side of the plane, finding nothing but clouds and open ocean beneath them. "How long was I sleeping?"
"About five hours," Howard replied, setting down a plate in front of her and a glass of milk, then going back to the pantry for a slice for himself before sitting back in his seat on the right side of the plane, so that they each had a table to themselves. "I'm sorry for waking you. If you're right and your dreams really are connected to this man, I hope that I didn't make things more conflicted for you."
"I'm sure I can straighten it out," she replied between bites of the cake, "but everything is new to me, I don't quite understand how it works yet. I don't think that the dreams are even in sequential order, they seem to jump all over the place. One dream I was meeting him, then in another I was marrying him; it doesn't make sense yet. And if he's having the dreams too, they could be repeating which makes it even more complex."
"If you want, I have sleeping pills. I have them for when I get headaches at night that keep me awake."
"Why not," she shrugged, and he went into the pantry for a minute, returning with a small paper cup containing two tiny round pills.
"Just know that if you take them, we probably won't be able to wake you until the medication wears off."
"That's fine, he's the only thing that I dream of. I'm sure I'll be alright. Maybe staying asleep longer will clear my head, too."
She took the pills without hesitation, washing them down with the milk, then finished eating her cake. She was so anxious to go back to sleep; the interaction with him in the last dream was seared into her mind. He had pounced on her like a feral animal when she had spoken up and broken the repetition of the memory, kissing her with such a hunger that she had thought for a split second that he would take her right there against the tree. She desperately needed to find out what had happened to her, why he was so sad and uneasy at the sight of her.
She stayed in the leather seat watching the clouds until she began feeling drowsy, then excused herself and went into the back room, quietly closing the door behind her. She laid down on top of the blankets on her stomach, and drifted off to sleep almost instantly.
xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx
She found herself in a grand banquet hall; the entire room seemed to be made of gold. On one wall were rows of tables filled with platters of meats, cheeses, breads, wines, and desserts. Smaller dining tables lined the two adjoining walls at the far ends of the room, and a long table lined the other wall, seemingly for important guests. The center of the huge room was filled with people; couples dancing, friends laughing, everyone celebrating. She looked up at the high ceiling far above the crowd, and found a balcony lining the wall above the long dining table; an older couple stood looking out at the festivities. She recognized the man from the dream of her wedding, his eye patch giving him away.
"He was the man who married us," she remembered to herself. Suddenly, a tall blonde woman came up beside her, grabbing her arm.
"Sister, there you are!" she exclaimed, "I was afraid you'd not show your face tonight! Come, dance with me!"
The blonde pulled her out into the center of the room, and every man's eyes seemed to follow them as the blonde started to sway her hips to the music. She grabbed Star's hands and tried to get her to join in, but Star pulled away and laughed nervously under all the attention.
She looked up to the balcony again, finding only the woman standing there, keeping watch over everyone in attendance. They made eye contact for a moment, and the woman smiled down at her and waved, as though she knew something more than everyone else did. Star debated going up and speaking to her, but then he stepped up beside her on the balcony, and her breath caught in her throat.
"Sister, you look as though you've seen a ghost," the blonde interrupted her thoughts, following her gaze up to the balcony, "you need not be afraid of him, dear Little One. He'll take his leave as he always does."
"Why would he leave? Does he not desire to dance with his wife?"
The blonde burst into a fit of laughter. "Have you hit your head? Loki has no wife, and you have no husband. Father hasn't even found you a suitor yet, either."
"Loki...," she repeated to herself, returning her gaze to the Queen and Prince above them. The Queen kept her eyes on Star as she spoke to her son. Something about her felt out of place, and after a moment Loki quietly crept away from his mother. Star followed him with her eyes and began walking after him, intending to intercept him as he snuck away. Just before she reached the door to the hallway, a guard stepped out in front of her, blocking her way.
"Excuse me," she said quietly. He didn't move out of her way.
"The Queen demands that you speak with her. Now."
She turned back towards the Queen above her, and she smiled down at her again. The guard led her out into the hall, and Loki turned back at the end of the hallway upon hearing the door open; they made eye contact for a brief second before he rounded the corner and was gone.
She sadly followed the guard up a winding stone staircase to the balcony. The Queen walked over and took her arm, dismissing the guard.
"I'm glad to see that you made it through the Bifrost unharmed, my child, but whatever are you doing here?"
"What is the Bifrost?" she asked.
"Oh, dear," the Queen replied, leading Star towards a set of double doors that led out into a huge garden, "I was afraid of this. A soul is a tricky thing, it can defy space and time in ways that most don't understand. You met an untimely demise here, but I was able to separate your soul from your body before you died, and I cast it out into the universe in the hopes that you would find the strength to live on. You are connected to Loki by your dreams, but I'm afraid at this point in time you hadn't met each other yet."
Star looked saddened by the news, but the Queen point out into the night. Across the garden in the distance was Loki, alone in the darkness, pacing back and forth as small bursts of flame glowed in his palms. He seemed to be tossing fire from one hand to the other.
"He was so lonely before he found you," the Queen continued, "but when he did meet you, something in him shifted. He was finally happy, no longer resigned to solitude. You gave him purpose, a reason to smile. He felt loved like never before. What the two of you shared was..."
"...perfect," Star interrupted. "Why don't I remember anyone else other than him?"
"You were close to death, I'm lucky to have saved as much as I did of who you were. I hope you weren't taken back too far in time, he desperately needs you now. He has fallen into a deep state of unrest and depression since he lost you. I fear he may be suffering from delusions."
"I don't think he's delusional. I think I can communicate with him in dreams, just as you and I are doing now."
The Queen thought for a moment. "Please tread lightly, if that is the case. He knows not that I saved your soul; I don't know where or when you were reborn, and I can't give him false hope. You can't try to communicate with him until you catch up to present day." The Queen seemed to become distressed as she spoke. "It's dangerous to his sanity." She paused. "I'm out of time, I'm sorr..."
Everything went dark, and Star felt as though she was falling, then she found herself naked as she was violently thrown across a marble floor until her back slammed against a wall. She looked up at a bearded man with a sword in one hand and an angry look on his face.
"Cover yourself up, whore. Let's wait for your lover to return. You were promised to me, and I'm not leaving here without blood on my hands."
She scrambled to her feet, grabbing a blanket that was near her on the floor. She wrapped it tightly around her body, tucking it in across her chest to hold it up. She heard frantic, heavy footsteps running in the hallway, getting louder as their owner neared the door. The man grabbed her and yanked her in front of him, pressing the blade of his sword to her throat as the door opened and Loki burst into the room. He looked scared upon seeing her in this predicament, and that only made her even more frightened and confused.
"About time you joined the party," the other man snapped at Loki. "It's a shame that not everyone here is leaving alive."
She watched Loki staring at the position she was in; he had his hands up, trying to defuse the situation. His hands were shaking ever so slightly, and even from across the room, she could see that he was forcing himself to remember to breathe. She couldn't stop her eyes from going wide with fear with the sword pressed against her throat.
"Loki, he's mad! He's not thinking cl..." she heard herself yell until the man yanked her hair back.
"Not another word or I'll slice your pretty little neck open."
"Just look at me, love," Loki called out to her. "It's going to be alright."
"See, now," the other man said angrily, "there's the prince we all know and love. The liar." Without warning, he plunged his sword into her back. She felt no pain since it was just a dream, but was shocked and speechless seeing the blade protruding from her chest, as blood began to stain the blanket that was wrapped around her.
"NO!" Loki shouted, an exact echo of the scream she had heard in the shower on Howard's plane when she had first touched the scar on her chest.
"This is the wound that killed me," she thought, as realization hit home.
The man laughed behind her. "You're thinking about the healing room, aren't you?" Loki looked at him, and she could tell that he was starting to panic. The man twisted the sword inside of her chest, making her injuries worse, then pulled his sword out of her and let her slump to the floor. She watched helplessly, unable to move, as blood began to pour out onto the floor all around her.
"NO NO NO NO!" Loki dropped to his knees and frantically crawled to where she lay. She just wanted to hold him, to let him know that she wasn't really dying, that there was still a way for this to turn out alright. Her murderer ran while Loki was distracted as he tried to stop the bleeding.
He pulled her up into his lap, cradling her body as he applied pressure to her wounds. Suddenly, a tall blonde man ran into the room. "Mother sent me to make sure you were... What happened?" Loki stood up, holding her, and pushed her into the blonde man's arms.
"Get Mother and take Sigyn to the Healing Room. Keep her alive! I'll be back to help as soon as I deal with Theoric," he said, leaning down to kiss her forehead, "I can't give him the chance to slip out of Asgard, not after this atrocity."
"Sigyn. Is that my real name?"
The blonde man peered down at her bloody body in his arms for a moment, then took off running with her. She watched with a breaking heart as Loki ran in the opposite direction, the way her attacker had fled.
She lost consciousness within the dream, then came to on a table as the blonde man and the Queen moved around her, trying to heal her wounds. It took her a moment to realize that she wasn't actually laying on the table, but watching the scene unfold from across the room. The Queen and the blonde man were arguing about where Loki had gone.
"He needs to be here with his wife," the Queen said, gently running a hand over Sigyn's bloodstained forehead. She looked up, staring right at Star standing across the room, invisible to everyone but the Queen. "Everybody out!"
Once the room had cleared and only the Queen remained with her body, she spoke to Star as she began separating Sigyn's soul from her dying body. "I know you are here, that this is a dream, a memory of what happened to you. I'm sorry that I couldn't remove this from your memory, but I had no time. You have a long road ahead of you until you even get a chance to see him again, but I hope that it will give you time to blossom and grow; Loki saw great potential in your abilities, and I share his belief that you have an opportunity to become very skilled in magic, with focus and practice. The man who brought you to me just now is Loki's brother, Thor. When he is sent down to Earth, that's when you'll be close to seeing Loki again. I don't know how long you'll have to wait, but keep watch for him as a sign."
She looked on in awe, speechless as the Queen pulled a small glowing ball of light from her body, and afterwards her body breathed its last breath. Tears rolled silently down her cheeks as she watched herself die. Frigga stepped over to her, gently touching her cheek as their eyes met. "This isn't the end, my dear. Don't weep for this misfortune; smile and stay strong, you are the light in his darkness, and the brighter you shine, the sooner he'll find you again."
The Queen backed away, standing next to the lifeless body on the table again as the doors flew open and Loki took two steps into the room before stopping in his tracks at the sight of her lying still on the table.
"I must go inform Iwaldi and Freya," Frigga spoke to Loki as if Star wasn't there, before quietly walking out into the hall.
She watched as Loki walked slowly to where her body laid and picked her up in his arms. He staggered to the corner and collapsed, burying his face in her blood stained hair.
"I was supposed to keep you safe. I couldn't even do that for a day." His back began to shake as he started crying, and all she wanted was to let him know that she was standing there, but he couldn't see her. "Don't leave me."
"I would never. I promise I'll find you again. My Loki."
She wanted to stay and comfort her grieving husband, but she felt a pull from her soul to follow Frigga despite her desire to remain by his side. The Queen quickly left the castle, walking across a beautiful rainbow bridge that led to an odd type of building on the outskirts of the world. A tall, muscular man was standing outside, expectantly waiting for the Queen.
"My Queen. What are the odds that this will work?"
"I don't know, Heimdall. But I have to try, in hopes that he can find her again someday. Nobody other than you and I can know, though, in case this doesn't work. I can't have my son recklessly scouring the Nine Realms for something he may very well never find." She opened her hands as Heimdall placed his sword into the pedestal in the center of the round room, opening some sort of portal. Frigga looked at the small glowing orb in her hands, whispering to it. "Remember your name, Sigyn, and find your way back to Loki." With that, she gently pushed Sigyn's Soul out among the stars, and Star felt the falling feeling again as everything went dark.
xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx
She woke up to find Jarvis shaking her.
"Oh, thank heavens," he exclaimed, a worried look on his face, "I've been trying to wake you for twenty minutes now. We've reached the island. Howard walked ahead to the house to retrieve his automobile from the garage."
She sat up, unmoving, as tears began rolling down her cheeks.
"What is it? Another of your dreams?"
"I watched myself die. And I fear I'm going to be alone for a very long time."
"My dear, you are among friends, I assure you that you won't be alone if you don't want to be." He tried to comfort her, but she was inconsolable.
"I died in his arms. I can't imagine the pain that he suffered at my loss. And there's nothing I can do to prove to him that I'm still alive. Not for a very long time."