Tales of True Love
…Karen…
"Bacardi?"
"No."
"Mm… Cosmos!"
"No, Karen."
"Amaretto Sour?"
"No!"
Karen panicked. She was nearly out of beverages to name – and she'd soon have to face the fact that, just maybe, the blonde newcomer, as per her insistent claims, might not actually like to drink.
But that made no sense – not to the teenager's alcohol-addled senses, anyway.
"Okay, so you're not a drinker, but what vices do you have? And don't say 'none', or I will hose you down." Karen stretched out, sprawling her bare arms on the glossy finish of Doug's countertop. The blonde farmer occupied the barstool next to her, picking at a plate of chicken tenders and making no effort to hide the regret she felt at having chosen this spot.
"Um, what?"
"Because… You know, because yer pants would be on fire. Like a liar. So I'd hafta get the hose to put 'em out."
"What can I say," Claire dropped her fork in irritation, "I'm… straight-laced! I'm uptight! I'm puritanical! I'm – I'm –"
"Boring?" burped Karen helpfully.
"Doug, I think I'll have the bill now," Claire huffed, sending the ends of her blonde fringe flittering upwards.
"You shouldn't be so nosy, Karen," Rick, the boyfriend, reprimanded her later that night, after Claire had abandoned her half-eaten meal and left the bar in a huff.
"It – It just doesn't make seeeeeense!" Karen spun around on her barstool, imagining dramatic rotating cameras filming the soap opera that was her life. "How can someone so – so hot be so boring? I need – I need to know!" Her eyes spun wildly. "I need all her secrets! I will have them!"
There was only so much a boyfriend could do when his girlfriend began declaring her intents towards a strikingly attractive blonde.
"That's enough for tonight, Karen. C'mon, I'm cutting you off." He lunged for the bottle in front of her.
"What?! Rick? Noooooo!"