Horror crashed into Lapis as she realized what exactly was shaking the boat. No, not what. Who.
A strong, orange arm, the color washed out in the dim light, had thrown itself assertively over the railing. Jasper catapulted herself over the metal bars, and there she stood, Lapis' captive and her tormentor, her enemy and her ally. She stood there, a nightmare come to life, that familiar maniacal gleam in her eyes.
"Finally," Jasper growled, and Steven, who Lapis had forgotten about in her distress, stepped forward, protecting her with his shield.
Go away! Lapis thought, quivering, but she was too shocked and terrified to say anything. Jasper wouldn't let Steven protect her. She knew what she wanted, and what she wanted was Lapis. She wouldn't stop until they fused, and Lapis knew better than anyone that Steven didn't need to give Jasper any more reason to shatter him.
Jasper was snarling at Steven, like a rabid wolf, but he – valiant, brave, stupid Steven – wouldn't move away, defending Lapis though she knew she had done nothing to deserve it. Jasper snapped, seizing Steven's arm and throwing him across the deck, and the pure worry that the action sparked in Lapis was what finally snapped her out of her daze. She moved to run to him, but Jasper snatched her wrist, swinging her around to look at her. Jasper fell to her knees with an earth-shaking thud, trapping Lapis' hand in both of her large, meaty ones.
"Let's be Malachite again," she begged, even as lightning flared and thunder crashed. Lapis was once more rendered frozen, not entirely sure whether this was real or not. Every day since Malachite had been broken apart, she had thanked each and every star for Steven and the Crystal Gems for saving her from her prison. Sometimes she felt guilty for the trouble she had put them through, knowing that she had been both prisoner and prison warden, the powerless and the powerful, and together – she shuddered even thinking that word – she and Jasper had done so much damage.
Lapis was broken inside. She knew it because Steven was whole, whole and beautiful, and she was nothing like him. And though she would have liked to blame Jasper, she knew it was not entirely her fault. The damage had started much earlier than her. But as terribly bad as Malachite had been, there were also moments when she was terribly good, when power filled her to the brim, and uncertainty was a thing of the past. That power had gone to Jasper's head, and for a while it had gone to Lapis' too.
"Why would you want that?" she gasped, though she knew the answer. Jasper had enjoyed the cage Lapis had made for her. She loved the chaos that they had created.
"I was wrong about fusion. You made me understand! Malachite was bigger and stronger than both of us. We could fly!" Desperation and a twisted wonder burned in Jasper's eyes, were heavy in her words. And despite herself, Lapis felt an urge to give in and fuse. After all, Jasper needed her. Who else would ever need – let alone want – her, a worthless and broken gem?
Then the answer was shouted at her. "Lapis! Don't listen to her!" Steven called, and she could hear the pleading in his voice.
"Stay out of this!" Jasper snapped, springing to her feet. The violent mood swing was just another reminder. They never stopped coming.
"I was terrible to you," Lapis said, biting her lip. The wind buffeted her hair. "I liked taking everything out on you." The words welled up from a hidden place inside of her, a dark place, and slipped from her mouth. They were a confession. "I needed you, I hated you." She loathed the desperation in her voice. "It was bad!" And as inadequate as the words were, they were true. They were true, and they were her lifeline among the lies.
"It'll be better this time, I've changed! You've changed me! I'm the only one who can handle your kind of power. Together we'll be unstoppable!" Jasper advanced on her, holding her hands out imploringly. The conviction was clear in her voice. She believed what she was saying, and it made Lapis feel sick. She backed away, hitting the cabin wall behind her. There was nowhere left to run, no more chances for escape.
Over Jasper's round, powerful shoulder, Lapis met Steven's gaze, his eyes dark with worry.
He had protected her. He had released her from the mirror, healed her gem, tried to save her on Peridot's hand ship, comforted her when she was sad and given her a place to stay after the Crystal Gems released her from Malachite. Steven loved her, and that was more than Jasper could ever give her.
Steven loved her, and that was all that she needed.
"NO!" she cried. The word was ripped from her lungs. She had held it in for a long time, longer than Jasper had been here, on this boat. She had buried it from that moment on the beach, green fire turning her skin turquoise, when she had accepted Jasper's hand, ignoring Steven's cries.
"What?" Jasper exploded, her face filling Lapis' field of vision.
"What we had wasn't healthy! I never want to feel what I felt with you. Never again. So just go!"
"Lapis!" Jasper burst, but before she could say anything else, Steven interrupted.
"She said no! Leave her alone!" he said fiercely, though he had every reason to be afraid.
Jasper turned to him, and Lapis could see the fury welling up in her. "This is your fault." The anger was straining in her voice. "I'll shatter you!" She ran at Steven, who's eyes were wide and shocked.
And Lapis reacted.
Water tore through the deck, throwing Jasper off the boat. She went so high and far that Lapis lost sight of her solid orange form against the dark clouds.
Then she stared at the column of water, shocked. She, the gem who was worthless in a fight, had crafted a fist out of saltwater, and saved Steven.
But what surprised her the most was that she had saved herself.
She had protected herself against her terrors. She had refused Jasper. And she had done it all on her own.
"Lapis, you did it!" Steven exclaimed, wrapping his warm arms around her waist. The pride and the happiness in his voice made her smile. I love this boy, she thought. And for the first time in a long time, she felt peace, and happiness.