Chapter 2: Those Nights
A:N/ I'm going to fail my upcoming physics test, I can tell. Incoming detentions for not doing a single piece of homework, which I will probably spend writing more Clovniss. Kind of ironic actually D: But I just love the pairing too much. I'm kind of sure that more than half of you are only putting up with me and reading this because, sadly, there's nothing else to read.
I know I said that it was a one-shot, but I've been successfully pressured into writing out this chapter. So I hope you guys will enjoy this, and hopefully like it enough to review :D
The Fire Breathes readers (Mary gaga) – I did have intentions on continuing it, but after some consideration, I found that it would be quite tricky to continue. I'm sorry, but if you've got any prompts, AU, cross overs etc. please feel free to submit them and I'll see what I can do.
I just knew that after the events of that night, things would never again be the same. Maybe it was silly hope that I had desperately latched onto, that our conversations had meant something to Clove (as much as it meant to me). It didn't change anything; it was a series of short conversations we shared in the hours of the night. I like to think that I would know. We all did things in the darkness of night that we would never dare consider under the harsh realities of day.
And at the end of it all, it didn't change the fact that we were enemies that would soon be thrown into a slaughter pit. Only one of us would be coming out alive.
"Ok, I've had it with your moping, what's wrong?"
I looked up from the marble which I had been so content to study for the rest of the day. For once, no alcohol was within Haymitch's reach. He sported an annoyed look matched perfectly with folded arms that gave him the appearance of authority. "You weren't so depressing yesterday."
Yesterday. Clove and I had talked yesterday. We were friendly then, weren't we? With a sigh, my gazed dropped down to the table top, perfectly matching my mood, and I prodded and pushed the cold pieces of omelet around the plate. "I'm perfectly fine," I finally declared.
The man snorted and waved to the Avoxes to clear the table. "Fine my ass." He squinted his eyes and studied me in deep thought, making my skin crawl at the scrutiny. "You," he finally said, raising an accusing finger that pointed right at me. "You're love sick!"
This made Peeta look up from his food as he gaped at me in disbelief. I groaned and hid my face under my palms. Trust Haymitch to make assumptions about my feelings before I've even begun to study them. However, my reaction provided the implication that the words that had sprouted from the man's mouth held truth.
Haymitch groaned and slumped down on his seat, massaging his temples with the tips of his fingers. "Katniss, I thought you were smarter than that!" he sounded defeated, like I had stood up to proudly declare I was sacrificing myself honorably in the bloodbath. I frowned slightly, insulted at his tone. "Which idiot did you go and fall for?"
The crease of my eyebrows deepened at the insult. Clove wasn't an idiot! And yet, his words brought a gentle blush to my cheeks, more of the thought of Clove than anything else. From the corner of my eyes, I could see Peeta examining my reactions with an unreadable look he didn't try to mask.
The mentor raised an eyebrow and dragged his chair forward, such that he was as close to me as possible without really moving. Then he leant forward in a conspiring way and lowered his voice such that he was speaking in a low whisper, which was completely unnecessary given the confines of the dining room. "Who is it?"
"That's none of your business, Haymitch!" I groaned as more heat rushed to my cheeks and the pink no doubt darkened to a furious red.
"Ha!" he laughed accusingly, as if he'd successfully guessed the identity of my mysterious 'lover'. He couldn't have, could he? "It's someone you don't want us to know."
Oh, trust me Haymitch. I don't want you to know a single detail of my love life!
"C'mon. I'm sure whoever has your attention wouldn't be that bad," he prodded. Then the curve of his grin leveled grimly. "It's not that Cato boy, is it? Or that Marvel."
I shook my head furiously. Just the thought made my stomach clench and turn inside out. A mischievous gleam shone in Haymitch eyes and he leant back on his chair, beginning to list off every male tribute; if only he knew. When he finished with Thresh, the male tribute from district 11, I had already been so thoroughly embarrassed I fought the urge to hide in some dark corner till everyone had forgotten about my existence. Everyone except Clove, an annoying part of me reminded myself.
Haymitch had his arms crossed over his chest and a deep frown engraved onto his features as he sorted out his thoughts. I almost thought that he had finally decided to drop the subject, but his back straightened suddenly and he snapped his fingers in a delusional sense of satisfaction. The proud smile he wore on his face worried me. It was the smile of someone who'd finally figured out a hard math problem, or in this case, the identity of my mysterious 'lover'.
"Unless," he began slowly. "It's Peeta isn't it?"
My eyes widened instinctively at the absurdity of the whole thing and furiously shook my head to banish the thoughts. But my desperate attempts to discourage Haymitch from the idea only seemed to reassure him of his ridiculous assumption that couldn't be further from the truth. He chuckled softly before standing up from his seat, clasping Peeta's shoulder and giving it a good shake.
"Sort this out before the games." He shot us both a wink before grabbing onto a bottle of alcohol and retreating back into his room.
I groaned and gently banged my head on the marble table, almost convinced that if I knocked enough times, the entire ordeal would be forgotten. Damn you, you pig-headed mentor! At least he was the only person dumb enough to believe such an outrageous idea. The universe, however, loved proving me wrong.
"Kat- Katniss I," Peeta spluttered. "I don't-"
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but instead, I stood up from my seat and frantically waved my arms.
"Peeta. This is just some dumb idea Haymitch managed to come up with, you know how he is."
He didn't look convinced. "I know that the pressure is getting to all of us, but-"
"But nothing!" I said, as a suffocating feeling settled over me. This was miles away on my list of possible outcomes of the day when I had woken up in the morning. "Peeta, there's never going to be anything between us!"
It was unnecessarily callous of me, but I couldn't have cared less in that moment. A look of pain flashed across his face before I fled the room, narrowly knocking into Effie along the way, who yelped at my unexpected ferocity. And before I rounded the bend back to my room, I could just make out the Capitol woman's complains about my manners, and the half-hearted agreements Peeta gave.
X_X
We (Peeta and I) hadn't spoken since the incident in the morning. In fact, I was sure my attempts to avoid him weren't completely one-sided.
A large crowd had already gathered in the training room, all wandering around without a clear destination, going to whatever claimed their interests. My mood was sour and the last thing I wanted was to be trapped in a room filled with strangers that would be trying their best to kill me in a few days' time. But I really wanted to stay, even if it were only to catch a glimpse of Clove and sort out whatever it is we had between us.
Infatuation was something I was hardly used to. I never had time for dating back at district 12, my concentration solely on keeping my family fed and alive. A bitter part of me faulted my mother for abandoning Prim and I, forcing us to grow up much faster than we had to without anyone to guide us across things like puberty and attraction. It was always better to put the blame on someone else, especially a person who probably was culpable.
The atmosphere tensed suddenly as all around me, tributes paused in their actions to eye something from the entrance. My interest caught, I subtly glanced towards the source of all the attention. It was the careers.
All four of them proudly strutted into the room, clearly aware of the attention they commanded. They radiated strength and the show of their unity caused more than a few tributes to sharply turn away. A single career was cause enough for fear; a group of them always inspired dread, anxiety and a morbid feeling of curiosity. Glimmer and Marvel wore smirks as their eyes gleamed dangerously, promising pain to anyone who got in their way. Cato just looked smug like he always did, and Clove? Clove looked disinterested and uncaring to the world, something so much more effective than even the harshest glare.
The knife master's eyes swept casually across the room, and when our eyes connected, the whole world seemed to freeze in that very moment and the hardness in her eyes softened. She broke the connection first; focusing her eyes nowhere in particular, but that one glanced had conveyed a silent message. It spoke of trust, acceptance and reassurance. It comforted me, and filled me with warmth that not even the thickest Capitol quilt could offer. The previous night had meant something to her.
A spark of hope flared down into the darkness of my frantic worry.
X_X
Ok, maybe it was unfair to blame Clove for being so distracting that all I could think about was her. So distracting, that the upcoming private session with the game makers had fled to the darkest recesses of my mind.
That was until Haymitch decided he should remind me of it less just minutes before the actual event.
"What do you mean you forgot?" he roared, causing more than a few tributes and their mentors from looking our way.
"Forgot; the past tense of forget. A failure to remember."
"I don't mean explain the word! Out of every day, you just had to forget today?"
I gave a huff of frustration. "It's not like I specifically chose today," I snarked. I had beaten myself enough over it already; his attempts at telling-off me were not appreciated.
"Ok," he breathed. "Keep calm, you'll do fine."
I was calm. But I kept from commenting to prevent ticking him off further. Both of us made our way to the end of the waiting area, the section which our district was assigned. We passed by Clove on our way there, and she managed to slip in an encouraging wink missed by everyone except myself. I really couldn't bring myself to blame her for my lacking memory after that.
Peeta was already waiting for us when we reached there, and he looked away quickly to avoid my gaze. Ok, fine Mr. Tantrum. It's not like I killed your dog or anything!
Haymitch shifted about on his feet in front of us before finding the right words. "Before it's your turn, the game makers would have gone through over twenty tributes already, including all the careers. So you need to show them something memorable, or you'll just end up with an average score." He shifted again, looking extremely uncomfortable. "Try not to suck." Then he left.
A smile grew on my lips, and from the corner of my eyes, I could see one on Peeta's face too. 'Try not to suck' was practically Haymitch-speak for 'good luck, I'm sure you'll do me proud', and though he might try to deny it, a part of him did care dearly for us both.
We sat in silence as one after another, tributes stood and left. They came back with varying expressions but were promptly seen out of the room. The careers in particular, returned with proud smirks. And even though Clove was as expressionless as ever, I could see the satisfaction in her eyes. Just before she rounded the bend, the career turned and shot a feral grin that would have been mistaken by everyone else as a taunt. But knowing the 'good luck' behind the smile, my chest warmed and I passed her a smirk in response.
The entire experience reminded me of the few exams I sat in before I had been forced to drop out of school; the silence of the entire event and restlessness in the air. The stream of tributes seemed never ending, but eventually, the imposing figure of Thresh was led away from the area and I stood up, ready to face judgment.
"Good luck, Katniss," Peeta said, shooting me an uneasy smile which I returned.
"Good luck to you too."
Then my feet led me past the mechanical doors and into the large gym. The whole group of game makers sat on the balcony above the area, where they had the best view of every inch of the large room, including every mistake and blunder. It gave me a sense of unease. Their every action reminded me of hungry hawks, looking down from their perch for any weakness in their prey.
"Katniss Everdeen?" The head game maker looked up from the sheet of paper he held. I nodded. "Excellent. Please begin."
Instinctively, I took to the ranged section and reached for the sole bow hung on the rack. It was lighter than what I was used to and the feel of it felt alien to my touch. I took a single arrow and nocked it, feeling eyes roaming all over me, picking apart my every movement. The target suddenly seemed further and smaller now that my life depended on hitting the mark; muscle memories which had been long since ingrained into me seemed clumsy and awkward.
I aimed my shot and almost instantly, regrets bubbled up. Maybe I shouldn't have taken Haymitch's advice. Anything that told me what to expect would be greatly appreciated at that moment. In a leap of faith, the arrow was released from my grip and as soon as it flew through the air, I knew something was wrong.
It hit a good half feet from the bulls eye.
The laugh from the game makers enraged me, and against my will, I could feel my face heating up. The interest they had shown previously was broken and redirected at food that lined their tables. A wave of cold dread washed up through me. What if that had been my only chance?
"Hey!" I yelled, desperately trying to gain their attention. But apparently, a roasted pig of all things was more interesting than the fate of one pathetic tribute they probably didn't expect more than a mediocre performance from. Then I felt anger like never before. The past few days had flown by so fast in a flutter of events that I never had time to sit down and sort through my anger, hurt and fear. I had chosen to focus on more positive emotions in the hope that they would save me from the darkness I shoved deeply into my mind.
And now they all resurfaced, swirling and merging into a tornado of emotions.
I raised my arrow and aligned it perfectly, all the doubts which I previously had banished in that moment. The shot flew true, right towards the damnable red apple the roasted pig held in its mouth. There was a thud, then silence, but I held the attention of every single game maker.
"Thank you. For your generous attention." A curtsy. Then I left the room without once looking back.
X_X
Sometimes emotions drive us into making actions without actual consideration of the consequences. We think, 'I don't care what happens after this, I just want to do it now', and often, we give into temptation. And only until the feelings wear off and we actually sit down to think that we finally realize how utterly stupid and reckless our actions had been. But no matter how hard we wish, there's no taking it back.
Tears pricked at my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. It was a preservation pride that held no value in the privacy I had found on the empty rooftops of the building. And yet, a part of me held on to my anger and refused to fully regret the actions I had committed.
Distracted from my thoughts, I didn't notice I was no longer alone before a pair of arms wrapped themselves around my waist. I tensed instantly and struggled against the hold, but when I realized who it was exactly that had managed to sneak up on me, I relaxed into the embrace. There was only one person who was bold enough to randomly go around hugging me.
"The stars are beautiful tonight aren't day?" she asked, and I found myself nodding along to her words. "What's wrong, Katniss?"
The weight on me seemed to lighten instantly as Clove offered to share my burdens. Concern laced her voice so thickly that it couldn't have held anything more than the deepest sincerity and care for my wellbeing. How long has it been since I had someone to lean on? I'd only really known her for a day, but every part of me screamed that I could trust her with my life.
"I messed up everything," I said, trying desperately to keep too much emotion from seeping into my words. "The game keepers weren't looking at me, so I shot an arrow through this stupid pig they seemed to care for so much."
Out of the list of reactions I had expected, her bursting out into uncontrollable laughter wasn't one of them. Her arms released the hold they had on my waist much to my disappointment, but she shifted so she leant on the railings next to me and took my arm in hers. "I would pay to see their expressions then."
"Well, I actually saw it," I groaned, and wacked her arm playfully when she giggled. "Stop laughing, Clove. It's not funny!"
"C'mon," she nudged me gently. "You've got to admit, that isn't a sight you see every day."
"Oh, trust me. I would find it funny too if it weren't me who shot that damn arrow!"
We bickered back and forth playfully under the stars, and all my worries and fear seemed to magically fade. And subconsciously, we had shifted even closer in the chill night air until the length of our arms touched. She stopped her recount of a funny training accident abruptly and I immediately looked up to see what had caught her attention. Instead, she seemed to be studying my face closely and I asked, "What's wrong?"
Clove shook her head. "Nothing's wrong." Her lips curled into a smile. "Everything couldn't be more perfect."
She stood at an angle where the gentle shine of the moon bathed her in its light, and her eyes shone with such a captivating gleam that I couldn't look away. We stood in silence for several moments before she slowly leant into me and I felt my heart stop. I wanted it. Maybe I would go as far as to say that I needed it. But I just couldn't.
Just as my lips brushed against hers, I pulled myself back, and leant against the railing with this emptiness in my chest that I knew that if I had given in, would be filled and completed in every way possible.
"I'm sorry. But I just can't."
I expected anger, or irritation, but instead of either, she just looked sad and disappointed. She gave me a sad smile brimming with understanding and took my arm firmly against hers. "I understand, it's perfectly ok."
But my chest hummed in pain despite her reassurances because I could sense her pain so distinctively and it hurt me to know that I was the cause of it.
"Maybe someday I'll be able to prove myself worthy, and you'll share that part of you with me. But I'll never force you into something unless you're completely sure," she said, tightening her grip on my hand, and at that moment, I finally managed to admit to myself that I was falling for her. Or perhaps I already had.
I gave her my best smile, and it spoke of promises. Something was holding me back then, but I would figure it out one day. But until then, I knew she would stay by my side.
And we stood together under the moon and stars, until the darkness faded to light.
A/N: I think this came out much better than the previous chapter, and was easier to write too. Maybe some of you are irritated as how slowly things progress between them, but they're things that needed to be said and done first before they can truly share an unbreakable bond. And whatever it is holding Katniss back? Well, you guys are going to have to figure that one out yourselves (Read: the author doesn't know either D: ). If you have any advice or suggestions, please do pass it on to me.
Everything I write undergoes multiple rounds of editing, but I can never seem to sort out my grammar, so if there are any absolutely glaring mistakes, please inform me as well. This is dedicated to the Clovniss and Cloveniss tumblr tags (at least I think that's what they're called) which I am obsessed with, all fans out there and especially those who took the time to review. Thank you all!
Rioshix
(Some people mentioned Jennifer/Isabelle on tumblr. The temptation is growing every few seconds. Any ideas/prompts? No promises, but feel free to submit them too.)
Please, please, please review.