Thank you for reading the first chapter. Special thanks to those who left me a review. I apologize because I don't always reply to the reviews; I'm really busy and quite awkward, but I read them (and love them) all. Thank you again.
Chapter 2:
Somehow, I managed to upset everyone and ruin my family's evening with my actions. That was perhaps the only thing I was good at. Destroying, ruining, and just messing up everything.
My eyes were long dry by now; I am a strong woman. But my lack of tears did not mean I wasn't affected, and deep inside I was still crying. Every single part of me except for my eyes, was flooding with tears of sorrow and guilt.
I needed to make it up for my father somehow, to gain my family's blessing and forgiveness again, but that was out of question. It was my father who I inherited my demeanor from . He would be too proud to take back his decision, and my pride would hold me back from apologizing, especially now that a good few hours had passed by. Hit while the iron is hot, they say; that's probably what I should have done, for the topic was getting harder to approach by the minute. But what's done is done, there was no going back now, I had to face the penalty of what I've committed.
I swallowed all the unpleasant feelings and caged them well inside my chest. It hurt, but it was too late to change decisions now.
Finally, after my family gave up to slumber, I allowed myself out of my room. Everything was still; no gleam of light beneath any door; no sound other than the wind outside, but the uneasiness was somehow still in the air.
I walked in utter darkness feeling my way around the walls and the sliding doors, until I could see the dim light of the moonbeam falling dreamily through the living room's window, giving the wooden floor a certain charm that is not present in mornings. The gentle breeze was inviting, and all I wanted was to go sit there and clear my mind, let my soul cool down, and exhale all the anger out.
But my bare feet froze in their place when I heard footsteps across the room, and I hid back in the darkness and waited, observing.
It seems I was mistaken, because my father was still awake. My heart ached, and in different settings, I would have ran to him and bowed, offering my apologies, but I was still injured with open wounds from our previous conversation, so I remained in my place and waited purposelessly.
"But dear, you can't really go fighting you know, you're an old man, and age has its own rights. What in the name of God is the Emperor thinking? Why did his choice fall on an old man like you? Yes, you were fairly the fighter in your youth, but that was long ago!" I heard my mother's warm and caring voice whisper in the darkness, although I couldn't see her from where I was standing.
"The Emperor's resolution isn't the most wise, but we can only go along with it. I am still a strong man, and I am honored to be requested for the elite squad in the peace keeping force. It would be most dishonorable for me to abscond from my responsibility when my country needs me the most." My father's deep voice came soon after.
I shook my head trying to analyze what just took place in front of my eyes.
"I understand, but isn't it too dangerous? Isn't General Kamui too old to fight as well? Shouldn't you discuss this further with him?" My mother asked, half-defeated by my father's obstinacy.
"General Kamui's son will take his place in the squad, he's rather a strong young man. Perhaps if we had been blessed with a boy instead of the…disaster we have, we may have considered sending him in my place."
'Disaster'? I am a disaster? I shook my head again kicking off the last thought, that was not the right thing to focus on.
"Father!" I shouted without much thinking, walking towards my parents. "The Emperor is foolish and irrational! You cannot handle a fight! For God's sake, you can hardly move around the house on your own! You've already done so much for our country in your youth, it's not your responsibility any longer!". My voice was furious and overflowing with worry. It appeared both my parents were surprised to know I was still awake.
"I thought I had told you not to call me your father. Do not make me repeat myself any further, you are not my daught-.."
"Yes, I am not your daughter, I am your disaster! I am the mistake you made twenty-four years ago, I am this family's shame, I am your worst regret! To hell with you and your rigidity! You cannot go! How would you go wielding your katana when you actually relay on your cane to stand up?! That's senseless , it's suicide!" I exploded at him like a grenade, my body shaking with all the rage and fury. I gasped violently, trying hard to catch my breath, but my wrath-loaded gaze was still sharp like daggers.
"Suicide is most honorable and cherished when it's for the sake of my motherland. I don't not wish to hear about this from you any further." My father muttered flatly, not bothering to meet my gaze. He turned his back to me, placing an object that I couldn't identify on a table beside him, then walked back to his bedroom, followed by mother, his voice still echoing in the depth of my mind.
"Little Meiko-chan is being naughty." another voice called startling me; the most peaceful and comforting voice that I know of, "We –women- do not order men around. We do not tell them what to do. Look at your mother for example, she tried her best to convince him gently, but she didn't try to force her opinion on him." My grandmother continued.
I had many things in my head against what she was saying, objections were rising and clashing in my head, but I tried to keep the revolution inside of me. An old woman who had lived all her life obeying the stupid outdated social rules would never understand, and it wasn't even her fault.
"Grandma…" was all I said in reply.
"You remind me of my younger self, Meiko-chan. At a point, I had similar thoughts to yours, but if you ask me, you're better off without them. It'd be much easier"
Despite her old age, grandma's blue eyes still had the shimmer of youth and energy in them. She was a very simple person, and so young at the heart. Her warm smile was sometimes enough to give me that feeling of safety. With her around, I'd always be safe.
"Right. I honestly know it would. Thank you grandmother." I smiled and gave her a quick hug before she walked back to her bed slowly, mostly relaying on her cane.
I picked up the object my father put down a moment ago, it turned out to be a paper roll. It was the message he had received today, with the Emperor's signature at the bottom. He had decided to form a squad and send it over to the Kingdom of Aozra, for the purpose of maintaining peace. It didn't seem dangerous to me, but the letter mentioned that the members were chosen for their supreme physical or mental abilities, and they were to be subjected to a lot of training and tests before they are chosen from, thus not everyone was going to make it into the squad, but only the finest. The others were to join the backing up groups in case any conflicts broke out.
Whatever he was plotting, the Emperor was surely out of his mind, choosing such old men for his plan. I wish I could send him with the troops so he could take taste of what he cooks.
But a man's order in his house was to be obeyed at all costs, ultimate and absolute. The Emperor's decision was absolute, my father's decision was absolute, women were only to agree politely, support whatever was said, and pray for good luck.
But they're all mistaken if they thought that's the category I fall under. If I couldn't persuade my father, I was going to save him by force, whether he liked or not.
I was going to make an absolute and final decision of my own, I was going to be the first woman to force her opinion on her family, completely deaf to their objections. I was going to disobey both the emperor and my father, for I was going to go in place of my father and join the cursed army.
Finally, that I had set my goal, my mind was peaceful again as I headed to the storage room. I grabbed my father's katana and started waving it around like I always liked to do, to test my skills, and they turned out fine as ever. My joints were flexible and my muscles were strong enough. Even if I lacked experience, I would surely make a better soldier than my father at this age. Before I placed the katana in its place, I gathered my hair above my head in a ponytail with one hand, and slashed through it with the other.
A feeling of gloom and a bit of regret washed over me as I watched my long brown tresses scatter around on the floor, but it didn't matter; I was going to save my father and become a honorable soldier for our empire at the same time. And with a bit of luck, maybe my family would become proud of me for being brave enough and offering my soul for the empire and the emperor.
I placed my father's old armor on me, and even though it was quiet oversized, I immediately knew that it was where I belonged. Behind the armor, nobody would know what your body looked like, nobody would be able to tell whether you were a man or a woman. Behind the armor, there was equality. Behind the armor there was a lady who wanted to make her family proud, a lady in a man's armor.
"Shiro, come here boy!" I called my horse as I finally finished equipping myself with whatever I thought I would need. I wanted to leave a short letter for my family, but it would have seemed as if I was seeking their attention, or desperately asking them to come find me so I decided against it.
I crossed the house's gates quickly with Shiro, fully determined and not bothering to look back. I was going to protect my father, redeem myself in my family's eyes, and possibly make them proud of their little disaster.