In which Christmas lists are made, Raven is murdered, and Starfire loses her fucking mind.
CHAPTER TWO:
INSANITY
AIMI : Oh, the sweet, sweet irony of evil ! And insanity ! And what do you get when you mix evil and insanity ? ME ! Yep, your favorite crazy show host is back with more DARES and more TORTURE for Cinna, Jenjen, and their special friends...
RAVEN : NOOOOO ! NOT MORE TORTURE ! *runs into wall*
KORI : And boy, do we have some torture in store for you ! But before we commence with the dares, we need to get everybody back here. *plane from Bahamas lands*
JENJEN : Finally ! Back from the Bahamas with that disgusting gaybo !
CYBORG : I am NOT gay !
CINNA : Yes you are. And by the way, I'm back, too.
BEAST BOY : So am I. And guess what ! Raven still belongs to me. I paid five bucks for her !
RAVEN : *groans* My life is over.
AIMI : Um...this is everybody, right ?
KORI : *sighs, glancing at bedroom door* Not quite everyone...
STAR : *coming out of bedroom, blushing and sweatdropping* I most sincerely apologize. Still, that was enjoyable...
ROBIN : *following her* Yeah...
CINNA : Hey ! WHAT ABOUT ME ? YOU BOUGHT ME FOR FOUR WHOLE CENTS, YOU KNOW !
STAR : *fries Cinna's head with a Starbolt* Back off ! He is miiiiiiiiiiiiine ! Mine, I tell you, miiiiiiiiine !
EVERYONE : *staring at Star*
STAR : *major sweatdrop*
AIMI : Okay, today we're going to play "What do YOU want for Christmas ?" So, Jenjen, what do YOU want for Christmas ?
JENJEN : Tofu waffles.
AIMI : What about Raven ?
RAVEN : Beast Boy...*sweatdrops when she realizes what she said*
BEAST BOY : Score !
AIMI : Cinna ?
CINNA : Robin...*is whacked by Star*
AIMI : Robin ?
ROBIN : *in a trance* Star...
STAR : *smirks at Cinna*
CINNA : *cries like baby*
AIMI : Cyborg ?
CYBORG : For somebody to loooooove me.
AIMI : Nobody loves a gay.
KORI : Except another gay.
RAVEN : Right.
ROBIN : I'm gay.
STAR : No you are not.
ROBIN : Oh.
BEAST BOY : Pass the soy milk
STAR : *dumps soy milk on BB's head*
CINNA : *dries tears* Let's have a singing contest !
CYBORG : I can sing !
STAR : No you cannot.
AIMI : Man, Star, I thought you were supposed to be all nice and stuff.
BLACKFIRE : *popping in* No, that's me. CN wrote the show wrong and made me eeeeeeeeeevil.
STAR : Yeah. Evilness rocks !
BLACKFIRE : Peace, love and - *is knocked out by a Starbolt*
ALL : O_0
STAR : What ?
ROBIN : Do I still have to love you ?
CINNA : *gazes dreamily at Robin* Mmmm...I hope not.
STAR : Yes.
CINNA : *cries*
AIMI : Violence is not permitted on - *is knocked out by a Starbolt*
CYBORG : *screaming* Star's gone mad ! RUN AWAY ! RUN AWAY !
RAVEN : Sorry. I don't take orders from gays - *is killed by a Starbolt*
BEAST BOY : NOOOOOOO ! SHE'S DEAD !
KORI : Hm. Too bad. Oh well, let's get on with the show.
STAR : YEAH ! PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEEE !
KORI : On second thought...let's get outta here !
CYBORG : Wait ! Any villain can be destroyed with the POWER OF GAYNESS !
*knocks Star out*
BEAST BOY : Dude, that was like, so retarded.
RAVEN : *appears on television screen* Hi. It's me. When I died, I wanted to go to Hell, but God made me come here, instead.
BEAST BOY : Raven !
RAVEN : *is wearing angel wings, white dress, and halo* This really sucks.
KORI : I feel for ya, girl. I really, really do.
BLACKFIRE : I'm still here.
AIMI : Shut up.
RAVEN : Uh, I gotta go now. I'm gonna try to 'talk some sense' into God...*screen flickers off*
BEAST BOY : Hey, now that Raven is dead, we can raid her room !
CYBORG : Yeah, let's go !
BEAST BOY : Sorry, Cy, no gays allowed.
CYBORG : *crying* This prejudice has gone far enough !
JENJEN : Hi hi hey hi.
CINNA : Where were you for the last friggin' two pages !
JENJEN : Eating the Tofu Waffles I got for Christmas.
RAVEN : *comes back on TV looking normal again* God decided I couldn't go to Hell, but I got him to send me to Azarath, instead ! So now I live with my dad...*sweatdrops*
Say hi, Dad.
TRIGON : Hi !
RAVEN : *sweatdrops* You're so dorky.
TRIGON : Rage will consume you, you know.
RAVEN : *sighs* Yes, I know. *screen flickers off*
CYBORG : Sad, isn't it ?
KORI : Not as sad as you, gaybo.
CYBORG : *self-destructs*
CINNA : Joy to the world, the gaybo is dead, we barbecued his head...
STAR : I do not eat metal. Therefore we should not barbecue his head.
ROBIN : Guess who's back. Back again. Robin's back. Tell a friend.
STAR : Delicious...
BLACKFIRE : *slaps Star* You pervert !
STAR : What ? I was speaking of, um...cotton candy ! Yes, cotton candy !
BLACKFIRE : Mmm-hmm. Sure you were *is blasted back to Tamaran by a Starbolt*
STAR : That was most satisfying !
ROBIN : I was gone. For one page. Now I'm back. Back again. Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's- *green bird flies down and pecks his head* Ow !
BEAST BOY: Sorry, dude, but you were getting kinda annoying...
AIMI : *giggles insanely* Now, here's the part of the story where we reveal everyone's deepest, darkest secrets !
ROBIN : *trembles in fear* NO !
KORI : Yes ! First up...YOU !
ROBIN : *runs away*
JENJEN : *catches him* Here he is, master !
CINNA : *chuckles like an idiot* Heeheehee...thank you, loyal slave.
JENJEN : Yes, master.
CINNA : But forget the darkest secrets...my love and I are finally together...
*kisses Robin passionately*
ROBIN : *passes out*
STAR : NOOOOOOO !
AIMI : *slaps straightjacket on Star* Nighty-night, crazy lady ! *injects her with a tranquilizer gun*
STAR : Ugh - *falls asleep*
AIMI : Be sure to tune in next week when we ressurect Raven, sell Star to an asylum, and begin the Ritual Of Ultimate Insanity !
RAVEN : *from Azarath* NO !