Peri's POV

It was an unpleasantly cold winter's night; dark, mystifying, the moon was sheltered by the murky looming clouds. I felt anxious and uneasy it was just a little past midnight. The granite sky surronded the bright ray of the cresent moon; It was a grey, cold night cloaking in the mist. In Hollyoaks, glittery lights shone elegantly as rain drizzled down.

I am pregnant. Every time that I repeat that I feel even more disgusted because I know that there is something nesting inside of me making me feel sick. I am staying at Nico's for a while because Patrick is gone on a teacher's convention for two weeks.

Time seems to be going so slowly and each moment I am dreading telling Tom about my pregnancy maybe I should keep it to myself because I don't want to drag him into all this madness. I am not ready to be a mum yet. If Mum wasn't dead then she would say keep the baby but stand by it like my mum did we me.

Feeling violently sick,I ran into the toliet and vomited for about fifteen mintues knowing that it wasn't going to be easy. What if I am stuck with a baby to look after and I hate it? What if the baby hates me like I hated my mother when I found out?

Running back into the room with my hand covering my mouth, I reached out and got a laptop and placed it on my lap. I searched up a women's clinic knowing that they could get rid of the baby and that things would be back to normal. Contacting them by phone, I put the phone against my cheeks.

Noticing that the person was yawning, I feel almost guilty like I was keeping them awake. "I am sorry if I woke up but I really need to speak to someone right away." I said to them. "I need someone to put things like they were before."

Someone on the other end started speaking to another person quietly and I could only hear mutters. "How can we help? What's your name? How old are you? We normal do these over the phone interviews and see if we could help."

Shivering, I started taking some deep breaths doubting if this was the right thing to do. "My name is Peri Lomax and I am fifteen years old. I would like to have an abortion. My boyfriend doesn't know that I am having an abortion or that I am pregnant or any of my family members. I can't tell them because I am only fifteen and the first thing that my family would say is how stupid I have been."

The lady seemed to be not so surprised that I was a teenager and she didn't freak out or do something to indicate any surprise. "So your name is Peri Lomax. Peri, we have just had one of our girls pull out apparently her boyfriend and her are getting engaged and now they want the baby so we can do a slot for 9 am tomorrow but if you have got school that may be a bit difficult."

I didn't know whether to take it. I have been living with this and I don't want it inside of me any longer. "Of course. I have been living with this for a while and I don't want it anymore."

The woman sighed sympathetically like she almost felt sorry for me. "Peri, you really shouldn't be going through all of this stuff on your own. Maybe we can tell your parents together. I bet they might accept it or even understand it."

I thought about Leela and Tegan finding out the truth; Leela would freak out but Tegan might be a bit more understanding. "No. I don't want them to know that I am pregnant. My mum probably understand. She had me when she was only thirteen years old but her mother adopted me as her own but I don't want to stress her out. She has to sort out the bills. My uncle has HIV, my aunt has her own baby and no one is there for me."

The woman didn't sound so cheerful about my descion and I could hear someone whispering stuff."Peri, if this is really what you want then we will be there for you and we will support you through your descion. Okay. Goodbye."

I hung up the phone thinking for a moment about what I was doing. Trying to fall asleep wasn't easy with my head banging and Nico wasn't helping with her on going snoring. But somehow I managed to fade away in a nice sleep.

The next morning, I got changed into some spare clothes that I found in the back of the wardrobe after having a quick shower and brushing my hair until it was just right. Leaping into action, I went down to the coffee shop for breakfast; It would be a blueberry muffin and a coffee.

Looking around, I stood when I saw a mother tending to her baby. She was about the same age as me but she was so good to her baby like a proper mother and I wished that I could be like that to my baby.

Celine came inside the coffee shop wearing the most hideous outifts imiaginable. I think that she was trying something new but it wasn't working because she was just turning heads and not for a good reason. I rose my head and I saw Celine standing there her shadow blocking the bright ray of sun that hit my face.

Celine was normally really chatty and always banging on about crystals and stuff. "I heard that you were going to an appointment today. Are you getting ready for it?"

I stood there in my school uniform stupidly because I wasn't going to school. "Yeah I am. My appointment is in half an hour so I am just spending the last moments of it calming myself down and trying not to panic."

Celine looked around expecting someone to be there with me. She sat right opposite me akwardly ignoring the tension between us. "So is your boyfriend here or a family member? You have got to have someone with you because of how young you are."

Taking it the wrong way, my body expression changed and my voice darkned. I have been so crazy for the past few weeks. "I am not scared of doing things on my own. I prefer it, Celine. I don't need someone making out like it is some big drama, it's not."

Celine relaxed in her seat. I couldn't even take a bite of the muffin because it made me feel sick. Celine looked at me like I was some stupid little kid. "Of course it is such a big drama. It is a baby's life we are talking about her. No one should ever go through something as terrifying as abortion on their own. Look, I know how you feel."

I looked across at her wondering when she was going to get the message. I rolled my eyes and looked away. "You're a nurse. It's your job but you don't understand what is going through my head. You don't understand how I am feeling right now."

Celine smiled at me weirdly but she didn't get angry; She stayed calm. "I do. Nurses and Doctors can tell you a million things but they can't explain how you might be feeling. I personally know how you are feeling. I was your age when I had my son. I didn't even realise that I was pregnant until I gave birth to Teddy. Unlike you, I gave my baby to somebody else and now he knows who I am and I know that he is well looked after. You don't experience real love until you have a baby."

I didn't know about her son at all and felt like I was giving up on the baby. Looking across at her. "I am not doing this because I don't love it. I am doing this because I already do. I love this baby in a crazy messed up way."

Celine couldn't control her happiness like I was growing up in some crazy way accepting responsability for my actions. "I was the same place that you were, Peri. I wanted to do everything myself and my family didn't really care very much about Teddy still don't. I think that you would make an amazing mum."

I jumped to the wrong conclusion as usual and thought that she was acting like I should keep it. "What because I am a teenage, jobless, no money and without any source of payment. My family has been through ennough with the death of our parents, Tegan having cancer, Ste having HIV. I don't want to be a burden."

Celine was about to speak but I knew that whatever she said that I made up my mind. I am getting rid of this baby. "I messed up with my son. I used to go out partying and leave him with my drug addicted mother. I am not saying that you'll be the same but you are not a burden."

I continued shaking and feeling like I was going to faint. Celine grabbed something out of her baby and showed it to me. It was my baby. "I am not cut out to be a mother, Celine. I am too young and what if I do something horribly wrong and I mess up that kid's life as well as mine."

Celine placed my hand on mine to give me some reassurance. "Peri Lomax, you are more stronger than you realise. You would make an amazing mother to this baby better than I was to Teddy. Tom would stand by you not like me with Teddy's father. Love this baby and it would love you back."

I started crying for no reason and I knew that it was probably hormones. "I don't know how. I have always looked out for younger kids and been a great role model to kids but how do I be a mum and continue my education? I don't know what I am doing, Celine and now I am crying in public for no actual reason."