Stronger Than I'll Ever Be
Chapter 2 "Vacation?"
Disclaimer: I only own my characters!
Roslyn POV July 3rd 7PM
Jesse pulled up to the Hansen's place(for the party) just as pretty much everyone was. We all got out(Me, Garcia, Derek, Spencer and Jesse) and headed towards the back building where most of the parties were held. The Hansen's also held a lot of Ranchers meetings here so they had built a big building for big events here on their ranch...it was also where their children held most of their parties.
Jesse led the way into the party, waving at a few people, doing that whole "man" handshake with a few guys, smiling at some girls. Jesse was a big flirt when he was single and sometimes a bit of well...he could just get around. He didn't necessarily sleep around really(well actually he didn't sleep around at all), but besides me he didn't have serious relationships and tends to have a different girlfriend a lot.
"Alright Mr. Flirtatious, go say hi to all the pretty girls before they come over here. I'm gonna get some drinks." I shook my head as he grinned and headed off. I turned to the others. "You can follow me or go off on your own...Everyone here is twenty or over twenty in case anyone sees anyone they like." I specifically looked at Derek, who was looking at a few girls.
"Wait, why am I getting the look?" Derek asked, acting shocked.
"Well, Garcia may have informed me about your...well bachelor life." I smiled at him. "Seems you're a flirt like Jesse is."
"Me? A Flirt?" Derek looked at Garcia. "No, I just like to talk to the ladies!"
"All flirty and seductively." Garcia poked his stomach. Reid and I laughed with Garcia at Derek's face.
"Well, I see a lady now that I am going to have to dance with..." Derek reached out and grabbed Garcia's hand, leading her towards the dance floor.
I smiled as they walked off and looked at Spencer. "Want to come with me to get a drink?"
"Sure." Spencer followed me and we found the coolers that had the sodas in them.
We sat down on a bale of hay that was by the coolers and watched everyone else. A few people came by and said hi, talked to me, asked me to dance but I refused. A few girls even came by and flirted with Spencer. They smelled fresh meat.
Spencer and I talked for a little bit while everyone socialized. We talked about the BAU, my schooling, my mom and Dave, pretty much anything. Once we got past the initial awkwardness, we had a really good conversation, Spencer was a really good listener and easy to talk to.
After listening to a few songs sitting down, I reached out and grabbed Spencer's hand. "What? I can't dance!" Spencer objected as I pulled him to the dance floor.
"You'll be fine!" It took a few minutes but he finally loosened up and danced with me. I also danced with Derek, Garcia and Jesse, plus a few other people that I knew.
By the end of the night Derek, Jesse and even Spencer had at least five different girls numbers. I rolled my eyes as I got into the drivers side. "You all are ridiculous and such players."
"Not players, Ro, just very attractive to the other sex." Jesse leaned over and said. I could smell the alcohol on his breath, he had a couple of beers with some guys.
"I agree with Jesse." Derek laughed.
"I didn't even want numbers...I just got handed them." Spencer said from the back.
"I told you, you are cute, Spencer." I smiled in the rear view mirror at him.
I could see Spencer crack a smile and I could swore he was blushing. It was great, the talking and dancing all night had gotten us to know each other better and get more comfortable with each other. Spencer and I had very good conversations about everything.
When I got back to our ranch, I pulled up by the cabin where the team was staying and let Garcia, Derek and Spencer out. Then went to my house and parked, Jesse would stay here tonight in the guest room or mine. Actually probably mine since Dave was in the guest room. My mom never cared that he stayed in my room because she knew nothing would go on between Jesse and I.
I helped Jesse out of the truck and into the house, then into my room. He laid out on the bed and helped him get his shoes and helped him down to his shirt and boxers. After changing into shorts and a tank top, I crawled into bed with him. Jesse grabbed me and pulled me into his arms, sex may not happen between us, but Jesse did love to cuddle especially when he drank.
"You don't mind, right?" Jesse asked as I laid my head on his chest.
"No, I never did." I replied. Jesse leaned down and kissed my forehead.
"Night Roslyn."
"Good night Jesse." The two of us fell asleep quickly.
…...
I jolted awake as I heard voices and static coming from my police/fire/ambulance scanner that I kept on my desk to keep aware of things. "I need backup up at 9025 Cowpen Road, multiple shots fired, one adult down, the other injured and three children running. I repeat, I need backup immediately."
I looked over at Jesse, who had woken up too. "That's the Millers." I whispered. The Millers were a really nice family who bred Quarter horses down the road. They had three children ages eleven, eight and three. We jumped out of bed and I pulled my boots on while Jesse got dressed. I pulled my door open and went to my mom's room, banging on her door. "Mom! Get up!"
She opened up her door. "Roslyn, what is going on? It's two thirty in the morning!" Dave also opened up his bedroom door.
"Everything okay?" He asked, stepping out.
"No!" Jesse and I shouted at the same time.
"Someone is shooting people over at the Millers. I just heard it on the scanner." I said, panicked. My mom didn't say anything, just went to go get dressed.
"Stay right here, I'm going to get my gun." Dave said. "And I'm going to call Aaron!"
Jesse and I looked at each other, knowing we wouldn't wait. We took off running for my truck at the same time. "You still have your gun in the truck?" Jesse called back as we ran out the door. He was talking about my 9mm handgun.
"Yes!"
"Good." I hopped in the drivers side and fired up the truck. I saw lights on in the guest cabin and my house but didn't waste time. I threw the truck into reverse, gunning it and barely missing Dave's SUV. I hit the gas hard as possible once we hit the ranch gate.
"Maggie is only three, Jesse, three!" I threw him a worried glance. "If Linda or Bobby is already down and the other is injured..what will the children do?" I felt the worry for them form a pit in my stomach.
"Mac and RJ know enough to get away, they'll be okay Ro." Jesse said as we drove.
"I sure hope so." I finally got to their long driveway and turned quickly. My truck fishtailed and spun but I got it under control and went flying down their drive. I saw one Sheriff car parked about half a mile from the house—Sheriff Dun was here. He stopped me as I pulled up.
"Roslyn, Jesse what are y'all two doing here?"
"We heard the call come over the scanner and we had to come. Are they okay? Where's your backup?" Jesse asked looking towards the house.
"I haven't went up yet. I can't go in alone, don't know how many shooters plus it's procedure." Sheriff Dun looked at both of us. "You both know how to use a gun, I know. I don't want to wait too much longer, not with some person running around with a gun, backup will be another fifteen to twenty minutes. I'm thinking if all three of us check the house and property, get the guy contained or at the least get the people out, we can hold out til then..Do you have any guns on you?"
"I have my 9mm in my truck." I answered, feeling adrenaline run through me.
"Jesse?" Sheriff Dun looked at him.
"I got nothing on me." Jesse answered.
"I have an extra handgun in my car, I'll grab it for you." Sheriff Dun reached in his car and handed a small handgun to Jesse. "I'll go to the house first, Roslyn take the barn and Jesse take the pasture by the house and behind the barn. Be careful."
We both nodded and started to walk that way when we heard children scream and gun shots. I took off running towards the sound, passing Sheriff Dun and Jesse. It was coming from the barn. Please don't let me be too late for Maggie and the boys, Please God. I thought silently as I ran with all I had.
I finally got to the entrance and slowed down, I couldn't go running in or I could get myself shot. So I slid up to the barn door and peaked around. What I saw made me want to bawl my eyes out, the three children laid out in the barn aisle, all shot and it looked like they were all dead.
I slowly and carefully entered the barn, checking each and every stall, I had just finished the check when Jesse and the Sheriff came. "Oh dear lord." Sheriff Dun spoke as he came in the barn.
"It's just the children in here, I don't see Linda or Bobby." I said in a blank voice. I couldn't look away from Mac, RJ and Maggie. RJ was splayed out in the middle of the aisle with Mac's hand on him, but what made me the most sad was Mac, who was the oldest, obviously had put himself over his siblings, trying to protect them from the shooter. He obviously went first, but he tried to protect them down to the last minute right before he died.
Little Maggie was hidden from sight by Mac's body. I wanted to grab them and hold them, cry, but I knew from Dave and from my classes that I didn't need to mess with the crime scene anymore than we already had.
"We need to find Bobby and Linda, then try to find this killer." Sheriff Dun broke the silence. Jesse gently grabbed my arm to pull me away from the children and towards the opening, as we got to the opening we saw a dark truck taking off down the drive.
Sheriff Dun grabbed his radio and told the incoming officers about the truck. A few responded and said they saw the truck and would follow. "Probably the shooter." Sheriff Dun said. "But we still have to be careful, there could be more."
We carefully left the barn as more cop cars pulled up. I saw a dark SUV pull up and knew it was Dave and my mom, I also recognized a few neighbors trucks and cars. I saw one officer hold everyone back away from us.
"Damn!" Sheriff Dun said as he got a call on the radio that the dark truck had gotten away. I looked down and tried to hold it together.
Sheriff Dun and a few officers went into the house where they I'm sure would find Linda and Bobby. I looked up just as Sheriff Dun poked his head on and looked at Jesse and I.
"They're both in here. One shot to the head and leg on Linda, one shot to the head on Bobby." He shook his head and went back in.
Jesse looked at me. "Roslyn, let me take you home."
I wanted to protest but he wouldn't let me. He pulled me along and I saw my mom looking at me. "Roslyn!"
Jesse pushed me towards the truck and he spoke to her briefly. After they spoke, Dave and her headed to his SUV. "They're going to meet us at the house." I thought I saw Jesse's parents in the crowd as he pulled me to the truck but I wasn't sure.
I got in the truck and leaned against the window, my heart aching for the Millers. I couldn't even think straight at this point. It was a quiet ride and once we got to the house, Jesse helped me out and led me towards the cabin which I saw, there were a lot of lights on.
We walked into the kitchen and saw everyone sitting there. Dave, his team, Mom, John...
My mom grabbed me and pulled me into a tight hug. "I told you to wait Roslyn." She tried to scold me but she couldn't.
"I know Mom..but I was thinking of Maggie, Mac and RJ. I was thinking that these people needed help." I rubbed my eyes, trying not to cry in front of everyone.
"The family?" Dave asked. I shook my head. "All of them?"
"The children were in the barn, the parents in the house." Jesse told them. "Roslyn found the children."
"Mac tried to protect RJ and Maggie til the end, he put his body over theirs, trying to keep them from getting killed." A tear rolled down my face. "He was only eleven, RJ was eight and Maggie was three."
I saw JJ and Aaron look down. They both had young boys, of course it would be worse for them. "I don't see why anyone would do this." My mom was the first to speak.
"Sometimes there is no reason." Aaron said and Dave put his hand on my mom's shoulder.
"I think you all should get some sleep and hopefully the sheriff will have some information in the morning." Derek spoke up, looking most specifically at me. I nodded and started to head towards my bedroom, Spencer stopped me in the hallway.
"Roslyn..." Spencer said and I turned towards him. He didn't say anything but just hugged me. "I'm sorry you had to see all of that."
"Me too." I whispered into his shoulder. He was taller than I thought, probably six one, six two. I can't believe my mind was focusing on his height.
"If you want to talk about it, ever, we can." He slipped something into my hand. "I figure it will be awhile before you want to talk about it, so here's my card with all my numbers on it and my email. You can talk to me about anything, at anytime."
"Thank you Spencer." I reached up and kissed his cheek. "I will remember that."
Spencer gave me one last hug and Jesse came with me to my bedroom. I threw my boots off and climbed into bed, just wanting to forget everything. Jesse laid down beside me and held me. "It'll be okay Ro, just try to get some sleep."
I turned to Jesse and planted my lips on his. Jesse gently kissed me back but then pushed me away. "What are you doing?" I asked, the rejection coloring my voice.
"Roslyn, this isn't what you want." Jesse cuddled me to his chest. "Now if there is a time where you're thinking clearly with nothing else but your actual desire to kiss me comes, then you can kiss me. But not because you're upset, when we kiss I want it to mean something."
Tears sprang to my eyes. "I'm sorry Jesse...it's just all of that blood, the kids.."
"I know Roslyn, it's horrible." Jesse rubbed my back. "But try to sleep, we'll get more information in the morning."
Snuggling into his chest, I went to sleep hoping the images of the kids wouldn't haunt my dreams tonight.
…...
July 4th, 6am, Jesse POV
I groaned as I heard Roslyn's alarm going off. She still must have it set for the mornings she gets up for school. "Turn it off, Roslyn." I half-whined. My head ached after everything last night. It still blared. "Roslyn?" I turned over to find her gone and in her place, a note.
Animals need to be fed. Can't afford to sleep in, but you go ahead. You need the sleep. -Roslyn
I shook my head. She didn't need to be doing this. I knew what she was doing. I pulled my pants on and walked out to the kitchen. She was there with Spencer and Derek, making her morning coffee. Roslyn looked up and saw me, but avoided my eyes, she hurriedly put in her creamer and sugar.
She mixed it quickly and put on the top. "Roslyn.." I started but she cut me off.
"Don't have time for this, Jesse. Got animals to care for." Shoving her boots on, she started for the door.
"Roslyn, you need to talk after last night. It was traumatic." It was no use, as she slammed the door as I spoke. She was avoiding me because I was the one who could start her breakdown, start the tears, know what she was really feeling. She couldn't hide from me.
"She's holding it in." Derek said as we sat there in the silence. Sighing, I poured some coffee.
"Yeah, she's avoiding me because she knows she can't hide it from me. She doesn't want to talk about it or think about it." I sipped my coffee.
"She might just need some time." Spencer offered.
I nodded. "She's a stubborn one."
…...
Spencer POV- The night of the murder(last night)
I was woken up by Hotch's cell phone going off. You have to be kidding me, we were on vacation! "Agent Hotchner." Hotch answered his phone, already sounding wide awake.
"We'll be right there Dave." In a flash, the light was on and Hotch was grabbing his pants and shirt.
"What's going on, Hotch?" I got out of bed and looked for my clothes. If it was something that needed Hotch, it would most likely involve the whole team.
"There's been a murder down the road. I'm not sure of all the details yet but Dave asked us to come up to the house. Roslyn and Jesse were apparently at the scene with the Sheriff. Roslyn is pretty shook up." We went and woke everyone else up and went to the main house.
We walked into the house and I saw Dave rubbing Andrea's back as she sat at the counter. John, their foreman was also there. Roslyn and Jesse weren't here yet. "What happened?" Morgan demanded as soon as we walked in.
"We're not fully sure and won't be until Roslyn and Jesse talk but from what I got from the cops, is a full blown murder. Three kids and their parents, no motive yet, suspect was there but escaped in a dark truck. Roslyn and Jesse heard the call on the police monitor and responded...Sheriff Dun used them as backup until actual backup responded." Rossi stopped when he heard the front door open and close. Roslyn and Jesse walked into the kitchen.
Roslyn looked so lost and broken. Her first murder scene I'm sure. Her mom started talking but I didn't hear anything, I was just focused on Roslyn. Her eyes were red rimmed and wide, the fear and sadness there in her eyes, nothing else. I heard her talking about finding the children, the little boy protecting his siblings.
I saw Roslyn head towards her bedroom but I went towards her and stopped her. "Roslyn..." On impulse, I hugged her. She was so warm and soft as I held her. Defeated. "I'm sorry you had to see all of that."
"Me too." She whispered into my shoulder.
"If you want to talk about it, ever, we can." I slipped my business card into her hand. "I figure it will be awhile before you want to talk about it, so here's my card with all my numbers on it and my email. You can talk to me about anything, at anytime."
"Thank you Spencer." She kissed my cheek and I felt a warmth inside me. "I will remember that."
I gave her one last hug and watched as Jesse took her to her bedroom. Was he staying in there with her? Was there something still between them? I felt jealously and desire spark inside me. I didn't want him in there with her, I wanted to be in there with him.
I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. It was Rossi. "Get some sleep, we'll see what we can do in the morning." I nodded and followed everyone back to the cabin. It was going to be a sleepless night.
…...
Roslyn POV
I mucked out almost all of the stalls by myself and then hauled hay out to the cows by the barn. I checked all the feed to see what we would need to buy when we went into town, I finished letting the horses out to pasture. I did anything to keep busy.
I knew I wasn't handling this right, my classes had taught how to handle this but I couldn't stop myself. I didn't want to think about it, didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to block it all. I knew that was the worst thing to do but I couldn't stop it.
As I sat down in the office looking over the feed order, I heard a knock. I looked up and there was Aaron. "May I come in?" I nodded and he came in, finding a seat. "I wanted to see how you were doing after last night. Every member of my team is concerned for you but they respect your space as do I, but I am a leader and I know how horrifying your first experience can be."
My throat tightened. "I don't want to think about it." It came out as a whisper.
"I know you don't. But the sooner you get it out, talk about it, the better you'll feel. As good as you can feel when you've seen something like that. Sheriff Dun will be by this afternoon to talk to you and Jesse, of course he can't make you talk, but he needs a statement for his case. If you want to help the family, help find their killer. Help Sheriff Dun, don't bottle it all inside." Aaron reached over the desk and touched my hand. "Roslyn, talk to someone, if not me, then your mom or Dave or anyone on my team, they'll listen. They've all been in your position, they can help."
"Thank you Aaron." I sat back in the chair and sighed, deep down I knew Aaron was right and I knew someone on his team would truly know what I was going through. There was only one person I would really feel comfortable talking to. "Do you know where Spencer is?"
Aaron gave a little smile. "I'll send him your way." With that, Aaron left. Ten minutes later, Spencer knocked on the door.
"Hotch said you were looking for me." Spencer sat down in the chair.
"He said if I wanted to talk, someone on the team would probably be best. That they would understand how I was feeling. I realized I would only feel comfortable talking about it with you." I managed to get out.
"I'm glad you'll talk to me. I will listen to everything you say. Let it out." Spencer said and I did. I talked and talked until I was crying and Spencer had to come around the desk and try to console me. Finally I stopped crying and we just sat there.
And surprisingly, I did feel better. I still felt traumatized and so angry, sad at what happened, but sharing it helped me. I wasn't alone in this I knew.
Spencer handed me a tissue and I blew my nose. "Thank you, Spencer. I do feel better already."
"That's good and so you know, Hotch and Rossi are talking with the Sheriff's department to try to help with anything they can."
"But it's your vacation!" I protested. Spencer smiled.
"It may be...but we are the FBI. There's a killer on the loose around here and we can't just let that go. I mean we help solve murders all the time and I know everyone around here will want information—that's JJ's department—so we're going to try to help." I hugged Spencer tightly.
"Thank you." Spencer hugged me back and I pulled back after a moment.
"Roslyn? Spencer?" I heard John calling our names. I got up and looked out of the office.
"Yes John?" I saw he had my mother and someone else with him...was that...It was Linda's older sister.
"Oh Millie!" I ran towards her and threw my arms around her. "I'm so sorry!"
"Sheriff Dun came this morning and I came as soon as I could. I just can't believe it. Who would do something like this?" Millie almost wailed. I felt my heart break again as I heard the pain in her voice.
"I don't know Millie, a monster, that's who. But we'll find whoever did it, my uncle David and his team are looking into it along with Sheriff Dun." I told Millie. "What a crappy fourth of July."
I, along with Spencer, walked Millie around the barns, talking to her. We all stopped when a van pulled on with 'DJ Sunny' pulled up. "The party! I totally forgot, I bet Mom forgot to cancel everything!" We always had a big Fourth Of July celebration, but we couldn't possibly have a party with this tragedy! "I'll have to tell him that it's canceled and call all the other people." I started towards the van but Millie stopped me, a look on her face.
"No! Stop Roslyn, you can't cancel the party." Millie said.
"What?" I couldn't believe what she was saying. "You want to have a party after last night?"
"Yes. It's what Linda and Bobby would have wanted, heck we can do it in their memory. I was at the lawyer's office this morning reading a bit over their will and they don't want their funeral or memorial to be a sad thing, they want a celebration of their life, not to mourn it." Millie smiled a sad smile at me.
"Are you sure?" I didn't think it was a good idea at all. How could you have a party when you were mourning someone?
"You'll see. Let me make some calls. It'll all work out." Millie patted my hand and turned to leave. I looked at Spencer who just shrugged.
"People have different ways of coping." I put my arm through his and led the way towards the house, I had to find Mom to talk to her about this party.
…...
Authors Note: Hey Readers, sorry it's been so long since I've updated! It's been a rocky year for me. A lot of crazy stuff has went on and I just started college. I'm only working 3/4 days a week now(going to college the other 3) so I'm going to try to update more as much as I can. I miss writing and my characters when I don't write. I miss getting lost in my little writing world, lol. So I hope you like the chapter(as much as you can) let me know what you thought...
Any thoughts on Jennifer Love Hewitt as a new team member? I personally don't like it(I like her...but I'll always see her as the Ghost Whisperer) I miss Prentiss :( I want her back!
Thanks for reading! QuinnandSeth'sgirl15