Hi again!
See, holding your breath wasn't so hard. So what did you think of the previous chapter? Good? Bad? Too short? Boring? Or maybe entertaining? ^^
Well, thank you for the reviews and for reading. I'm so happy that you want to read the second chapter! I love you all for it!
Previous readers, some explanation between the previous second chapter and this new one; It is a bit longer than the previous second chapter and I've tried to put in a little bit more feelings to it. The guys is going through a few stuff and I wanted to make that a bit more clearer. Raph will have a bit more darker side to his dealing too.
I really hope you like it.
A Great Lost
Chapter 2: Torment
It was quiet in the lair when Donny emerged from his room. Still not completely awake he made his way into the kitchen with a hand in front of his mouth as he yawned. Desperately in need of coffee to get his mind to start working, he put the black powder in the thermos. He counted the spoonfuls until he got it as strong as he liked. He was the only one that liked the black liquid so no one would complain, but occasionally Raph took a cup so he made it enough for him just in case he would make an appearance this morning. While waiting for it to be ready, he turned to the calendar on the wall next to the door and read the date and the marked event. May 16th. Leo's birthday.
Closing his eyes, he tried to subdue the grief which was threatening to grab a hold of him. He was going to hold it together and not let himself to be consumed in the emotion which was tearing his family apart. With a scratchy deep breath he managed to take control. He pushed himself of the kitchen board and sat down by the table.
Forcing himself not to look at the calendar, he let his mind drift away. A couple of years ago he had read that in time the pain and grief would lessen to a point when you would accept the loss and to be able to remember the good times. That eventually you would be able to smile and laugh and joke. Though it had past its three year mark and the pain still linger whenever there was a reminder. True it was not as bad as it had been when it had happened or after a year, but it was still hard to remember the good times without feeling the ache in his heart. The heavy smell of iron mixed with the refreshing smell of rain still lingered at times. And occasionally when he was standing in the dark and the light was putting the shadows a certain way, he would see blood on his hands. It all brought him back to relive that dreadful night...
Donny had his hands full with the Foot. They kept coming in waves and didn't give him any time to take a breath. They didn't even back of when the Elite with the twin bladed sword interfered. He knew who he had to have his focus on, but his body didn't respond to that. Instead his body fought the Foots, while ignoring the Elite. They had crowded around him and made it impossible to get them off his shell. The man swung his blade at a shoulder length and Donny barely managed to duck. But some of the Foot ninjas wasn't as quick and with a brutal force, the blade sliced through their necks, leaving some with their heads falling to the roof.
Donny was thankful for the sudden lack of enemies, it gave him a few milliseconds to caught his breath. None of the other ninjas dared to interfere once they had seen what the Elite had done to their comrades. The Elite ninja didn't stand by for so long. He disappeared in the well known purple fog which had always made him crazy for not knowing how they did that. He knew that the Elite were coming up behind him and he was ready for it. In a split second the man was behind him, ready to strike with his twin sword. But with his bo staff, he stroked against the Elite. Unfortunately he managed to avoided it and the Elite turned a kick against his chest.
Don made a flip back and jumped on his hands. He made a twirl and pushed him up the air and back on his feet. Once on his feet the Elite knocked him down on his plastron. Lying on the roof, he took his bo staff and hit it against the Elite's feet. The Elite fell but interrupting his fall with his hand and jumped with a spin on his feet.
Don ran towards him, trying to punch him in the head. But the Elite saw him coming and made his disappearance in the purple fog. Don was aware of the usually backstabbing technique they always used. They were cowards that couldn't defeat their opponents face to face and had the need to use cheap tricks to do it. The fog was appearing behind him and he turned to slam his bo through it just to realize that the Elite wasn't there. Before he could turn around, the Elite appeared behind him and stroke his twin bladed sword through his left shoulder. The pain was unbearable, he couldn't help but scream. He made a jump and kicked the man with both of his feet to his chest so he fell back and slide away on the roof. As soon as Don hit the roof, he regretted the jump. His shoulder hit the concrete hard and the white hot pain made him lose conscious for a second.
Once he was able to see again, he saw the Elite stand up. "Why can't you just go down already?" He asked through his clenched teeth as he pushed himself up. Up on his feet again, he put a hand up against his badly wounded shoulder. He wanted so badly to examine the damage to it, with the excruciating pain he couldn't help but think that maybe it would be a permanent damage to it. But he knew that there was no time for it right now.
The Elite was charging at him with one of his blades aimed for his plastron. Donny tried to analyze the situation, but his brain didn't really cooperate. Thinking that they needed to end this fast, he let his body think for itself. Changing the grip on his bo staff, he pulled the end towards the elite and charged at him like they were in a medieval jousting. Knowing full well that he had to avoid the blade, he had to make sure he got the hit. Though his staff was longer than the Elite's weapon, he was determine to get it. If he had to risk his shoulder, then he would do it. Concentrating on the spot he was aiming for, they quickly got closer to each other. Once in range, he took all the strength he could manage into the hit and plunged his bo staff into the man's chest, crushing at least two ribs and maybe managed to puncture the lung.
The white hot pain exploded in his shoulder, making him lose sight once again. Then his body felt another excruciating pain in his side and the air in his lungs seemed to evaporate in the same time the blade was withdrawn from his body. Once his vision was back, gasping for air he fell to his knees. The taste of blood had filled his mouth and forced itself through his lips. Looking up at the Elite, he saw the twin bladed sword over the Elite's head ready to deliver the final blow.
Horrified by the scene in his head, he snapped out of it before it went too far and he would see the scene he never wanted to witness again.
"Wow Don! Maybe ya should ease down with the whole caffeine stuff," Mikey said worried as he entered the kitchen and startled him. Don looked up at his younger brother and quickly tried to collect himself, though it was clear Mikey had seen it as he continued. "Ya look like ya've just seen a ghost."
In a try to make his heart go back to a steady rhythm once again, he buried his face in his hands. Forcing in and out two shallow breaths before he answered, he could still not cover his shaky voice; "Nothing. It's nothing." Turning to the thermos, he saw that the coffee was done. He quickly stood and got himself a cup so he could turn away from his brother's concerned stare.
"It gotta be something," he pushed, still with a faint worry in his voice.
Knowing his younger brother wouldn't drop it, Don turned back to face him and took a much needed sip.
With a more lighten tone, Mikey continued; "Dude, ya can tell me. I won't tell Raph or nothin'. I promise. Well, if it's somethin' embarrassin', I can't really promise I can hold it from him." A wide smile crawled up on Mikeys' face when it got a little laugh out of him. "Come on, Donny, if ya need ta get somethin' outta yar chest, then I'm right here ta listen."
Don slowly began considered to tell him about the episodes he was experience. After all they all suffered from post traumatic stress disorder since that night, but none of them had ever talked about it with each other nor with their father.
Taking another sip, he studied his brother's face for a second. They all had their fare share of demons which tormented them since that dreadful night. Some of them still had the tougher ones to deal with, while others only had the small ones left.
Mikey had always been a victim of nightmares ever since he was a toddler, but after that night it had turned into a fine line between a nightmare and night terror each and every single night. It had only been rather recent that it had began to reduce to a few nights a month and he was slowly returning to something semi-Mikey-like behavior. Though he would never really be the same Mikey again, which neither of them would. But Don couldn't bring himself to be the person which would shatter his healing process by telling him about his own struggles.
"Did ya look in the mirror and realize ya're not the pretty one? " The smile on Mikey's face widened as he joked.
He couldn't help but smile at the joke which earned a larger smile from his baby brother. No, Donny didn't have the heart to take away that smile which he himself so desperately needed to see. "Yeah, the shock of my life." Donny answered with a soft, light tone.
Mikey's smile recoiled as he now studied Donny. It made him uncomfortable to have those once so bright blue eyes searching for the answer to Mikey's thoughts which was unknown to him. He just hoped that his brother didn't find what he was looking for.
A serious and disappointed frown appeared in his brother's face. "Yeah, whatever."
Confused, Don asked as he followed his brother with his eyes. "What?"
Mikey walked past him and grabbed a bowl from the cupboard and poured it with his favorite cereals before taking a seat. "I know I'm not comin' out as that smart, but I'm not stupid, Don."
"I never said-"
"No. But ya're actin' like it. Both of ya." Don didn't have to ask who as he knew it was Raph he meant. Mikey took a mouthful with cereals before he spoke again. "I have eyes too, ya know. I see what's goin' on with ya too."
"Then what's with the tease and joke?" Don couldn't help but ask.
Mikey began to shift a little uncomfortable in his chair. "Well I don't know. I just thought... that maybe..." He took a deep breath so he could gather his thoughts.
Donny took a sip from his bitter-black-liquid in his cup and felt it warm him up inside.
A pained expression appeared on his face as he stared down in his bowl, as he spoke with a voice which matched that expression but was mixed with a little bit of shame. "This ain't how he woulda wanted us ta turn out... all sad and broken. Turning on each other... fighting..."
Don looked at the broken turtle in front of him and was a little surprised. It had been something which he himself had thought off and had wanted to voice it to his remaining family, though he had been to scared. For three years the family had not spoken much of him as it had pained them to acknowledge that he was truly gone. The mention of the name still brought a ache and sorrow to the heart and would result in someone throwing a tantrum and running out of the lair, Raph of course, or locking himself in his room.
Putting down the cup, Don gave Mikey a half smile as he said, "I know." Mikey glanced up from the bowl, but did not change expression. "It's still hard and probably always will be at some point. But eventually we can remember the good times and actually smile and laugh again. It will just take some time."
Mikey's eyes fell down on the bowl once again. Don really had to strain his hearing as Mikey spoke just above a whisper, "And three years isn't enough?"
Looking down in his own cup, he couldn't help but agree. Shouldn't it be somewhat easier by now? He thought to himself.
"Do ya remember the time at that playground when we snuck out at night and I got stuck with my head in the sand?" Mikey asked with a soft tone which was turning a bit lighter as he went.
He looked up on his brother which was still looking down on his bowl of forgotten soggy cereals with a small smile as he was recalling the memory. A smile appeared on his own face as he pictured it in his mind. "I still don't know how you managed to get stuck. It's physically impossible to get stuck in a giant sandbox with just your head."
"Dude! I've got a big head, okay?" Mikey looked up with a fake insulted expression, which quickly turned to proud as he spoke next. " A pretty one at that!"
"Still impossible." Donny shook his head with a small smile.
"Yeah, well it still took all three of ya ta pull me out."
"Yeah and we were laughing so hard that we could barely stand."
"And Leo stepped in cat poo! That was hilarious!"
"What's hilarious?" Raph asked as he entered the kitchen, still rubbing sleep from his eyes.
"For ya not ta snore and wake the people in China. Dude ya really need ta get that checked," Mikey answered quickly, still intending to keep his lighthearted tone which was the old Mikey.
Also falling back to old behavior, Raph gave Mikey the famous death stare which warned him that it was too early to joke around. Though it surprised both of them that he did not throw a threat or a comment which had usually done. Instead he walked to the cupboard and grabbed a bowl. Though Don was sure he saw a small twist in his older brother's mouth before he turned his shell to them, breaking the bad mood he had decided to be in.
Taking the opportunity to ask something he already knew, but felt the need to be confirmed, he asked, "Where were you last night?"
"Out." Was the answer he got and the answer he had always gotten whenever he had asked. The tone was also the same as always and told him to leave it at that, but of course Mikey wouldn't.
"Ya were at the roof again, right? Why do ya keep goin' there? It's not like it's goin' ta change anythin'."
The bowl cracked in pieces as it was thrown on the floor and Raph turned around furious."What the hell! Is this some kinda interrogation?" He shouted. "Ya're ain't Leo, so don't act like him. What I do is my own damned business, n mine alone."
Recovering from the little scare of the sudden crash, Mikeyforcefully pushed himself up from the table angry and walked over to the sink. "Whatever you say, dude."
Whenever the three of them was in the same room too long, the tension grew and always ended in someone getting angry. It was a constant reminder that a piece was missing and never would be returned. Don hated it, though he had no idea how to bring the balance between them back. It had never been something he had to worry about before. But as Mikey had said, it wasn't what he would have wanted and it needed to be fixed soon.
Mikey was about to leave when Don asked; "Hey, have anyone got something for Leo?" Both of his brothers turned to him with a puzzled look, but Raph's expression quickly changed into a hostile one as he was about to spat his thought of him mention the forbidden name. Though it was not whom he had meant and didn't give his older brother a chance to speak. "It's his birthday today, remember? We're supposed to be at April and Casey's tonight."
"Oh, yeah..." Mikey began as he comprehended what Don had meant. "Sure, I've got somethin'..." Though the hesitation in his voice did not go unnoticed. Before Don or Raph could open their mouths, Mikey had left the kitchen in a hurry.
Shaking his head, Don took a sip and chuckled to himself. At least some things will never change, he thought.
Raph grabbed a cup and poured it with some coffee before grabbing the seat Mikey had just occupied. "Yeah, one of my old toys," he said with lack of energy and a hint of anger.
The tone in his voice brought Donny's attention. Something was bothering his temperamental brother. For a moment he had to think of what, when it came clear to his mind. It was a common tone he had whenever they spoke about going to April and Casey's and they were going to see Leo. He knew he wouldn't be able to make Raph open up and talk about it, so he would leave it alone for now. Besides, he didn't have the time nor the energy to start yet another fight.
"I need to go to work." He snorted and stood up. "Are you going to take care of that?"
Raph looked up at him puzzled, but followed his gaze when he nodded at the mess on the kitchen floor. Turning his head back as he had never seen it, he said; "Yeah, yeah."
Watching his brother for a few more seconds, Don concluded that he couldn't do much more and walked out of the kitchen heading for his computer with heavy steps. He sat down in his office chair and turned on the computer. No matter how much he wished he could skip it, he had to. People had their problems and he was the one they called to get it fixed. He wasn't sure how much of a fix it was when he told them they needed to pull in the plug for the computer to work, but at least he got paid for it.
It sure beat walking around the lair doing nothing all day long, he thought. Their family was falling apart and no one knew how to fix it. Master Splinter did his best to keep them together the only way he knew how, but what could a broken rat do about three grieving teenagers?
Mikey had followed Don's example and got himself a job. They needed the income now more than ever once April and Casey was busy with their ongoing family and couldn't afford to lend them money which they hadn't really been able to pay back. Not that the humans had hold it against them, though it had felt wrong from the start. It was also a great way to take their minds off of the situation at their home. Not that Donny called a birthday clown a job, but it kept the younger turtle occupied.
Raph on the other hand did not do much to help with the family's economic living. He was hardly ever around. If he didn't sleep then he was out somewhere doing something. They all knew he was by the roof every day and occasionally trying to find some poor bastard to beat his grief out on. But other than that, they had no clue.
Taking another sip from his coffee, Don signed in so he could begin with the day's work. A small smile crawled up on his mouth when he heard Mikey running around in his room, throwing things around. Every year it was the same scenario. You would think that he would have learned by now?
Once I was alone in the kitchen, I covered my face with my hands. Both rubbing my forehead of the headache which was violently throbbing within in my head and hiding the shame I felt for snapping at Mikey. Trust me, I know it wasn't fare to snap at 'im like that, he had just tried to lighten the mood. But with this headache, I didn't need his flat jokes. I had barley gotten any sleep at all and I was beginning to feel the side effects of just sleeping a few hours a night.
Though being alone was a good thing, I couldn't guarantee I wouldn't snap at the next person who came through that door. Whenever I was like this, it made it hard for my family to be around without turning into the next victim of my snide and angry remarks which could very well lead to a fight. I had always been like that and it ended mostly the same with me hurting one of them more than I intended. After all, there wasn't anyone who stepped in between or stopped me. Though lately I had gone for it more intensely than before as I, like Masta Splinter had put it, was reflexively trying to find a substitute .
So it was better if they just stayed clear and let me deal with all this shit alone.
It wasn't like I wanted to push my brothers away. It was just... Mikey had always been the annoying little kid that wanted to be the center of attention. Innocent and joyful which had always had a smile on his face. Though he had really annoyed me most of the time and was the one which got most of my wrath. Actually some of his jokes was kinda entertaining. Though I preferred him not knowing that. Mikey wouldn't understand what I was feeling and he would try to help the only way he knew how, which would not help me at all.
Donny on the other had probably would understand a little better. He had always been the little smart-ass guineas that fixed everything he could get his hands on, no matter person or invention. Though I never understood anything he did or said when he was acting all geeky, I was grateful for all the times he had got us out of trouble. But this wasn't something he could just fix with his tools or thoroughly thought words.
And Leo, the one who sacrificed his childhood to be the grown-up and to take care of us with never a complaint. Maybe he would have... Though... There would be no need to understand anything if he could help. We may have fought a lot and got on each other's nerves ever since he got the leader role, but there was still an unspoken understanding between us. We hadn't been so different as many thought, though mostly me.
Pulling my hands off of my face, my eyes turned to the calendar on the wall. May16th... Leo's birthday and he's not even here. It wasn't right. He deserve to be here to celebrate just as much as we do.
"God morning, my son," I heard a familiar voice speak from behind me, which startled me.
Quickly I turned around in my chair and saw my father standing by the sink. My eyes fell down on the cup of tea in his hands and then to the floor, expecting the mess to still be there. I then realize that I had been spaced out for quite some time.
"Mornin'," I managed to mumble rather roughly. I had never liked when someone had managed to sneak up on me, not even when it was my own father.
"Something is disturbing you, Raphael. Would you like to tell me what is on your mind?" He asked with concern in his voice.
"It's just that-" I began before realizing that I was about to put a huge burden on my fathers' shoulder. During these last three years our father and master had seemed to age more and more as each and every day had past. And today was no different. "It's... it's nothing." I looked down on the floor, feeling guilty that he had to clean up my mess.
Feeling his stare on me, I wanted to slide down the chair and hide underneath the table like a little kid.
"Very well then," he finally said after a little while. I looked up at 'im as he turned around and walked towards the door. "If someone needs me, I will be watching my stories."
He disappeared behind the corner, leaving me all alone in the kitchen once again. The guilt intensified and I knew that I should probably just tell 'im what was bothering me. Hell, he would understand! Everyone would! Why did I insist to deal with it all on my own? It made no sense! How hard is it to say that I am hurting and I am grieving and that it should have been me that's dead?
Something cracked and a warm wet liquid slipped through my fingers. Turning down to find out what it was, I opened my palls and saw how pieces of the coffee mug fell to the small puddle of coffee on the table with just a few splinters still stuck in my hands. Once again the guilt had turned into anger and the change had gone unnoticed to me. Masta Splinter must have noticed it too as he had quickly left the kitchen. It had become a common thing for my father. If he didn't even know how to deal with my anger, how was I supposed to get control of it?
With more and more questions piling up, I stood up and began to walk in circles in a try to calm down. I felt like a raged animal caught in a narrowed cage with a desperate need to lash out. As I got close to the wall, my fist threw itself into it with all the strength and rage I could manage to put in.
If he could see me now he would probably lecture the hell out of me about how little the wall deserved that punch. Then he would make sure my hand wasn't hurt and then send me to Don so he could have a second look and he would stay to keep watch... Fuck, my hand hurt. I moved my fingers just to see if there had been some other damages than the bruising to come and the splinters which had been pushed further into the skin.
With the memory of him back in my focus, I felt the need to run. To escape. All these responsibilities, this pressure. I don't know how he could handle it. How he could manage to take care of it all and always being the strong one. It looked so easy when he had done it. He would probably laugh if he saw me now. I had to leave, wanted and needed. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I loved this place, this was home, even though if ain't the same anymore. I had to keep my promise. My family need me just as much as I need 'em.
The familiar sound of the into to the Gilmore Girls brought me back to the kitchen and out of my resent turmoil, maybe panic-attack or whatever. Did Donny mention something about PTSD? I don't know. Anyway. I walked over to the doorframe just so I could watch over my remaining family. Master Splinter was sitting in his armchair, sipping at his tea. Donny was busy with his job and seemed to be frustrated at the person on the other end of the headset. And even though I couldn't see Mikey, I could still hear 'im rummage through his room.
A little smile managed to crawl itself up upon my feature. It was pathetic, really. Here I was watching over my family from the back just like he had. Almost like a piece of 'im still lingered on. The family had accepted it more or less. They've moved on the best they knew how. Donny with his job as an IT specialist, Mikey got a job as a party clown and Masta Splinter did his best as a father and master of three teenagers and ninjas. They knew nothing will bring 'im back. I'm sure he would be proud of 'em.
Feeling that sleep was beginning to crash back down, I pushed myself off of the doorframe and decided to deal with the mess later. I made my way up the stairs and headed for my room. My body was already slumping as I turned off the lights and then fell down in my hammock. Placing my right arm behind my head, I closed my eyes in hope for going into a deep slumber without any dreams or nightmares.
The darkness was welcoming. Even though my body felt heavy it felt like all I did was floating as time passed by. The worry, the pain and the responsibilities just disappeared.
Though the peace and quiet was interfered as a familiar ghostly face appeared. It spoke to me, trying to get my attention, but I couldn't hear 'im.
My focus had shifted from the ghostly figure to the smoke which appeared behind 'im. Familiar voices began to echo through the darkness as the smoke was slowly clearing away.
"Looking where, Raph?"
The smoke revealed a blurry scene in the distance from a memory I ain't no longer recalled as mine.
"I don't know! Hell, that's why I'm gonna keep on lookin'. I'm not goin' 'til I find the damned Can-head!"
"We've searched the whole city by now and we haven't found any trace of the Foot. For all we know Shredder could've left the city by now!"
"Really? If ya believe that, Leo, than ya're more off yar rocker than I first thought!"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
The ghostly form turned away from me and to the scene which was disappearing behind the smoke once again.
I wanted to speak to the ghostly form, but no sound came through my mouth. Then the smoke disappeared and the scene had slightly shifted and gotten a little closer.
"If ya touch me again Leo, I will plunged this as far up yar ass as I can get it! Ya may be the leader of this group, but ya can't order me around as one of yah soldiers. I'm doin' what I want. I AIN'T GOIN' BACK!"
The people in the scene was screaming at each other and causing the echo to intensify so that I could not distinguish whose voice belonged to who.
"RaphDudewhatthehell!Areyououtofyourmind?You'reattackingyourownbrothernow?"
I place both hands to my head in a try to make the voices go away, but they were piercing through my hand. The ghostly figure turned back to me, like it was sensing my distress. It gave me a pained expression as it could not help me.
Once again the smoke shifted the scene in front of me and to my relief it took away the loud echo and it grew silent again. Hesitantly I took away my hands but did not take them away as I listen for the echo in fear that it would come back even louder.
"I give up..."
Quickly shooting my eyes up at the ghostly figure, I wasn't sure if it had spoken or if it had been yet from another scene.
"Waddya just say?" I managed to ask.
It opened its mouth to speak, but what was said was clear to me that the sound wasn't from it. A scene had appeared again behind it. Though nothing of it made any sense as the scene shifted back and forth. It had grown much closer to the scene, at times it was so blurry all I could make out was colors, then a split second later it was as clear as day, a clear view of a hand or a sword or even an eye.
"I said; I-"
"Ya got-"
"-give up."
"-to be-"
"-done fighting-"
"- kiddin'-"
"- want to go-"
"-expect me-"
"-have my-"
"-believe that?"
"-blessings."
A flash of light blinded me and what I heard next was more clear to me than anything I had ever heard before and it scared me more than death. I opened my eyes and was surprised that there was ain't another scene. The ghostly figure now stood right in front of me. There was only a few inches between us and it scared me.
"Believe what you want."
There was another flash and for the first time I got a clear view of the ghostly figure. The bloody and tortured body did not really give away much of the green skin. The form suddenly jerked backwards. Hesitantly its eyes slowly and dreadfully lowered to the space between us, my eyes was quick to follow.
A sword had been pierced through its stomach. I followed the blade to its handle and was shocked at what I found. I looked up at the form's eyes, which met mine with a pained and horrified expression. I shot my eyes back down, then loosened the grip of the handle as fast as I could.
I wanted to speak but nothing worked. All I could do was to shift my sight from the eyes to the sword over and over again as I slowly stepped away. It tried to reach for me, but I shrugged away.
The blackness which surrounded us shifted to that roof top. Another expression crossed its face as it began to lean backwards. Realizing what was going to happen, I leaned forward and stretched my arm out to it for it to grab it.
"I know ya will." It spoke as its feet let go of its footing.
A dreadful scream brought my eyes to shoot open and my body recoiled itself up to a sitting position. I tried to get rid of the staggered breaths by forcing in air in a normal rhythm. As I felt it was working, I let my eyes fall down on my alarm clock. How could I've only slept for an hour?
His words still lingered in my head like an echo. I mentally beat myself up yet again for not listening to 'im. If I had things woulda turned out differently.
As my mind slowly returned to my room, his voice was replaced by Donny's who was speaking as calm and collected as he could though the small pitching in his tone told me he was far from it.
"Ma'am, you have to plug it into the power socket before you try to press the start button."
Yet another workday for 'im when his clients have forgotten to put in the plunger. I never thought that I would be grateful for an incompetent customer of his. Leaning back into my hammock, I fixated on the ceiling. These nightmares was really getting on my nerves. Never before had I suffered from nightmares. It was Mikey's thing, not mine. Why did I have to have them now?
Five minutes later and I got sick with lying in my room, starring at a ceiling and asking questions which I never would get an answer to anyway. Instead I walked out of the room and made my way to the dojo for some training. . If I couldn't sleep then at least I could beat the crap out of my punching bag. Maybe I could get some aggravation away from my system. Closing the door after me so in hope that my family would get the hint, I stepped up to it and threw the first punch.
For about two hours I just stood punching the bag. Behind every hit I put every bit of strength I had into it. But when my strength faulted, I fueled the punches with anger, then rage, then fury. When that ran out, I actually managed to put in the guilt and grief, until all I had left was to begin to remember that night.
Everything went black around me, and soon I was back on that roof, hearing their voices echo in the dark.
"We have to get out of here-" Donny's gasping voice echoed.. "-before they kill us."
By the time pieces of the memory returned, my body cried out in desperate need of rest. But my mind wouldn't let it stop. Not yet.
"Working on it!" The words spilled from my mouth and I unseeingly punched the bag again.
"We can't go down now. I've an excellent pizza in the fridge that I've yet to taste," Mikey's sarcastic voice almost made his mouth twist into a smile.
I punched again and a heartbreaking cry forced me to press my hands against my head. But I couldn't escape the scream as it was in my mind, flickering between the two worlds.
"Leo!"
Time stopped before I could punch the bag again. The line between this world and the reality had completely faded away.
"I told you, you are not leaving this roof alive," The deadly threat in Shredder's raspy voice sounded so close.
"Don't strain yahself," I spoke. "Ya might pull one of the bolts keepin' tha armor in place."
I could almost feel the rain on my skin, smell the fresh early spring air and hear the sound of the city night life. I was no longer in the warm comfort of the lair and instead in the middle of the scene.
"Raph... you okay?" Leo spoke between shallow breaths, though sounding closer than he actually was.
"Yeah... just peachy." I muttered and put a hand beside the other one and pulled myself up into a sitting position.
I turned to look at 'im as he spoke something. But what I was seeing made me unable to concentrate on what he said.
"Wh-what...?" I asked, remembering that what he had said had been important. But he didn't repeat it.
"I know ya will."
"Leo...?"
I stood in front of the scene I feared to remember, the scene I dread to face. Right between 'im and our archenemy. Right between Leo and Shredder. They were facing each other, their weapons about to collide. I had become the ghost in the scene, still I was the only one moving. Turning my gaze between the two of them in panic, I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't prevent it from happening and I refused to let time play. I didn't want to see it again. Didn't want to lose 'im all over again.
Turning to my brother, I knelt down in front of 'im, looking directly into his hazel brown eyes. The eyes I hadn't seen in three long years. Determination was burning within his eyes. He was playing the hero again. I hated it. I had always hated it and I didn't want to be reminded of the very thing I had hated the most about 'im.
Feeling the hatred returning, I had to yell. I had to scream. I needed to fuel the rage.
"How could ya? I was the one that shoulda died. Me! Not ya!" I screamed just inches from his face that spit must've covered his face. "Me, ya freakin' jerk. Why did ya have ta die? WHY?! " I placed my hands on each side of his face. "Ya left us! Me! Donny! Mikey! Waddya expect me to do? How're we gonna live without ya? I hate you so freakin' much that I could just-!"
I stared into his eyes, waiting for 'im to give me some kind of sign that he had somehow heard me. But there was nothing. It had all fallen on deaf ears. Helplessly my hands fell from his face and I fell down on my knees. The rage and anger gone. I felt naked and exposed. Something wet crossed my cheeks.
"Please Leo..." I pleaded. "I need you."
There was a small twist in his face and I felt a small slimmer of hope inside me once again. Time began to play, and I was thrown out of that world with such a force that made me think I was about to die.
Second chapter done and the third will be up rahter quickly!
Don't hesitate to tell me what you think. I really want to hear it! ^^
See you all when I've fixed the thired one!
TBC...