Chapter 2: Letting go of holding on
"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
Haley James shifted in her sleep squinting as the sun streamed through the French doors leading out to her terrace. She silently rose from her oh so comfortable King size bed with her especially made Oscar De La Renta comforter and matching sheets to walk out onto the terrace overlooking Lake Como. The cool breeze hit her naked skin as she looked out upon the water. It was breathtaking. Ever since she could remember she has been spending her summers at her families 7.8 million palatial 18th-century home in northern Italy named Villa Bellezza. Bellezza in English meant beauty and this Villa epitomized that. From it's multiple terracesornately decorated ceilings, 15 luxurious bedrooms, private dock, infinite pool, Italian tiled massive bathrooms that looked more like the belonged in a spa than a home, to even the gorgeous foliage that greeted her at ever turn. It was just beauty in every sense of the word. Although to her all the luxuries and material things weren't the only thing that made it beautiful.. She felt like she stepped back into time when she came here. Even with all it's many added luxuries over the years it still captured the elegance and architecture of when it was built over a hundred years ago. California was so face paced to her always becoming bigger and better and when she came here she felt like all the sky scrapers and big city life couldn't hold a candle to Italy.
Her grandmother said Haley always appreciated the Villa and the countryside because she was an old soul and appreciated the beauty of an untainted world and that is what Villa Bellezza and the town of Lagola were to her, untainted. She could walk through the streets of Lagola and not feel like an outsider. It's amazing that in a town where she has no lineage that she would feel more at home that all the big cities in America. They treated her with such kindness as she did them in return. She would walk into local restaurants and they greeted her as family. They also defended her against any prying paparazzi wanting a story out of them. They were loyal to her and her family and for that she could never repay them. When she came here 6 months ago they did not ask questions and make her relive her grief they simply opened her back with open arms and let her go about her life like she was any other resident. They even tolerated Jake and were kind enough not to call the police on him on many drunken occasions. She still didn't know how Jake ended up naked in the local Cathedrals Fountain at the exact time mass was letting out, but she just decided to leave well enough alone.
"Speaking of Jake" Haley said out loud to herself as she peered down at her private dock in the distance. She could barely make out his passed out form if not for the bright yellow Speedo adorning his body. She hated when he came with her to Italy, or any part of Europe for that matter, because he insisted on fitting in and to him that meant being like European men and wearing Speedos every time he got near water. The thing Jake neglects to keep in mind is that when you see a European man wearing a Speedo you just write it off because that's their culture, but Jake was born and breed in Cali and he has no excuse for walking around in that skin tight thing. Haley walked back inside grabbed her Roberto Cavalli white bikini and hit the intercom while she started to put on her suit.
"Isabella?"
"sí bambina?" Isabella replied.
"Do you mind waking Jake from the docks and telling him to meet by the pool for breakfast?"
"Si, that bambino will never grow up." Isabella chuckled to herself while doing as Haley requested.
Haley adjusted her top and looked at herself in her full length mirror satisfied with her appearance. The white string bikini contrasted beautifully with her tan skin she decided after appraising herself for a solid minute. She then retreated to her closet to retrieve her jimmy choo wedges. She walked out of her room and down the marble staircase and made her way out to the large tiled patio adjoining the pool area.
"Well, well is that a banana or you just happy to see me" she questioned Jake as he stumbled towards her with the effects of a deep sleep still leaving him stiff in many areas blatantly obvious to her.
"Ugh, do you have to be so damn chipper in the morning? I swear I know you drank almost as much as me and you still look hot as hell. I have to have at least 12 hours of beauty sleep to look my ultimate hotness after a binge like last night."
"Oh Jakey don't be jealous of my naturally gorgeous features. Plus, I always take 2 migraine pills before I go to bed and drink a Bloody Mary in the morning and I feel as good as new. All you need is a little bit of the hair of the dog that bit you." she told him as she poured him a Bloody Mary and stuck a celery stock in it for good measure.
He looked at her like she was insane making him drink such a thing. It wasn't the vodka that bothered him so early in the morning but it had all those vitamins in it and he had strict rules that the only protein he got from alcohol would be from the worm in a tequila bottle. He knew Haley would not shut up until he drank it, however, so he sucked it up and chugged it down.
"Look what a good boy you are Jakey." she playfully teased him as she patted him on the head.
Jake let her enjoy her little victory over him for about a minute before he decided to go in for the kill.
"So Hales what's gotten into you lately besides your new lover boy"
"I'm going to ignore that crass comment and there is nothing big going on with him. It's just been fun that's it." she said as uncommitted as possible
Jake watched her try to brush off her comment, but he knew he had struck a nerve. She was falling for this guy and although Jake liked him he was just hoping Haley wasn't clinging to the first glimpse of happiness that came her way.
"Whatever, I just find it ironic that you of all people, who enjoys this town for its normalcy, meets a fellow American who has one of the only families in the world that rivals your family's fortune and mine for that matter. What makes it even more sickening is that his family owns a gigantic Villa or should I say compound since it's like three times as big as your place only an hour away and of all the ways two rich gorgeous twenty somethings would meet you bump into him at the market and he knocks you off your feet literally and figuratively. I feel like I'm reading one those novels under your bed"
"Jake I swear to god keep out of my goody box. I knew it was you that kept stealing my batteries."
"Hey, there are about fifty things in this house that require a remote and underneath your bed is the only place where I know I'll find a vast supply of batteries.. That brings me back to you know who. Since you have been seeing him your batteries have a lot more juice in them. Don't tell me he's actually quenching the Haley James's aka Sex Goddess's appetite,"
"Jealous are we Jakey? I saw you strike out last night multiple times" she replied back and started laughing at the full on pout he was displaying. "Ok, yes he is definitely giving my toys a run for their money I will grant you that, but I don't know how serious this is. I really am trying with this one and not running away it just feels right and I don't want to jinx it by gossiping about it."
"Demure is not a good personality on you sweet cheeks, but I'll let it slide for now.. Just promise me no matter if you fall in love, get married, and have 2.5 kids there will always be Jakey room at your place?"
She started to laugh until she stopped when she saw he was actually serious. Jake was an only child and had always clung to her and Caleb over the years. When Caleb went off to medical school her and Jake had gotten even closer. In fact she can't even recall a time in her life when they hadn't at least spoken on the phone everyday. He had his own room at her parent's estate in Beverly Hills, a room here at the Villa, and they had both purchased together a New York Penthouse when they went to NYU together.. So how could she not have a Jake room, no matter what changed in her life, that would just be unnatural. So she took his face in her hands and gave him a big smack on the lips.
"Jakey it wouldn't be home without you." she finished with a giggle.
"So, little darling how about we go take that boat out for a spin and see if we can spot some topless chicks."
"Once a perv, always a perv. Let me go grab my fashion magazines and I'll meet you at the dock in twenty." she told him as she got up heading back into the house. "Oh and I'll grab the sunscreen and please switch Speedos that yellow is blinding."
"That's the point, to attract everyone's attention to the moneymaker." he yelled to her retreating form.
Haley started laughing and had almost made back to the staircase when she stopped dead in her tracks. It hit her like a ton of bricks and almost immediately she felt such guilt she had trouble breathing.
She hadn't shed one tear over Caleb or felt any form of grieve in nearly a week. She had just lived each day without a longing sadness she had constantly felt for nearly 6 months. It should make her feel relieved, but all she felt was horrific guilt. How could she just forget about that pain and live a happy normal life? If she was honest with herself she would admit that the last 2 months of her trip have been the happiest in her life, but even then she still cried almost every night and felt Caleb's huge absence until recently. She still felt his loss and thought of him everyday, but not with the enormous grief attached to it.
She knew this would happen one day after all time heals all wounds they always say, but she wasn't ready to accept her life without her brother. She wasn't ready to be happy and fulfilled without him in her life. She needed more time she wasn't ready to give up the immense pain.. To her it kept her close to Caleb and showed him how much he meant to her. That without him she would never be complete. The logical part of her knew Caleb would never want her to live her life grieving for him day in an day out. He would want her to be happy, find love, and remember all the good times they had, but the emotional unrealistic side of her wasn't ready to accept his death and move on from it. As crazy as it sounds it would mean that he was really gone and that now she had to move on without him. Her grief allowed her to live in limbo, feeling that raw pain of losing him kept him fresh in her mind. What terrified her the most was not being able to picture him clearly in her mind one day, or the cologne he wore, how he spoke, his favorite foods, the way he could annoy her and make her love him in the same breath. It was the little things she was afraid she would forget and moving on from that grief made her feel one step closer to forgetting them. She needed to be shown that everything would be alright that she would find her way in this world without her brother, but the ironic thing was the one person that could show her that was gone. He was never coming back and nothing would ever change that.
She walked over to the formal living area to a large grand piano where dozens of family pictures were spread about. There were ones of her and Caleb at birth, running in their diapers through the fields of Italy, opening Christmas presents, at her coming out party, HS graduation, and then she got to the last two. One was of her brother receiving his Bachelor's from Duke with her father and the other was of her graduation from NYU with her mother. Their graduations had unfortunately coincided on the same day so their parents decided to flip a coin to see which of them was going where. She had missed her brother that day, but she still had a blast celebrating with her friends and mother. As she stared longer at the separate photographs and of the ones that proceeded them she realized they had been finding their separate lives from each other for the last few years. They still has talked everyday and visited each other, but they were both going in different directions in their lives. From conception they had been side by side and did everything at the same age and level till college. Caleb was off studying to become a doctor and she was off studying public relations and partying with Jake. As she let her mind wonder to if Caleb was still alive she realized there would still be many more pictures of them together but there would also be a lot of them separate with their own lives and one day their own families. They would each have a wedding photo, their children's photos, and one day grandchildren's photos. They would each break off and create their own world and hopefully several times a year would have gotten together to combine them.
Haley finally saw that even with Caleb she would have been making her own life for herself the only difference is she doesn't have him giving her encouragement or guidance anymore.. He is with her though and she knows that in her heart. She will miss him till the day she dies, but she can't let grief rule her actions anymore. She smiled and wiped a lone tear off the picture of them playing in the rain when a voice interrupted her.
"Your thinking about him again" the guy said from behind her.
She whipped around and was shocked to see him, as gorgeous as ever, watching her with such an intense gaze.
"What are you doing here, I thought you would be back in the states for at least another 2 days." she barely got out before she ran towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck and lost herself in his beautiful blue eyes.
"I just missed you too damn much Haley, I can't get you off my mind." he stated to her with nothing but sincerity in his eyes. "You can't keep doing this to yourself Haley, he would want you to be happy."
She stared at him fascinated by his ability to read her. "How is it possible you could know me so well in such a short time?"
He stared in her beautiful soulful eyes and knew this was the moment he had to do it. "Because I'm in love with you Haley and………….. I want you to be my wife" he finally got out.
"Your what?" she managed to choke out.
"I know this is sudden and I am sure hearing I love you would have stunned you enough without the proposal attached, but I couldn't stop myself. I was in New York bored out of my mind and just started walking and then all of a sudden I was in Tiffany's staring at engagement rings. I found the biggest one and bought it on the spot. Then I hopped on the first flight out here and I was going to take you to a romantic dinner and then I saw you staring at that photo looking gorgeous in that white bikini and I just had to do it now." he explained to her as he lowered down to one knee and produced a black velvet box.
Haley just stared wide-eyed as he opened the box and presented her with at least a 12 karat pear shaped diamond solitaire on a platinum band embedded through and through with round cut diamonds. It was breathtaking, but also very overwhelming and she wasn't just talking about the ring.
She was stunned and in an instant her emotions were fighting each other again. Grief, Happiness, Guilt, Love and then it hit her love. This man in front of her loved her with all his heart and something inside her clicked in that instant. She wanted this, she needed this and she was going to live for the moment just as Caleb would have wanted her too. Looking at this man in front of her she did only thing she felt. She could feel Caleb's strength in her when she looked straight into his eyes and told him his answer.
"Yes, I will marry you" she answered to his expectant face that soon beamed up to her when he heard her answer. Within a second he had grabbed her and flung her over his shoulder and made his way up the stairs to her bedroom while her laughter filled the house. He lowered her onto the bed and begun to take off his shirt.
"Someone thinks he's getting lucky" she coyly told him.
"Well, my dear don't you want to practice your wifely duties?"
"I think I've been practicing that with you for over two months" she jokingly replied.
"True, but you weren't my fiancé then and that makes it so much more satisfying" he said as he climbed on top of her and began kissing the peaks of her breast making his way up to her neck and finally to her mouth in a searing kiss. She slowly flipped them over so that she was on top and in charge. She loved the power of being on top. You could get a man to do anything you desired from this position or on your knees, but she didn't feel like being completely selfless today. They both needed to become one and give each other pleasure not just one over the other. Although, there was always time for that later she thought to herself.
"What that's smirk for?" he asked her while his hands traveled over her thighs.
"Just planning out my wifely duties." and with that she slowly undid her bikini top and in no time at all they were moving to their familiar rhythm and the sounds of naughty banter that had filled the room earlier were replaced with the sounds of ecstasy.
An hour later, Haley collapsed on top of her fiancé as they regained their senses and clung to each other. She slowly rolled to the side of him and sat up her elbow gazing at his sweat glistened face.
"What's on your mind, your not ready for round two already?" he jokingly asked as he grabbed her left hand that was laying across his chest and kissed the newly decorated ring finger.
"I was just thinking I forgot to tell you something" she said to him as he intertwined their fingers.
"What's that my beautiful fiancé?"
"I love you too Lucas Scott" and she did. In that moment she felt it so strongly that if anyone were to ask her in 50 years she could honestly tell them in that moment she loved him with her whole heart and that gave her such a sense of freedom. Whether it was freedom from her grief, her guilt or just from the life she knew before she didn't know nor did she care.
This is where she was suppose to be. She felt it was fate that they had bumped into each other that ordinary day in the market. Little did she know how right she was and while Haley was relishing in her love for Lucas she forgot the most important rule her Grandmother told her. The biggest mistake in believing something is fate, is thinking that where it has brought you is the final destination.