A.N. Hello again, my pretties! Just because I love you guys to itty-bitty pieces, next chapter is GOING TO BE M-RATED. Nothing too bad, and the boys won't be jumping into bed together quite yet (I write so that my plots progress quite fast, but not that fast...), but it will be enough to warrant a bump up in the rating. So if you search by ratings filter, or if you're absolutely against explicit smexy times between boys... You have now been warned :P

I try to make a habit of replying to any reviews I receive, though I obviously can't do that with anonymous reviews. So I'll give a big shout out here to the anonymous reviewers of last chapter, and tell you all now that even though I can't reply I definitely read and appreciated your words :D

That out of the way, enjoy chapter 2 of Love Guru! - The First Date!

Dino had somehow managed to wrangle his way into vising Tsuna again the next day, despite the ominous glint in Reborn's eye when he reminded Dino of the fact that Tsuna had a test in four days that he needed to study for, and despite Romario's pointed reminders of the paperwork that needed to be sorted, filed and/or mailed by yesterday.

Bah, what was paperwork when he could be visiting his adorable little brother, and seeing how he was going with his new girl! It had only been a day, and Dino knew that Tsuna was given to procrastination when he didn't really want to do something, but a visit was a visit was a visit, and he wanted to see Tsuna again, dammit!

So Dino was very pleasantly surprised when he was greeted at the door with a tackle-hug (that resulted in both of them falling down and getting their limbs so hopelessly tangled that it would be fifteen minutes before they were both safely on their feet again) and dragged upstairs by the flushed, incessantly chatting Tsuna, who had a happy gleam to his hazel eyes and couldn't seem to keep still. Dino laughed, delighted that Tsuna was so happy, and was promptly regaled with the mighty tale of how Tsuna invited Kyoko-chan to lunch, actually managed to talk to her, and actually, actually managed to find something substantial in common with her. "Something that hardly anyone else knows!" Tsuna gushed. "Dino-nii, you're the best ever!"

"Glad to help little bro," Dino smiled, and gave Tsuna's hair an affectionate ruffle. That didn't feel like enough, so he pulled the boy into a hug and smiled when he felt Tsuna's slim arms readily circle his ribs and grip the fabric of his tshirt.

"So, what's the next step?" Tsuna looked up at Dino, adoration and absolute trust shining in his hazel eyes like a particularlarly cute beacon.

Dino blushed and coughed into his hand.

"W-Well, you've established a friendship there, that's good, that's a start. Really, all that's left now is to pop the question..."

Tsuna promptly began choking on air. "I d-don't want to m-m-marry her," he wheezed, "W-Well, not yet, not f-for a few years at least, and - why are you laughing?"

"Whether she'd like to date you, Tsuna. You're a little young for marriage, I think!"

Tsuna hid his blush in Dino's shirt. "Mou!"

Dino patted the brunette's head fondly. "Really though, if you think that she's seen the best you have to offer, and if you think that you have enough to go on to make a fun date, then that's the last step. Where do you think you'll take her, anyway?"

Tsuna pouted a little, and pressed his index finger to his puckered lips in thought. "I hadn't really thought that far ahead," Tsuna mumbled around the digit, before curling his finger and slipping it between his lips so he could nibble on the fingernail as he pondered. "Wait..." Tsuna's hazel eyes widened in realisation, and his hands moved to clutch the hair at his temples as he let loose a prolonged 'Hiiieeee' of despair. "Dino-nii! I just realised - I have no idea what to do on a date!"

Dino started and raised his eyes from Tsuna's mouth. "What... No idea?"

Tsuna looked positively miserable now. "Please, Dino-nii, you have to help me! What will I do?!"

"Go out with me."

"...Eh?"

Dino looked surprised at his own words; he hadn't meant them that way, but saying them had felt unexpectedly good. His gaze was a little distracted as he hurried to clarify with the brunette what he meant. "Go out with me. Treat me like you would your girlfriend and take me out to dinner, or to the movies, or some place you think you'd take your girl. Practise your lines, and get a feel for what you have to do. I don't think I can really explain what to do on a date here, but it'd be different if I could help you out as you go and fix your mistakes as I see them... So, whaddya say, Tsuna? Be my boyfriend for a week?"

"Okay." Tsuna didn't even have to think about it. "If you think it will help."

Dino tried very, very hard not to look as happy as he felt right at that moment, but he suspected it might have shown in the way he landed a sudden, smacking kiss to the crown of Tsuna's head. "Tip number one," he said, winking at the gaping, pink-faced brunette. "Girls like it if you show them some innocent affection on the first few dates, like hugs and hand-holding..." He slipped his hand into Tsuna's to make his point, an innocent touch, but it made Tsuna jump and squeak. A very cute sound, Dino decided. He let his thumb stroke the back of Tsuna's hand. "Linked arms, pressed sides... And, sometimes, depending on the girl... Kissing."

Dino let his eyes drift to half mast when he spoke the last word. Tsuna couldn't keep his breath from turning ragged as, somehow, the mood changed. He raised his free hand to Dino's chest, as if to push him away, but it just rested there against the warm cloth. The two looked at each other, breathing each other's air, Dino's eyes all lazy and molten in the yellow afternoon light, Tsuna's expressive eyes that Reborn always bullied him for showing nothing but confusion. Dino's eyes were serious when he leaned in, slowly, deliberately, never breaking eye contact, and planted a final, lingering kiss on the corner of Tsuna's mouth. "I'll pick you up tomorrow at six, okay?" he said gently. His lips brushed against Tsuna's skin as he spoke, and the younger boy trembed lightly. "Be ready. We'll go to a restaurant for our first date, so dress nice. Semi-formal. And it'd be nice if you bought a corsage, of, say, mini carnations. Maybe not for me, not for this date, but it's a nice idea for your girl."

With his free hand Dino gingerly uncurled Tsuna's fingers from where they gripped the fabric of his shirt, until both of Tsuna's hands were held in his. He entwined their digits briefly before he slipped off the bed, leaving Tsuna sitting alone on the covers, looking very small.

"I'll see you at six then, Tsuna."

And then he was gone.

The next day, school passed quickly in a haze of very-deliberately-not-thinking-about-anything. Tsuna wasn't quite up to coherent thought even when he found himself walking home, letting Gokudera's yells and Yamamoto's steady hahahas wash over him like a zen mantra, soothing for its mindless repitition. He waved goodbye to his friends without seeing them leave, then was at his front door, walking up the stairs, closing the door to his room, looking at his bed, and feeling the ghosts of fingers slide between his own.

He sat on his bed with a sigh, and tried to think logically.

He wanted to think that what had happened with Dino had been a figment of his imagination. He was so starved for love and tenderness he was reading things into brotherly affection. He had been too long without a shirt and yesterday's events had all been a fever-induced hallucination. All that talk about Kyoko had made him so anxious for the girl that he had super-imposed her face onto Dino's, and when the other man had acted his usual cuddly, boisterous self Tsuna had fallen prey to his teenage-boy imagination…

Except that he hadn't.

It had been Dino's dark eyes that had bored into him, staring unblinking until Tsuna's vision had grown blurry at the edges except for the amber flecks in Dino's irises, which had remained in sharp focus as the blonde leaned in...

Tsuna firmly told his hyper intuition to Shut. Up.

He wouldn't know what to do if Dino actually did... you know. Just the suggestion of the word sent a bolt of panic to curdle in his stomach, a desperate, hopeless, nauseating fear so potent that it left him weak, sitting there on his bed and being madly grateful that Dino didn't. Because Tsuna was seeing things that weren't there. He was dame-Tsuna after all, and this was just another extension of his inherent dame-ness. That was all.

And that was that.

So while he was still a little nervous about the date tonight, it was because it was to be an indicator of how ready he was to try his hand at romancing Kyoko. His stomach clenched again, but this time in anticipation. This was what he had been waiting for since forever, and even though it was only Dino he couldn't help but think that he was that much closer to the real thing now. He could see it now – he and Kyoko holding hands as they walked through the park together, she pointing out the flowers that dotted the grass, he gathering a posy and presenting it to her, she smiling beatifically and accepting the bunch, closing her eyes and bringing to blossoms to her face to smell them...

Dino, Tsuna thought to himself with a smile of his own, really was an amazing brother for helping him out like this.

Dino arrived exactly ten minutes late.

Punctuality was important, he explained, patting the leather upholstery of the big black jeep he was driving and helping Tsuna slide the seatbelt across his chest, but date punctuality was different to real-time punctuality.

"Give her those few extra minutes to get ready. It's just awkward if you arrive too early and she's still doing her hair, or something. It's called fashionably late for a reason. By the same token, don't leave her waiting half an hour for you... Tsuna, are you taking notes?"

Tsuna looked up from where he was scrawling with a gnawed wooden pencil onto a thin ream of notepaper, blinking his big brown eyes at the question. "Yes?" Tsuna blanched and hurried to tuck the pad away. "Is that wrong? Have I messed up already-"

Dino hid his smile behind a small cough, turning the jeep into a reserved parking space out the front of an expensive looking restaurant. "No, no, it's fine. Not wrong as such, but... No, it's fine."

Tsuna breathed out in relief, then beamed an embarrassed smile at Dino. "Sorry, I just... really don't want to mess this up. This is my first date, after all!" he joked.

Well, if that didn't boost Dino's ego into the stratosphere... A small smile shining in his dark eyes Dino made his way around the car, opening the passenger door and offering the brunette assistance out of the high vehicle.

"Ano... Shouldn't I be doing this for you?" said Tsuna timidly, sliding his palm across Dino's and slipping out into the cool late afternoon air. "I thought the guy was meant to do all this opening doors stuff, wouldn't it be weird if the girl were to...?"

And there went his mood. I can't believe I actually forgot this was a pretend date... "Ah, sorry, I suppose I was just slipping into habit," he said instead, his smile tightening a little. Tsuna blinked at the display, but didn't know what it meant, so let it slide with a grin and blush of his own.

Dino broke the sudden awkward silence by clearing his thoat. "Well, let's get started then, shall we?" Dino offered Tsuna his arm, and the brunette slipped his small hand into the crook with an embarrassed grin. The two were getting some odd stares from other restaurant-goers, but the attention the pair were getting from grovelling waiters and a nervous looking manager as they were ushered past the line of people waiting to be seated to a discreet table with a marvelous view of the town, surrounded by tasteful decorative pots overflowing with natural plant life, checked any potential distasteful comments.

Tsuna just gaped at the wine-red colour of the wall panels. "I-Isn't this the best seat in the place? At the most expensive restaurant for miles?" he whispered incredulously. And he was no art critic, but he was pretty sure the painting hanging over there by the lush fern display was an original. Dino just grinned.

"Anything for you, Tsuna! I don't exercise my mafia power nearly often enough, so I've used all the influence I have in reserve tonight. Don't worry about the price, payment's been arranged already, so order whatever you like!"

"I would have been happy to eat at Subway," Tsuna muttered, and hunched down behind his menu, clearly feeling out of place amongst all the opulence. There was no reason he should, though: he'd taken Dino's advice and worn nice clothing - shiny black shoes and dress pants, and a tastefully ruffled white dress shirt that he'd bought last year to wear to a compulsory school dance, and which thankfully still fit. He'd attempted to brush his hair, so while it still puffed up in places the longer strands curled down to frame his boyish face. He even smelt nice, like apple blossom, and Dino almost choked on the realisation that Tsuna must have borrowed someone's scent, perhaps his mother's, or Bianchi's. Hiding a chuckle (because how cute was that!) behind his glass of water, Dino made a mental note to take the boy cologne shopping sometime soon.

Tsuna, meanwhile, oblivious to Dino's thoughts, was silently appraising the older male over the top of his menu. He'd never seen his older brother in formal wear, but had to admit that he could wear it as well as he could his usual cargo pants and fur-lined jacket. The older man was wearing a deep brown dress shirt that complemented his dark eyes, along with fitted beige pants that he'd spiced up a little by adding a white belt embossed with designs that resembled the tattooes he had hidden beneath his shirt sleeves. A matching beige jacket was draped across the back of his plush chair, which Dino was lounging in, looking so completely at ease that Tsuna could hardly stand to look at him. Because, how could he be so relaxed when Tsuna was so nervous? The brunette had been preparing for hours, shining his shoes, practising his smile in the mirror, raiding his parents' bathroom cabinet for something nice-smelling to wear (he'd eventually picked a nice-smelling cologne of his father's, one in a pink bottle with a bulky, jewelled stopper. Well, his father was a little strange...), and going over good conversation starters until he was sure he could hold a coherent conversation in his sleep.

And there Dino was, looking ridiculously cool, smiling to himself, tapping the rim of his glass of water idly against his lips as he perused the menu.

Mou...

"Good evening, gentlemen; my name is Samuel, and I will be your waiter this evening. Are the sirs ready to order?"

Tsuna was instantly intimidated. This guy pronounced his name Sum-well.

"Ah, yes." Dino smiled winningly at the waiter who had approached them – a tall, moustached man with an accent and a penguin suit. Tsuna panicked, cursing himself for getting so lost in thought that he hadn't even read over the menu. He hastily scanned the courses, feeling ready to cry when all the food names were long and foreign. "Tsuna, are you ready to order?"

"Y-Yes! U-Um..." He couldn't mess this up! "I-I'll have the... the, e-esca... escavee- escaveechee..."

Sum-well paused with his pen over his writing pad. "I beg your pardon, sir?"

Now Tsuna really did feel ready to cry. "This one," he mumbled, pointing to his choice where it was written on the menu. He could feel his face burning with humiliation. Ten minutes into the first date, and he had already made a fool of himself. The waiter nodded and made a note of it. "Escavêche, a fine choice. And your companion?"

"Ah! My turn..." Dino seemed oblivious to Tsuna's faux pas. Or at least, so Tsuna thought, until the blonde smiled and pointed at his own choice on the menu. "I'll have the boo-uff boor-gooey-on."

...If he hadn't witnessed it himself, Tsuna would never have believed that that mangled French had come from the so-obviously-European Dino. The shock wore off in a couple of seconds though, only to be replaced by a crushing despair that had him digging his fingernails into his thigh until it began to hurt, so that he wouldn't start bawling. He didn't think Dino was mocking him with his mangled pronunciation, but all that left was the scenario where Dino was trying to save him from embarrassment, only a few minutes into the date.

"The Boeuf Bourguignon." The waiter wrote down the blonde's choice without blinking an eye. "Very good, sirs." He snapped his notepad closed and bowed at the waist. "Until your meal arrives, please enjoy these complimentary French bread sticks. If the gentlemen require anything, please do not hesitate to call..."

"You didn't have to do that," Tsuna whispered, ashamed to feel tears prickling his nose. He sniffed them back. "Saying the name all stupid to make me feel better... It's only ten minutes in, and you're already having to rescue me... In the end, I really am just dame-Tsuna..."

"Oi," said Dino, alarmed, "what are you talking about, Tsuna?"

"What am I –?" Tsuna's head shot up so that he could meet Dino's gaze, to find that the older man looked genuinely confused.

"I just ordered the meal," said the blonde cluelessly. "Was there something...?"

Tsuna stared at the blonde for a long moment, open-mouthed, before collapsing into a fit of uproarious laughter. He laughed until he cried, until he sounded hysterical; and when he finally contained himself it only took one glance at Dino for him to fall into another fit of convulsions. He laughed until his sides ached with it, and didn't even care that the tables around them were giving the pair wary sidelong glances, or that Samuel had arrived with the food and was standing patiently, waiting to be acknowledged.

Dino had been acting so cool recently that Tsuna had almost forgotten that this was Dino, the lovable, ditzy Dino who tripped on air and kept a ridiculous turtle as a pet. The pressure that came with this being a date meant that Tsuna had forgotten that they were supposed to be having fun.

"No, Dino-nii," Tsuna gasped, smiling brilliantly, tears of mirth making his eyes sparkle beneath the lights of the chandeliers. "Absolutely nothing's wrong."

The two laughed and joked through their meal, Dino predictably clumsy with his men not around, and constantly missing his mouth with his fork, or dropping food on the ground. He just smiled sheepishly when Tsuna laughed at his expense, though Dino did get in his own fair share of chuckles when the brunette leaned across the table to eat some food off of Dino's fork only to somehow slip and face-plant into the buttered breadsticks. Then nine o'clock rolled around and the two had been eating and chatting for three hours, so they tumbled back into the jeep and drove home, messy, exhausted, and the happiest they'd been in a long time.

"I had a really good time, Dino-nii," said Tsuna shyly as the car pulled up outside the Sawada residence. "And I learnt a lot, I think... You're a good teacher!"

"Aw, thanks little bro! I had a really good time too. That was the best date I've had in a long time, actually."

Tsuna blushed, embarrassed, but also secretly pleased. He ducked his head so that Dino wouldn't see the red and fiddled with his seatbelt until it clicked open. "I-I should get in, Dino-nii... Thanks for everything, again, and I'll see you for our next date-"

"The date's not finished yet," said Dino suddenly.

"Eh? Really?" Tsuna paused with his hand wrapped around the door handle, head tilted curiously. He glanced at the front door of his house. "But... What else could there be?"

Dino's eyes were gleaming again, in the glow of the streetlights. "Well... This is normally when the boy kisses the girl goodnight."

Tsuna's eyes widened drastically. "K-Kiss?!" he spluttered. "B-But, you said before t-that t-t-touches, they all depended on the girl..."

"You're acting the part of the man in these dates, aren't you? That means that I'm the girl, and I'm requesting the kiss," Dino interrupted calmly. He smiled then. "C'mon. It'll be good practice, won't it?"

Tsuna was suddenly reminded that these had been fake dates, practise for wooing Kyoko. His face exploded into a blush at the thought of k... k-k-i... kissi-...

Kyoko...

"I can't!" Tsuna yelped. He was feeling absolutely mortified, and was sure that his face doing a fair imitation of a tomato. "Something like that... No way can I...!"

"You're late, Tsuna."

Both boys yelped. "Reborn!" Tsuna gasped, eyes darting about in search of the hitman. "Where..."

"Back here, dame-students."

They turned to see Reborn perched on the backseat of Dino's jeep, dressed this time as a teacher, complete with spectacles, chalk and pointer. "I expected you back to study for your English test some hours ago, dame-Tsuna. Because I don't want this costume to go to waste, you'll just have to study all through tonight until you collapse from exhaustion. Look forward to it."

Tsuna let out a weak hiieee of despair, but was promptly ignored.

"And you, Dino..." Reborn's pitch eyes sharpened even further. "I suppose I should have dressed as a Cupid for you instead?" he jeered.

Dino blinked cluelessly. "Eh, you knew about these fake dates I've been taking Tsuna on?" He turned to the quietly panicking Tsuna. "Tsuna, did you tell Reborn...?"

Tsuna recovered long enough to shake his head mutely, and then continued with his silent break down in the passenger seat of Dino's car.

"Fake dates, you say... So you haven't figured it out yet," Reborn muttered, and let Leon transform from a gun back to his chameleon form, and rest on the brim of the hitman's fedora. "Well, I suppose if that's all it is it's okay. If other mafia families see that Chevallone and Vongola are on such good terms, it will make both families look good... And only a very poor boss would be unable to woo a lady. Alright," Reborn concluded, "for now, I can permit these fake dates, as long as that's all they are."

"What else could they be?" asked Dino, genuinely confused. He raised his hands in panicked surrender when Leon was once again transformed and pointed at the blonde.

"Never you mind," Reborn threatened. "Just remember my conditions and you won't die. Now hurry up, Tsuna, we have a lot of tortu- study, we have a lot of studying to do."

Dino watched on as Tsuna dragged himself out of the car and to the front door, only to be booted the rest of the way by Reborn, who didn't like to be kept waiting. Dino sat there, idling the engine, until the light in Tsuna's room flicked on, and he could see dark shapes moving behind the curtain.

Only then did he pull away and drive off down the street.

OMAKE

Dino sat in a plush chair back at the Chevallone base, resting his chin on his linked fingers and not doing paperwork. Romario had given him a sorrowful kicked-puppy look, but as much as Dino cared for all of his men, Romario was just too macho for puppy eyes. Besides, Dino thought to himself with a small grin, when he had a choice between doing boring old paperwork and planning his next fake-date with Tsuna, shouldn't his priorities be obvious?

"Where to next?" Dino pondered. An amusement park was an obvious choice, or else they could go see a movie. And there was always that cute cafe in the local park that sold nice cheesecake...

"Dino," said Romario solemnly, making said man start from his thoughts. He looked up, blinking, only to notice for the first time that he was surrounded by all his men, who were standing around him in a sombre ring. Even for mafia men, they were looking uncharacteristically serious. One, a bald, suited man with an inch-thick scar running down the side of his face, was scrunching his hat in an effort not to start bawling.

"Hey, you guys!" Dino laughed sheepishly. "Gomen, gomen, I didn't notice you there... What's with those faces, you look like you're on your way to a funeral or something..."

"We need a word, Boss," said Romario solemnly. The rest of the men nodded. Dino looked from one to the other, confused.

"Okay... Of course... Well, what about?"

"About Vongola's Sawada Tsunayoshi."

"...What about him?"

Bruno, a man with biceps thicker than the width of some people's heads, spoke up gently. "We just wanted to suggest that maybe you stay away from the Sawada residence for a few days. Not for long, we know that Vongola-sama is important to you, but just long enough that you can get Chevallone affairs in order. Sawada-sama has Reborn, he can take care of himself and Vongola affairs for a couple of weeks... We only have you, Dino-sama."

"We only want you!" The man who had been scrunching his hat lost the battle with his tears and began sobbing. "We're important too, ain't we? I's been waitin' days for you to give me my mission!"

"Patrick!" said Dino, flustered, and stood to press a handkerchief into the man's hand. "Of course you're important, of course I haven't forgotten about you guys! You're my most important Family! You're everything to me!"

"We do know that... And we're not saying that Tsuna-sama isn't important too!" Romario spoke up quickly. "I really like the kid... We're just, worried, that you might be getting a little too attached..."

Dino blinked and cocked his head to the side. "Eh?"

"But no matter wha' happens, we'll be here for you, supporting you, all the way!" Patrick bawled. A few other men had gotten teary at the display, and were nodding fervently. "You're our important Dino-sama, and we'll follow ya to the end, no matter any deviant or unholy practises!"

"What-"

But Bruno was nodding. "Very moving, Patrick," he said solemnly, then raised his hand in a salute, facing Dino, staunch and sure. "Dino-sama!" he barked, and the rest of the men followed suit, shouting passionately. "Dino-sama!"

"Sorry, Boss," said Romario, and patted the stunned man on the shoulder. "It was just a little something we needed to get off our chests. We trust you implicitly, but you have to understand that this situation has been quite worrying... But well, you are our boss, and you could certainly do worse, so no matter what we're with you all the way."

One more reassuring pat, and the Chevallone men were leaving Dino to his paperwork, satisfied that they'd said their piece.

Dino raised one hand in a weak attempt at keeping them here. "Wait... Guys... I have no idea what you even...Guys..."

A.N. And there's chapter 2 for you! A reminder, NEXT CHAPTER I WILL CHANGE THE STORY'S RATING TO M. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Also, because I just know this is going to come up: Italian and French are very similar languages, but where Italian spelling is phonetic, French spelling rather isn't. So it isn't inconceivable that Dino would mess up trying to pronounce French words :P

See you pretties next chapter! xx