A week later I was basically at the point where now I don't really care about anything anymore. I can't walk or swim or do anything I love doing. Why would any one want me? Why would anyone want to be around a cripple woman who can't do anything for herself? I just cant think of anyone that would want me.

I lie in my bed Monday looking up at the ceiling. I had my mother tape a picture of Randy Orton on the ceiling so that I can think of him and hopefully not be so depressed about my situation but now it is not working anymore. I close my eye as a silent tear rolls down my cheek. He wouldn't want me, no one would. I cant do anything with my legs or myself. I can't help these thought that are flooding my brain. I know suicide is not the way to go but sometimes it crosses my mind and I want to scream. I just want to get through this. The doctors said it would happen but I didn't believe them. They said the happiness will go away and the depression will start and I didn't want to let my self believe it would happen but here it is and I cant deal with it sometimes. I look over at my nightstand and see a knife I've keeping by bedside for a while now. Last night was the fist time I used it. My wrists are covered in bandages now. I should have never done that but I couldn't stop myself. The only reason I stopped is because I saw that picture above my bed. I had my mom wrap my wrists and help me in bed. I slept that night dreaming of Randy, of him holding me close to him as we lay in bed watching a movie together. I was happy in that state but it was only a dream.

"Sabrina?" I hear my moms voice as the comes into my room. She's being so strong for me during this crap I am going through. "Why aren't you aren't you out of bed yet? We have to leave for Raw in fifteen minutes. Jessica is here and Mark is ready to go." She says as she basically pulls me up to help me in my chair. Crap I totally forgot about Raw being tonight. Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe it will keep my mind off this shitty situation. I let my mom help me get ready, helping put my RKO shirt on over a long sleeve to hide my bandages and I see my best friend standing in the kitchen talking to my twin brother, Mark.

"There she is!" Jessica says with her normal squeaky tone and I want to throw up. Happy people and me don't mix to good right now. I put on a week smile as me wheels me towards the car.

"Hey cheer up sister we are going to Raw! Hell I know I'm a grow woman acting like a child but I don't give a crap we're going to raw!" She says happily and I can't help but laugh slightly at her. Thats the first time in weeks I've laughed in at least a weak, it feels so weird. She smiles and helps me into the van. Hopefully this night will go quickly so I can go back to bed. I have my Randy Orton shirt on and some jean leggings. Pain in the ass to get dressed but I managed.

Once we arrived the doors weren't open yet but they allowed us to go in first so that we could get to our seats with no problem with the rest of the crowd. As we were getting closer to our seats I saw staff member moving the chair where I was supposed to sit and I looked at him confused.

"I don't get a chair because I'm in a wheel chair?" I asked him as he folded the chair up.

"Of course you do ma'am but we thought you would be more comfortable in your chair and you wouldn't have to move." He tells me. I nod.

"i am so sorry for being bitchy to you. I didn't realize ya'll did that kind of thing." I say to him.

He laughs, "I understand completely not the first time it's happened." He tells me as the doors are opened and people start flooding in. He walks off and goes back stage. I can't believe they are so nice here.

Around ten minutes or so later the camera operators begin turning on the cameras and adjusting positions of the cameras. After I watched them move the cameras around for five minuets or so here comes a security guard over to me and kneels down next to me. He puts his hand next to me and he's holding four what looks like backstage passes.

"I have these for you." He says and hands them to me. "A wrestler from backstage asked me to bring these to you." I look at him shocked.

"Which one?" I ask and he smiles and points at my shirt. "Rand-Randy Orton?" I muster out in a whisper. He nods and I break out into a huge grin and this time it's not fake. I am actually happy. The security guard smiles and leaves he seriously saw me and wanted me to have these, why?

"What's this?" Jessica asks pointing at the passes as her and mom return from the merchandise table up front.

"Backstage passes from… Randy Orton." I say and my smile returns.

"Damn! That's crazy." She says smiling as the show begins. I smile as I watch the first wrestlers come out and for the rest of the time I smile brightly.

As the end of the show draws closer and closer I start tapping my fingers against my knee wondering if he is coming out tonight. I mean that security guard claimed that Randy is the reason I have backstage passes so he must be here right? Unless he's not and that guy pretended to be a security guard was just playing a trick on me. My smile fades and I get upset all over again. Yep that's probably it— then I hear it.

"I hear voices in my head they council me they understand they talk to me."

And I freeze. He IS here and here he comes down the ramp. I sit up the best I can in my chair and look over the barricade so I can get a better look at that beautiful man that is walking down that ramp. My breath hitches in my throat and I pause. Damn the TV does not do him justice. As he makes his way down the ramp and as he approaches the part of the ring that faces the bottom of the ramp he stops like usual but this time he turns his head and looks directly at me. My mouth flies open as my eyes lock with his. I see a tiny barely noticeable smile on his face before it goes blank again and he turns his attention back to the ring.

"Did he?" Jessica says as she looks at me. I'm still in a state of shock and can barely move. I slowly nod my head as I continue to watch him.

Throughout his entire match my eyes stay glued to him. I don't know what to think say or do. I'm frozen.

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