o-0-o-0-o- Hey everyone, here's chapter 2. Thanks to Kimberly, Jjjjjj, blue red wing, whatweareafreaidof, katibous, GoChlollie for reviewing and also to those who have favourited the story and put it on alert. I really hope you enjoy the chapter. Leave me a review and let me know what you think o-0-o-0-o
"You were supposed to love me. You married me. I would have given you everything. Why didn't you love me like I loved you"?
"I thought you loved me. I loved you. I really loved you. I wanted to fight my nature for you. And you never even cared. You only pretended to love me. Why didn't you love me? I tried so hard to be good for you."
"You left me. You're my best friend and you left. You left with him. You left with the guy who was meant to kill me. Was it really all for me? You had feelings for him, didn't you? You said it was all for me, but I don't believe you."
" ...When did you become one of the bad guys?"
"You love him still. If you don't love me and I don't get to have you- he's not going to have you either. He's done. He's dead now. And I think you need to go too. If I can't have you, I think you have to be gone."
"Stop, please. Just stop. I'm sorry. I loved you, I did. And you, I'm not talking about it. And you know- if you needed me too, I'd die for you. I'd never betray you. And you, I'm not a bad guy. I'm not. Everything just went wrong- so so wrong," Chloe gasped, crying a river. "Go away. Please - all of you, go away."
Chloe sat up, finally opening her eyes and remembered that Oliver was beside her in her bed. She tried to stop crying.
"What's wrong? What happened? Are you okay?" he asked.
"I'm fine," she said, wiping her eyes.
Chloe was so embarrassed to have broken down like that, well, really, woken up like that. She couldn't control what haunted her dreams.
"Sidekick, seriously, are you okay?"
Chloe nodded, quickly getting up. "Um- I'm just going to go take a shower. If you want coffee or something, feel free to raid the cupboards- me and Lois pretty much bought the whole grocery store a couple days ago... Yeah, okay," Chloe said awkwardly, grabbing a couple towels and something to wear, heading to the washroom, not waiting for Oliver to say anything.
She softly banged her head against the wall. She really wished he hadn't seen her like that, heard her like that. Seen her in a moment where it was pretty clear how broken and haunted and messed up she had become. But maybe he didn't hear her? She really hoped he didn't. She turned on the water and closed the shower curtain and let the water soak her until she was calmer.
Oliver got out of Chloe's bed and grabbed his pants. When he came here yesterday, he had come about something in regards to Bart. When he realized everything was fine he had told Chloe he and Bart had just got their signals crossed. He should have just left after that, but he didn't. He wanted to see her and talk to her. He could say in all honesty that he didn't think what happened would happen, but he had kind of hoped it might. She had walked in and said a couple sentences to him and before he knew it, she was kissing him and then he was pulling her clothes off and then they were on her bed. Being with Chloe was- he didn't even have a word for it. It was different, but an awesome kind of different.
Anyone who had eyes and who knew Chloe before last year could tell that she was different now. Chloe was harder, tougher, more closed off. He had thought it had something to do with the whole Doomsday debacle, and he pretty much got his confirmation of his assumption this morning, but for whatever reason he didn't think she was haunted by it, he guessed he was pretty wrong about that. She had just hid it so well.
If he was right, he could point out each person she had been addressing. Jimmy, Davis, then Clark and then he was pretty sure, himself- by the "bad guy" remark. He had been an idiot last year at the Talon when that conversation went down. And now he felt guilty that he had possibly been a part of what clearly was a nightmare for her, judging by the way she woke up- crying. He wanted to say something to make her feel better. They'd went through a rough patch in their friendship for a couple months, but they'd been good for quite awhile now and he felt stupid for not picking up on her guilt and sadness. He'd been a crappy friend if he didn't know this before today.
He wanted to say something to her but he knew she would absolutely not want to talk about it. He wondered if part of her hated him for his part in everything that went down. He ventured to the kitchen area and decided the least he could do was make some coffee.
When she came out of the bathroom she immediately smelled coffee. "Awesome," she said when she saw a mug waiting for her. "Thanks," she said.
"You're welcome," he said.
Chloe sat down across from him and started to drink the coffee. Oliver was almost sure he shouldn't bring it up, but he couldn't not say anything. "Were you having a nightmare about Jimmy and Davis and-"
Chloe cut him off and tried not to be mean about it, but there was no way she was discussing this with him. It was too deep and too emotional- things that Chloe absolutely did not want to get into.
"Probably really freaked you out back there. Sorry," she said, keeping her tone light. "But really, don't worry about it. Sometimes I have bad dreams and they suck while you're asleep, but then you wake up and it's all good. We all have bad dreams once in awhile, nothing to worry about... Ollie, if you ever decide to change careers may I suggest one in the coffee business?" she laughed. "This is really good."
Oliver let her have her way. He wasn't going to push her. "Okay, I get the hint, consider the subject changed."
Chloe gave him a smile but didn't say anything.
"So how do we do this, Sidekick- this no strings thing?"
"Oliver Queen is asking me how we do this 'no strings' thing?" Chloe said with a little laugh. "Like you haven't done this a million times before."
"Not with a friend, I haven't. Not with someone I actually give a crap about," he told her. "And yes I do know that I was the one who mentioned this whole thing first back at Watchtower."
Surprisingly, talking about this was not making her uncomfortable and she actually grinned a little bit. "You just wanted to have sex with me again," Chloe teased and part of her couldn't believe they were having this conversation.
"Evidently those desires were reciprocal," he shot back with a grin of his own.
Chloe put her head in her hands and just shook her head, laughing. "This is so weird."
"It is," he agreed with a laugh of his own. "But at least it's not uncomfortable."
"So you asked how this works. We're not boyfriend and girlfriend. Nothing changes between us. We're still friends, we just have a little extra fun with each other and no one else needs to know. This stays our little secret- our very fun little secret," Chloe told him.
Chloe, never in her life would have imagined that she would be having this conversation, or doing what she was doing- NEVER, but she didn't really care. She wasn't exactly the same Chloe anymore, was she?
"So, would you mind if I used your shower? Is that allowed in our little arrangement?" he asked her with a grin.
"See, I think if this was no strings with a stranger- some casual hook-up, I would probably just kick you out and not really want to see you again- but since you are my friend and I actually don't mind seeing you, yes I think you are allowed to use my shower. There's more soap in the cupboard if you need it" Chloe said.
"Heart of gold is what you've got, Chloe. So kind, so generous..." he laughed.
She smiled and shooed him away to the washroom. She felt the oh-so-familiar feeling of guilt start to wash up inside of her, but she tried to push it aside as she thought this isn't about making myself happy. It's just about staying sane and finding some kind of release so I can help the heroes, so just shut up. This is one thing I don't need to feel guilty for.
And when Oliver came out of the bathroom, showered and gorgeous about fifteen minutes later, she didn't feel guilty. She'd let herself have this.
She pushed a bowl of cereal at Oliver, as she at some of her own. "Eat," she said.
He just stared.
"What?" she grinned. "Cereal not good enough for Oliver Queen? Have you ever even eaten cereal? Well I'm sorry Arrow, we mere mortals eat cereal for breakfast sometimes."
"Chloe Sullivan- mere mortal? Yeah right," he chuckled.
She laughed back.
"And yes, of course I've eaten cereal, smartass" he laughed. "I was staring because I didn't think they still made this kind. I used to love this when I was a kid. I used to drive the nanny nuts. This is all I would eat for awhile."
Chloe smiled at the revelation about him as a child. "Well Blondie," Chloe smirked. "Maybe if you actually went to the grocery store instead of getting your staff to do it, you'd know they still make it."
"Who are you calling Blondie, sidekick?" he laughed pointing at her blonde hair.
Chloe's cell phone rang and she got up to find it, she saw it but couldn't reach it. It was pretty far under her bed. "Come here," she called Oliver. "Your arms are longer than mine."
Oliver got up and got down beside Chloe. "How did it get under there?" he asked jokingly.
"Yeah, like you don't remember," she laughed back. "Come on, hurry up."
He reached it and quickly handed it to her.
"Hello," Chloe answered. "Lana!" Chloe said in a happy surprised tone. "Yeah I'm wide awake, no worries. Absolutely. That would be nice. Where are you right now? I'll come meet you... Oh, you're in the area, a few minutes away?" Chloe said, elbowing Oliver. "Alright. I'll see you soon then."
"That's my cue to get the hell out," Oliver laughed and Chloe gave him a small grin.
"Hurry up," she said. "I don't think I'm ready to explain what's going on to Lana or anyone right now- and hey, Mr. Billionaire don't you need to be behind a desk really soon?"
"Holy crap," Oliver said. "I didn't think it was that time already. Damn."
Chloe went to the door and opened it up to make sure Lana wasn't around yet.
"Chloe, where's my shirt?" he asked her.
"How should I know?" she told him.
"Well you are the one who ripped it off me," he teased, rushing around the room, gathering his stuff and looking for his shirt.
"Umm, Oliver..."
"Yeah?"
"Why are there people with cameras outside?"
"Are you serious They're out there?" he asked her as he dialled his secretary's phone number. "Hey Marie. I'm running late this morning. If anyone calls before I get there or if I have a meeting that I forgot about, work your charm and keep everyone happy until I get there, please and thanks." He said, hanging up.
"Yes I'm serious... Oh my God- seriously I tease you all the time about being a billionaire C.E.O. whose face everyone knows, how the hell did I never figure that they follow you around from time to time?... Did they follow you here last night or something? It must be you, why the hell would they be here if someone didn't see you last night?"
"Chloe, I swear, I know paparazzi is good and whatnot, but I'm better. Believe me on that. No one was following me last night"
"Well someone was looking out their window or something," Chloe said in a panic.
"Hey, I'm sorry," he said gently.
"It's not your fault," she said. "But I can't deal with this Ollie," she said, turning away from the window and back to him.
"I'll sneak out the back way."
"What, and walk about thirty feet and then they'll see you anyway? You can get out from the back but you'd have to go around to the front anyway... You're gonna take my car," Chloe said. "I got my windows tinted a few weeks back. If you can hurry out of here and get in the car then no one will know it's you because it could have been someone else's car from back there. There's a few people who park their cars back there."
"You're kidding right? Me, in your car?"
"You have something against my car?" Chloe said a little defensively.
Oliver laughed, still looking for his shirt. "Will I even fit in your car? It's so tiny."
"Ha-ha Queen, very funny. You'll just have to tuck up your knees," she said. "Oh for God's sake, you finish grabbing your stuff. I'll find your shirt."
"Tuck up my knees, huh?" Oliver was laughing.
"Yes, that's right," Chloe said. "It can't be that bad, move the seat back some more. You'll be fine. Don't be a baby. And you're just going to have to deal with slumming it for the morning. I know it's not a limo or a BMW or whatever but it gets you where you need to go and I happen to love it."
Oliver was having fun riling her up. "What if something happens and I get in some kind of accident and the car is totalled?"
"Oliver, if you kill my car, I'll kill you," Chloe told him. "I need that car. I love that car. It gets me where I need to go and I don't know what I'd do without it."
"What if I bought you a new one? Would you still kill me?" he said, still teasing, grabbing the last of his stuff.
"Take care of my car, Oliver," Chloe warned. "I found your shirt. How the hell did it get up there?" she laughed, grabbing a chair a pulling his shirt off the corner of a hanging picture.
Just as Chloe threw the shirt at Oliver, Lana walked through the door. "Chloe, did you get famous or something? You've got cameras outside- oh heyyy Oliver."
Chloe put her head in her hand. Oliver quickly put his shirt on. "Well that explains the cameras," Lana said, trying hard not to laugh. "Do you guys need a minute? I can wait outside"
"No," Chloe finally said. "Billionaire boy is late for work," she said uneasily, but not even trying to lie at this point. She knew that Lana knew what was going on and wasn't going to buy any crappy excuse she could come up with.
"I'm not going to tell anyone. Don't worry," Lana said. Chloe gave her a grateful smile.
Chloe grabbed her keys and threw them to Oliver. "I mean it, Oliver. You take care of my car, or else."
"Chloe, no worries. He ruins your car, you can just make him buy you an even better one."
"That's what I told her," Oliver said. "Chloe, I cannot guarantee that nothing will happen to your car. What if my knees and feet freeze up or I get a cramp because I have to squish my legs just to get into your car. You know if they're cramped up or frozen, my feet may not make it to the break pedal on time. I just might crash."
"Oh shut up," Chloe complained. "Clark's been in my car before and it was okay, so you shush and hurry up and go and be good to my car."
"Let's hope my secretary doesn't murder me," Oliver said, heading for the door. "Nice to see you Lana."
"You too, Oliver."
"I'll see you later, Chloe," he laughed.
"Bring me back my car in one piece, and then yes, I will see you later," she said.
And then he was gone.
"Come here missy," Lana said, holding out her arms.
"Hey you," Chloe finally said with a smile, returning Lana's hug.
"Before we get to the bright and cheery, I really need to apologize to you, Chloe."
"Why?"
"For not coming to Jimmy's funeral to be with you."
And there it was again. Guilt and sadness rising to the surface.
Chloe shook her head. "Don't worry about it," she whispered. "You called me. That was enough."
"No it wasn't and I'm sorry. We've been friends for a long time but we've also had our ups and downs, but through everything I've always admired you, Chloe. You always pull through. I was scared to see you, because I didn't know what to say to you that would mean anything- that would help you at all. I knew you'd be broken and I didn't really know how to deal with that. I'm just so used to sassy, spunky Chloe and I was scared to see you another way and know I wouldn't really be able to help. I was working on something important, but I should have come down. I was in a bad place of my own right then, and honestly if I had to see you down and broken- actually see you like that and not be able to make a difference- when I'm so used to you just pulling through everything- I would have shut down.
"I took the easy way out. I told myself you'd have a bunch of love and support and it would be okay if I just spoke to you. So I'm sorry that I let my own feelings of being scared and just not being able to do anything that would really help you, and the tiny part of me that was still not ready to be back in town with Clark around, keep me from coming. But please believe me when I say that Clark was not what made me stay away. He was a factor, but he wasn't the reason. I had pushed my feelings aside at the beginning. I was not going to be selfish like that. What did it matter if my heart ached a little bit, if it meant coming to see my friend and be there with her at her husband's funeral? It ultimately came down to me being a coward and I don't ever really know if I can explain it right."
Chloe just nodded. "Lana, you did better than everyone else. At least I heard your voice after the funeral. Lois time traveled so she wasn't here- but that wasn't her fault. But everyone else vanished after the funeral. I was really alone for awhile," Chloe said with her eyes closed, trying to block tears from forming.
This was ridiculous- crying on more than one occasion in such a short span of time. Chloe's control seemed to just be slipping away so easily. It was because she was interacting with people a lot more lately. More interactions just make you think more. They make you talk more.
"WHAT?" Lana practically hissed. "Why didn't you tell me that when we had talked afterwards?"
"I didn't want you to feel guilty or obligated to come see me. I'm tough- it was okay eventually. Trust me, there was already enough guilt and feeling bad and sad in the air. I can see it now. They were all dealing with their own feelings about what happened." Chloe said, trying to brush off a truly horrible time.
"Well you know what, and I know I'm going to sound like a hypocrite right now- but who gives a crap how they were feeling?... This 'they' we're talking about- we're talking about Clark too, aren't we?"
And then Chloe couldn't help it, again. Tears spilled out of her eyes as she nodded. "And that's what hurt more than anything after Jimmy was gone. Ollie and Dinah and Bart, we were all friends, especially Oliver and Bart and it really hurt, but Clark- my best friend leaving too- that nearly killed me for awhile," Chloe whispered. "But at least he had said goodbye, and he was watching out for the city" Chloe said, quickly wiping her eyes, so very eager to change the subject.
"Are you and Clark okay now?" Lana asked. "And Bart and Dinah?"
"I was never really mad at anyone for long for being gone, just sad. I know they had felt bad. And yeah, Dinah and Bart, we're good. We work together a lot and I see so much of Bart. Ummm Clark- well we'll be better eventually... We're okay though," Chloe said, not really wanting to go into details about the Chloe and Clark of the present day.
"I'm not going to bother to ask about Oliver. It's clear that's all good," Lana grinned, switching the topic slightly because she could see that she was overwhelming Chloe with the other talk.
Chloe gave her a small smile.
"Okay Chloe. You and Oliver- spill please."
"Lana there's not much to tell. We work together. We're friends and that's it," Chloe said, taking a drink of water.
"Okay then tell me, Chloe, when was the last time you and I had sex?" Lana teased and Chloe spit out her water which made Lana burst out into laughter.
"Lana, honestly. It's nothing really. He and I are friends who've kind of- It's not a relationship. He's not my boyfriend. That's about it. And no one knows about this, and I don't want them to. I know this is a sucky spill-session, but I'm really not up to talking about me and him too much, if you don't mind."
"It's okay. I get it," Lana answered kindly. "You don't owe me explanations, but if you ever do really want to talk about whatever's going on, my ears are more than ready."
Chloe grinned at her.
"Don't feel bad about it, Chloe," Lana said.
"About what?"
"Whatever you're doing with Oliver. You're not hurting anyone."
Chloe didn't really know what to say, but it was good to hear.
"Maybe I'm way off and you can tell me if I am, but it's like in those couple minutes I saw you guys, I saw you annoyed but you looked genuinely happy and then it was like you realized you were smiling or something and you brought it all down a notch. You just did it now, too."
Chloe didn't answer her. She didn't even know what to say. How could Lana notice that?
"You're different now, and it's not surprising after the year you had. You're so guarded, and you're probably thinking 'How the hell does she know all this? I've been doing such a good job not letting anyone else see how I've been changed'. I think it's because I haven't seen you in a year now, so I can see this difference in you, so clearly. The others who see you more often, they don't really notice because you've been perfecting your act with them for awhile... Honestly you can tell me to shut up, but I just want to say one more thing. You've forgiven everyone, even Clark it seems, though it's clear even though you won't say it- you guys are not what you used to be. To an extent, from the bits you would tell me over the phone, you've even forgiven Davis. You need to forgive yourself, Chloe, because you shouldn't blame yourself for everything that went down. You've got to let people in again."
Chloe just closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She was happy to see Lana and she knew she was trying to help, but Chloe wasn't doing anymore of this serious talking- she couldn't handle these topics so she switched the subject.
"Lana, you know the first thing we're doing today?"
"What?" Lana gave in to the switched topic. She didn't want to overwhelm Chloe.
"A few blocks away there's supposed to be this ice cream and coffee shop opening up today, in about half an hour to be precise, and guess what- everything is half price so that means-"
"Chloe and Lana are going to pig out on ice cream and drink plenty of coffee," Lana answered with a grin.
"Yup," Chloe said. "We can eat and shop and drink coffee and you can tell me what's going on in Lana Land." Chloe linked her arm through Lana's and the two women headed out the door.
"Those idiots with cameras are leaving. Awesome," Chloe said happily.
She pulled out her phone, hearing it vibrate. She had a text message. It was from Oliver.
'At a stop light. Your mini-mobile is still intact and our friends with the cameras should be out of your hair any second now. I don't want you worrying about what you're doing or if people are hanging around and watching because of me. I won't let them interrupt your life. I made some calls, they won't be coming around your apartment anymore. No worries, I promise.'
"That's sweet. Chloe, that is sosweet. He's a good guy," Lana said.
"Yeah, he is," Chloe agreed with a smile.