Chapter Two: Comfort is Only Yours to Give
Ash became aware of the warmth. She shuffled on the bed, curling tighter into a ball and clutching the cloak for dear life. She was afraid to open her eyes. When Dorian and Varric left her, she had been hoping falling asleep would really wake her up. The musty smell told her otherwise. She could hear her breathing and the crackle of the fire. She opened her eyes cautiously. She was alone. Carefully, she arranged herself into a sitting position and let her feet dangle from the edge of the bed. She took a long breath, held it for a couple heartbeats, and then slowly let it flow from her body. She had to focus on calming down.
Ash looked around from her spot on the bed-yup, the room looked the same. Though the light that had filtered in from the holes in the roof had turned an orangish color. How long had she been out? She shook her head, that didn't matter. She pushed the wavy strands of dark brown hair out of her face. Let's figure this out. She had been asleep, had the roller-coaster dream, and then as far as she knew-poof/bam/welcome to Inquisition. She scratched at the bed of one of her nails, a nervous habit she couldn't get rid of. She frowned. How the flaming hell?
She took inventory of the previous day's events. She had gone grocery shopping, filled her car with gas, and spent all day on her couch, really. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened last night either. She had gone drinking with a few of her friends. Got a taxi back to her apartment. Read a little bit before changing into pajamas and falling asleep. Had she fed her cat? Oh god, her cat. Ash groaned, tears once again threatening to spill. She shook her head. No, her Athena would be okay, she told herself. Her friend Elle would probably go by her apartment sometime within the next couple days, especially if she wasn't answering her phone. Elle wasn't one to let not answering texts slide. Shit. The tears she was holding back spilled on the thought of Elle. Would she ever see her again? Ash hugged herself. God, she wanted to go home. What was she supposed to do here? More importantly, how was she supposed to act around them? She knew all the events that would likely happen. She beat the game; she knew all the characters and all their secrets. Ash gnawed her lip. They probably wouldn't believe her. She remembered how Solas had been looking at her and she grimaced. He was already suspicious. She cursed the fact that he had heard her say his name when she thought she was dreaming. She only hoped he would keep that little factoid to himself.
Ash stood, wincing slightly at the coldness of the stone beneath her bare feet. She walked back towards the fire and sat down in front of it once again, hugging her knees to her chest. She stared into the flames, sighing. There was nothing she could do. She didn't know how to get home, much less how she got here in the first place. She switched to debating on what she should tell everyone, how much she should pretend. For now, she decided, it was probably best to pretend she was an apostate like they said. Hell, she could even claim memory loss. Her circumstances were probably mysterious enough for that to work. At least everyone but Solas seemed to be inclined to be kind to her. Focus on the positives. She wasn't in one of Skyhold's prison cells, thankfully. She also had ended up at Skyhold and not some random other Thedas-place. Okay, she could do this. Moving forward-that's all she had.
Ash stood, brushing off the backs of her legs. She stared at her blue and grey plaid pajama bottoms and her baggy grey t-shirt, frowning again. What was she supposed to do about clothes? She didn't much want to head back out into the grounds of Skyhold, even with Dorian's cloak wrapped around her. It was then that a thought occurred to her. She walked quietly to the door she had come in through, opening it carefully. Sure enough, there was an Inquisition soldier posted outside her door. The soldier's spine snapped straight as Ash opened the door. Their eyes met. The soldier looked wary. Ash smiled a small, tentative smile.
"Hello," Ash said. "Um...i-is there anyway you could send someone for clothes?"
The soldier eyed her. "I'm supposed to stay here," she said. That doesn't answer my question.
Ash bit her lip. "I won't leave," she pleaded. "I swear. I'm cold and I don't want to be seen like this." She threw a hand down in a sweeping gesture. Her eyes were almost desperate.
The soldier looked at her for an eternity, eyes narrowed. "Fine," she finally said. "I'll fetch someone. Don't leave this room."
"Scout's honor," Ash said, before she could stop herself. The soldier narrowed her eyes again, but then shook her head and walked off.
Ash quietly closed the door and walked back to the fire, sitting once again. This time she didn't hug her knees, but instead let her legs stretch out in front of her. She closed her eyes, soaking in the silence and the warmth. Flipping out wasn't getting her anywhere, obviously. All she could do was wait and hope that nothing and no-one decided she was a threat.
"Thoughts skitter around and around like mice afraid in the dark. Hiding from the cat they can't see but know," a soft voice said suddenly from in front of her. Ash jumped and opened her eyes, heartbeat immediately beating a frantic rhythm. Her eyes fell on a wide brimmed hat that obscured a face seemingly staring into the fire across from her. Cole. She hadn't heard him come in. She shivered. His head snapped up suddenly, wide blue eyes meeting hers. God, he was pale. "Hello," he said as if in answer. How much of me can he read?
"You're frightened," he said.
Ash opened her mouth, then closed it again. She nodded, watching him. He wasn't breaking eye contact. Playing the game back home, she had never realized how unnerving Cole's stare could be.
"Don't be," he told her. "Your thoughts are safe."
She stared dumbly. Ash hadn't been expecting him to just pop up like that. Honestly, she had forgotten Cole was...well, Cole. His...gift would make keeping her secrets difficult.
"You're...different," Cole said slowly, as if thinking. "A lonely piece from a missing puzzle. A puzzle that isn't." His eyes started to glaze over.Oh...oh no. She looked around, pleading that there was no one near the room.
When he spoke next, his voice was a lull, smooth and fast like water flowing over rocks in a creek. "A candle flickering dimly, defiantly, daring the wind. They can't know they can't. Desperate, reaching for home...for something familiar. Wondering, wandering, wishing, while willing whispering lungs to breathe. Like drowning on air. Too much, no, it's too much..."
Ash clapped her hands over her ears to block out Cole's voice. She squinted her eyes shut tight. Cole was definitely going to take some getting used to. She was too stunned with what he was saying to ask him to stop. Each word stabbed at her like a knife, she could feel it twist deep inside her. A warm hand cupped her shoulder gently and she jumped again. She inwardly cursed herself when she jumped. What, did you leave your spine back home too?
Ash looked up into Dorian's face. His eyebrows were furrowed again. "Are you alright?" he asked. His eyes flickered briefly to Cole who had thankfully quieted and was staring at the fire again. How much of that had Dorian heard? Ash cleared her throat before speaking.
"Better than I was," she told him, offering as big a smile as she could muster. She stood quickly. "I'd like some clothes, though, if...well, if that's okay." She looked behind Dorian and noticed Iron Bull and Lavellan standing slightly in the door. Lavellan was looking at Cole curiously. Sosheheard something then. But Iron Bull...Ash swallowed. He was looking directly at her. Ash looked away quickly. She crossed her arms over her chest, blushing. She heard Bull chuckle to himself slightly and her face burned.
"You look better," Iron Bull said. "Less...shaky." Her blush was her only response.
"She sees him, but doesn't see," Cole said suddenly. "She sees the impossible and wishes it wasn't. But it is." Ash looked at Cole, eyes pleading. He was looking at her, but somehow, through her, and standing. "Wants to be a wall so no one can see," he continued. "I want to help." He made eye contact with Ash then, it looked like he was trying to reassure her. To her credit, she barely flinched this time.
Lavellan was the one who broke the silence. "Cole?" she asked, in a voice that Ash just noticed was incredibly melodic. Cole shook his head.
"No," he answered. "It would hurt. I don't want it to hurt." Ash was watching Lavellan's face. She frowned for a moment, but dropped the subject, turning to face Ash and offering a wry smile.
"I heard you needed clothes," Sythari said and held up a pair of breeches and tunic. Ash's shoulders slumped in relief.
"Thank you," Ash breathed out, smiling. Clothes were a comfort and a start at pretending she could be normal.
Sythari Lavellan was smiling at her. "Once you've changed, would you like some food?" she asked. At the mention of the word food, Ash's stomach spoke for her. Ash put a hand to it, making a face. Iron Bull barked out a laugh.
"That settles that," Iron Bull said, grinning at her. "How about the tavern? The food's not great, but it's warm."
Sythari nodded, smiling at Ash again. "Get changed. I'll wait outside and we can meet them there."
Ash decided it was best to agree. Plus, her stomach started cramping. She smiled. "Sure thing," she said. "I could really use a drink too."
Sythari smiled broadly and Iron Bull laughed again. Dorian clapped her on the back. "I'm rather starting to like you, you mysterious apostate," he told her, grinning. He looked somewhat like a cat when he grinned, Ash decided.
"I'll be just outside," Sythari said. She, Bull, and Dorian went to the door. Ash looked at Cole. He had moved to stand beside her. He leaned his head in close to her ear. Ash waited, spine straight, holding her breath.
"Walls can be torn down," he said, whispering, only for her. "You can't. You're stronger. You don't have to pretend." He walked out the door to where the rest of them were waiting. He closed it behind him, softly.
Ash stared at the door, honey-gold eyes wide in wonder. She felt herself smiling, really smiling this time. Her heart swelled ever so slightly and she felt some of the shadows that had been plaguing her whisper away. She shook her head. Cole was...well, Cole. Better hurry this up.
Author note: Well, chapter two is up already! I wrote it like a storm after the first one. I tried my best to write Cole's dialogue, so please don't be too harsh? It was difficult for me, since it just doesn't flow naturally. Also, sorry for the lack of action, it's coming I promise. I just needed to get the ball rolling more on who Ash is.
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Thanks for reading!