special thanks to Luvjordan who went over this with me in the long ago, and helped make it both much better and more fun
CHAPTER TWO
"Okay, let me get this straight," says Patti, sitting at the breakfast table on Saturday morning "we'll go to the play together, Jordan will meet you there after he finishes practice, and he'll take you to the cast party and bring you home."
"Yes mom, that is correct."Does she need a written itinerary? Angela thinks.
"And the party is at Mr. Katimsky's?"
With a map?"Yes mom, it is"
"Will Rayanne be there?"
"Well I guess so mom, she has one of the leading roles." A guest list?
"How are you and Rayanne doing these days?" Patti looks at Angela carefully "we haven't seen her in a long time."
Angela's been trying to contain her annoyance, but really, this is too much. "Mom" she says in an emphatic voice "what is it with all these questions? And I thought you didn't like Rayanne."
"That's not the case at all, Angela." Patti pauses, trying to choose her words carefully, "I just think that, well.., we all make mistakes. And I'm hoping that whatever Rayanne's done..., I just know that she cares about you a lot, and I hope you can be...generous with her."
Angela says nothing. She wonders just what her mother knows and how she could know it.
The doorbell rings.
"That's Jordan" she jumps up happily, "on his way to work." She pours a cup of coffee, stirs in his three sugars and walks to the front door carrying it carefully.
"Hi" she says, handing him the cup.
"That for me?" he smiles "thanks."
They walk out on the porch and settle in to the swing in the corner. Despite a little sun peeking through, its cold and gray outside and she snuggles up next to him with a little shiver.
"I gotta be at work in a few minutes" he says, wishing he didn't have to.
"I know." She leans her head onto his shoulder and for a minute they sit quietly, moving the swing back and forth while Jordan drinks his coffee.
"My mom was just going on about me being generous with Rayanne - like she wants us to be friends now." A scary thought crosses her mind "You didn't tell her about you and Rayanne, did you?"
"Angela," Jordan laughs..." no...course not" he stops and his forehead wrinkles ... "but that night I was talking to your mom it seemed like maybe she knew something."
"Ohhh," Angela moans "this is too creepy...God knows what else she knows... how does she know?"
"Listen" Jordan interrupts her, "About her..Graf...I think your mom is right" He's on shaky ground, but he plunges on " I know we both messed up.. both of us.. but it was drunk and stupid,"
"Don't" she puts a finger up to his mouth. She still can't stand to think of them together that way.
"Look" he continues, taking her hand "we're good now..right?"
She feels a little happier at the word "we" meaning her and Jordan again and nods with a faint smile.
"I just think she might be, like, really missing you...Tino says she is.. and , well, you know since I first um, met you, Rayanne always tried to watch out for you… she stood up for you with me, you know, told me to respect you. ."
Jordan looks down, worried that he may have said too much.
"Okay, okay..." why are Jordan and her mother both going on about this? "I don't hate her or anything...it's just that I can't be the same with her right now. " Do they really think she's being selfish?
"Do you think I'm being ungenerous?" Because it would really bother her if he did.
"No, Ange, ." He kisses her and tucks her hair back. "Course I don't." He feels her soften back close to him and they rock in the swing for a minute.
"Gotta go"
"Okay"
"See you tonight"
Angela stands on the porch watching him drive away and then she sees Brian Krackow on his bike, heading onto the street. Well, she's been putting this off...They haven't really talked since that night in the street, and she needs to say something to him. She's not quite sure what, but here goes.
"Brian" she calls, walking towards him, and he brings the bike to a stop.
"Hi" he says
"Hi" She feels really awkward. "So" she starts "about the letter... Jordan and I talked about it of course... He told me you'd written it … I don't think he understands that you..you know, ...we didn't talk about that." She's watching his face, paying attention to him, and he seems his normal, nervous self.
"So every things good for you .." he's nodding, looking away, avoiding her gaze "well, that's good then ..I'm glad."
But now, since the letter, she knows that part of him isn't.
"Brian, I'm really sorry that I didn't understand what was going on ..I guess I was just being selfish, thinking of myself and Jordan and not noticing other people ... I mean.. "
"It's okay Angela," he interrupts her, "we don't need to talk about it." He knows he never really had a chance. "I'm glad I'm tutoring Jordan, getting to know him. He's really not stupid at all...he's a pretty good guy."
"I think tutoring is really helping" she says gratefully, "He feels good about it, I know...he doesn't say much, but I know he does."
"Good" says Brian "that's good to hear...listen, we don't have to be all serious about this...I'm going to go now."
"Okay. Thanks Brian" she feels a little better now.
But Brian, riding away, feels worse. He's still torn between wanting her, being noble, and hating them both. He's tired of being on the outside of everything. Maybe Jordan is right. Maybe he should call that girl in tutoring. Maybe he will. Maybe.
Jordan leaves the loft after practice feeling really good. He's happy doing vocals and the band is starting to sound better – he likes whats happening with a new song he's been working on. Work at the garage was a little boring but he's got a paycheck and now he's going to get Angela. He smiles to himself, thinking about her bringing him a cup of coffee on the porch this morning.
He makes it to the theater in the middle of the last act and stands up against the back wall watching. It's the part where Rayanne is leaving the graveyard, going back to a day in her life.
He's never really seen a play before, a serious one. There's a kind of magic going on and he can tell that Rayanne is really good. He can see how she's based the character on Angela, how she tucks her hair back like Angela does, the way that she's so earnest, even the way her chin purses when she starts to cry, and when the play is over and the lights go back on he notices that some of the people in the audience have been crying.
He's thinking about what she said, Rayanne's character, about people not realizing life while it's happening, how they said maybe poets and saints do, and he thinks about the Shakespeare poem Katimsky read, how that poem said so much, how it made him think of Angela. He looks around until he sees her, with her parents, coming down the aisle.
"There's Jordan" says Patti – she and Graham smile and wave – but when Angela sees him her smile tells him how happy it makes her, and he stands there looking back at her until she's close enough to come up and take his hand - "Did you see any of it?" she asks.
He nods, looking into her eyes – she's been crying, and he's a little confused by that, but he loves how soft and sweet her face and voice are.
"Hey Jordan" Graham says "How was practice?
"Good – Okay"
"Did you like what you saw of the play?" Patti asks
"Yeah, I was, um, impressed"
Angela is rolling her eyes – why can't her parents just dissolve quietly ?
"I'd like to see Rayanne before we go" says Patti "Do you think we could go backstage?"
"I don't know mom," Angela looks anguished. The thought of her mother gushing backstage is not pretty, not to mention the fact that all she really wants now is to be alone with Jordan. "It might be crazy back there."
"We can go back" says Jordan, "if you want." Patti smiles at him gratefully, but Angela is looking incredulous... "why is he doing this? What is it with the two of them anyhow?"
The politeness of Jordan's offer and the look on Angela's face is enough to give Patti a clue, and she decides to be generous herself - "Go on you two then" she says..."just tell Rayanne how proud of her we are.." She looks at Angela pointedly "and be home by eleven."
"Okay mom, I will"
"Nite Jordan" they're both smiling at him now. He kind of likes it that they're so nice to him. It makes him feel even more connected to Angela, sort of respectable and all.
"Nite"
"Did you see how they were looking at each other?" Patti says to Graham, watching them walk away. "It's heart wrenching. I wonder if I should talk to her about birth control again."
Graham puts his arm around Patti - "Give them a few weeks Patti – I think Angela knows she can come to you – we can at least not push her into it." Heart wrenching is not how he would have described that look – in fact, he thinks, worrisome is probably the kindest he can do. "Patti is really romanticizing this", he thinks to himself.
"Angela likes this kid" he says to her "And I want to like him too"
"Does that mean I should like him less?" Patty laughs.
"Maybe a little...and don't mention the birth control part too often either. "
They're an old married couple. They smile and think that they know each other. They both think that they're safe.
Backstage is general pandemonium; people are bustling around, small groups are congregated, stage crew is putting things away. Rayanne is standing with Ricky in a corner, holding his hand, looking a little lost. Angela and Jordan see her from across the room.
"Just go tell her what your mother said" he whispers "you don't have to say much else."
She nods. "I won't be long."
" I'll wait." He watches her walk over to them and sees Rayanne's eyes widen when Angela takes hold of her free hand.
"You were so good" Angela tells her, and Rayanne puts an arm up around Angela's neck -
"I'm so sorry Angela" she say with a little catch in her voice "I'm really sorry."
"I know you are." Angela hugs her back. Even though part of her wants to flee right now, doesn't want to be there being hugged at all – another part knows that somehow she has to work through this because both Jordan and her mom are right... Rayanne is her friend.
"I'm sorry too" she says, though she really doesn't know exactly what she's sorry for. Maybe for clinging to being angry, for being so sure she was so right and Rayanne was so wrong. For not being able to move past how hurt she was.
She separates herself from Rayanne and looks to Ricky for support. He moves quickly back to Rayanne's side and for a minute the three of them stand together in a little circle, holding hands.
"So Patti said to tell you how proud of you she was"
Rayanne makes a funny awww sound and gives a little dramatic sniffle, but she's really touched. "Tell Patti thank you" she says rather formally.
"So Angela, are you coming to the party?" Ricky asks.
"No" she says "Jordan is waiting for me."
Ricky smiles at her wistfully - "I figured as much" he says, happy for her.
"That would be the not yet totally domesticated Jordan Catalano then" says Rayanne in one of her more snarky tones. But then she stops herself. "Go have fun" she says softly, "thanks for coming back." She gives Angela a little push off in Jordan's direction and then they look at each other for a second, both of them really hoping that they can be friends again.
Meanwhile Jordan has been trying to stay out of people's way. He sees a big tree being moved and stands back -
"Hey" it's Corey
"Hi" he turns "the sets looked good"
Corey smiles.
"Graf wasn't bad either" Jordan adds, trying to be friendly.
Corey shakes his head in agreement. "You coming to the party?" he asks, "you worked on it too you know."
Jordan frowns. The drama club party is not where he wants to go at all - "It's up to Angela" he says "but I don't think so."
And she's there, holding his arm, feeling so right - "let's get out of here." she says.
Angela is still holding Jordan's arm when they get to his car, and he loves the feel of her holding on to him. He doesn't quite know what's happening here, why he feels so good with her. He opens the car door for her and then he turns, kisses her softly and holds her, his eyes closed, smelling that orange smell in her hair, feeling her closeness. He wants to say something but he can't find any words, and then for some reason, he can't let go of her either. She brushes his hair back and strokes it, and turns her face up to look up at him.
"What?" she whispers and smiles.
"Don't know" he mutters, touching her hair, smiling back.
Corey walks back out front onto the stage. He's kind of trying to look like he's checking on something but really he's looking for Rayanne. There she is, sitting in a chair all alone, looking bereft. He knows just whats going on – he's seen it a hundred times.
"Feeling sad?" he asks, sitting down next to her.
Rayanne nods. She kind of wishes he'd go away. There's a big empty feeling inside her right now, and she's afraid that if anyone is too sympathetic she might start to cry.
"My moms done a lot of theater," Corey says, "she's always crying on closing night."
Rayanne is surprised. "I guess I didn't think about it ending" she says, "I was just so into it while it was happening."
They sit for a minute.
"It's like I really was her – and I still am sort of but it's gone."
"Keep a part of her with you"
Rayanne nods. She's confused and still emotional but Corey sitting with her has helped.
"You'll see... at the party" he says, "that's kind of what it's for...to be with people and come back to ordinary life."
"I wasn't going to go" she begins, but Ricky has found them and he says "of course you're going – all of these people worked on the play together Rayanne."
"Come on" says Corey "If you hate it and want to leave early I can give you a ride home ."
She smiles a little smile of defeat and when she links her arm through Ricky's, Corey offers her his arm too. She takes it, and she likes the way it feels, to be arm in arm with them both. She might never admit it, but it makes her feels safe.
The radio's playing something really sweet as Jordan turns onto his block after taking Angela home. He can't believe how perfect his day has been. Then he sees both cars in the driveway and all of sudden everything isn't so perfect. His parents are almost never home at the same time anymore. When he opens the car door the sound of their shouting is spilling out into the street, and he wonders how long they've been going at it. There's no reason for him to walk into it; his mom's safe and eventually they'll wear each other out. There's a blanket in the back seat and he can just come back in an hour or two. He'll drive around the block, park somewhere, listen to the radio and think about Angela.