The next morning, Gemma took some extra time to make a proper breakfast for herself – only herself, she noted bitterly because the damn fool Nero had suddenly ditched her for no reason at all. She had a difficult day ahead of her. The news about Tara's death had broken now and everybody probably knew already. Gemma would come forward somewhere later this day, spreading the news about seeing a Chinese guy when she went back to Jax's house to say goodbye. Her cover story was that she had been upset and had needed some time for herself. When she had calmed down and driven back to Jax's house she had noticed a Chinese guy leaving. She had seen Tara's car and decided not to go in because she did not want another fight. It had all seemed innocent until she had found out the terrible truth. It was a good cover, she thought. Simple, without too much involvement on her part that might seem suspicious and it should be enough to point Jax at the Chinese. They would deny everything, of course, but Jax would never believe them over the word of his mother, especially if there was existing beef. She could have picked the Mayans as well but this would likely bring trouble for Nero and she didn't want that. He might have dumped her but she wasn't that vindictive – well, at least not always.

Gemma knew she was on some level betraying Jax for burying the truth but she was convinced she was doing the right thing. What good would come out of the truth anyway? Jax would lose his mother as well as his wife and the boys would have no maternal figure at all to take care of them. No, this way was much better. Who cared if some chinks were getting killed for it? They probably would have gone to war with the club anyway, she was just the catalyst for whatever would happen. Besides, maybe Jax would settle for killing a couple of them. And even if he didn't it was much better than the alternative. Jax could handle a gang war but she highly doubted he could handle his mother killing his wife. A pity Juice hadn't understood that. She had forced a lot more pills and some whiskey down his throat before leaving him to expire. She could have suffocated him or something but she hadn't for two reasons: First, she wanted no sign of foul play. Jax might have not been on the best of terms with Juice but somebody killing one of his guys would get his attention and this was the last thing Gemma wanted. It had to look like a drug overdose or a suicide if she wanted to be safe. And the second reason was that she couldn't bare it. Taking Juice out had been awful enough at it was, she didn't want to make it even harder. She had heard no news of Juice's death yet but she doubted the club was looking very hard to him at the moment. This was probably a good thing, the more time passed the safer she would be on that front.

Still, it was a horrible waste. She had liked Juice, always had. Something about his big eyes and general vulnerability brought out the mothering instinct in her. At least it wasn't a mistake this time and Juice seemed to be looking for death anyways. Maybe he was at a better place now. In this moment she really wished she was stupid enough to believe in God.

Juice thought he was dreaming but it was hard to be sure. He got short flashes of images happening around him but most of the time he only saw blackness. Strangely this did not worry him. He felt sleepy and warm and had the feeling that somebody was holding him tight. He moved his head and saw Jax holding him, giving him a lazy smile. "Just go to sleep, Juice," he said before giving him a soft kiss to the forehead. Juice smiled back and thought this was good advice. He could feel that the rest of the club was close as well and he thought he could see Sack and Chibs out of the corner of his eyes. He tried to go to sleep again but something didn't feel right. Suddenly the warmth and contact was gone and Juice shivered in the empty cold. What was going on? Where was everybody? How had he lost the club? Then Jax spoke, his voice low and dangerous: "You betrayed me."

"Juice," someone else said. It was a kind voice, a woman's voice. "Juice, are you awake?"

With enormous effort Juice opened his eyes. He saw Wendy looking down at him with great concern. A few moments later he blacked out again.

This pattern kept repeating itself. Juice woke and got a few glimpses before falling back to disturbing dreams or vast blackness. He thought he Wendy was close but it was hard to say if he hadn't just imagined it. Eventually, he came to and managed not to lose consciousness immediately. He was lying on a bed in what he assumed to be a hospital. He saw Wendy quietly talking to someone, a doctor judging by his clothes. "Hey," Juice said.

Wendy turned her head and walked over to his bedside. "Hey. How are you feeling?"

"Groggy," Juice said carefully sitting up in bed. His head was pounding and his mouth was very dry. "What happened? Am I in St. Thomas?"

"St. Matthews in Lodi," Wendy said. "And I am not sure what happened. I found you in my apartment, passed out of the couch, barely breathing. I called an ambulance and you stopped breathing while we waited for it. They came just in time to save you."

Juice blinked at this. Nothing in this tale made sense to him. "I passed out? Why?"

"According to the doctors you had enough sleeping pills and booze in you to kill you two times over. What the hell have you been thinking? And what were you even doing in my apartment?"

"I...I don't remember."

"Oh, don't give me that bullshit. I know..."

"Maybe I should take it from here," the doctor said, moving closer to Juice. He was young, maybe in his thirties and looked kind enough. "I'm Doctor Hansen. I have to ask you some questions. Do you know your name?"

"Juice...err Juan Carlos Ortiz, I mean."

The doctor nodded. "And you do not remember what happened, Juan Carlos?"

"No," Juice said. "Last thing I remember is saying goodbye to a friend. It was afternoon, June 11th."

"Today is June 13th. You got here in the night between 11th and 12th. I think your girlfriend already told you what has happened – in laymen's terms at least."

"She's not my girlfriend," Juice said immediately.

"In any case it was a pretty close call but I don't expect any lasting damage provided you get the proper care during the recovery."

"Why can't I remember any of this?" Juice asked.

"Side effect of the overdose," Hansen said. "The Benzodiazepines you took are known to cause anterograde amnesia in high doses. Simply put, they prevent new memories to be formed which causes you to forget everything that happens to you while under their influence. We make use of this during surgery to let patients forget some of the more disturbing details."

Juice frowned. "I don't remember taking any benzos before the memory stops. Shouldn't I remember what happened before I took the first dose?"

"In general yes, but retrograde amnesia can occur for a number of reasons, head injuries, long-term alcohol abuse or even stress. In your case, I would suspect it is a side effect of the alcohol benzo mix you overdosed on, maybe coupled with stress. How was your mental state in the last weeks?"

"Uh, things were pretty tense," Juice said which was the understatement of the century.

To his relief, Hansen just nodded. "Have you had trouble sleeping?"

Hell, yes. After Darvany his nightmares had picked up again, usually featuring her, Miles, Clay or a very pissed off Jax. "I guess, I have been really busy with work."

"You should try to get more rest, lack of sleep probably made the overdose worse." Hansen paused. "We also found traces of opiates in your blood."

"I...took a lot of oxy the day before the blackout," Juice said sheepishly.

Wendy looked shocked at this. Dr. Hansen kept his face carefully neutral but Juice could guess he was not be pleased. "I will have to put you on psyc-eval, it is possible that the overdose was a suicide attempt. Our resident psychiatrist will talk to you first thing in the morning. Your brain needs some time to relax after the shock it went through, so I wouldn't recommend any medication for depression for the time being."

"I am not depressed," Juice said, though he didn't know if he believed it. "It had to be an accident:"

"One more reason to be more careful in the future," Hansen said and Juice was pretty sure he didn't believe him. "Get some more rest, drink a lot of fluids and move around from time to time. The rest of the dizziness will pass soon."

"Will the memories come back?" Juice asked.

"Impossible to say but spontaneous recovery has been known to occur. I wouldn't worry about it too much, if I were you. You are only missing a day."

This didn't put Juice's mind at ease. He knew how much could happened in a day.

Jax spent his time in his cell in Stockton deep in thought, barely moving. He didn't have a cellmate for the time being and he was gratefully for that. He currently didn't have the patience for the power games that usual erupted when you were shacked up with somebody not from the club. Now that he had nothing to keep him occupied, the grief had returned. He kept replaying all the good moments with Tara in his head, thinking about all he had lost now she was gone. Guilt raked him at these moments. Why hadn't he pushed her away when he had had the chance? Why had she stayed with him all this time? He had told her to take the kids and go to Oregon when he had taken over from Clay. If she had listened, she would be alive now, save with the kids. He probably would be out of her life by now but at least she would be okay. Why had he let this happen? Where had he gone wrong? Should he have tried harder? But what could he have done? Again and again, she had made the decision to stay close, despite his warnings. The thought that she had loved him enough to do that made Jax feel even worse.

For the first time in his life he just didn't know how to go one. Opie death had been devastating and losing Tara as well made him think he would drown in his grief. The world was an empty, bleak place to him, stripped of the people that had mattered most of him. There was the rest of the club and his children but that wasn't the same. He felt more alone than ever before in his life and doubted that the feeling would leave ever again. The mixture of guilt, loss and loneliness was overwhelming and Jax spent hours pondering them without getting anywhere. He didn't even know what he was looking for. At the moment he would settle for anything that would make him feel better.

He was so lost in thought that was very surprised when his cell door opened. "Up with you, Teller," a guard said. "You have a visitor."

Jax was puzzled by this. Was it Patterson? If yes, he was not in the mood for her games. But it was not like had any choice so he got up from his bunk and followed the guard. When he reached the visitation area Jax noticed it was not Patterson but Chibs waiting for him. He felt a pang of relief but it faded quickly. He moved closer and the Vice President embraced him. "Jackie. I am so sorry."

"Thanks," Jax said thickly. People giving him their condolences always made it worse for a moment even though he knew they meant well.

They sat at one of the tables. "I can't believe they locked you up," Chibs said. "That bitch Patterson should know you would never do something like that."

"Can't really blame her," Jax said. "We were pretty close when we thought Tara had turned on me. How is the club?"

"Pretty shaken but whole." Chibs hesitated. "Juice is gone. He never came back after you sent him to fined Gemma."

Jax felt nothing at the words. It was hard to believe that he had wanted Juice dead only a day ago. Now he didn't care one way or the other. "Has my mom shown up again?"

"Aye. Apparently she just needed an evening for herself. Not sure what to make of it, but at least she didn't come back with another spic pimp."

Jax forced a smile. Chibs visibly steeled himself before he continued. "She had some interesting news. Apparently she was at your house this evening and saw some shady-looking Chinese guy leaving the area. She didn't make anything of it at the time but when she mentioned it I couldn't help thinking..."

At once Jax felt completely awake for the first time in over a day. A sudden determination spread through him and banished the daze. "You think Lin was behind this?"

Chibs shrugged. "Possible at least. He had a lot of beef with us in the last weeks. Maybe things weren't as settled on this front as we thought. Though we might want to double-check before we do anything."

"Find out more but wait with the retaliation until I am out", Jax said, feeling finally in control again. "Once we have the killer, I want to handle him personally."

Jax hardly slept the next night, his mind spinning with possibilities. Was Lin really behind Tara's murder? If he was, why had he done it? Maybe Chibs was right and the Chinese crime lord was still pissed about not getting the gun business SAMCRO had given up. Things had looked okay at this front but maybe Lin had just bided his time. But why had Lin attacked Tara? Had it been a deliberate move to hurt Jax or had the hit been meant for him and Tara been at the wrong place at the wrong time? The thought was hard to bear. Having Tara killed by some tragic twist of fate would be even worse than her being killed by a calculating mob boss. Jax stopped himself there. He had no time for that now. He had to figure out he could expose Lin's involvement and what he would do once he had confirmation. Blood would be spilled, he knew that at least. He had avenged Opie and this had been the only thing that had kept him going during this hellish time. Maybe avenging Tara would do the same thing. And he owed it to her, no matter how costly it would be. A part of him wondered if Tara would try to stop him if she could but he pushed the thought aside. He could not afford doubt now.

When the guards raised him the next morning, Jax wasn't sure he had slept at all but felt a feverish energy that made it hard to sit still. He needed to get out of here. He needed to get busy and handle Lin. After breakfast – which he had spent wondering how he could get out of here as fast as he could – a guard brought him to another visitation room where Tyne Patterson was waiting for him. Jax wasn't certain if her showing up was a good sign but he felt much more prepared to handle the DA than he had two days ago. The guards made him sit down and then left the room. "Mr. Teller," Patterson said. "You look much better than the last time we spoke."

"Orange always was my color," Jax replied. "But I am sure you did not come all this way just to check on me."

"Indeed I have not. I have news regarding your wife's death. I pulled some strings to get the evidence processed as fast as possible and we have some preliminary results. It seems like the gun was not fired, just like you said. As far was your wife is concerned, we still have not finished the autopsy completely but it seems like she was stabbed in the head and drowned."

Jax felt his heart clench at the thought. He would skin Lin alive for that. "And you still think I did it?"

"Well, we have not found the murder weapon yet and currently I do not see any non-circumstantial evidence that points in your direction. I have to consider the possibility that you killed her, got rid of the murder weapon and then came back to play the grieving husband for me but this seems unlikely. For the time being, the evidence points to you being innocent."

"I see," Jax said. He noticed Patterson looking at him expectantly and a thought came to him. "I hope you don't expect me honor our deal now that Tara is gone."

"I don't even if it would still be the right thing to do. It would stop these guns from doing any more harm."

"I held my word. We are out of the guns business. You have no more reason to hound me or my club."

"Except the mysterious death of your wife and the attempted murder of a police officer. But I am not unreasonable, Mr. Teller. Given that you apparently did not commit any parole violations and that I have no evidence that cannot be explain with you finding the body, I am inclined to set you free. However, I need a gesture of good faith from you. Tell me what happened this night so I have something to start with."

Jax wondered if she was playing some game here. It did not seem like her to let him off the hook that easily. But maybe he was just lucky for a change. And if it got him out of here, he would gladly tell her everything he knew – or at least almost everything. "I spent almost all day at the ice cream shop, saying goodbye to the club and playing with my kids. When the time came, I went home to wait for you and to see my wife one last time. When I entered, the house was strangely quiet which made me draw my gun. I searched for Tara and found her lying in the kitchen, Eli at her side. They were both dead – at least this was what I thought at the time. When I saw her like that, I completely lost it. I dropped my gun and went over to hold her. The next thing I remember clearly is you finding me."

"That must have been horrible for you, Mr. Teller. Again you have my sympathies."

"Thanks," Jax said though he wasn't quite sure if she war serious or not. "I hope that helps convincing you that I had nothing to do with the murder. Once you have a time of death you can ask the guys. They will all tell you that I was at the shop when Tara died."

"Well, the word of a handful of convicted felons will not carry much in court but I appreciate the suggestion." She leaned forward. "Let's say I believe you. Who did kill Tara then? Surely, it was not one of her doctor buddies harboring a grudge. It has to have something to do with your club. It doesn't even have to be on purpose, sometimes bystanders get hurt. Do you know of anyone who might do something like that?"

Jax shook his head. "No, after I moved us out of guns, all outstanding debts were supposed to be settled. Otherwise I would have never let Tara out of my sight."

"I see," Patterson said and Jax could tell she was frustrated. That case must be hard on her as well. Not that it made any damn difference to him.

"Sorry, I couldn't be of more help. The only thing that comes to my mind is the ATF stalker Tara had years ago. I thought he was out of her life for good but maybe he has come back and finish what he started. A long shot but might be worth looking into."

"Maybe I will." Patterson stood up. "I will have the guards release you after lunch. I expect you to stay available otherwise you will have an APB on you in no time. I will be in touch, Mr. Teller."

Juice spent most of the day talking to doctors and one nice but disturbingly curious psychiatrist who was supposed to check if he was suicidal or not. Juice had done his best to appear as normal as possible in this conversation which was admittedly hard when you had just overdosed on booze and pills. But he kept giving her nothing and in the end she had little choice but to believe him. When she gave him a reluctant clean bill of health – though strongly recommending him to get some follow-up therapy – he finally breathed easy again. Juice knew he had problems but he also knew that psych wards terrified him and highly doubted a shrink could make him feel any better. Besides, he already knew what he had to do to get well and the first step was to get the hell out of here. Wendy was not thrilled by this idea. "I still think that you should get some more rest," she said. "We don't know what the drugs have done with your head."

"I feel much better already," Juice answered while putting on his cut. "Besides, I hate hospitals; I will heal faster on the outside."

"You tried to kill yourself Juice, you should let them help you. Trust me, I have been there, you rarely get better without help."

"I didn't try to kill myself," Juice said hotly.

"I thought you didn't remember what happened," Wendy replied.

"I don't but I am sure I didn't do this on purpose."

Wendy looked highly skeptical and Juice couldn't blame her. Truth be told, he wasn't sure at all. It sounded too plausible for comfort especially after the fight with Jax, which was interestingly the last thing he clearly remembered – and one of the reasons why he wanted to get the hell out of here. Juice checked his reflection in the mirror. He was properly dressed now in his jeans, t-shirt and cut. He had not shaved during his here and both his face and his head was covered in stubble. Juice found that he liked it, maybe he would go with a rougher look for a while. Only one thing was missing. "Is my bike still at your place?"

Wendy nodded. "Yeah but I had to move it a bit to make room for the car."

"Good, can you drive me back there? I need to get it."

"For what?"

"To go somewhere?" Juice suggested, failing to keep the smile of his face. A thought came to him. "How did you even find me? I thought you were in rehab."

"I was but I needed to get some more of my stuff. Gemma pretty much dumped me there and drove off. I only expected to be gone for a few hours."

Now Juice felt guilty. "Sorry for the trouble. I can only assume I had good reasons to stay at your place."

Wendy's gaze softened. "I'm not angry, Juice. I didn't mind staying with you. But I couldn't help wondering, why wasn't anybody of the club here?"

A cold shiver passed over Juice at the thought of the club. "Did you tell them what happened?"

"No, I thought they either knew already or you didn't want them to know."

"I am glad you didn't. Jax and I haven't been on the best of terms lately and he would probably lose his shit if he knew about this."

"Yeah, I know what it is like to be on his shit-list," Wendy said wistfully.

Juice doubted that very much but he did not press his point. "Thanks for taking care of me but I can take it from here. Just get me back to your place and I will be out of your hair."

"Are you sure? You don't have to go through this alone, Juice."

Juice almost smiled at that. Yeah, he had.

When he got out of prison Jax felt the sun on his face for the first time in almost two days. The stay in jail had been short but surprisingly hard to bear. Good thing Patterson had seen reason in time. Happy and Chibs had come with a van to pick him up and Jax was grateful for the company. It wasn't Opie but it would do. He hugged them both. "Glad to be out," Jax said.

"Good to see you in one piece," Chibs said.

"Glad to have you back, Prez," Happy supplied, making both Chibs and Jax pause.

"I guess we have to talk about that one," Jax said. "But let's get out of here first."

"Abel and Thomas are at Gemma's," Chibs said. "We can bring you there, so you can see them."

Jax shook his head. "Ice cream shop first. We have things to discuss."

Chibs raised an eyebrow at that but said nothing. Jax guessed he could not fault the guy for being surprised. But there would be time to comfort his kids later. For now, he had things to set in motion and Gemma would take good care of them. The drive to the ice cream shop was uneventful and luckily Chibs didn't ask too many questions – Happy was silent as usual. When they had arrived and he got out of the car, Jax realized that he had never expected to see this place again. True, the deal had only been for twenty-five years with possible parole in ten but a lot could happen in that time. There had been a real possibility that he would end up like Otto and rot inside. Or that somebody took him out to hurt the club. Or that the club moved somewhere else or disbanded. Jax had known that when he made the deal and standing here again made it all feel so unreal. Like he was supposed to be dead but lived on by unnatural means.

This thought was very troubling and he quickly shook it off. Chibs gave him a worried look but Jax ignored him and went inside. It seemed like almost everyone was here, including the newer members like Quinn. Jax wasn't sure what to make of them yet and it hurt him to see so many unfamiliar faces. There was no sight of Juice and Jax wondered where he was now. His brothers all offered hugs and words of support but Jax barely heard them. "Chapel," he said once the greetings where over. "Me, Chibs and Bobby."

They all obeyed instantly and Jax found this amusing. It seemed like no matter who wore the patch, they all knew Jax was the rightful leader of SAMCRO. Once they were all in the Chapel and Chibs had closed the door, Jax spoke. "I spoke with Patterson today. Our deal is dead and for the time being I am not a suspect for Tara's murder. There might be some blowback down the line but for the time being it seems like we are good with the law."

"And we are all glad to have you back," Bobby said.

"Thanks," Jax said, feeling it would be good to play nice given what he had to ask. "This changes a lot of things, including our leadership. I know I have no right to ask this of you but I would like to be president again. I took great pains to get SAMCRO where it is now and I would like to see it all the way through. I could ask the club for a vote but I want it to run by you. If you want to say on, I will respect this and be happy as a normal member."

This was a lie. Jax wanted the gavel back and if Bobby would give him trouble he would find a way to remove him – one way or the other. It wasn't just a power game, Jax knew that war with Lin was very likely and he doubted Bobby was strong enough for that. He would have to lead SAMCRO for that even if it meant toppling Bobby. Hopefully such hash measures wouldn't be necessary but he couldn't take any chances.

To his relief Bobby nodded immediately. "I never wanted to be president anyway. The title is yours, Jax."

Jax looked at Chibs. "That good with you? I still want you as my VP, Chibs."

"Aye, Jackie, I am with you."

"Thanks, you two. Your support means a lot to me," Jax said and even meant it.

"So what happens now?" Chibs asked.

"We will have to find who did this to Tara," Jax said. "And to do that I must ask you one difficult question. Did anyone in the club have anything to do with it?"

Bobby looked shocked. "Why would you ask that?"

"I spent a lot of time thinking in Stockton and Patterson was so helpful to remind me that Tara's death spared me from going to jail for a long time. I would never do that to her but maybe somebody close to me wanted to save me from myself. If anyone did, I have to know. It will be difficult but I will try not to hold it against him. I know you probably thought I lost my mind when I made the deal and I can't deny I am a somewhat relieved, I won't go to prison."

The last part was maybe the most difficult thing to say. It made Jax feel disgusted with himself but he sometimes felt Tara's death had stopped him from a huge mistake. He wasn't sure he really could stop himself from killing whoever had murdered Tara but he would try if it had been Chibs or Bobby who had tried to look out for him. At the moment though, it didn't seem like it. Both looked horrified.

"Jackie," Chibs said. "We had nothing to do with it. Nobody here would even consider something like that."

Bobby nodded. "We would never even suggest something like that and nobody here would act without your approval."

Jax was about to thank them when the door opened and Juice walked in. "Sorry, to barge in," the Puerto Rican said. "But I guess we have to talk."

A/N In case I don't get another update ready in time, I want to wish all my readers a merry Christmas and a happy new year 2016