A/N: This is the second chapter. Again, this is kind of the second part of a two part prologue like thing. Anyways. I'm still working on an opening for 'Broken Pieces' which I mentioned in my note of the last chapter. Uh, anyway. Read & Review! Thanks. -Mac
Disclaimer: I don't own Life With Derek.
Chapter Two
Derek
Derek, my secret. He's hot. He's gorgeous. He's dripping with excess sex appeal. He's a ladies' man, a player, the kind of guy that uses girls as objects. But for some reason, I'm still with him--behind Sam's back.
He's got a smile that can make you melt, literally melt, at his feet. But that's his smile--not his trademark smirk. The smirk is a totally different story entirely. His smirk can make me tremble inside. It makes me think about the things I know he's thinking.
We have this undeniable chemistry between us. It's just there, this overwhelming presence. He has asked me how I know he's in the room before I see or hear him. I just feel it--I feel him--and I know he's there. It's this tension that surrounds me whenever he is near me. It's this heightened sense tuned in to detect his presence. I can feel his touch before he touches me. Hear his voice without him speaking. See his face without looking at him.
Sometimes it scares me that I can't do the same with Sam.
Even when we're fighting there's a playfulness to it. Or when we're really going at each other, a passion behind it just waiting to boil over. We've ended more arguments with my back against a wall and his mouth on mine. There's a desperation in everything we do.
Being with him is thrilling. It's exciting. He's an adventure. I never know what's going to happen next when I'm with him. The unpredictability is refreshing. It's invigorating. There are sparks there that I've never felt with Sam. The suspense I feel waiting for his reaction is energizing. Inspiring. Motivational. His presence compels me to do things I never would have done without him--or with Sam. It's something I've never experienced before. He pulls me in, and I can't get away, I can't fight it.
Physically, our "relationship" is off the charts. Way off. Way, way off. I'm attracted to him in a way that's far different from the attraction I have toward Sam. It's based on something completely different. It's just different with Derek. It's a whole other experience. My relationship with Derek is much more physically based than my relationship with Sam ever could be.
It's just a different situation. Different person, different attraction, different experience. Just different.
I fool around with him behind my boyfriend's--his best friend--back. I feel guilty. I feel terrible. I feel like the worst person that has ever lived but I can't stop. It's a dangerous game that I'm playing. But I can't end it. I don't know how to. And I can't bring myself to let go. I can't get myself to do it. I just can't. I can't do it. Can't.