"For too long, the human race has ignored the signs..." Vaas said, as the red-headed pirate lord, Mickey, followed him from behind.
It was a sunny day out in the jungle, and the two were making their way through an opened path of a dirt road together, approaching a small, hidden village, quietly.
"Your planet is nearing destruction." Vaas continued talking, as the two hid behind two, tall palm trees, that was obscuring them from any sight of village guards able to spot them. "Salvation is reserved, for those who pass the test." Vaas smirks to himself, peeking from behind the tree trunk, at the village down below the hill they were standing on. "If you survive, an elevated existence awaits." Vaas looks back to his second pirate lord. "Initiate phase one." He goes for his hip and takes a remote control with two buttons on it. "Power up the bass canon." He lifts the remote control up to look down at.
He pressed down on a red button. "Fire."
Boom.
The small village expolded. Planet explosives from underneath the villagers' feet had gone off, likely killing them all at once. The explosives had covered every square inch of the village ground, leaving it virtually impossible to leave any surviving victims behind. If there were, they were either bleeding to death from half their bodies being blown off, or just slowly dying from the rock pellets shot into their bodies from the explosion.
The explosions went of another four rounds, before Vaas and Mickey found it safe to come out of hiding.
"Whoa!" Mickey looked at the demolished village in awe. "That bass dropped so hard, their ancestors would feel that one!"
"That dropped harder than Rihanna dropping Chris Brown." Vaas corrected Mickey.
After the annilation of the small village went out with a bang, literally, the two had gathered other pirates to help them scout the hot grounds to see if there were any surviving men or women to be found, either useful, or worthless enough to kill off.
So far, the demolished village had shown no signs of survival.
"It looks like no one's here." Mickey said, kicking over a large piece of thin metal covering up a dead body. "He looks like he's having a fabulous day today." Mickey turned the dead man's face to her's with her boot, seeing that it was burned up from the explosion.
Vaas, seeing Mickey examining the dead body, jumped straight on the dead body's chest with his heavy boots. It was likely to crush the chest interior. "Hey! Guapa." Vaas caught the pirate lord's attention. "Have you ever heard of the balancing point?"
"You mean..." Mickey puts her gun back into her hip holster. She lifts her arms up in front of her, straightening them outward. "With everything being perfectly balanced by one thing or person? I'm not good with math..."
"That answer is so true." Vaas stops Mickey. He steps off the burnt body and wraps his muscular arm around her tiny shoulders. He brought her closer to his body, as they both walked together. "What makes this world suited to balance so perfectly, guapa? Is it the good, the bad, or the ugly?"
"I always thought the ugly had it rough, so, I think the ugly. Final answer." Mickey answers.
Vaas taps his index fingertip on Mickey's forehead. "Correct."
"Yaa-a-aay..." Mickey quietly cheered, clapping her hands together lightly.
[Next]
In the base of camp, Mickey was up on a watch tower, looking through something she had snatched off of a survivor.
It was an iPad. Something usually common to find on wealthy tourists that are kidnapped by the pirates. But, what sparked interest in this particular iPad was that Mickey could access Internet now. No idea how, but, Mickey didn't care at the moment. She was too busy reading gossip and what's new in the media war.
"You son of a bitch!" Vaas screamed from below. He was yelling at a recruit that failed into bringing him his drugs. "I fucking told you to get me some cocaine, and you don't fucking remember?!" He was prepared to throw a good punch into the man's face, when...
"Hey, Vaas!" Mickey shouted from the watch tower.
"What the fuck do you want?!" He screamed back.
"This iPad totally has all the bought episodes of Happy Tree Friends on here!" Mickey held up the iPad over her head with both her hands.
Vaas' jaw dropped. "Holy fuckin' shit, get out of the way!" He shoved the recruit out of his way and made a beeline up the watchtower ladder to join Mickey in watching the adult series.
[Next]
Scouting the jungle again, mostly because Vaas and Mickey had grown tired of waiting around for something to happen, Vaas had stepped upon something beneath a thin pile of old leaves under his boot.
When he digged under the leaves to see what it was, he found a DVD case that had the cover of the popular romance movie, The Notebook.
"Yo, big boss. What's really hood?" Mickey appraoched Vaas from behind.
"The Notebook?" Vaas remembers watching the movie, actually. It was something he thought he would never watch, but, from what the other islanders had said about it being so popular, he wanted to watch the damned movie title.
Rustle.
A sound from the bushes had woke Mickey and Vaas' senses to look up. When they did, they spotted a Hispanic girl running as fast as she could from the two hunters. She looked pretty frail from starvation, which meant she probably wouldn't get much farther.
"Vaas always was a sap for the romantic stories." Vaas said, referring to himself in third-person.
Suddenly, he snatches Mickey's wrist in his large hand, and starts dragging her along the epic chase for the starving girl.
"Let's go meet our lady, in waiting!" Vaas cheers on, in a demonic voice that sounded too jovial. Perhaps mimicking a school girl's tone, after she had heard news on a stupid romance movie coming to play. "Have you even seen The Notebook?"
"Oh!" Mickey saw the DVD case Vaas was still carrying in his other hand. "Ryan Gosling is such a dreamy-beanie!"
"Mmmm. Hehehehehe!" Vaas mocked a giggily school girl's laughter.
Up ahead, Vaas could immediately see that the starved girl was slowing down from short energy. He started high-tailing it towards the girl. "We're going to see our love, kid! MY love, that is!" Vaas was running in such speed, he should have thought hard on joining the Olympic Track Team for next event of the future. "Wait, my lady!"
Vaas' shouting startled the poor girl into speeding up, running down a clear path that the two hunters could plainly see her running on.
Mickey snatched her hand out of Vaas' grip and also started running after the girl herself, with a completely focused look on her, as if her major objective of the day was to capture the Hispanic girl.
"Guide me, Rudolph! Guide me!" He joked, indicating it on how red Mickey's hair was in the sunlight. "Rudolph, with your fucking mane so red and bright, won't you guide me tonight?"
"Fuck no!"
Trip.
The two felt both their feet trip over something on the ground, while they weren't paying attention to what was up ahead. They both tumbled down on the ground, luckily not closer to the steep hill, or else they would be rolling downward like logs.
What they tripped on was that frail, Hispanic girl. She had collapsed from exhaustion, but wasn't dead. Just completely out of breath.
"What the fuck?!" Vaas screamed, getting his bearings. He slammed his fists onto the dirt path they fell upon. "That had nothing to do with The Notebook! What the Hell!"
"Epic rolling action there, Spider-man. New York City is sure lucky to have you." Mickey complimented Vaas, getting herself up to dust herself off. She stepped closer to Vaas to help him up, while dusting off his shoulders.
"Don't mention it, citizen." He roughly patted Mickey's shoulder. "I'm just your friendly neighborhood Spider-man."
[Next]
With the iPad that Mickey discovered earlier from the dead survivor's body, they used it to make a show for the Internet. Vaas called it the "Vaas Show", with his trusted sidekick, Mickey, filming everything from the iPad.
"Hello, Internet Peoples!" Vaas greeted the recording iPad. He was on screen, eating a half-gone peeled bananna. The ocean was in view behind of him, with the tiny waves crashing up on the sand shore. There were also water rocks standing high to the sky from the ocean floor, with masses of green moss grown on the heads. Once he ate the last piece, he tossed the bananna peel into the air behind him.
"Yo, between you are me," Vaas took a few steps closer to the iPad. He put his hands on his knees with his, bending his upper body forward slightly, to Mickey's level. "You should be outside, playing in the sunshine, instead of watching this bullshit."
With a moment of silence, Mickey could be heard making a "pfft" sound, indicating that she wanted to laugh at what Vaas said. She shook her head, holding in her laughter. The camera on the iPad shook slightly from her movements.
Vaas squinted at Mickey for a second, before a smile grew wide on his face from hearing the girl snort, and gets back up to stand straight.
"Since you are still here, welcome to my Show! Take a look at my island." Vaas starts pacing to his right, as Mickey followed him with the iPad still filming. Then, Vaas raised his voice loudly, "Christopher Mintz-Plasse! Where are you!"
Mickey silently laughed again at Vaas, as he also chuckled wickedly along with her.
He dramatically twirled around once, and raised both arms out to his right, pointing with both hands down to the sand. Mickey followed.
In the sand, was the buried man of the famous actor, Christopher Mintz-Plasse. He was buried up to his neck, with his head still exposed. He was unable to dig himself out, from the lone work of Vaas burying him in the sand grave.
Christopher was spitting sand out of his mouth, while Vaas crawled down to a laying position next to the actor's head.
"Chris." Vaas spoke to Chris. "Say hello to the Internet Peoples!"
Christopher, outraged of what's become himself in the damned sand trap, only cursed out, "Fuck YOU, you psycho!"
Mickey made a dramatic gasp, hearing Christopher swear, but still recorded.
Vaas didn't like the response he got from the actor. He turned over to his back to go for his hip holster, pulling out his trusted pistol, that was loaded. He cocked the gun back, startling the actor to stutter out, frantically.
"I'm sorry, what did you say, Chris?" Vaas turned back over to his side, pointing the gun straight at the side of Christopher's head. "What the fuck did you just say?"
"... Nothing..." Christopher fearfully whispered, shaking his head. "Nothing. Nothing. Nothing..."
Happy with the cooperation Christopher was making, Vaas pulled back the gun. He sprinkled a finger-full of sand on top of Christopher's head with his other hand, before pulling himself up to his feet.
"Okay!" Vaas said, adjusting the straps on his shoulder. "I did not decide if I want to kill Chris, or not."
"WHAT?!" Christopher screamed out in shock.
"I want to know what you people think." He pointed the barrel of the gun at the recording iPad. "What you really think." Ignoring Christopher's cries, Vaas continued speaking. "I want you to comment life, if you want him to live." He explained, as he sheathed the gun back into his hip holster. "Death, if you want him to die."
"Life!" Christopher helplessly cried out, hoping whoever was watching would hear him.
"Take a look at my tripod! I built it myself!" Vaas now pointed to his left, down to a flat boulder, where there was a small stand of three, thick sticks standing up, wrapped together in rope, holding up a rock in the middle, that acted as the spot for the camera to sit on. It was surprisingly sturdy, even when Vaas put his hand down and rested his weight on it. "Looks like a Hollywood thing, no, Chris?"
"Uh - y-y-yeah man, you're great man..." Christopher agreed, frightened if he didn't.
Vaas smiled more. He glanced at Mickey. "Put the camera on the tripod."
As Mickey put the camera down onto the tripod, standing the iPad up properly on the stand, she left it there. She eventually got bored of not being able to talk, and started walking off, humming the opening theme to M.L.P.
"Ladies and gentlemen." Vaas was now sitting right next to Christopher's head, with his legs crossed and the gun back in his hand. "Don't forget to tune in on our daily tortures!"
"What?! Tortures?!" Christopher screamed.
"While I teach Chris on how to be a man. Thank you, and bye-bye."
Lights, camera, and action!
Read on more, in the next chapter!