"How've you been?" She hugs him a little tighter than she probably should. "You look tired."

"Nah, all good. I've been to med school, I've looked worse than this."

"I'm still buying you a coffee. Come on. No discussion."

"Wouldn't dream of it, commander," he mutters with a smile. "I only got an hour and a half, though. Then I gotta get my samples out of the warming cupboard, my colleague's kind of weird about that. You know, like he constantly needs that thing." He rolls his eyes. She wonders if he's done that as much before he met Beth.

"Well, then come on."

They went to that coffee shop a couple of times before their launch. It feels a little strange, to be there now. She wonders if they remodelled, or if it just looks different to her.

Chris seems to ponder the same, his easy smile looks a little lopsided.

.

"This is so good," Chris mutters, taking a long sip from his coffee (two extra shots of espresso and what were, if she counted correctly, six spoonful of sugar). "Sometimes I think I missed decent coffee the most."

Lewis shakes her head. "Uh-huh, goes to prove you didn't have as much to miss as the rest of us. But I'm glad to see you and Johanssen are on the same page about your beverages."

Beck smiles. "Beth doesn't fuck around when it comes to coffee."

"Speaking of..." she takes a sip of her coffee, not necessarily excited about asking that question, "what was that about the wine, when I was at your place?"

"'bout the wine?" he repeats, and she can't help but think he's not even trying.

"C'mon, Chris. Tell me."

He shrugs and idly spins his cup on the table with one finger. "It's nothing, really. She doesn't... it's not like she drinks or anything, it's not..."

"Then what is it?"

He throws her a pained smile. "It's me. She says I worry too much, which is a decidedly too nice way of calling me a control freak."

She leans back in her chair and waits for him to go on. It doesn't take a lot of waiting - he seems to have sat on this for quite a while.

"It's... just so you know, we're really good. Happy like crazy, honestly. We both knew this whole Mars thing would take a toll on us. With or without the whole ordeal of having to double back for our botanist, and it's not like we can't take it. I mean, we're in this together. We got damn lucky, and we know that, and I never questioned I'd hold up..." He stares into his coffee cup. "And then she calls me when I'm working through the night, at four fifteen, and says she just wanted to hear my voice, and when I ask what that was about the next morning she says it's nothing. And then I go to Zurich for a week on a conference - I'm not gonna pretend I sleep too well on my own these days, but... she calls me again and it's the middle of the night here, and then again when I'm out with my old friends from school, and I never get her to tell me what's going on." He sighs and empties his coffee cup, pulling a face when he realises it's gone cold.

"Two or three months ago, I... I'd got up to get a glass of water-"

Lewis grimaces. So much for you sleeping without problem, Dr Beck.

"She wasn't really sleeping quiet, but that's not new, so I didn't think much of it. When I came back, she'd woken up, and she was hysterical. I thought she might hyperventilate and pass out, and I was not much help, great doctor that I am. Shit, she scared me half to death. Took ages to calm her down. She had to tell me then." He throws her that pained smile again. "And I get worried about her all the time and I know it's gotta be driving her insane, she's not a child. But I just keep hearing her, telling me she dreamt we were all dead, you know, that we took those pills, and, God Melissa, you didn't see her face."

He looks pale, she thinks, shaken. These two. They break her heart.

"Happened to me once, couple of nights after we landed, I had a nightmare like that and I woke up and I was all alone and I couldn't tell if it was a dream or not and that was one of the worst night of my life. I just... hate to think I could be doing the same to her, and then I keep asking myself what she does to get rid of those dreams when I'm not around..." He laughs.

"It's sick, God, listen to me."

"No," she says, softly, and wipes her eyes as covertly as she can. "Not at all, Chris. Oh God. Did we do this to her?"

He grimaces and there's a bitter kind of laugh in his voice. "Wanna know how often I asked myself that question?"

Oh God. It had been an emergency plan, maybe she shouldn't have told Beth about it at all. It was such a messed-up idea, and luckily they never had to use it, but of course that thought wouldn't leave Johanssen's mind too soon.

Okay. She needs to process that. Time to get to topic two in the meantime.

"Mark still crashing on your couch?"

"Uh-huh. Ruined a couple of plans we had. But it's not like we can throw him out."

"How's he holding up?"

"Considering what he's been through, fabulous," Chris mutters darkly. "I like to tell myself he's having his episodes less frequent, but I'm not sure if I just want to think that."

Lewis tries to swallow the lump in her throat. "You don't think he would... that he would try to..."

Chris goes back to playing with his cup. "I don't know. I don't think so. Mark isn't... I don't think he's suicidal, and most of the time he's doing great, but... I don't know. Keeps me awake at night, thinking what happens if... if I'm wrong. I mean, I'm his doctor, I'm all your doctor, and what if he does something and I didn't see it?"

"Chris. You can't take all that on you. It's too much to carry for just one person," Melissa says softly, but he shakes his head.

"It is on me. It just is. And I... It's killing me. I should help, and instead I get to just stand there and watch, and there's nothing I can do, it's just... it drives me crazy."

"You can't fight our demons for us, Chris," she says and tries for a smile. "Maybe try and tackle your own?"

He returns her smile for a moment, then it fades from his lips. "Oh shit. Melissa... did Beth ask you to talk to me?"

"No. But she's worrying about you. She thinks you're hiding your own problems, fussing about Mark."

"Hey, I didn't get stuck on Mars. I have a right to fuss."

"Chris." Lewis sighs. "Seriously. You gotta get your act together and try and sleep through the night, if you want to go through with that jewellery."

"Sorry what?" The surprised look on his face is convincing, the innocent look in his blue eyes is definitely not.

She laughs. "Come on. I know you bought a ring."

He raises a brow at her. "What gave me away?"

This actually makes her laugh. "Oh give me a break, Beck. I know you. I saw the look on your face when she walked away from you when we landed, and it was a matter of time from that moment on. And everything you just told me, you two are stuck with each other."

"Yeah, we got scarily co-dependent," he replies with half a smile.

"You passed the test. I mean, you were crammed into a ridiculously small space for a very long time, and you're still not sick of each other. Don't try to lie to me, Beck. I know everything." She smiles. "What keeps you waiting?"

He shrugs. "We were kind of forced into a lot of commitment already. No offence. Commander."

"You don't wanna rush it, but you already bought a ring?"

He throws her a sheepish smile. "Right... doesn't quite add up, does it?"

"You don't seriously think there's any chance in hell she doesn't say yes?" she asks with a mild smile, and he grimaces.

"It's Beth. I never really pegged her for the marrying type."

"It's you. I wouldn't worry."

He nods, then realisation dawns on his face, and this time he's really laughing, running a hand through his hair. "Oh God, okay. Spill. When did she find it?"

"Well, I really knew before she did. But seriously, in a jacket pocket?"

"Hey. It was the sweater at the bottom of the stack. It wasn't a bad hiding place."

She throws him a reprehensive look. "She stole your clothes when you were trying to keep your affair a secret, you really thought she wouldn't happen across one of your sweater jackets?"

He shrugs, but there's a grin twitching around his lips. "I never saw her wear it."

She grins. "Your sappy romance streak is rubbing off on her, Beck. She got it out last week, when you went to visit your parents."

"So that's where my clothes disappear to when I'm gone," he says with a smile and shakes his head. "Gotta say, I did not expect her to get that sentimental." He looks rather proud of himself.

"Chris. Listen to me. I was worried at first that I made the wrong call, letting the two of you keep your thing going, but... I did the right thing. You're good with each other. And the problems you have, they'll keep you busy, but they're not gonna keep you apart. You will need time to sort yourselves out. That shouldn't keep you waiting."

He nods. "Thanks, Melissa." He leans back in his chair and grins. "So she called you when she found it?"

"Yeah. And I'm not going to repeat anything she said, but you should man up. Might even stop Mark from getting on your nerves about that."

"Mark is not the problem. You should hear Rick."

"He is catholic, you know" she answers with a laugh. "You two are living in sin. The pope wouldn't approve."

He buries his face in his hands in mock despair. "That joke was already bad when Rick made it."

.

She hugs him goodbye outside the shop. "I expect to hear from the two of you by the end of the month, Beck."

He looks at her with a rather alarmed look in his blue eyes.

"Commander, that's next Tuesday."

She grins and walks away with slightly lighter steps. "Exactly."

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