I am so sorry this has taken me so long to post. School is crazy, so of course, I worked on this instead of studying. It's a fairly short chapter, but I hope you enjoy it! (This chapter does not contain any self harm but does reference it) Please review.
Steve is in the living room, sitting tensely on the sofa with his arms on his knees. What has he done? The team knows. They know. The thought fills him with both a sense of panic and relief. The burden he didn't know he had been carrying is lifted, but at the same time, he feels scared. He wishes none of this had ever happened. His breathing escalates as he thinks of the different ways the members of the team are going to react. Just as he is about to go into a panic, Thor walks into the room.
"Captain," Thor begins, "Sorry, Steve. I was wondering if you would mind me sitting with you."
Steve's a little surprised the team sent Thor to talk to him. It's not that he doesn't like the guy, after all, Thor is extremely nice, he just doesn't know him very well as Thor is often in Asgard.
"Sure."
Thor takes a seat beside Steve and clears his throat.
"Steve, I know we are not the best of pals, but I want you to know I do regard you as a close friend and ally. I was hoping you might allow me to offer some advice." When Steve nods, Thor continues. "While I will not pretend to understand your means of coping, I do understand the pressures of leading a group in battle. It is a tremendous responsibility and a terrible burden. When I first lost a warrior, I told my Father I no longer wanted any part in it. It was then he told me what I am about to share with you. That warrior did not go into battle to fight for me. He went to defend Asgard, even knowing he may die. And his death was the result of the evil that resides in this universe, not me. My father reminded me that I was doing that warrior a disservice if I left my team without a leader. So I went back and decided to make it my mission to honor his death. You cannot hold yourself responsible for every loss in the field."
"Thank you Thor. I'll try my best to remember that." Steve replies.
"And though I may be away at Asgard often, I am available to remind you anytime you need."
It is then the rest of the team joins them in the living room. Steve looks at the floor, unable to look them in their eyes.
Bruce is the first to speak. "So, Steve, we have discussed the….situation…. and feel it is best if you are under supervision at all times, at least for a while. And while we can't force you, we think you should see a therapist. SHEILD has plenty and it's completely confidential, meaning Fury won't be told the details of any of your sessions."
"Okay" Steve whispers, keeping his head down.
Sensing his discomfort, Bruce decides to hurry things up. "Well, Tony is going to stay with you the rest of the night and we'll um, discuss this more in the morning."
After an extra bed is placed in Steve's room, the rest of the avengers head back to sleep, leaving Tony with Steve. After only five minutes of silence, Tony turns to the soldier,
"So, Cap, I don't know about you, but I'm not really tired. You want to go grab a bite to eat?"
"Tony it's three in the morning, I doubt any place is open."
"That's the beauty of IHOP my friend. Open 24 hours a day. So you up for it?"
Steve mulls it over for a minute. He knows Tony wants to talk about his "issue" and as uncomfortable as that sounds, he might as well get it over with.
"Why not? It's not like I could sleep anyways."
"That's the spirit!" Tony replies as he goes to put on some clothes and shoes.
/
Steve knows he shouldn't be surprised when Tony decides to "have a chat" with him over their pancakes, but he can't help but feel nervous.
"You know Cap, I really hate talking about feelings as much as the next guy, but I'm thinking of making an exception."
"Tony, you don't have to say anything…"
Tony cuts him off, "I don't have to say anything? Seriously Steve? You think I'm going to just let you cut yourself to shreds?" He waves his hand in reference to Steve's body before adding, "And don't say it isn't a problem."
"Why do you even care Tony?" mutters Steve.
"Because, as a recovering alcohol addict, I've been there. I've had the whole 'it's my body, I'll do what I want' argument and trust me, it doesn't work. You may say you don't think it's a big deal, but in reality, you just don't want to admit the fact you aren't sure you can stop. You are in denial that you have an addiction Steve. I was too until Pepper finally got me to see it."
"I am not an addict." Steve says vehemently. He's seen addicts and he's not one. He just has an unusual way of dealing with things, that's all.
Tony scoffs, "Oh really? Come on Steve. You crave it all the time. You need it. You try to hide it from the rest of us because you know it's getting out of control. But you still do it because you want to. You want to end it, but you can't. It's all you think about and if someone were to take it from you, you just might go crazy. It's the best release and the highest high, but afterwards, you get lower than you were before. You depend on it… Shall I continue?"
Steve shakes his head. He can stop. He will stop. But he couldn't last night could he? Everything Tony is saying fits him to a tee. He doesn't know if he can stop. And that thought scares him to death.
"Then….how?" Steve is unsure he can get the words out, but Tony understands.
"You take it one day at a time. You avoid temptation. And you get help and support from those who care about you."
Steve looks up at Tony.
"You are not alone Steve."