Summary: When Kurt finds out he's dying of stomach cancer, he calls in a favor with his ex, asking him to be his death doula. But now that they've reconnected, he has another favor to ask ... one of a more intimate nature.
Notes: Written for the Klaine Advent Drabble 2018 prompt feed, but also athlete, paper, exclude, and ribbon.
"G-god …" Kurt moans, voice rough from panting hard past drying tears. "I think … I almost forgot what that felt like."
"Yeah," Blaine agrees. "It's … it's been a while."
Blaine hovers on his hands and knees, careful not to put too much weight on Kurt's body. Without Blaine's heat, Kurt shudders. Blaine covers him quickly with his comforter.
"You mean in general, or with me?" Kurt teases, but as with all of his teasing, it comes with a plea.
Please.
Please tell me I meant something.
Please tell me I still do.
Please tell me that, when I'm gone, there will be one person left alive who will remember me for the person I was, not just the actor.
Tell me there is someone who will love him.
"Both," Blaine teases back, keeping Kurt in the dark. Though Kurt would have to be blind not to know how Blaine feels, how much he still loves him after all these years.
What they're doing isn't written in Kurt's directives. They didn't agree on this during his consultation. This is a favor - another one Kurt is cashing in. He didn't know whether Blaine would agree to it.
He didn't know whether or not it was fair for him to ask.
Kurt had considered hiring a sex worker who specializes in intimacy with terminally ill clients. He'd gotten the phone number from his agent of a guy in New York who did that sort of thing. But Kurt couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't invite a stranger into his pain. He didn't want someone he didn't know caring for him, silently judging him … or pitying him.
But he needed physical contact. He needed his fill of it, to lift him past the sadness that was shredding him to ribbons.
Before tonight, it had been over a year since Kurt had last slept with another man. For Blaine, six months.
Kurt called, stumbling over apologies, awkwardly explaining his plight, asking Blaine if there was any way he'd be willing. Blaine didn't think twice. Blaine promised to make love to Kurt as often as he wanted.
He wasn't going to make Kurt beg for something that belonged to him all along.
Blaine tucks Kurt beneath more blankets in an effort to stop his shivering, but it seems inescapable. He rubs Kurt's back in the hopes that gentle friction will help warm him up. Kurt curls forward, exposing his back to Blaine's hands but nothing else. He doesn't like revealing his naked body. He had asked Blaine to make love to him from behind so that Blaine wouldn't see how badly the cancer, and the treatments he endures, have begun to affect him.
Blaine offered to let Kurt top him, but Kurt was afraid he wouldn't have the strength.
Kurt's hair, which he prided himself on, has started coming out. His muscle tone is beginning to fade. Sooner than later, his athletic physique will begin to melt, and his already alabaster skin will become paper-thin. He barely eats. Blaine tries to feed him, brings Kurt something new at every session (since Kurt doesn't want to call what they're doing a date). Once upon a time, Kurt loved Blaine's cooking. Kurt takes a polite bite when offered, but he doesn't have an appetite. The only thing Blaine has seen Kurt put away is a cheesecake.
But Blaine suspects he was eating his emotions more than the food.
There will come a time when making love will hurt too much. Blaine hopes that when that day comes, Kurt won't decide to exclude him from what remains of his life. And if he does, Blaine hopes that what they've had during this short period of time, being Kurt-and-Blaine again, will give Kurt a small measure of comfort.