Curiosity

So this is what it amounts to; paperwork. A life lost, one of the worst night of my life and I have to sign few papers that sums up the events. I numbly stare at the small pile of papers on chief Swan's desk. I still cannot believe his conclusion. He has to be wrong. I knew the police would not be able to help. I thank him none the less, it's not his fault he doesn't know the truth. Outside the police station the rain is coming down hard trying to make up for lost time. The sun have been master of the skies for two whole days. I run across the parking lot and jump into the small rental car. I cringe as the pine scented air freshener assaults my senses, it reminds me of the night Lucy was killed. The same air freshener was in that rental. I groan quietly and grab my head with angry force if the memory makes my mouth water. I haven't fed in a while and the last two days has been filled with taking care of the funeral arrangements, police and hospital paperwork. I am starving. Without warning my heart makes up my mind. I am not sure why I think going to doctor Cullen is a good idea. I wonder if he is a real doctor, he hasn't been at the hospital the last two days, but then the sun was shining. Perhaps he will be there today.

I turn the ignition and catch a glimpse of the all too familiar silhouette of my stalker. I jump out of the car to see him vanish into the nearby tree line. My heart that already beats at an inhumanly fast pace feels as though it will jackhammer out of my chest. Vampire. He has been following us...me since we have arrived in Forks. It must've been him who killed Lucy not some random burglar like chief Swan said.

'I know it was you!' I scream, I know he can hear me. 'I am going to kill you!'

Risking my life by seeking out the strange golden eyed vampire suddenly doesn't seem such a bad idea. Yelling threats to vampires is not the brightest thing I have ever done.

The doctor hands me a cup of black coffee. The gesture is so human it makes me flinch.

'I didn't know if you take milk, Nessie does not favor dairy products.' His voice is soft and calming. He seems more at ease in his office. I notice that his golden eyes are much lighter than a few days ago, they are almost the same color as his hair.

I smile despite my mistrust and disbelief that I actually came here. 'Neither do I, it doesn't smell very appetizing.'

'I am,' their eyes very rarely show such compassion as his. 'truly sorry for your loss.'

I press my lips together and look into the Styrofoam cup, my eyes stare vacant back at me reflected in the black coffee. 'It's part of the bargain of being...' I don't finish the sentence.

'What is your name?'

'M.A.' I say the modern version of my name. 'Why aren't your eyes red?' the question is out before I can check myself. I didn't plan to broche the subject like this, I was supposed to be more diplomatic.

'We do not feed on humans but animals.' He answers just as directly.

I stare at him dumbfounded, I have heard of this coven just the other day. The rumor was grand, vampires that feed on animals, the Volturi humiliated...werewolves. Could this be stregone benefico, of whom I have read about in Italy? Mom said there was a Dampier in the animal-blood-drinkers coven, that the truth about persons like us was discovered by the Volturi. Lately this is the only reason mom and I have contact; when she hears rumor of others like me. Perhaps she hopes it will give me comfort. She did mention one of them being a doctor, my conclusion was a doctor of some other great science not a practicing human doctor. Not a surgeon like the sign said on his door.

'There is one like me in your coven.'

He nods his eyes suddenly guarded. 'Family.'

'Family?' I repeat feeling as though I am missing something. Why would he make the distinction?

'Yes, we are a family.' He says simply interlocking his fingers and resting his hands on the desk.

'Is it one of you?' I did not plan to confront him like this, too late.

'One of us?' he asks acting all ignorant and the anger well up in me.

'Who is following me and killed Lucy or maybe it was one of your werewolf friends. '

'No it wasn't us.' He says simply, the honesty in his eyes overwhelming and mirrored by his soul – which is as large as a very small percentage of lucky humans. I get up and place the Styrofoam cup of undrunk coffee on his desk before I rush out. All the way to the exit I keep glancing over my shoulder but he doesn't follow me. What has taken hold of me? I should know how to remain below the radar after years of surviving on the fence since I don't really belong in the vampire nor human world. I have quite possibly angered two very curious vampires in a single day. I shall soon join Lucy. Absurdly this thought comforts me.

Curiosity and hope, I always suffer from the former and wish for the later. Tonight however I must be suffering insanity, sometimes I think that the only logical way to reason about my existence. I lean against the doctor's shiny car and watch him approach, his casual gait let me know that he saw me before leaving the hospital.

I am scared about his reaction to my behavior in his office a couple of hours ago, but I need to know the truth.

'M.A.' he greets me as though it is a common occurrence to find me leaning against his car in the hospital parking lot this time of night.

'How do you do it?' I ask gauging his reaction. He seems amused yet careful.

'Do what?'

'How do you not feed on humans?' after we spoke I could not hunt like I need to.

'Do you really want to know?' he asks one eyebrow raised.

I look down at my hands clasping and unclasping them. 'Yes. Killing is the one thing I despise myself for.' He has no idea how much. He gently presses my shoulder making me jump. 'Sorry, I am not very use to physical contact with...' I explain and he nods his eyes sad and understanding.

'I won't hurt you.'

I press my lips together tightly. 'I know. Sorry for accusing you and your coven for Lucy's death.' I whisper the last word, stunned by the realization that I truly do not suspect him.

'If you really want to know how not to feed on humans, I will teach you.'

I look him in the eyes searching for a lie or farce of any kind, I do not find any deceit.

'I won't have to kill anymore?' my voice sounds foreign in my own ears, it sounds hopeful.

He smiles broadly before unlocking his car and gesturing for me to climb in at the passenger side.

'You are kidnapping me?' I ask giggling. 'Well, you certainly won't be the first vampire to do so.'

It wasn't exactly pleasant to feed on animals but I feel sort of full and strong again.

'Thank you.' I whisper towards the patient vampire sitting next to me in the car. He stayed calm and friendly thru the whole ordeal. 'I am sorry for being difficult.'

'It is an acquired taste, you did well.' He chuckles. I smile before remembering that my stomach is in a nervous knot. The doctor has invited me to meet his coven or family as he keeps calling them. How many vampires could there be in his coven? The only reason I agreed is my curiosity about the hybrid called Nessie. The doctor seems very fond of her, I would go so far as to say he is in awe of her. A strange concept for me that a male vampire would show affection towards anyone other than his mate. Female vampires seem to yearn for children and show affection toward one such as myself very easily. Not only am I weaker than them, I'm small. I frown slightly at the recollection of something he mentioned earlier, apparently I remind him of Alice a vampire in his coven. Both werewolves on the beach also mistook me for being her at first.

'If you don't mind me asking M.A. where are you from?'

'Everywhere, I travel a lot. I was born in Mississippi.' The memory of that night replays without my permission. 'Alana...' I frown and sigh heavily. 'found me and raised me as her own, she prefers the nomad lifestyle so we moved around a lot. I left her and stayed on the move.' I look out the window and fight the tears at the memory of her betrayal.

'How old are you?' his voice is soft as though he sensed my distress.

'Ninety-five. I was born in the year 1920.'

He looks at me strangely before continuing. 'Are you venomous?'

'No, I don't think a hybrid can be.'

He shakes his head. 'No, the males are. Nahuel was most certainly, I just made sure you weren't.' He smiles apologetically and I see the bright light of curiosity in his eyes. 'Scientific study.'

'How many of my kind do you know?' I ask stunned.

'I know three now.' He gestures towards me before making a turn onto a road that winds thru trees. My stomach clenches letting me know that we are near his dwelling. This is most likely my last chance to ask him.

'Doctor was Lucy killed by a vampire?'

'No, she wasn't.' He seems confused.

'You do not only kill by feeding.' I say keeping my voice low since a large house looms up from within the trees. He parks the car in front of the garage and turns to me looking serious.

'Lucy's injuries was consistent with that of a stab wound victim. The trauma did not show the perpetrator to be stronger than your average human. Vampires will not have the restraint necessary to injure like than without feeding. She was killed by a burglar as chief Swan concluded.' He looks very concerned. 'Who are you so scared of? You mentioned being followed, is it a vampire?' His eyes glow with an emotion I struggle to place. Why would he care about my troubles?

'Yes, it's a vampire. I don't know him.' I say tears suddenly form in my eyes. You are showing weakness, never show weakness. I bite down and swallow my fears, I desperately try to force a natural smile. 'I am sure it is nothing.'

'Dear child, you do not seem to believe that.' His words and compassion filled eyes make mine fog up again. 'Tell me.'

I look at my hands, trying to make the right decision. Trust has never been a luxury I could afford. 'I...I became aware of him just outside Forks. That is why I suspected you. I read his soul the first time I saw him, he is very fast so I could not get a good read but he isn't simply curious about me. He wants me.' I can't seem to stop talking though I doubt the doctor can hear me thru the tears. 'I don't know why he would want me. Curious vampires are dangerous enough as it is. Death follows them wherever they go.' I am talking to him as though he is not one of them. 'Death follows me wherever I go. I should've stayed away from her. I know better.' The tears are streaming down my cheeks, stop, you have to stop it.

'It was not your fault M.A.' he says softly and very carefully takes hold of my hand, watching my reaction closely. I realize with horror that I miss mom. She would hold my hand like this when I was scared. It use to comfort me, but that was before I learned the truth about her. My fingers curl around his hand and I start crying.

'It is. It always is, it is what I do, you know. I kill people. I am really good at it.'

'What is the matter?' a soft voice ask next to the car. I turn and blink the tears away. I have never seen a female vampire that looked so soft and warm, the motherly love is almost a tangible aura around her. She opens the car door and looks at the doctor with big eyes before she cups my face softly in one hand.

'Dear girl, you cannot be as bad as you think.' She runs her fingers thru my hair and slightly shakes her head. 'You look just like her.' She whispers. 'You have her hair.' She smiles apologetically. 'You look like Alice. – Come inside.'

I obey her without even trying to see what her motivation can be. She makes me feel loved. I wipe at the tears and kick myself inwardly. I have been crying non-stop for days. I always do when death swoops into my life, but they certainly didn't need to know that. Mom hardly had the patience for it.

'My name is Esmé.' The honey blond vampire introduces herself and wraps an arm around my middle as she leads me up the stairs and into the house. My heart is pounding faster than usual while I try to calm my frayed nerves. There is no way all of them are this nice. I am looking at the floor as we walk into what I assume must be a living room and I hear them all simultaneously draw in a breath. I look up startled and immediately on guard. I stop dead in my tracks and can only stare. For a nanosecond I had thought it to be a mirror I was staring into, but my lips are fuller, my hair longer and I am taller by a few inches. I know her. I love her, I always had, even when I killed her.

She was human last I saw her, but I'll recognize her if she was to be turned into a flower.

'Mom.' The word came out of my mouth. I wasn't sure I still had any control over my body.

It was her. No doubt about it. She is the small frail and badly injured body I remember on the night of my birth. Her eyes was dark brown then. She had asked for me, reached as weak as she was. I killed her.

She is staring at me with the same disbelief and the same recognition.