A/N: This chapter is incredibly sad and heart wrenching; I sobbed when writing it. I would never ever deal with this lightly; me of all people would not do that. I felt compelled to write it. A good piece of advice I received lately was that although what I write may be angsty and sad, it may help one reader out there. Writing this has helped me. And I am hoping it helps one other, also. So please be forewarned.

Sixteen weeks had passed and Callie's secret had not left her lips nor Arizona's; it was not shared with friends nor family; although at times she wondered how people had not guessed as her smile was never-ending and her happiness was ever apparent. Callie's depression had lifted; that much people had noted; but how they did not notice her bigger size breasts, wider belly, and her gregarious appetite that fuelled the growths in and around her body she did not understand. Callie had concluded that maybe her friends were stupid; loving and concerned but yes very stupid.

Callie was worried about how others would react to her news, so she had decided to keep her secret as her own... for the time being. She didn't expect nearly 4 months to pass without telling a soul; if she was honest she expected a few of her friends to guess...Addy had even visited two months prior and had left none the wiser than when she arrived. Callie kept her pregnancy multivitamins hidden in her delicates drawer and she was lucky in that her morning sickness was limited to being sick for only a few weeks early in the pregnancy. But still, she had expected her best friend, a gynaecologist, to put all the dots together...and the more time passed the bigger and more obvious the dots became. But still, Callie's secret was hers...shared only with the growing form in her belly.

Callie's heart was yearning to make a trip to the baby aisle of the local Toys 'R Us store; admiring the baby clothes wondering how something so small could be in the perfect form of her; five fingers and five toes in miniature to her own; perfection that somehow her imperfect and scarred body had created. Callie spent days and the nights with her hand on her extended belly...stroking the burgeoning form, showing her love and need to a child she had not yet met but whose feelings had already consumed her.

Callie thought of Arizona still and often; Arizona had made the decision to return to Malawi soon after she guessed the news about Callie's expectant condition. Callie was disappointed at first; she still loved Arizona and part of her had hoped that Arizona would agree to raise the baby with her (and Mark when she finally told him), but that discussion had not been broached as Arizona announced suddenly that she was heading back to Malawi to finish her project. Arizona had abandoned Callie yet again, but this time Callie was not left alone.

After their initial breakup, Callie had gone days where she wondered whether the love she felt for Arizona would ever be matched; whether she would ever feel the same intensity and depth of feeling again. Callie had her answer now; the love she felt for the growing life form her body was incubating had surpassed all her expectations; and it scared her. It scared her because Callie was not in control; a tiny tiny human had more control over her than anyone else prior; it was capable of not just breaking her, as Arizona had, but shattering her in a way where only slivers remained; only shards left of a once vibrant heart.

In Week 21, in the early hours of the morning, Callie's world crumbled. Blood. Blood where a woman 21 weeks pregnant does not want blood to be or be seen; not a soaking of blood but dots of blood that caused great concern to the expectant mother. Callie knew spotting occurred and she prayed to her god that he remembered how a loyal practiser of her faith she was; prayed that the tiny droplets of blood were only her own and not of her unborn child; an unborn child that she had recently found out was a girl; a baby girl that Callie had already pictured at her wedding; standing in splendour in a white dress; adorned with a tiara that was befitting of the Latina princess. And Callie...was Callie ever proud standing in the first row of the chapel pew...Callie had aged gracefully; she still turned heads with her swinging hip gait; this had not gone unnoticed by her daughter as more than one of her friends had commented on the hotness of her mother.

The scan photo of her daughter had quickly become Callie's most prized possession; she yearned to show it to Mark; Mark of all people, regardless of his reputation, would understand. Mark would support her from that moment he found out that Callie's body was no longer just hers but she was sharing it with another; Mark would demand copies of the scan; it would become a prominent feature on his fridge where he would not hesitate to proudly show it off as the ecstatic expectant father. Now Callie worried that the scan photo might be all she was left with of the tiny tiny human that had captured her heart.

Panic did not set in. Callie's heart still believed that the baby was alive; the spotting was just that and not a trickle; the baby's heartbeat, which she had a recording of from the other day, was still strong; the kicks although she had not yet felt them, were tapping against her insides which one day soon would cause her to jump with the pressure. Callie thought of the day that her swelled belly would cause her to start the pregnancy wobble; an impression of a very large Latina penguin flashed through mind and she actually laughed; giggled as a cramp descended through her abdomen and into her core. But Callie still laughed as she thought of what she prayed were going to be memories and not just wishes.

Callie was alone; her decision to not tell anyone was now haunting her; and the closest hospital was Seattle Grace; even with the pain Callie was experiencing she dreaded the gossip that a trip to Seattle Grace would surely entail. She couldn't call Arizona; Arizona had struggled with this and Callie could not hurt her more than what she had already done. Between the increasing pains that she was feeling; the pains that caused her breath to hitch and her eyes to spill tears from her ducts, Callie hoped for the best and convinced herself that all pregnancies had complications and that this one was only a small minor concern. The doctor in Callie disappeared to be replaced by an irrational scared women; alone in the apartment and in this world with the exception of a growing life force in her tummy; a life force that Callie had begun to rely upon as her bridge into the next stage of her life.

The pains crippled through Callie's body causing her to fall to the floor; paralysed with its acuteness as she felt a gush from her centre; she finally feared that the life she had loved so much and had sustained over the last 4 months was in jeopardy. She whispered a prayer, in Spanish; no it wasn't a prayer; Callie begged for the life of her unborn daughter to be spared as the pain caused Callie, a grown 30 year old professional woman, to scream out for her own mother. 'Mama Mama' murmured Callie as she fell into unconsciousness on the cold floor.

Callie awoke; at first not remembering the events earlier in the evening; but such bliss was soon shattered as the pains caused the Latina to shriek; a wail that woke a startled Mark from his slumber in the apartment across the hall. Callie's scream turned into a groan as the pains subsided enough for her to get to her feet and make her way to the bathroom; where against her better judgement she sat on the cold porcelain throne as her baby's life force gushed out. Callie could feel the warmth run down her legs; her olive skin soon stained red and her shoes filled with blood. Callie did not have time to feel anything as the contractions ripped through her body; she did not hear the banging on her door or Mark's frantic yelling as he banged on her locked front door. The frequency and ferocity of the contractions consumed Callie's world at that moment; nothing else existed...

5 Hours Later

Callie held her baby...small but perfect in every way; Callie counted five toes and fingers, two ears; a cute button nose; pursed lips. She rocked the little girl in her arms as the nurse prepared a bath; the baby's first bath; clothes were laid out that Callie had secretly purchased; a pink baby grow with 'Rockstar' in black across the front with a matching pink cap and booties. Callie placed her finger into her daughters crinkled hand. Tears silently fell down Callie's face.

The nurse nodded to Callie who gingerly stood up from the hospital bed. She carried the small bundle over to the table where the bath was ready; she laid her daughter to the side of the baby bath and gently removed her from the pink blanket she was swaddled in. With the love only a mother could understand, she gently picked up the tiny bundle and placed her in the warm water; her right hand acting as a cradle for her daughter as her left hand slowly and with much love and concern moved the warm water over her tiny form removing any residue from the short time she had in Callie's womb. The tears that fell from Callie's eyes soon mingled with the bath water as she cleansed her dead daughter; Callie memorised every feature of the baby; attempting to believe the unthinkable; that her daughter was dead; her future was only this one bath; her dreams just dreams and her hopes shattered.

Callie cuddled her daughter into the early afternoon; she changed her diaper; she played with her; she sang to her; she had pictures taken and foot and handprints made. But most importantly, she kissed her, held her and talked to her about how sorry she was to have let her down; how her body was not good enough for the beauty she possessed and how it was this reason that she was now an angel in God's army.

The door opened; a visitor that Callie wished would never come and for a reason she still could not fathom or believe. She nodded as she stood; for one last time, she held the precious bundle tight to her heart and whispered 'I love you' in Spanish in her ear while brushing the top of her head with her lips. Tears she thought she had quelled were flowing again as she handed her precious daughter to the nurse for the short journey to the morgue. Mark had slipped in the room behind the nurse; he gathered Callie in her arms as she handed over the tiny bundle; Mark holding Callie just as she had cradled her daughter only a minute earlier.

2 Days Later

Callie awoke from her slumber to a knock on her apartment door; she expected it to be Mark as he had barely left her side in the last two days. He had a received a 911 page 45 minutes earlier and after much prodding by Callie he agreed to go if she agreed to nap.

'Mark, did you forget your key again?'

Callie opened the door.

'I know you probably don't want to see me, but I came as soon as I heard. Knowing you are hurting, I now know that the only place I am to be is here. So I am here.'

Callie looked at her former lover, the love of her life that had gotten away twice and whom Callie thought she would never see again; the same woman that had initially left her at the airport so they both could find 'their' happy. She remembered the months of sadness that had followed Arizona's departure; Callie had accepted that Arizona was forever going to be the one that got away, but now she was here, she was here again.

Callie fell into Arizona's arms; sobs wracking through her body; the blonde struggling to keep the Latina upright as her legs crumbled from beneath her; her grief finally being shared with the one person who really understood what she had lost. 'You aren't forgiven,' Callie spoke through the desperate sobs and struggles for breath; a rasping sound that only someone who really knew Callie would have heard and understood.

'I know,' whispered Arizona as she clung to the Latina. 'I know.'