Connie

It was such a rush, but once I got through the airport, I was able to join a flight to America just before it left – though it took a few arguments before they let me buy the tickets..

"It's too late." they kept insisting – but I'm nothing if not determined to get my way.

It's a long way to New York, so I'm glad I didn't have to wait for the next flight. I'm lucky there was a seat free – even if it is economy, but needs must.

I didn't ask Hassen if I could leave – I just told him I was going, though I did take Elle with me to his office in case he argued. He could of tried to argue but, his choice was to let me go immediately – or find another clinical lead. I love my job, but nothing is more important than my daughter - and now that my demeaning Cancer treatment is over and I've finally manage to get back in contact with her, nothing is going to stop me from seeing her.

I have eight hours to kill. Many things cross my mind and it's only now that I think about the phone call to Sam. Had I not been pre-occupied by trying to do my best for Grace, I wonder if I'd of even known what to say to him. I am of course very angry about both, the way he took her – and the way he's been leading her to think that I'd abandoned her – sabotaging any contact that we've tried to have.

Grace said he was crying though. Crying because he'd hurt me – which makes me think that it started out as one of the games we like to play. It was definitely a game in bad taste but, Sam is well known for acting before he thinks. No doubt the idea of it amused him to start with and it quickly got out of hand. As I told Grace, he digs himself into a hole, panics – and can't get out again. This was the mother of all holes – quite literally! Sam doesn't like admitting he's wrong either – much like me, I suppose, so I can understand that he found it easier to be angry with me and probably believed his own lies to Grace after a while.

It's certainly a mess.

My mobile rings and I glance down hoping to see my daughter's name. 'Audrey Strachan' flashes on my screen.

Sam's formidable mother and I have never really got on, especially after she took Grace back to New York – though I did agree to it that time. I wish I hadn't, but I honestly thought that Grace would be happier away from me back then – safer with Sam.

But that was then.

I have to admit to being glad that Audrey stayed in New York though – I didn't want her to come back. I've got no idea why she'd be ringing me. I guess she must be aware that I'm on a plane to New York – otherwise it's one hell of a coincidence.

I sigh and answer my phone. "Hello Audrey."

"Connie." She responds civilly. "You're on the plane?"

"That's right." I agree.

"Good."

Good? Audrey thinks it's good that I'm on the way to New York. Either she's had a huge personality transplant – or something has happened.

"Has something happened?" I ask. "Are Grace and Sam ok?"

"They've been in an accident."

Again my heart nearly stops. It turns out that on their way home from the airport, Sam crashed into a tree. Grace has a slight concussion, a broken arm and bruising from the seat belt and air bag. Otherwise she's ok – although, they're keeping her under observation in case the concussion effects her Epilepsy.

Sam, on the other hand is in a bad way – much like Grace was after our crash – though her injuries were further complicated by the subsequent helicopter crash. Sam's been unconscious throughout and was trapped in the car – though thankfully, they did manage to get him out before it exploded. He woke up briefly in the hospital, Audrey says – other than that all I know is that he has some swelling in his brain, and his airways were compromised so they've put him in an induced coma for now.

I'm very upset when Audrey goes off the phone – and any anger or feelings of being indifferent I had at Sam disappear. I have to pull myself together though, as Grace then rings me.

Grace

"Your Mum is on the way." Grandma tells me with an air of disapproval – though much less than normal I notice.

I've always hated how my Grandma looks down her nose at my Mum, but she does seem to be thawing a little. Perhaps she's realised that Daddy and I need Mummy here.

I'm still pretty shaken up after the crash. I'm terrified that Daddy won't wake up, and it brought back scary memories from the crash with Mummy. I have to admit that I don't remember much about the helicopter crash. I was in and out of consciousness from the car crash when it happened.

I'm still admitted to the hospital as an inpatient, but they're allowing me to sit in Daddy's room with Grandma. That's the good thing about my Epilepsy, I guess – the doctors are anxious to keep my stress levels down – especially with the concussion, so I've got my own way. I sit next to Daddy, holding his hand. I watch his chest as it rises then falls and my eyes are drawn to the tube in his partially open mouth. I know enough to know that it is aiding his breathing. My Daddy's body has been put to sleep to help him recover, I know from my own recovery last time, that breathing is hard work in a weak body, so he needs help with it.

I stare at the tube. I stare at the drip in his hand. I listen to the machines beeping. It all becomes too much and I burst into tears. Grandma pats my shoulder uncomfortably. Grandma Audrey is not the affectionate sort of Grandma who offers lots of cuddles, but she is Daddy's Mum – I can tell that she's worried about him too. However, she just stands there awkwardly and is unable to provide me with the right kind of comfort.

"Mummy!" I sob. "I want Mummy."

"There, there dear." Grandma states stiffly. "She'll be here soon...Why don't you ring her?" She eventually suggests.

Connie

"Mummy, I'm scared." Grace sobs down the phone. "I know the doctor's are making Daddy sleep, but what if he never wakes up? I need him to come back – I need you both."

That nearly makes me cry – for Grace is unaware of how close she came to losing me. As for Sam, I know not the details of his condition beyond that they're got him in an induced coma. I know that however much I want to, I am unable to promise my distraught daughter that her Daddy will wake up and be fine. I silently beg him to do just that and not just for Grace's sake. The idea of losing Sam kills me 10 times over. We both love to hate each other, but a world without Sam Strachan is unimaginable. I need to pull myself together though – for Grace. I can't let her hear how upset I am.

"Talk to him, Gracie." I instruct her gently. "He can hear you sweetheart. Tell him that he has to get better – chat to him as though you're both having a perfectly normal conversation. Tell him that we all love him and we need him. You've got Grandma there with you – and I'll be there in a few hours, but Daddy is there with you too." I add. "He's just sleeping, but he's listening to you you and he loves you very much."

"He loves you too, Mummy." She responds without hesitation.

Grace

Mummy said to chat to Daddy – and so I do.

I tell him I'm sorry for shouting at him and throwing things – sorry for running away to the airport. I tell him that I was angry when I said I hated him and it's not true. I tell him I love him and I need him back. I chat and chat. I talk about school. I talk about Mummy and I talk about what I want to be when I'm older. He knows most of that already – but I tell him again.

I also talk to Grandma – because despite her un-giving demeanour, I can see that underneath it all, she's quite upset by seeing Daddy lying there.

"It wasn't Mummy's idea to come back here." I announce – anxious that Grandma won't make Mummy feel unwelcome when she arrives.

"I know." Grandma answers. "Your Daddy said."

I stare at her. "When?" I ask in surprise – I mean we crashed on the way back from the airport, and Daddy's been mostly unconscious since then.

She sighs. "When you ran away, Grace, your Dad panicked and didn't know what to do. He rang me and told me everything." She explains. Maybe that's why she's thawing towards Mummy then – she knows what Daddy did and that it wasn't Mummy's fault.

"He's always been a Mummy's boy – your Dad!" Grandma chuckles lightly. "It sounds like he's made a right mess this time though!"

"Yes." I agree. "Mummy's been ill, Grandma." I blurt out – unable to keep it to myself any longer.

Connie

I'm anxious to see my daughter – and to find out the extent of Sam's condition, so I get a taxi straight from the airport. I don't have a lot of luggage anyway – I was in such a hurry to get on a plane that I just darted into my house and chucked some things in a bag before I left.

"Mummy!" Grace squeals happily enveloping me in a bear hug – a one-armed bear hug. Her broken arm is in plaster and a sling.

"Hello, sweetheart." I murmur. "How are you?"

"Better now your here, Mummy." She mumbles.

I nod at the older woman. "Audrey."

"Connie." She responds.

"How's Sam?" I ask.

"Still asleep." She answer curtly. "I'll take you up to him."

Grace

I let my Mummy get her breath back when we get up to Dad's room – and she wants to look over his treatment board. She studies it for ages – and I'm desperate to know. When Mummy and I finally take our seats beside Dad, I can't contain myself any longer.

"Mummy, what's wrong with you?"

"Grace!" My Grandma annoyingly intervenes from the chair next to the door. "Let your Mum get her breath back."

I've already done that.

Connie

"It's ok, Audrey." I say, then I hesitate. Grace is only a young girl. Years of practise telling relatives – some of which were youngsters, bad news has not prepared me for this. My bad news may be in the past tense, but that doesn't make it any easier to tell.

"I'm not as fragile as you think, Mummy." Grace tells me when I hesitate to answer straight away.

I'm not often lost for words – usually, even in such circumstances, I know exactly what to say when the time comes, but my own daughter is different. My maternal instincts drive me to try and protect her from what she's about to hear.

Simple words – no details. The barest minimum, I decide.

"I've had Cancer." I tell as gently as I can, bracing myself for tears, anger or whatever else may come. Everyone reacts differently – and I can feel the words stinging me as they leave my mouth. No matter what she might have prepared herself for, this is going to come as a shock.

Grace

I don't know what to say. I knew it was bad – it had to be to stop her coming to see us at Christmas, but I wasn't prepared for this. With hindsight, it makes sense – what with Mummy's new haircut. Someone at school had it and they lost all their hair – because of the chemo, though I don't know yet if Mummy had that.

Daddy did – I've seen the photos. I was only a baby at the time, but he's told me about it – and about how Mummy was his rock when he was ill. I was poorly too back then because I'd had an accident. Mummy had Daddy and I in one room in intensive care. Daddy had Mummy and I.

This time Mummy was all alone. We were over here and she didn't want to tell us over the phone. A sob escapes me.

"Sssh. I'm sorry darling." Mummy whispers, giving me a cuddle. "I didn't want you to find out over the phone. I was going to tell you both at Christmas." She explains. "But I'm afraid things changed rather suddenly sweetheart and I had to stay in hospital."

"That's why you didn't come at Christmas?" I mumble.

"That's right, darling." She agrees.

"Wh-what kind of cancer, Mummy?" I ask.

"I had a tumour in my heart." She answers quietly.

"Had?" I repeat hopefully.

"Yes." She confirms. "As I explained, it happened rather quickly at the end. I became very poorly and they had to do surgery to remove the tumour." She hesitates. "I did try to ring you before I went for the surgery, but I didn't want to leave you an answer message like that, sweetheart."

I snuggle into Mummy and stay quiet for a while, thinking. "Did you...did you have...um...che-chemo-thingy?"

"Yes." Mummy agrees. I had some before the surgery – but it didn't work very well, which is why I got so poorly." She explains. "Then I had to have some more after the surgery."

"But you're ok now, Mummy?"

"Yes. I'm ok now, darling." She whispers, brushing my hair out of my face. "Now, Grandma said they found skid marks near where you crashed. Did Daddy swerve to avoid something?"

"There was a dog – just standing in the road." I mumble, before bursting into tears. "But it's my fault." I sob. "Daddy's going to die – and it's my fault. I killed Daddy."

"Sssh, of course it wasn't your fault, darling." Mummy tells me firmly. "What do you mean?"

"I distracted Daddy." I sob. "I told him you'd been ill. He-he looked at me and said 'what?'...and-and that's why he didn't see the dog in time."

Connie

"It's all such a mess." I murmur, looking down and stroking the hair of my little girl, who's fast asleep on my lap. It took Audrey and I ages to convince Grace that she's not responsible for Sam's condition – though I think the only one who can convince her completely is Sam himself. I know the feeling of guilt all too well. Despite it being Stephanie Sims who drove me off the road before the last crash, I had too force myself to get back in a car afterwards.

I glance up at Sam's still body. I long for him to wake up and argue with me. He's far too quiet and I don't know how long I stare at him for – willing him to wake up. Of course, he won't while they've got him under sedation.

"Connie?" Audrey puts her hand on my shoulder and hands me a cup of coffee.

"Oh." I respond in surprise. "Thank you." To be honest, I'd quite forgotten that she'd left the room. I take the coffee off her with my right hand. My left remains on Sam's – along with my re-averted gaze.

"Connie..." Audrey repeats – though this time with a different tone. This time her tone suggests that there is more coming. I glance up at her as she re-occupies the chair by the door and hesitates – before opting to come straight to the point as usual. "I know what Sam did to you."

"Oh." I reply. I don't know what else to say – I have little doubt of what she's talking about.

"When Grace ran off to the airport, Sam panicked." She explains. "He rang me and told me everything. He's behaved very badly." She remarks – with the distaste that is usually aimed at me. "I know the two of us have never seen eye-to-eye, Connie, but I am disgusted by the way my son has treated you." She announces. "It was not the way he was brought up – and I can only apologise on his behalf. If he hadn't been so worried about Grace earlier-" She adds. "I would have given him a right earful myself."

"Thank you, Audrey." I say civilly."I'm afraid that Sam and I have always had a fairly immature approach to our relationship." I admit. "I think over the years, we've both acted badly to each other. In my opinion, this started off as game to Sam – and it went too far."

"That's what I suspect." She agrees.

"I've had a lot on mind these last few months." I tell her. "And I've thought a lot about the past. Cancer is very sobering – I really thought I was going to die without seeing either of them again. There's so much that I'd change if I was able to – I thought I was going to die – and I had so many regrets." I mutter. "Maybe if I hadn't pushed Sam away so often, he might not have done it, so you see, Audrey-" I add. "I think we're both to blame for the way he left. He wanted to be a family – but I kept on pushing him away - and by the time I was willing to admit it was what I wanted too, I'd already pushed him out the door."

"Well, I'm afraid that Sam does like causing trouble, Connie. He seems to thrive on playing games. so I make no excuses for his despicable behaviour, but I can see that he loves you – even if he has a strange way of showing it." She shuffles in her seat and folds her legs. "Men can be idiots." She informs me, pursing her lips. "His father was no better."

We sit in silence for a while and Grace sleeps on – no doubt exhausted from everything that's happened.

"How bad was it then – the Cancer?" Audrey asks after a while.

"Oh." I reply. Here come the twenty questions. "Bad."

"When did it start?" She asks.

"Not long after they left." I admit. "I was out running one morning and I had to stop because I couldn't breathe properly. I went to see a private doctor. I know that I should have told them when I got the results of my tests, Audrey – but the truth is that I was complete denial over it. When I finally accepted how bad it was, I wasn't well enough to travel. I didn't want to tell Grace over the phone and – well, Sam wouldn't speak to me." I pause. "Actually, Audrey, I'm not sure I would have known how to speak to him after the way he left, if he had picked up my calls."

She nods in acceptance of what I've said. "You were intending to tell them at Christmas?"

"Yes." I agree. " The intention was to wait until after Christmas Day – so that they could enjoy Christmas first without it hanging over them. Grace so wanted a family Christmas – just the three of us, but to tell you the truth, I think that Sam would have noticed I was ill straight away and he would have demanded an explanation."

Audrey stays quiet for a few minutes. "You said the Cancer was in your heart?"

"Yes, that's right."

"So if Sam hadn't left, the chances are he would have picked up on you being ill." She suggests.

"He might have." I agree. "He is a brilliant doctor." I stroke his hand again. "It's all such a mess." I repeat.