So crack a bottle, let your body waddle
Don't act like a snobby model you just hit the lotto
Uh-oh Uh-oh, bitches hopping in my Tahoe
Got one riding shotgun and no not one of them got clothes
Now where's the rubbers? Whose got the rubbers?
I notice there's so many of them
and there's really not that many of us.
And ladies love us, my posse's kicking up dust.
It's on till the break of dawn
and we're starting this party from dusk

-Crack A Bottle (Eminem)

TWO:

When Bella sings in the shower, it is horrible. She tries not to sing too loud for, occasionally, she can see cracks forming on the walls of the shower. Her songs usually sound like long, thin wails, and offend the ears of anyone who is unfortunate enough to hear her. She only does this when she is sure Renee can't hear her, but occasionally she misjudges the location of her mother and ends up receiving a very heated, 'For the love of all that is holy, SHUT THE FUCK UP!' Intense mortification ensues. This is how Bella is feeling right now.

She thought she had more time to mentally prepare herself for the ordeal of meeting new people. Perhaps she could fashion herself into an Aphrodite, or a female Ero. She knew that wasn't her true self, but isn't that the beauty of starting at a new school?

But fuck the world up its ass; it just does not let her have even one victory. Bella is forced to collect herself and present an acceptable personality to a classmate with only five seconds prep time, a classmate she would much rather have avoided. Any more, and the chick would probably notice the wide eyes and open mouth. How approachable.

Bella snaps her mouth shut and tries to look friendly yet slightly bored, though probably managing to look like she has explosive diarrhoea.

"Hey Jessica," she says. Smooth. "Er, thanks. For, you know, not letting me fall. If I had an ass enlargement, there would have been a shitload of silicone on the splattered all over the ground right now," She laughs, weakly. Jessica gives her a weird look. "Not that I have one." The weird look remains.

"Anyway," Bella hurries to change the subject, "I'm Bella. How'd you know I was new?"

Jessica chuckles and her facial expression relaxes. She's quite pretty, though short, with a wild mass of curly hair and a few faded freckles dotting her face – obviously Jessica tries to conceal them. Most likely with concealer. "All newbies have the same look of terror mixed with hope when they're new." She pauses. "Plus, we only have like five hundred kids in our school. Everyone knows everyone."

Hmm, Bella thinks. First, she thinks I'm a freak. Now, everyone will , since Jessica seems like the type of girl who adores gossiping, and since they all probably know each other so intimately they braid each other's pubic hair. This keeps getting better and better.

"So, c'mon,' Jessica starts walking and beckons Bella forward. Ah, the moment of truth.

Bella quickly grabs her backpack and shuts the door to her truck, whispering 'See you, Max. Wish me luck,' as she jogs towards Jessica.

The two girls walk peaceably through the wide doors of the small, brick front building. A grey-haired woman with a very lined face is sitting behind a wooden desk, reading what looks like a trashy romance novel, if one judges from the naked, embracing couple on the front. Or it could be fantasy, Bella thinks. The size of the man's penis is definitely not realistic.

Bella walks towards the woman and leans on the desk slightly, asking, 'Excuse me, are you the receptionist?'

The lady reddens and closes her book immediately, shoving it in a drawer and noticeably uncrossing her tightly crossed legs. 'Mm yes, I'm Ms Cope. Are you the new girl?'

'Yes, I'm Bella,' she replies, trying to hold back her smile. 'I was told I needed to get my 'new girl' stuff from you.'

'Of course,' Ms Cope turns her back to Bella and Jessica, shuffling around in some files, presumably looking for the papers. Jessica giggles and makes a swooning motion, causing Bella to smirk.

'Here it is, your timetable, locker number and what-not,' Ms Cope turns back around and slides the information over the desk to Bella. 'I'm sure Jess here will show you where your classes are, Bella. My condolences to -'

Bella didn't let her finish, delivering a sharp, 'Thank you,' before taking the papers and rushing in a random direction. Jessica quickly catches up to her and gives her a questioning look, which Bella ignores. Jessica pushes it, saying in a sweet voice that Jessica probably thinks is appropriately condolence-y, 'I'm sorry too Bella –'

'Look. I really don't want to talk about it, Jessica.' Bella had no idea that the whole town knew of what happened, but she should have expected it. Bumfuck nowhere towns always stick their bumfuck noses into other peoples' business. Bella curses to herself, dreading the fact that she's going to have to deflect more attention than she'd thought she'd had to. Fuck.

'Ok Bella, relax,' Jessica says, condescendingly. 'Pass your timetable. And call me Jess.'

Ten minutes later, an annoyed Jessica and an even more annoyed Bella sit silently, side-by-side, in English, which they have together. This is unfortunate for Bella, as she doesn't like 'Jess' a whole lot. Despite the fact that Bella's eyes are rimmed with kohl and her lips smeared with gloss, she feels very under-makeuped, and under-girlified in general. The girls at Forks High were big on fake tan, dyed hair and blush, and that included Jessica. Jess also had the irritating tendency to gush about the most random shit, and she asks very original questions, such as 'Where are you from?' 'How are you liking Forks?' and 'Like oh my god, is there any boy here you're absolutely dying to hump?,' questions she had managed to yap at Bella during the walk to their English classroom. Sadly, Bella doesn't believe she'll find a niche of nonconformity here.

Ugh, Bella is so boring, Jessica thinks. Everything she says sounds seriously psychotic, and she hasn't even picked a boy toy yet. Not that any of the guys would go for her… Where's the display of mid-drift? The sly peek of cleavage? The miniskirt, for God's sake! Ugh. Bella's brow furrows at Jessica's random scowl, wondering at the cause of it.

A teacher, who Jessica pointed out was named Ms Goff, calls the class to attention and begins an explanation of the standard of work she is expecting from the students this year, et cetera et cetera. But before this, she announces to the class that they have a new student, which increases the irritation of Bella, as all eyes turn to her. Jess giggles, adoring the attention. I'll just sacrifice today and stick to her, Jess thinks. Get some more goss for everyone; it'll be for the greater good. Though of course, Jessica's real intention is simply to increase her popularity.

Bella blushes and mumbles hi to everyone, which prompts Ms Goff to begin her lesson. Most of the students turn back around as it's obvious the new girl isn't going to say anything interesting, though a few eyes remain. Bella starts to copy down notes, thinking she really needs to buy a copy of Othello, her most hated Shakespearean play. Bella feels neutral towards Shakespeare – though the books are rarely entertaining, some have interesting quotes like, 'though she be but little, she is fierce,' - which is Bella's motto - and hidden messages. In her opinion, Othello is the worst, as the plot is easily decipherable and the characters: uncomplicated. Oh well, she thinks. Easy A.

Bella feels a slight prick by her arm and realises Jessica is passing her a note. Cool, sixth grade, she mentally smirks. She unfolds the note.

OMG, Othello! My mom tried to make me read it once and I was like shit, is this in a diff language? Wtf is going on?

Bella stops her eye roll just in time, as she is sure Jess is looking at her, watching for a slight nod of agreement. Bella turns her head and finds she is correct, though Jess also has a small smile as well, probably sure of Bella's sheeping abilities. She contemplates whether to completely alienate Jess and tell her how ridiculously stupid she is, or to meekly nod. Bella's ambivalence causes her to shrug, settling for option three. She'll wait it out a little bit, no need to attract the wrath of Jess and the gang of skanks Bella is sure she has so early in the day. Jessica's smile falters, while Bella's head turns directly to the front of the room.

When the bell goes, Jessica turns towards Bella with enthusiasm and begins her relentless stream of chatter once again, and Bella sighs. Luckily, they didn't share any other classes together, so Bella kept to herself, though she was constantly peppered with questions from random students until lunch.

When the bell rang, signalling the end to her last class before lunch, a cute blond-haired, blue-eyed guy comes up to Bella. Oh no, Bella thinks. Direct contact, evasion would be too obvious.

'Hey Belle, I'm Mike,' the boy says, smiling and dimpling.

'It's Bella,' Bella replies. 'Nice to meet you,' she says, as she tries to side-step him and get to her locker, which Jess helped her find beforehand.

'Hang on. Want to sit with us at the cafeteria?' Mike asks, not waiting for her response and already pulling her along. Even though, quite frankly, Mike repulses Bella, she still waits to feel the tell-tale tingling that female protagonists always get when their destined love touches them. Nope, nothing.

Bella rips her arm from Mike's grip and says, 'Dude, what the fuck? Presumptuous, much?'

*Sheeping - the art of acting like a sheep i.e. conforming to others

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