I stayed by his bed for hours. It has hard to leave.
I held his hand in his sleep. He was breathing slowly, and occasionally stirred. He hadn't woken, and I was scared for his life. He was old, and I knew this day was coming. I knew one day I was to watch him die from old age, I just wasn't ready yet. He couldn't leave me now.
My cheeks were sore from frowning, wet with hears and numb from exhaustion. I squeezed his hand, and there was still no response.
No response.
No response.
No response.
The reality of this snicked in, and I screamed in pain. My head sank to my knees, and the tears made a puddle below me. It was so hard, seeing him like this, knowing how this would all end.
It hurt. I hurt to love someone so dearly, to say goodbye.
I don't know when I fell asleep, but I woke up on the floor beside Father's bed. I lifted my head slowly, sitting up. I looked at the wall, scared to see my Father still asleep, or worse.
But when I looked ever, I saw him looking back.
"Father." I shouted, maybe too loud for his old ears. I shuffled up and threw my arms around him, and he shouted in pain. "Oh, sorry." I said, realising the pain I had inflicted. I let go, and he smiled sadly at me. I smiled back.
"Arson." He said, smiling sadly. "You are the most beautiful thing to some into my life. Your mother would be proud of what you have become, I know I am. The first time you walked, said my name and climbed your first tree, they reminded me you were my daughter. The daughter of a human. But, when you first bleed, when you showed me your iron teeth, they reminded me that you are also you mothers daughter. Never forget that you are both. Never forget who you are inside."
Tears streaked my face, and I sobbed again. This time, it was my Father holding my hand. "I love you Dad." I said. "but there is one thing I must ask of you." His eye browns furrowed in confusion. I breathed in deeply. "Father, this may be the last time that I get to do anything for you. I want you to tell me the one thing you've always wanted. I want you to be able to have that before," I chocked on the word. I breathed. "Please Father, let me grant your greatest wish, it might be the only thing I can do for you."
He studied me, but seemed to agree with one point; this may be his last time. "I wish to see Asterin again."
My heart stopped. My mother, who he hadn't seen in over 60 years. I was really expecting something like; bake me my favourite pie or sing my favourite song. But this was important to me, and important to him. I was going to do it, I needed to. He was the only thing I cared about, I loved him dearly and if this was going to be the last opportunity to do something for him then I would do it.
I would find my mother, for him.
My Father, who had cared for me all his life and not kept my heritage a secret. Who accepted the fact that I was a wolf, and he was a sheep. He, who saw the good in me and loved me as an equal to any other human.
I would find my mother.
I would find Asterin Blackbeak.
"I will go and find her Father." I promised, one last tear sliding down my cheek. He smiled sadly, and squeezed my hand. I squeezed it back, never wanting to let go. "Your final wish will be granted before you enter the gates." I would keep this promise, and I would never break it.
So despite everything, that night I packed my bag. I put on a cot. I had one last long look in the mirror. I kissed my Father goodbye. I left the house, and I began to journey to find Asterin Blackbeak.