Vladimir hadn't sat with him at lunch? Was it something Donald had said? Donald was a very well mannered and well behaved student, so that couldn't be the case. Did Vladimir know about Donald secret crush on him? "I DON'T LIKE HIM!" Donald screamed at his full body anime pillow, Sailor Moon helped Donald work out all his problems. Since it wasn't a real girl, he could take out everything on her.

"Maybe I should just," yes, yes, Donald thought, I'll just pretend Sailor Moon is Vladimir, like roleplaying! Yes! This is a great idea! Donald set up Sailor Moon, so it would look like she was sitting, obviously, and pulled up a chair next to her.

"UH, So uh, Vladimir, you were gone yesterday…" Donald started off strong.

"Yes, Donald, I had to go on an emergency fishing trip!" Donald spoke in a Russian accent, but it wasn't nearly as charming as Vladimir's.

" Oh, Cool! Was it uhm, fun?" just some casual conversation between bros, no big deal, don't freak out… Donald was breaking a sweat.

"It was terrible, it's WAR season for the fish, but when you pick a fight with PUTIN, PUTIN ALWAYS WINS." Donald's heart was racing.

"Oh my! What happened?"

"It was a beautiful day for fishing, sunny, cool, not too much wind, but everything changed when the fish attacked. They were fast and slippery, the bastards, but they were no match for my SHEER HUNKY-NESS."

"Oh, Senpai," Donald swooned.

"I PUNCHED THOSE FISH, I PUNCHED EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM THEN STABBED MY FISHING POLE THROUGH ALL THREE THOUSAND OF THEM,"

"Vladimir, you're so bold and brave!"

"Then I fried all of those fish up, every last one, and I ATE THEM ALL, THEN-" But just then, Donald's mother burst through the door!

"Donald, sweetie, it's dinner time, I made you caviar, just the way you-"

"MOM. WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT MY DOOR."

"I know, I know, I just always forget to knoc-"

"I'LL BE DOWN WHEN I'M READY."

"Okay darling whatever you sa-" Donald quickly slammed the door in her face. Honestly the woman was a complete ditz and it was hard for Donald to believe he was related to her at all.

"Ugh, maybe Vladimir is just ignoring me…" Donald collapsed on his bed, he supposed he better go eat his mother's disgusting food. It was probably prepared wrong, and tasted repulsive, he supposed he would just have to slather ketchup on it and push through.

….

The next day Donald waited anxiously for lunch, hoping that Vladimir didn't in fact hate him, and was gone yesterday punching fish. He sat for three whole periods of droning teachers and stupid students listening to every word, then finally the bell rang.

Donald practically sprinted to the lunchroom, hurried through the lunch line and the ogres this school called "lunch ladies," splatted a green, brown matter on his tray. Donald knew from experience the "lunch ladies" did not serve anything remotely close to food, nor were they in any form ladies.

Donald rushed to sit down at his usual table and waited. His whole body filled with anxiety as seconds ticked by, when two minutes passed his hopes began to falter, but just then, he heard a beautiful Russian voice from behind him.

"The mashed potatoes are really disturbing aren't they?" It was Vladimir! Oh, sweet relief washed down Donald.

"Yeah, I couldn't even tell what they were haha!" Donald hoped he didn't sound too excited, even though he was, he had to keep his cool, calm persona.

"Sorry I was gone yesterday, I was home with a cold," well, that's a lot lamer than punching fish…. Donald thought to himself, but the important part was that Vladimir was back, and that Donald was cool.

"Oh, I uh, hardly even noticed you were gone," Donald said, poking at his puke-resembling potatoes. When he looked up, he could see a twinge of pain in Vladimir's wintery eyes.

"Oh," Donald felt a sharp pain rip through him, he didn't mean to hurt Vladimir's feelings, wait, since when do I care about people's feelings? Donald had never cared about others before, why should he now? But still…

"So, uh, you're uhm feeling better today then?" Donald did not feel cool anymore.

"Yeah, I went to the doctor's office and stuff, got some medicine," Donald had to find a way to bring up the football game, it was his one chance at redemption. Just then a bunch of football jocks walked passed, the perfect opportunity. He could tell by the expression on Vladimir's face he despised them as much as Donald did, especially Bernie Sanders. Bernie was Quarterback, and he was the worst one of them all. Always doing community work and being respectful to women, and winning all the sports games, worst of all, he was handsome, maybe the third most handsome boy in the school, Vladimir being first and Donald being the second of course. But Bernie was threatening his position in second place. Stupid handsome bastard, thought Donald. Finally all the jocks passed by, with their stupid good-smelling cologne and pretty eyes, but not as pretty as Vladimir's.

"So, are you, going to the football game tonight?" Donald started out, casual, calm, collected, cool.

"Yeah, my mom wouldn't let me go unless I came to school today, but I have to see Martinsville beat them to the ground." Vladimir laughed, Donald wished he could listen to that laugh for forever.

"Yeah," Donald laughed too, "I wouldn't miss that for the world," but I would miss it for you, Vladimir, Donald thought silently.

"Are, you going with anyone tonight?"

"N-no, why?" Donald thought he was going to black out, wake up and realize it was all a dream

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to go together, like as friends, and uh, hang out." Vladimir Putin, was asking Donald if he wanted to go to the football game with him? It took everything Donald had not to get up and scream with joy.

"Y-yeah sounds like fun," the bell ended Donald's sentence for him.

"Well, I'll see you there then," and just like that, Vladimir was gracefully walking to his next class. Donald's heart started beating again, and in his mind he began preparing for the football game that was to come.