For the record, I don't know the first thing about the Dept. of Corrections in Washington. I don't know if there is a death row in that state, however, it does in this work of fiction.

S. M. created them; I adore them.

Chapter Two Me and Charlie Talking

I don't sleep very often, but when I do, I can count on my dreams to take me to the only place I want to be. To Bella. To her, where I feel loved and comforted... happy. In my waking hours, I don't feel happiness. I don't feel anything except the gaping hole in my center, that gets wider when ever my dreams end. I miss her so much. Everything about her. I knew the first time her eyes captured me and locked me into her gaze that I could never be without her.

Waking up after Billy's visit had been torture. I wanted nothing more than to die. Unfortunately, death is much more patient than I am. A few days ofter Billy's visit, Warden Laraunt came to see me. He was a little melancholy. Apparantly - for a convicted murder - I was a model prisoner. At first, I was afraid that my sentence was being commuted. The thought of spending the rest of my natural life behind bars was terrifying. And I was scared, until the warden spoke.

"Cullen, how are you?" I couldn't help but notice the manilla envelope he was holding.

"Not bad, considering..." I said quietly, eyeing the envelope.

"I know you didn't kill your wife, Edward." That shocked the shit out of me. I had never spoken to Laruant about Bella.

"What makes you think that, Sir?" I asked cautiously.

"I've read your file. I've been doing this job for longer that I care to remember." He took a deep breath and let it out loudly. "I know a killer when I see one. You aren't a killer."

"And..?'

"I don't understand." Of course he didn't. He had a wife and family to go home to. "Why don't you enlighten me, and I'll give you the contents of this envelope that you can't seem to take your eyes off of."

"Okay." I started. "It's simple. When Bella died, I died. Everything we wanted, hoped for, dreamed about, is gone. It was taken when she was taken." I spoke matter of factly. His brows furrowed, and he urged me to continue with a nod. "We were thirteen when we met. I fell in love with her then, and I'm still in love with her. The only reason I haven't killed myself is because I'll never see her again if I do. I can't live if she's not alive. I can't breath, it hurts my heart to beat, I can barely eat or sleep. I have to be with her - even if it means my death."

"Well, Edward, I can somewhat relate." He exhaled softly. "I don't know what I would do without my family. So, here." He handed me the envelope. I opened it and scanned the first few pages. Legal gobbledy-gook, and then it caught my attention I closed my eyes and rested my head in my hands. The warden set a hand on my shoulder, "You're don't belong here, Edward." He stood and walked away.

My date of execution was set. In just thirty one days, I would be put to death, courtesy of the Washington State Department of Corrections, by lethal injection. For the second time in over eight years, I felt a twinge of happiness, and huge relief.

Ten days later, I was in the visitor area, face to face with Charlie. He had a grin on his face and a paper bag in his hand. I couldn't help but smirk at the look on Charlie's face. His smile was infectious. Bella had the exact same color eyes. She favored him more than Renee - who never visited - so it was comforting to me to have Charlie here. He had instilled his values in Bella and raised her, essentially made her into the person that I fell in love with. I can't even begin to show him my appreciation and gratitude for her, for allowing me to love her.

"Edward, have a seat. I brought you something."

"Good to see you, Charlie." I said as I sat at a table with him. "So, what's in the bag?'

I laughed out loud when Charlie opened the bag and pulled out two six packs of good 'ole Vitamin R. Was this even legal? It didn't even matter. I was about to have a beer with a man I considered to be my second father.

"Charlie, can you do this?" I said, giggling.

"Hell, Son, I'm a cop. I can set up residence out side of your cell if I want to!" He handed me a can. It was cold. I popped the top and took a long drink. It was good.

"Damn, this is good." I sighed. "I've missed beer."

"Well, pace yourself, we have ten cans to go." We clicked our cans together and commenced to getting drunk.

After two beers, I was feeling warm and fuzzy. The last time Charlie and I had beers together was a several months before Bella died. We had thrown a Superbowl party, cheering for the Seahawks. They didn't win, but it was still a good time, one of the best I can remember.

"Billy Black came to see me." I said, opening my third beer. Charlie's snapped in my direction, but he didn't say anything. "He said he wanted to apologize for everything Jacob had done to me and Bella."

"Really?" Charlie said, looking at the floor.

"Yep. He said that he knows that Jacob was the one who..." I couldn't even finish the statement. "He never spoke of Jacob in the past tense. Does Billy know about Jacob?"

"Not unless Emmett told him, which I highly doubt. Emmett likes to gloat, but what we did, we did for Bella."

"He knew alot ot things, Charlie. Things, that if we had known, might have saved her." Charlie continued to look at me, but remained silent, as if urging me to continue. "Did you know, that on Bella's fourteenth birthday, Jacob tried to force himself on her? She ended the friendship with him, but that didn't stop him from inflicting the verbal and mental abuse that she endured. For years, he tormented both of us. I even offered to walk away, thinking that it would stop if I weren't around. We were in high school. Remember when we didn't see each other for a week?"

"I remember." He nodded. "Bella was a damn zombie. Esme called to see how she was doing, because you'd locked yourself in your room and refused to come out. She said that you blocked the door with a chair so that they couldn't get in. Did she really leave your meals outside the door?" I nodded, taking a drink of beer. "She was worried about you and Bella,"

"Yeah, well.. alot of good it did. I stayed away, which sucked for both of us, and Jacob was still a bastard to her." I finished my beer and opened the fourth can. "What you saw at the reception was just a taste of how he treated her. I can't say I'm sorry about what happened to him. I'm only sorry that it didn't bring her back." My voice broke. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect her, Charlie. They died because of me."

"Bullshit, boy! You had nothing to do with either of them! Jacob killed Bella, I killed Jacob. It's that simple." Charlie huffed.

I stood up, swaying slightly and turned to Charlie, waving the hand that held my beer. "I don't give a fuck about Jacob Black! That mother fucker destroyed my life!" I cried. "He took them from me.. he took them from all of us."

"Edward, what the hell are you talking about?"

I fell to my knees, spilling the beer. I couldn't stop the tears. I wanted to wash away the memories of the last eight years, that stuck to me like filth. I wanted to run and hide, and cut out every ounce of hurt that invaded my body like a cancer. Ultimately, I just wanted what I couldn't have - Bella and our baby. I looked up at Charlie through my tears.

"She was pregnant, Charlie. We'd just found out." I sobbed, almost laughing at the complete fuckery of the situation. "We hadn't had a chance to tell anyone. We were celebrating Bella's job and the pregnancy. I stopped to get a bottle of wine. If I hadn't stopped, I would've been there... Bella would still be alive if I hadn't stopped... our baby..." I felt Charlie's arms around my shoulders. It was uncharacteristic for Charlie to show affection. That just wasn't the type of person he was. Not that he wasn't loving or even compassionate, but he rarely showed affection. He let me sit there and cry for everything that we'd lost, because I wasn't the only one suffering...Charlie Swan suffered too.

"How far along was she?" Charlie whispered.

"Seven weeks." I said, still crying. "I keep dreaming of Bella with a little girl. She's so beautiful... she has Bella's eyes and skin, and my hair color, except it's long and wavy. I don't know her name, but I know that she's ours."

Charlie pulled me up off of the floor and helped me sit at the table. We were the only ones in the room. There was a gaurd outside the door to the visitor area, but he never disturbed us, despite what he saw or heard. I'm guessing that Charlie used his influence with the warden to ensure our privacy.

"Edward, I want you to listen to me, and listen good." Charlie said, sniffing back his tears. "I've been a cop for a long time, and I can tell the difference between a good person, and one that's not so good. When Bella started 'growing up' I saw how Jacob would look at her. It was like she was the appetizer at the beginning of a seven course meal. It was disgusting, and that's why I didn't encourage a relationship between the two of them. I also saw how you looked at her. It was always adoring. I knew when you two were kids that you would end up together. I didn't like having to let my little girl go, but I knew that she chose the better man, and I knew that you would always do your best to take care of her. Edward, you did that. You did what you could, and you did right by her. I couldn't ask for more than that." He hesitated for a few seconds. "For you to sit here and tell me that this was all your fault is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard."

I stopped crying and wiped my eyes. They were red rimmed and puffy, and they ached. My head was starting to throb.

"I got my date of execution. Ten days ago." I said

"When?"

"Three weeks." Charlie nodded. "Before you say anything, yes, I'm going through with it. I don't expect you or anyone else to understand, but I have to. I don't have a choice, I never did when it came to Bella. You know that as well as everyone else." I shook my head, opening my fifth beer. "I've always known, from the moment I saw her, that I could never live without Bella. It took the span of one heatbeat to realize it. There's always been this...I don't know, pull... I've felt. I'm still in love with her, Charlie. I still want her and need her. Hell, I can remember how she tasted when I'd kiss her. I was dead the second her heart stopped, and truthfully, I'd rather join them both in death than live without them.

"I know you'll go through with it. Even if this ball could be stopped, I know you'd find a way to die." Charlie said somberly. "It just hurts, Edward. I know you're not mine, but it feels like I'm losing another child."

"You've always treated me like a son." I said. "I'll never be able to thank you enough for sharing Bella with me."

"It's been a pleasure, Edward. Now, drink your beer."

So I did. We sat and polished off two six packs between us. We talked like we haven't in years. We laughed and shared stories about me and Bella when we were kids. We talked about my family, things that mattered, and things that didn't. It was just me and Charlie talking. It was good. Charlie left way past visiting hours, but he hugged me and promised to be back in three weeks. I trusted him implicitly.