Disclaimer-Due to Captain Jack being drunk out of his mind, I've hired Bella to do the disclaimer.
Bella-…
Me-Speak Bella!
Bella-Uh… Songs-of-the the the ..umm
Me-Wolf
Bella-What?! Where?!
Me-Never mind then. I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does, I only own the plotline. That wasn't so hard was it?
Bella- Seriously was the wolf Jake?
Me- Sigh.
Chapter 2
Most people would tell you I'm a bitch. Even my mom-that is if she doesn't pass out from too much booze or ask you who you're talking about.
If you asked Jessica she would say a few nice things about me that no one considers particularly interesting and then go into a novel about what's bad about me. Nothing new there, as Jessica says herself: 'No one's interested in what makes people good. It's the gossip that everyone wants to know so they feel better about themselves'.
Well at least I make other people happy. Snort.
If you asked my sister she might tell you something different. She might tell you on an occasion I can be pretty cool, but for the most part I'm just an annoying, depressing big sister.
It's amazing how she can even question why I'm always depressed when she witnesses firsthand a major part of it.
When my mother has drowned herself under several bottles of some alcohol or other she starts to lash out at me; yelling at the top of her lungs that I'm the biggest mistake she ever made, how much she wished that I'd never been born. She occasionally hits out at me too, I never retaliate, and heaven knows I agree with her. But Jasmine gets all scared and upset, so I end up comforting her.
You know what the best part of it is? When my mom sobers up finally, she's all over Jasmine, telling her how sorry she is and going out and buying her all these expensive presents that Jasmine neither needs nor wants when I stand a foot away with some obvious bruise or other, contemplating whether or not to sell my car to go towards my college fund.
Think you're finally starting to realise why I am the way I am? You don't know the half of it. All I've mentioned above is what's commonly known about me, what I can put up and deal with like I always have before. The things that really hurt are the ones that are left unsaid and hidden, yet engraved into my barren piece of paper harder and deeper than anything else that had been written upon it. Things I dare not even think of now in case my resolve to live wavers and fails.
Surprising how someone like me can bear to even listen to Jessica's trivial gossip but it's downright shocking that I contribute to it.
'Yeah so Katie has like put on so much weight on over the last 3 months! Do you reckon that she and Eric...' she trailed off suggestively.
'No way!' I gushed back to her. My acting had improved to such a degree she actually believed I was interested in this waffle. 'Her parents are too protective to let her even have the chance.'
We giggled at that. I thought I'd throw a lifeline in before Jess got back to a pregnancy theory 'I heard that her parents are so strict that she has a set routine every day, even when she can go to the bathroom!'
That was all the fuel she needed. Off went the rocket named Jessica babble while I sunk into the old smile and nod routine. Most people would say what I said was mean but actually I'd done Katie a big favour. It's easier for someone to deny what isn't true than to deny something that is.
I didn't know that Katie was pregnant but I had a pretty good indication when I overheard her telling Amy Cook that her period was 7 days late in the toilets, and her mom worrying over her 'mysterious' sickness that only struck her in the mornings. If Katie had any idea what I just did for her she'd be eternally grateful. Instead I received death glares from across the table as Jessica descended upon her.
Be grateful. I wanted to tell her. I have to pretend she's my friend.
3 years ago the possibility of me and Jess being friends was impossible, but now as the bratty, gossip-loving girl met my gaze I saw what we truly were to one another. Tools. A means to protect ourselves from each other. The quote 'Keep your friends close but keep your enemies closer' couldn't be truer in our case.
Her face, a smile that lit her whole face up, told a different story from her eyes, her speculative judgemental gaze that could detect any fault you had that she could turn against you. Unfortunately for her I was very careful not to make such a silly mistake as show her my weaknesses.
'So you still up to going to La Push this weekend?' She asked me, while I chewed carefully on a piece of pizza that might as well of been cardboard.
'Sure why wouldn't I be?' I asked her my gaze instantly flickered to the table that Swan and Cullen sat. Last time we went to La Push Isabella Swan had joined us, and afterwards I told Jess that if Bella was ever invited to a group outing again that she could count me out. I must have made Swan's day.
I made no secret of my distaste for Bella, as soon as I saw her stumbling across the cafeteria on her first day I hated her. I hated her so strongly that my usual emotionless facade shattered and I was bitchy enough to put Jessica to shame. Why did I hate her so much? Because I saw in her what I could of had, she resembled what I once looked and acted like, only I wasn't nearly so clumsy. I watched as Angela, my ex-bestfriend, became one of Bella's closest friends. And I could only be jealous as every boy became infatuated with her- even Edward Cullen.
I thought it was so unjust, I had been like that once and no one gave a second glance to me, it had never bothered me before but it was like someone had gone out to rub it in my face. There Lauren, look at what a life you might have had and now someone else is living it for you while you're stuck with your own crappy life.
It's not my fault! I had wanted to yell back at the sneering voice. I've done my hardest under the circumstances; I just don't want to be hurt anymore!
But the only predictable thing about my life is that in some form or other I'm going to be hurt.
It took me a second before I realised Jessica still hadn't answered my question.
'Well you know I thought since your sister was ill and everything...' she trailed off smirking a little. She found it amusing how I stayed home, bored, looking after my little sister when everyone was going out to see movies and go bowling ect.
She didn't realise that the outside world held little interest for me either.
'She's recovering' I told her 'she should be better by the weekend.'
I looked once more to Swan's table and glowered when I saw Ben, Angela, Alice and Bella all in hysterics. Edward wasn't laughing but was smiling slightly as he played with a strand of Bella's hair.
Jessica followed my gaze and scowled. I'm not entirely sure what happened between her and Bella when they went to the movies but she hadn't forgiven her yet as far as I knew.
'I haven't invited Swan by the way' she assured me quietly.
"Good' I said with grim satisfaction.
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Please don't ask me to invite Bella. Please don't ask me to invite Bella. I begged silently. I felt uncomfortable to say the least as I stood waiting outside Angela's classroom like I had used to do before, 3 years ago. I would have preferred it if Jess had asked Angela but her excuse was that she needed to invite Mike, Tyler and Conner. 'Surely you can handle one person when I'm tracking down three?' she had said to me as I desperately tried to weasel out.
So there I was, waiting for Angela, a person I had hurt deeply in my transaction from good model student, to bitchy, cold gossip girl. Angela came out of the classroom just after Alice and I saw her eyes widen as she saw me leaning against the wall, her gaze dropped as soon as our eyes met. How things had changed between us.
'May I talk to you a sec Angela?' I asked her. Her eyes flickered to Alice who shrugged and danced off down the corridor. Angela sighed then looked at me wariness obvious on her face.
I tried not to let that bother me. 'I was wondering whether you'd like to come to La Push this weekend.' I realised that I hadn't really asked but I was distracted by Angela's expression; it was like I'd just grown horns and a tail.
'Just us?' she whispered so quietly it's a wonder I heard her. I was surprised that I felt guilty as a sudden flicker of hope darted across her face. She still hadn't given up on me.
'No' I said working to keep the guilt out of my voice 'Me, Jess, Katie, Tyler, Eric, Mike and Conner. You're welcome to bring Ben if you want'
I could see the enthusiasm on her face was more forced now. I knew what she'd been hoping that finally I was going to be the old Lauren that she knew and loved. I hated the guilt that was threatening to break through my mask.
'Can I invite Bella and the Cullens?' she asked me. The guilt vanished instantly.
'Angela I'd much prefer-'
'Hey Angela what are you doing h- oh hi Lauren' Speak of the devil I thought as we saw Bella and Edward walk into view, hand in hand.
'Hi Bella' Angela replied warmly, relief obvious on her features. This bothered me, more than it probably should. 'Lauren was just inviting us round to La Push this weekend'
I glared at her on the word 'us' but I also noticed that Edward and Bella reacted strangely when she mentioned La push. Bella seemed longing, while Edward stiffened and looked slightly angry.
Then I remembered that Bella had been hanging out with a boy from La Push over the time Edward had been away. I had to hide a mean smile that my mouth wanted to twist into, Edward was obviously jealous and, the bitchy part of my mind exulted, something obviously went on between her and the La Push guy for him to react like that.
The desire to seek out Jess and spread the gossip of a true rumour about Bella Swan had a very strong appeal, but the only thing that stopped me from tracking her down that moment was the look that Edward gave me. It was pure unveiled loathing almost like he could hear my thoughts and wanted me to know exactly how he viewed me for them.
All at once the desire dissolved and all that was left was the empty numb feeling I'd got used to. Everyone hated me. Especially myself. I knew that spreading rumours about Bella wasn't going to make me like myself.
My cold look returned.
'Bye Ang. Hope you can make it at the weekend' I turned my back on them all and started walking swiftly away, but someone grabbed my arm. I swivelled round prepared to face anything except for what I saw.
Angela's face was full of concern as she asked in a low voice 'Is your mom any better?' I shook my head the shock of her concern confusing my thought track so I actually answered her with the truth.
'Worse'
Then I walked away. I walked out of school. Walked and kept on walking. Just wishing there was some way to walk away from being me.
A/N I'm aware nothing really happened in this chapter, but I thought it was important to gain some sympathy for Lauren until we get to the action. The chapters from now on will have more action promise!
Bella-I don't mind having no action.
Me-Sure Bella that's why you fell in love with a vampire.