The first thing Kanda noticed when he woke up was that he was alone followed in quick succession by the facts that he was lying on his back and that he was clothed. He distinctly remembered falling asleep naked and on his stomach on top of Gojyo.
Kanda's eyes flashed open and he sat up fast, worried that last night had been a dream like he'd had so many times the year Gojyo'd gone missing. He blinked, confused when he found himself looking around his old room at the Order.
What the fuck am I doing here? Kanda thought, frowning. He moved to get out of bed and felt a pinch on the inside of his left elbow. Looking down he found an IV stuck in his arm. He froze. He'd only ever had an IV once, and that was when he'd been injured so severely he'd fallen into a coma.
"No, no, no, no," Kanda breathed, fingers scrambling to rip the needle from his arm. He didn't even care that he did more damage than good by doing so, blood trickling down his arm as he scrambled, wide eyed, into the corner at the head of his bed, curling into it. "This can't be happening."
He sat there staring in wide eyed shock at his door for nearly half an hour before he heard someone slide a key into the lock and the door opened. Komui slipped in, examining some sheets of paper on a clip board. When he looked up he froze.
"Kanda, you're awake," he said, blinking.
"How long was I out?" Kanda asked, voice rasping.
"About a month," Komui said. "Allen went and found you in Mater a couple days after he dropped you and Alma there."
"A month?" Kanda choked.
"Yes… Kanda, are you okay?" Komui asked, frowning at the swordsman.
"I'm… I'm fine," Kanda managed to choke out past the lump that had formed in his throat. It was hard to breathe.
"Forgive me if I don't believe you," Komui said. "I don't think I've ever seen you cry before."
Kanda froze, raising shaking fingers to touch his cheek. They came away wet and he registered the burning paths his tears were leaving down his face. He stared at the saline drops on his fingers for a moment before his vision blurred even more.
"Kanda?" Komui asked.
"Get out!" Kanda screamed, head snapping up to glare at Komui, his face twisted with a nameless hurt anger. "Just get the fuck out and leave me alone!" When Komui didn't move, Kanda lunged, hand closing around the pole of the stand that had been holding his IV bag and chucking the metal contraption at the scientist in blind rage. Komui failed to dodge completely, one of the metal hooks at the top catching him in the head and tearing a gash into his forehead.
"Get out," Kanda repeated, curling back into the corner at the head of his bed. He closed his eyes, burying his face into his arms. He held his breath until he heard Komui leave, closing and locking the door behind him before letting out a ragged sob.
It can't have been a dream, Kanda thought desperately. One didn't just dream four years of life with people they had never even met in a world they didn't know. One didn't dream things like that, right? Kanda's thoughts circled and he slumped over, uncurling in favor of trying to smother his shaky sobs into his pillow. Please let it not have been a dream. Please…