All I could do was stare at the box in my hands. I couldn't bring myself to open it because I know it would only make me feel worse. Granted, I do deserve it. This box holds the key to our future. The future that I ruined because I'm a fucking idiot.

There so much I could have done to prevented this from happening. I'm almost mad at myself for being honest. I should have waited until after he proposed. Then I would have stopped having all these meaningless affairs. Or maybe I should have waited until we were married. Then perhaps he would be more willing to work things out.

Why did I let Sai get to me? I should have just called his bluff and deny whatever he had to say about the matter. I honestly doubt his influence over Naruto was greater than mine. What's a best friend compared to a good fuck? I actually can't remember the last time Naruto and I slept together. It felt like such a long time ago. But I do remember it was one of the best nights of my life. And I threw it all away to provide some other ungrateful men a great time in bed.

That's the only thing I can provide people with. Not lifelong happiness or insightful advice. When some people think of me, they don't see me as a responsible adult. The only thing I'm responsible for is breaking up other people's relationships. Some people don't think I'm trustworthy, or worthy of any decent treatment.

I'm lower than scum in a lot of people's eyes.

I looked down at the box and start crying. I could have been so much more. I could have been the one that puts a smile on his face every morning, but instead I chose to be the person he hates. I could have had the one thing I wanted all along, if I had just waited patiently.

Who was I kidding thinking a relationship like this would even work out? Not a single person believed that we would even last this long. I even had my doubts, but Naruto never did. He always thought that in spite of whatever life throws at us, we could handle it together.

I place the box on the coffee table in front of me.

I want to convince myself that this is for the best, but I can't. It would be great if I could just accept that Naruto will be happier with someone else, but I'm too selfish to let him go. I'd rather him suffer silently in ignorance, than to let him be with someone else.

My mind is desperate. I grab my phone and frantically dial his number, in spite of the low chance he'll pick up. I just want to hear his voice again. I don't care if he screams at me. I don't care if every word he says is filled with soul splitting hatred.

"The caller you are trying to reach has calling restrictions which has prevented the completion of your call."

Hearing that cold automated voice made my heart clench. The phone slides out of my hand and falls to the ground with a small thud. It has barely been a few hours and he's already blocked my number. I wish I was more equipped to deal with the disappointment of him not answering.

I decide to call the one person who swore to be there for me no matter what.

She answers relatively quick much to my relief. "Hey Sasuke, what's up?"

Before I open my mouth to tell everything, I heard a distinctive male voice in the background. She assures the male that everything is fine. Its not fair to her if she has to ditch her date for me. It's incredibly selfish of me to expect her to be there for me all the time. I wonder how many dates she's had to pass up for my sake. I won't let this one be apart of that extensive list. For once, she deserves the chance to be happy. I hang up the phone without saying anything. It's for the best.

At least one of us won't be miserable.

:::...:::...:::...:::

I barely register someone walking in the front door. I heard a gasp and the sound of rapid footsteps. I'm enveloped in a warm embrace. The smell of cherry blossoms made me feel slightly at ease. She didn't ask me any questions, berate for being an idiot, or congratulate me for finally telling the truth.

We could stay like this for the rest of our lives and it wouldn't bother either of us. There is no better feeling in the world compared to the way she comforts me. We have been through so much together, and where most people would throw up their hands and quit, she stays.

All she does for me, and the only thing I can offer her is access to any exclusive venue in town.

There isn't a single thing I could offer her that would make up for even half the stuff she's done for me. I'd love to do something great for her, like get her a boyfriend, but my own love life is a mess. I would never want her to follow in my footsteps.

"How was your date?" I question after about an hour of just sitting in silence. I just want to take my mind off of how pathetic my life is.

She snorts. "I didn't go."

"Why?" I asked, even though I knew exactly why.

"Because I knew something was up when you called me."

"I could have accidentally dialed your number."

She brushes a few stray hairs out of my face. "Yeah, but you didn't though." I never dial anyone's number by accident. I memorized the numbers of every significant person in my life. Her number hasn't changed since the fifth grade.

"You didn't have to come."

She sighs. "Yes I did. You needed me, and I can't in all good conscience go out and have fun while you're sitting here all miserable." She tries to get me to look at her, but my eyes only focused on one thing. I can feel her heart beat quicker when her eyes laid upon the small box. "He proposed to you?"

I shake my head solemnly. "I told him before he had the chance."

"Oh wow. I'm so sorry."

"Its not your fault." Its no one's fault but my own. Before I allowed myself to sink back into self-loathing, I remembered that I'm not the only one that missed out on something great tonight. "Call him." My situation is hopeless, but there was still some hope for her.

"Huh?"

"Call your date, and reschedule."

She smiles. "I will. But first, lets get outta here. Its filled with bad vibes." She pulls my hand back when she notices me reaching for the small box. "Leave it, you'll only hurt worse if you take it with you."

That was the point. He wanted me to keep for the sole purpose of having it cause me torment. I can't really fathom the depth of his pain. I knew he would be upset, as expected, but in any other instance, he would at least be willing to talk things out.

I guess this was his breaking point.

:::...:::...:::...:::

The drive to her place was somber.

All the bright neon lights looked dull and gray to me. The flowers and passing greenery all looked gray. I'm sure it could be a bright sunny day without a single cloud in the sky and it would still look a thunderstorm is brewing to me.

Sakura glanced at me, feeling bad that she couldn't say or do anything that could make the situation better. She hated seeing me suffer as much as I hate actually suffering. Her empathy is what makes things slightly more worse. Once again, my actions have inadvertently hurt her. There is no reason that she should feel as bad as me. She should be happy, but unfortunately misery loves company.

"Don't feel sorry for me." I spoke suddenly.

"I can't help it Sasuke." She sighs.

The fact that she feels bad for me is what makes it settle in more. My boyfriend of three years is pissed at me because I told him the truth. I didn't dream I told him or make someone else tell him. I told him. I confirmed all the rumors that I have spent years lying to him about.

While the public saw me as this cheap whore, he didn't see it. When they tried to warn him about me, he didn't believe it. I made sure that he only saw the best in me, because he would treat me like everyone else does if he knew what I was really like.

All that hard work, gone.

My head starts spinning, trying to internalize what this meant for my future. I start breathing shallowly, at the thought of living without him or anyone who actually loved me. It was a stunning revelation that I can't come to grips with. "Sakura," I call out. "Stop the car. Please."

I don't even wait for her to come to a complete stop as she pulled over. I rushed to get out of the car, stumbling around like a drunkard. Whatever little amount of food I had in the past few hours decides to force it's way back up. Pale brown bile spews onto the gray concrete.

I hear various voices of concern, but I don't pay them any mind. Someone calls my name, I try to focus on that person, but my vision has deteriorated to the point of only seeing blurry shadows. My legs start to feel numb, like they can't support me anymore

A familiar presence stands near me, and chants something about breathing. Slowly all the lights in the world go dark, and the shadows become indecipherable. My body descends backward.

:::...:::...:::...:::

I wake up to the sound of constant beeping. I move my hand to shut off what I think is just an annoying alarm, but it felt different. The device my hand rested on was bulkier than the alarms that I'm used to. My hand slips, feeling a bunch of cord-like things.

When I open my eyes, I wince at the obnoxiously bright lights. The first thing I look at is the thing I mistook for an alarm. It looked like a heart monitor or something. I fight to sit up, despite the fatigue my body feels. How the hell did I end up here?

The door opens to reveal an elated Sakura. "You're finally awake!" She shouts, confusing me even further. The girl runs toward me and wraps her arms around my body. "Oh my goodness! I don't think you understand how worried I was about you."

None of this still made any sense. "Why am I here?"

She pulls away from me slightly, giving me an inquisitive look. "You don't remember?"

I shake my head. The last thing I remember was being in my apartment with her. I doubt we did anything that would cause me to have to be here. I'm pretty sure we didn't go out drinking or anything, so I couldn't be here for alcohol poisoning.

"You had a panic attack last night." She informs rather bluntly.

I look at her as if she has grown an extra limb on her forehead. I haven't had a panic attack in nearly ten years. "Why?"

She looks everywhere, except at me. Every time she is trying to hide something, she could never look me in the eye. Sakura and I could lie to almost any person in the world, except each other. When our eyes do meet for a moment, I can tell she was trying to formulate a good lie to tell. She plasters on a fake, though convincing, smile. "It doesn't really matter. All that matters is that you're okay."

"Sakura, tell me the truth."

The pinkette bites her bottom lip. "If you don't remember, than you're better off not knowing." She tries to reason.

I grab her by the chin and force her to look at me. I know I don't have the nicest gaze to meet, but it helps to persuade people into giving me what I want. "I won't ask again, Sakura. Tell me what happened."

"I don't know," She whispers, feeling thoroughly intimidated. "I think you started freaking out about telling Naruto the truth."

I release her, sitting back to ponder why something like that would set me off. He didn't explicitly say that our relationship was over or that he wanted to never see me again. There is a small chance that it could still work. He just needs time to think about what he wants to do.

In the meantime, I just have to wait for him to come around.