Chapter 2: A New Beginning

~Memory Shift

Fear bolted through me as I looked around the huge vacant lot filled with dead things. There was no living grass, the trees were twisted skeletons in the grip of a plagued death. No flowers, no bird calls, not even the wrestling of squirrels arguing over territory from the tree branches. I turned around to look up at my mommy, she and daddy were caught up in an adult talk with my uncle, none of them seemed to sense my distress. I looked back out at the horror that was to be my new home and felt tears spring to my eyes. I didn't wanna live with death, I was already missing the lush soft grass of my papa's yard, the huge field-like maze of Iris flowers and the tall stalks after the blooms had fallen off for the season. The birds that sang there, the squirrels who constantly bickered over whose tree was whose. Even the bees, including the mean bumbly bees which always chased me when I came across them.

A sudden darkness fell over me, I cowered down, a strangled whimper escaping my tightly pursed lips. Looking up, I felt a wave of relief. Papa's huge hands were lowering down towards me, I lifted my arms up obligingly, grateful for someone to notice my fear and insecurity. He lifted me in his massive arms and held me against his chest, crooning softly in my ear as he held me securely against his chest, my face resting against his shoulder. "There, there, small one. There's no need for tears. Its okay, Papa's here..." He gently bobbed with me in a standing-rock that made all my previous fears ebb away, I clutched his shirt with my little hands, and buried my face into his neck. Papa was my protector, he kept the bad things away, forced the darkness to reveal itself. Made the monsters under the bed run in terror...he was my protector. "What has my little 'Suki so upset?"

I mumbled against his neck. "Is all dead. Wanna go home."

I felt his chest rumbling in a gentle laugh against my body. Papa never got impatient with me, never lost his temper, and always seemed to understand my simple words. Unlike mommy and daddy, who were always busy, and never had time for 'baby talk'. "Sweet little 'Suki, this is your home now. It won't look like this forever, its colder here than at my house. Remember? We're far away from my house." I felt his grip loosen a little, and I straightened back to look my Papa in the face. "Brave little 'Suki, this land is your solace. Here is your chance to make green things grow and give the birds, squirrels and bunnies a reason to come and play!"

"An' butterflees and bumbly bees too?" I asked, feeling a little uncertain about all that being on my shoulders.

Papa gave his perfect laugh, his eyes sparkling with affection. "Yes, even the bumbly bees and butterflees." He gave me a little kiss on the cheek and carried me away from my mommy and daddy. Once we were out of ear shot, his face took on a sad look. "Sweet 'Suki, brave 'Suki...there's something I have to tell you. Papa's gotta go away soon, and we won't have times together anymore, but there's stuffs I need you to learn, m'kay?"

Fear exploded through my chest, my heart hammered so hard I could feel my entire body move with its force. Tears flooded my eyes and leaked down my cheeks in torrents, I wrapped my arms around his neck in as strong a grip I could. "No! Papa no! You can't go no place! You're my Papa!" He made small hushing sounds, and I lowered my voice so as not to be heard by anyone else. "Don't go Papa! The bad things will get me! The monsters under the bed will get me! Please-?"

Another wave of fear swept through me as I looked at his eyes and saw tears. Papa's heart was hammering against my body, I could feel it, I could hear it, I could sense his emotions as they were my own, the washing of sadness, pity, and a lot of something else I couldn't understand. It felt like anger, but I knew my Papa couldn't be mad at me, he was never mad at me, he said so himself loads of times...so why was Papa so mad? "Brave little 'Suki, you're so grown up for your age! I need you to remember all those things we talked about in my garden, m'kay? I need you to remember all those promises you made for me, m'kay? No matter what anyone says, you're not a nobody, you're a very special somebody. You're unique and very special. One day, that will reveal itself. One day you'll understand." I heard daddy's voice calling out to Papa, he nodding in daddy's direction. "I'll visit when I can, just remember the stuff we talked about, m'kay?"

He gave me a kiss on the forehead, lingering there a long time, his warm lips against my cold forehead, I could feel all the strength, love and protection that was Papa seeping into me. I held onto it for dear life. Papa was going away, and didn't know how long. I needed that strength until he came back. Papa handed me back to daddy, who just set me back on the ground, it was hard, cold and dead. I cried, watching as Papa walked away, he didn't look back, which made me sadder. A long wail erupted from me, my little hands went out to Papa, begging him not to go, I didn't wanna stay here, this wasn't my home! But he kept walking, and disappeared in the torrent of tears that blurred my eyes.

~Sometime later~

Too many days and nights had passed since I'd seen Papa. I was still really sad he was gone, but I could think now. I could remember what we talked about in the gardens at his house. Our games, that he said would be so important later, how he told me back then I could play them on my own too, when he wasn't around. It had taken me a long time to stop being so sad, but now I played those games alone. The yard wasn't so dead anymore. Singing to the grass made it happy, the trees liked it when I talked to them, and even the wind seemed to stop being so mean and let the birds back to sing with me. When mommy was talking to my aunt once about the dramatic change in the land, and my aunt said it had been dead for more than 8 years, I told mommy I did it.

I learned then never to say things like that again. Even if it wasn't a lie, truths could be painful too when someone didn't want to hear it. So I stayed quiet. But now mommy said that Papa might be coming to visit me, if I was a good girl I'd get to see him on his visit! So I was on my bestest behavior! After all, I wanted Papa to see how big and brave I was! I was three now! A big girl indeed! Had only two years passed? It seemed a million years ago Papa had left me... adult time was so strange...

When Papa arrived, it was dark outside, and he had more gray hair than I remembered him having before. His eyes looked tired, dark circles under them, and he wasn't as soft anymore. He picked me up and I could feel different emotions coming from him. He was happy to see me, but his anger was much stronger, his eyes seemed to flash with something scary when he looked at my mommy and daddy, but the look faded when his eyes turned to me, so it was still okay. "We're gonna go have fun tomorrow! We're gonna go do lots of fun things in a special place, wanna come with me and have fun tomorrow?"

Excitement made a small squeak escape me as I nodded happily in his arms. His eyes looked...sad but his smile was the same as I remembered it. Did Papa always look so sad on the inside? I didn't remember him that way. But it had been so long...

Mommy and daddy tucked me into bed and turned off my light. But I wasn't sleepy, I wanted tomorrow to come quickly, I jumped up on my knees in bed and opened my mouth to call out for Papa when a sudden wave of a very strong anger hit me hard and the sounds of angry voices reached my ears. I fell quickly down into my bed, and covered myself to hide from the pain of the angry voices. "I don't care what they say, she's a little girl, you have no right to put her through this right now! Think of all those other little kids, it was always negative, and they were scarred for life. Scarred! Do you want that to happen to your little girl?" Papa's voice was very angry, I could barely hear it and I didn't understand what he was saying; but it was enough for me to know that did not I wanted to hear it, bad for me—my hearing was always very good.

"She's started showing all those traits that we were told to look out for. If she is the one that they're looking for, then I don't want her living in my house anymore!" That was mommy's voice, who were they talking about? It was only mommy, daddy and me that lived here. Did mommy not want me here?

"She's barely three years old...much younger than the others that were tested. She's too young, and on top of that she's female. There is no way she's the one. The child has to be male. Why put her through so much pain and suffering for something that isn't going to turn up positive!" Papa's voice was louder, his anger more intense, I could feel it lashing me like an angry tree branch in the face during a very windy day. I knew when he spoke, the 'three years old' was me. They wanted to hurt me? Mommy and daddy wanted to make me hurt? I hadn't done anything wrong! I'd been a very good girl!

"I'll not have that monster living in my house! I will not accept that abomination as my only child! If that's what it is, than its better off dead than here!" Daddy's voice boomed and I heard my mommy's voice hiss for him to stay quiet. "I don't care if she hears or not. I know that she's that monster they're looking for. She has to be, look at how she was created?! If it hadn't been for my working in the same damned building as that fucking Allspark they were keeping...none of this would have happened!" Mommy's voice was still hissing at him to keep his voice down, only instead of anger, I could feel intense fear coming from her.

"Please! Don't wake her up! If she is the monster, I don't want her wrath to fall upon us, I don't want her to attack us or anything..." Mommy's voice was filled with fear—was she afraid of me? Mommy? The woman who wasn't scared of anything, the very same mommy who always yelled at me for stepping even a toe outta line? For leaving my dirty clothes on the floor and not in my laundry hamper?

"Has there been any incidents?" Papa's voice was suddenly hard, and cold. I hadn't heard Papa talk like that, it scared me. I bit the edge of my baby blanket hard, tears flooding my eyes again. My world was changing, I didn't understand it, but I knew somehow, it wasn't ever going to be the same again.

~Next morning~

Papa was there when I woke up to someone gently rubbing my arm and crooning to me. "Wake up, little princess. Its time to wakie wakie!" His smile was the same one I'd seen yesterday when he smiled at me. The same smile I remembered, but his eyes were still distant, and different.

After a quick change of clothes and an even faster breakfast, I was being fastened into Papa's car, different one than I remembered him having, and we were off to have fun. He talked nicely to me, telling me all the different games we were going to play, but all I could think of was the words that he said to my mommy and daddy. '..put her through so much pain and suffering..' and daddy's words: 'I'll not have that monster living in my house!…its better off dead than here!' Those few bits wouldn't leave my head. Papa seemed to sense my sadness and fell silent. It didn't help the feelings I was having. It made them worse.

~Shift back to present

There was a loud series of sounds, my ears heard more static than sound, and my head felt like it was exploding with each blast. I forced my eyes open, to try and identify the insanity. Shouldn't I be dead? Didn't I let myself fall off the canyon rim? I shook my head slightly and immediately regretted it. There was nothing to see except for a constant dim shadowy shades of gray, illuminated occasionally by a burst of light and a wave of heat.

Without warning there was a report so loud it made me yelp and reach for my ears, it had to be thousands of times louder than the reports shot off at the 4th of July displays that were held in Augusta every year. But after the last explosion of noise, it grew completely silent. For a moment, I pondered if I had gone deaf, but as my hearing equalized, I could hear a massive humming coming from all around me.

I couldn't tell where I was, what was going on, or even if I was moving. It felt like being in space, with no gravity, but yet I could feel the centrifugal pull of Earth on me. How did I know what space felt like? My mind wondered, but I had no answers. I reached deep within me to seek the darkness that always lurked, but it had no answers either. Perhaps I was still unconscious...as I felt I should be, with that last thought, I felt myself spiral back down into my oblivion.

~ Flashback Memory

"Focus on the card, Missy, tell me what you think it is?" The man across the table asked me again as he held up another large white card. I stared at it and frowned, I didn't understand what it was I was supposed to be doing. I looked at my Papa for reassurance, but his smile offered me no comfort. After a few seconds, the man put the card down and shook his head. "Sir, you'll need to step outside, I'm afraid I'm not going to get her attention fully unless we revert to the usual means."

I expected Papa to argue and demand to stay with me, but he just nodded and walked away. I opened my mouth to call out to him, but other people came into the room at the same time, wheeling a cart with a bulky thing on it into the room. "Papa?" I whispered, fear spreading through me, he had promised me that as long as I did everything they asked of me, and tried my best he'd not leave my side. He promised me he wouldn't let them hurt me.

The new people who entered quickly started attaching stuff to my arms, and when I saw them plug in the small wires into the machine, my heart started pounding hard. "Now Missy, I need your full attention." I looked up at the man who had held the cards, tears in my eyes making him waver like the not-water on the road on a hot day. "I'm going to try this again, I'm going to hold up the card, and you're going to tell me what card it is that I'm holding. If you don't answer correctly, I'm going to press a button here, and its going to give you a small shock, kinda like touching metal during the winter. The more wrong answers you get, the larger the shock, but don't worry, we won't let it get too high, once it gets to number 10, we'll stop this and begin another test, okay?"

My mind reeled. Shocks? Hurt me if I got it wrong? I still didn't understand how I was supposed to know what was on the cards! "Not okay! I don't know what the card is! I'm trying, I'm a good girl! Please don't hurt me, I didn't do anything wrong!"

The man with the cards seemed to give me a sympathetic smile that didn't reach beyond his lips. "Then try harder, Misasuki." He flipped up another card and I stared at it really hard, trying hard to figure out what the card was.

"We're testing her right now. So far, she's just a little beyond normal specs for a human. Not enough to consider her...I understand sir, yes, of course." I blinked in surprise, my concentration broken and the voice disappeared. It had been so clear, almost as if I were standing in front of the person talking, but I looked and no one was there.

"Concentrate, Missy." The man scolded me as a sudden shock jolted through my arms, it felt like a power zap that I used to get in the winter when I ran across the carpet with my slippers on and brushed the Christmas tree's silver icicles.

A loud yelp of surprise escaped me as I reached up to rub my sore arm, something inside my chest seemed to constrict, to surge up, I tightened my stomach muscles and tried to hold on to the feeling, I didn't want to get into trouble again. "I'm trying—I really am!" I whimpered, as he picked up another card and held it up.

"This is pointless, she's just a stupid little girl, I doubt her IQ will ever be beyond 45 in her whole life." I heard the card holder's voice as though he were talking to me, but his lips didn't move. I frowned at him and shook my head, tears coming to my eyes.

"I'm not stupid." I said stubbornly. The man in front of me opened his mouth and closed it a couple of times, his hand lowered the card to the table.

"What did you say to me?" He asked, but without moving his lips, I heard: "Holy Mother of Mary! There's no way..."

"You called me stupid, I'm not stupid. And you shouldn't curse, its not nice." I said, folding my arms the way my mommy did when she caught my daddy saying bad words around me.

He gave me a shaky smile and picked up another card, and looked at it hard. "Okay, Misasuki, can you tell me what the card is if I think about the card?" I frowned in confusion, not really understanding what it was he wanted. But as soon as I looked at the card, I heard him whispering to me over and over again. "Just say its a star—great God in Heaven what are we gonna do with a powerful psychic? Just say its a star—please little girl don't be right, just say its a star!" I blinked in confusion. Why did he want me to say a star?

I opened my mouth to say something when the door opened and another man walked in, his eyes were very cold and his very presence made me shiver. He gave off no heat or vibration of life like everyone and everything I'd ever encountered did. "That will be all. Dismissed." The man with the cards nodded, swallowing hard and all but leaped from his chair, the fear coming off him was powerful, and it made me twice as scared of the man with no emotions as he sat down almost delicately at the table. "Misasuki. What is this card?" He held up a card, I shook my head.

"I dunno..." I said as he pressed the button next to him, a painful zap went up my arm, making me cry a little.

"Answer is unacceptable. What is this card?" His voice was soft, quiet and very dead, almost as if he were extremely bored with this.

I stared at the card hard, nibbling my lower lip. An after-image of a square was starting to burn through the card. "Square?"

"Correct." He placed the card face-up on the table, it was a square, and picked up another. "What is this card?" I stared at the card again, but before I could get the strange after-image to appear again, he pressed the button. I yelped loudly, the sting went up my arms to my shoulders and down through my fingers, leaving them tingling painfully. "Faster. What is this card?"

A strange burning sensation made my chest ache, it felt like it was going to burst out of me, and felt a strange emotion boiling under it. I'd been mad before, angry that I couldn't get a toy, or mad that we weren't having grilled cheese for lunch, but this—this wasn't like that. It was much bigger, I tried to be a good girl and hold it back, but another more powerful jolt of electricity shot through my arms, up my shoulders, down my fingers and made my arms throb and tingle painfully.

I screamed out in pain, and tears sprang down my tears blurring my vision entirely. "Stop! I don't wanna hurt!" The other said something that I couldn't hear entirely through my crying and there was another stronger jolt of electricity, this time, when I screamed, I felt myself stand up fling my arms up to try and stop the pain, my eyes blinded by tears, the pain in my arms and hands now going down my shoulders into my back, I felt the ache in my chest surge again, and this time I let it go.

A long scream of rage escaped me as I squeezed my eyes shut and released the tension on the ache. It went out of me like a massive burst of heat when mommy first opened the oven after making cookies, only it was a stronger and just as hot. I heard a lot of loud noises and a grunt that sounded like my Papa's sounds when I did something wrong. I opened my eyes and wiped away the tears after a few seconds, feeling drained and just wanting to sit and not move. I blinked in surprise and fear when I saw the emotionless man standing and the table with all the cards and the chair he'd been sitting on scattered in pieces around the room, the metal twisted out of its normal shape, the cards singed and the table in at least three different pieces. It looked like my aunt's house after that storm hit, all her stuff thrown everywhere. "Response acceptable." He walked by me, saying nothing else, and opened the door, walked out and closed it behind him. Leaving me alone, with the tattered remnants of the table and chair and the paper cards stuck halfway through the wall.

I spun myself in a slow circle, looking at the mess I'd made. And I knew that I had caused it. I saw a small part in the far corner untouched and walked to it, putting my back to the wall, I slid down. Alone and scared, I started to shiver so violently I felt I would break into pieces. I heard myself whispering "I'm sorry, didn't meant it" over and over again as I rocked back and forth in the corner...

~Shift back to present

The world around me seemed to slam back into reality as a blinding light felt as though someone had cracked my skull open and shoved the light directly into my brain. I blinked, I hadn't dreamt of my childhood in so long, memories I never wanted to think about—stashed aside—still echoed inside my mind. My eyes rolled around with sluggish effort to see what assaulted me. Distantly, I recalled waking a previous time, the loud sounds, the bright light, and the last painful report before blackness claimed me again. So I wasn't dead. That sucks, I thought as I tried to move my arm up to shield my eyes from the painful light.

"Ah, there is life yet within the shell!" A voice proclaimed triumphantly as the light suddenly vanished and the world slowly came into focus. I wasn't sure I really wanted to be back among the living yet, the more aware of my surroundings I became, the more aware of the excruciating pain I was suddenly experiencing. "Take it easy, don't move to fast." Another voice rumbled, deep and harsh, yet not so harsh as to sound angry or aggressive towards me, so my body automatically obeyed.

"Where...?" I tried to ask, but instantly regretting the effort, my throat screamed in agony, scratchy, dry, and felt as though I had tried to inhale gallons of highly chlorinated pool water. The pain made me want to gag as waves of nausea washed over me, but I knew gagging would make my throat feel much worse.

"Medical. You really know how to push your body to the limits, I don't know why that surprises me, I should be used to that...but for now, you're alive and mostly—er—functional." The first voice answered my question, the direction a little further away than the second voice, and not as deep or harsh, almost chipper, like a young intern with way too many espresso drinks on his lunch break.

I felt my face frown, and immediately felt the pull of several places across my face. Not stitches, but dried blood for sure pulling my skin taunt. "Easy! Slag it, I will put your tiny body back into stasis, stop making it worse." The second voice was back, closer, louder, and now irritated. I felt the urge to send a glare his way, but my eyes didn't seem to want to really see anything in the ways of actual shapes and details, only blurs of color and shadow. The words weren't familiar, but the meaning seemed to hit me all the same. The deep part of me which usually paced like a wild thing was oddly quiet, but then again, perhaps it was in just as much pain as I was. We were connected after all.

I closed my eyes and reached downward, feeling for the familiar darkness, reaching for the warmth that always reached back when I felt the need for comfort. It immediately filled me, the tsunami of emotions: rage, bitterness, frustration, and impatience. But those feelings were never pointed towards me, it was always outward, at the world beyond me. This part of me was my haven, it was my escape, the one truth in my life that was beyond doubt.

I took a slow deep breath, my ribcage shuddering in the effort. Broken rib. I felt part of my stomach flare in pain, didn't know what that was, but it was likely injured too. Instinctively, I reached a hand up, I had no idea why, it was a strange thing to do, but immediately I felt my hand come into contact with something warm and solid. I closed my eyes and let go of the wall within me. Part of me shocked, the other part, the part I trusted with my life, instinctively reaching out.

A warmth washed over my mind, a calming emptiness that wasn't quiet empty, but more like a soft dampening of sounds, much like closing a soundproof window against loud construction work outside. The noise I didn't fully realize I was hearing disappeared. In its wake, a warm sense of comfort, I felt the restless part of me and the conscious part of me merge, and drift in the feelings of warmth. A wave of strangeness passed through my mind, almost like sound, but not quite, almost like a foreign language, but not quite. The more I tried to understand, the less I could grasp it, with my head already aching, I let go and opened myself wider, answering in my own instinctive wash of emotions and images of what I figured were probably the answers to the not-quite-understood questions.

The warmth spread deeper, a blur of my life passed, things I'd not wanted to think about, things I had long since forgotten in the rush of life. Every secret slowly coming into being. But when a part of me I'd always kept to myself started to come to the surface, I felt my eyes open, my throat constrict, my face scrunched and a deep almost animal snarl escape my throat. The warmth stopped immediately, as though on command. It probed no deeper. My personal secrets were still my own then. At least for now.

As the warmth spread through me, seeping from my mind into my tattered and broken body, I felt more than heard the voice. A soft whisper mostly, and it felt strangely intimate. You are safe. Rest. I will ensure your well being. Relax. It was so soothing and reassuring, that even that aggressive darkness within me seemed to wrap itself around me protectively and lull down into a comfortable slumber. I followed it shortly after.

It didn't feel like more than a few minutes when I felt myself coming back to reality. Again, there was the sound of explosions, but this time, they seemed muted and distant, the bed I lay on rocked and swayed in time with the booms, adding to the disorientation as I squinted my eyes to see. The world was still painfully out of focus, and it wasn't just because I wasn't wearing glasses. My eyes felt as though I'd tried to wash them with sand.

Blinking rapidly, I tried to raise my arm up to rub the soreness out of them, but as pain flared through my arm, I figured it was best to not try again. I tested a slight lift of my head, and while the pain was still intense, at least I could accomplish the feat. "Hey, take it easy, rest, its just another random bombardment. Everything is fine." I barely recognized the voice from the last time I had woken. It was the younger, less harsh voice.

"Name." I managed to choke the word out, my throat felt so dry and brittle now. Almost as though it was cracking apart.

"Knockout. Please don't talk, you need to conserve every ounce of strength you can. Focus on rest and healing." He told me as he moved closer, a massive shadow fell over me, I wanted to grunt, another robot, like the one that tried to stop me from killing myself. I felt irritated, but without the deeper part of me being irritated too, I didn't put any energy into staying that way.

My instincts were powerful, and I listened to them, as well as that deep dark part of me that stirred when I was threatened. If it felt no danger, I wouldn't rise to fight. "How—how did I get here?" I tried to clear my throat, but the attempt was hollow, I was weaker than I thought, I realized.

"Well, I guess telling you again to stay still and silent isn't going to make you, huh? You definitely have some spunk in you. Alright, just promise me you'll stay still at least, and I'll answer some questions for now, okay?" I stayed silent, my eyes slowly starting to focus in on his image above me. "We happened to run across you. The details aren't known even to me. Perhaps you were tracked and discovered, or perhaps you were just simply found by complete accident, I don't honestly know. What I do know, is you came here half-dead, okay—maybe a little closer to full-dead and you would have been full-dead if not for that amazing will to live you have. You really hung in there and did most of the fighting for us, we just patched you up. You're still pretty banged up, but at least for the moment, death is at bay."

My heart stung at his words. '….amazing will to live...' I had tried to die, and I had failed even at that. Could I do nothing right? I held my tongue. Perhaps I was still alive because of some greater purpose. What had that other robot, Optimus Prime told me? I was the reincarnation of someone horribly bad and yet important all the same. Most wanted me dead, but he thought I deserved a chance, since I wasn't the same person as in my previous life. Wasn't that what he said? Or was that what I had wanted to hear?

"I am supposed to be dead." The words left me before I could stop them. Again, not something uncommon for me, it is a problem I have always struggled with. Knockout looked about to say something when I continued. "Who prevented me from succeeding?" My throat hurt like hell, but I kept forcing myself to talk, somehow finding the answers seemed more important than staying silent.

Before he could say anything, I felt a strange heaviness upon my mind, and staying awake seemed like the hardest thing possible, I saw another vaguely familiar figure enter my vision before my eyes closed and exhaustion and sleep took over again.

It was likely many hours before I felt myself stir again, and when I did, I heard voices. Arguing over the fate of Megatron. Based on what I had learned from Optimus, I knew that meant my fate. Part of my hearing—the human half—heard nothing but strange noises which sounded mechanical and as non-language-like as possible, but the other part understood the nonsense as easily as English.

I stayed still, afraid moving would bring back the pain. I didn't believe in coincidences, if I had failed to kill myself after throwing myself over the edge of an isolated deep gorge of the Grand Canyon, then there was a reason. Nothing happened without reason, even if it never revealed itself. Laying still and listening, I learned a great deal about how precarious my situation truly was.

"I don't care if Lord Megatron was reincarnated as a human female, she is still our leader, and we will do what is in our power to ensure her survival. There is no doubt, and no debate." The voice reminded me of Knockout, echoed by the other voice I'd heard on my first waking here at my current location.

"Agreed. We were given orders. They must be obeyed. Lord Megatron did not leave an heir to his throne, the word was to always ensure he would be in command. He is back. It is confirmed." The harsh tone sounded the same as I remembered, but definitely more aggressive towards whomever he was speaking too.

"I was named the Second-in-Command! In the absence of our leader, I am in Command! We will not be led by a small girl-child of another race! I do not care if it is the reincarnated spark of Megatron, it is not Megatron!" The high pitched voice sent a wave of anger and dark rage throughout my body, I had sudden flashes of a strange face, memories of thrashing the owner of the voice into near deactivation over instances of attempted mutiny.

"Don't be a fool, Starscream! You've seen the scans the same as the rest of us. Even your own Trine knew upon sight what they were looking at." Knockout's voice seemed astonished that the Air Commander could be so stubborn, or stupid.

"Yes, yes. And if not for my blasted Trine mate, I would have been free of Megatron for all eternity while he rotted in the Pit!" Starscream snarled, there was a quieter voice that sounded in protest, one I didn't recognize, but felt I should know.

"Starscream. Aside from the fact that you hate Lord Megatron, and omitting the fact that we all know that the young woman we were following, Misasuki Misako, is the reincarnation of our leader, Lord Megatron—why would you want to destroy someone so troubled by life that they sought a way to end it. Even if the troubled individual was of another species, and a female on top of those facts, there was no calling for the actions you took!" I heard Starscream snort and reply back viciously.

"Thundercracker, you still—even after all these years—act more like a tender-hearted Autobot than the war-hardened Decepticon you are!" Starscream's voice was filled with venom towards his trine mate, but the other didn't seem affected by it.

"I am not 'tender-hearted' as you say, but I am within the lines of reason and logic. If she had been a normal human, let her fall to her intended deactivation. But she was not, and your actions were not called for." The one Starscream called Thundercracker spoke softly, his disagreement with his trine mate's decision obvious.

There was no response for almost a minute, I strained to listen to be sure I wasn't missing anything, but all I got was the burning feeling I was being watched. I wanted to curse. Now I was sure they knew I was awake. What would happen now? I let my eyes open, even though it was painful, I turned my head to look in the direction of the voices, the darkness within me still curled around me, seemed to glare out at them. Knockout was the first one to make any move or speak, he quickly walked over to where I lay and effectively blocked my view of Starscream and the others. "Good to see you awake again, feeling any better?" His optics made a quick scan of the readouts on a monitor across from me and back to me almost faster than I could catch. But I have always been very observant.

From how he spoke, it must have been a long time since I had woken last. I lifted the arm that had previously caused so much pain, it was stiff, but not unbearably painful to move. "Stiff and sore, but still alive." I muttered, my irritation was growing and I couldn't pin point any other reason than the closeness of Starscream and his stupidity.

Knockout followed my gaze towards Starscream and turned with an extravagant gesture spoke to those gathered. "We'll need to wrap up this discussion, my patient needs rest and peace, and you all are preventing it. Out. Out!" He made shooing gestures at them and followed them to the door. As the last one out looked back at Knockout he muttered to the dark mech quietly and quickly. "Make sure no one, especially Starscream gets into this Med bay without supervision, got it?" The other nodded and left as well.

The language was again in that strange non-language that I know I shouldn't have been able to understand, but somehow did. But I knew why I could understand it, didn't I? That other part of me, the part Optimus spoke of, the part that these Decepticons had just been speaking of. This was my native language, even if I had been reborn into another life, did one ever really forget entirely their past? I waited for Knockout to come back to me, but he didn't. Instead he busied himself elsewhere. Which left me alone. To my thoughts.

Never a good thing.

I closed my eyes and tried to think only of the most recent events. The argument over what to do with me. The bitterness Starscream had for being forced to accept Megatron's return. But the first thing that came to my mind was the last moments I had with my beloved Mew the night just before his passing. We had been playing with his favorite little rattle mouse, he had been chasing it and tossing it, then running wonky all around the living room. Holding that little mouse in his mouth and giving out loud muffled yowls of victory as he trotted back to me. He jumped up into my arms and gave me so much affection, that looking back at it, he knew.

He knew it was his last night with me. He wanted to make it the best night I'd ever had with him. He wanted to comfort me. He wanted to let me know how much he loved me. How much he appreciated me. He wasn't concerned for himself. Only me.

As we got ready for bed, after giving him his nightly moist treat, he cuddled up against my throat, burying his head deep into my hair at my neck, just under my chin. He kneaded me so fiercely, giving me so many kitty kisses and purring so loudly that I could feel his whole body vibrate. I fell asleep with him nuzzling me. I fell asleep to his love and affection. I fell asleep stroking him, cuddling my only love in the world, the only soul who loved me back in return.

And I woke to find him gone. Still cuddling me fiercely. My only friend, my only love, and he was gone. He had been the only driving force that was keeping me alive. And suddenly, with no warning, he was gone.

I felt my lower lip start to quiver, and struggled with all my might to keep the sob that clenched in my throat down. I was not in a place where weakness should be shown. But the reminder of what made me want to drive so far just to die brought back up all the horrible things my life had been filled with. The pain of remembering what I'd lost and what I'd never had ripped through me, I squeezed my eyes shut hard and tried to focus on deep breathing, but in spite of it all, I felt a hot tear slide down my cheek. The bitterness of failing yet again to control any aspect of my life attempted to override the pain of my memories, but it too failed. Even the darkness seemed silent, understanding the loss and the pain that raged through me. I felt the emptiness begin to pull me down again, back into that blackness that threatened to suffocate me again in the misery and agony that drove me to the Grand Canyon in the first place.

Then something unexpected happened. A warmth suddenly flooded into me, a warm softness that tore away at the agony, pushed back the blackness in its soft caress. And when I opened my eyes in shock, I found myself staring at another Decepticon that was so familiar yet so foreign that I felt instant shame for the tears streaming down my face. A single slender, razor sharp finger brushed out against my cheek, taking a tear which had been rolling down and pulling it away with such tender care that I felt only the warmth of the metal against my face. The warmth inside my mind wasn't just sympathetic, it was understanding. The one in front of me had lost something equally important and understood my grief. The blank face I stared at was so familiar I felt I should know it better than my own face, yet I couldn't make sense of the feelings. The darkness within me seemed to be more settled than usual, at total comfort with the one in front of me.

A single sound wave line interrupted the blank face and a voice came softly from him. "There is no shame in grief. There is no weakness in mourning. Strength comes from remembering what is lost."