Every so often Kiku will walk past the park on his way home from picking up groceries. It's a scenic walk more so and he takes luxury going that way when the weather allows him to so. He smiles softly at the children playing, roaming around on the metal structures with parents watching from the shade. He holds tight to his bags and walks on.
In passing he has heard advice given to the little ones from parents who want only their safety and happiness. Don't throw sand in the air is the one heard most often. Sometimes it's to share, other times it's about germs. The one that sticks out with him the most is a mother telling her son not keep secrets.
She told him they could hurt his friends feelings if he kept silly things from them, if he would just be honest they could solve their little squabble and be friends again. The advice is not bad and sometimes Kiku wishes he knew how that little boy rekindled his friendship. The words haunt and taunt him sometimes too.
What that boy won't learn until he's older and he won't know until he experiences the moment for himself is that sometimes secrets are best kept to the self. That sometimes the secret is the thing that will ruin the friendship not the thing that will keep it held together. Kiku knows.
He squeezes the bags to his chest, counting the steps it takes to walk each little cement square of the sidewalk. It does enough to distract him from his thoughts until he gets home and the food is put away and he's left to think about the secret he keeps inside him.
Kiku doesn't keep many secrets. He has no reason to have them as there is nothing so terrible no one must know about. As a genuinely quiet person in general he doesn't go shouting about himself but if someone were to ask he would not deny the truth. He may be embarrassed if they ask something horribly personal but even then, there is nothing he is truly ashamed to have done or own. He blushed wickedly when Feliciano found his Miku pillow though, a gift from someone though he loves it in a cheesy way.
Maybe Kiku is just shy but he is scared too. Such a thing could ruin the friendship they worked so hard for. Kuro would tease him mercilessly. The thought of the other sends Kiku face first into his futon to hide his face out of his own embarrassment. He wants to tell Kuro how he feels, how the days seem to be better when they hang out together, how mundane tasks seem just a little brighter with Kuro doing them beside him.
What would Kuro say if he knew? Their calm moments would turn awkward he's sure and that is not something he wants. The comfort he found in being just with someone, a feeling he does not get with everyone, very few people in fact, he's scared to lose. His feelings bubble up though every time Kuro is near and he finds himself smiling with the words right on the tip of his tongue with every mischievous smirk Kuro throws his way.
He's not sure what to think of the feelings. Unfair is his main go to but it's almost logical the feelings bloomed. Kuro paid attention to him, called for him specifically in situations, and did what he could just to see Kiku laugh. There's no way for Kiku to see those actions as anything other than reciprocation of his feelings and yet his mind twists the hope away from him.
Kuro is a flirt this Kiku has seen in action. The flirting has died down since their real beginning of friendship when they started spending more time together. Kiku likes to think he's the reason for that. He wishes to know really. He believes if Kuro felt a certain way he would say so since he is the kind to blurt how he feels without restraint. It's the one thing that keeps him really silent.
Kuro would have said something if he felt anything, something, just a little inkling. Kiku holds tight to his pillow with his mind running in circles now that he's started thinking. A small ache starts in his chest and there is no real way to get rid of it. It will stay and remain for as long as Kiku knows how much he loves Kuro, and yet Kuro has no idea.
For all the talk he is worth there is nothing Kuro knows more than the fact he is a god damn coward. He is wild and reckless, unafraid of most things but there is nothing that scares Kuro more than the thought of never being able to talk to Kiku ever again. It's the worst kind of living nightmare and he jumps through hoops to keep his mouth shut.
It took him a while to figure out how to talk to Kiku in the first place, his usual flirting didn't work and seemed to almost put Kiku off. He calmed down his words just to get close to him and his happiness grew when he found out how much Kiku actually enjoyed his spontaneous personality. It became natural to just show up and bother Kiku in a way that didn't actually bother Kiku at all.
The feelings came quick and hard and firmly made his heat leap to his throat when Kiku gave him one of those soft understanding smiles. He knew the name for them immediately and his urge to tell Kiku, almost shout them as is his nature, followed right away. His brain short circuited to his mouth when he came face to face with a moment to tell Kiku exactly how he felt.
Every moment after met with the same fate. Lovely Kiku would freeze and run from him if he knew and Kuro would rather bite his own tongue off than ruin any kind of closeness he has obtained from the kindness of Kiku's friendship. He would ruin it and he has had enough of ruining thing he will not let this become one of them.
It hurts though sometimes. He hates keeping things from Kiku, someone he actually trusts to not judge him too harshly on his likes and dislikes. Kiku would judge him though on this like. He keeps his feelings hidden as best he can, catching himself from spilling too much when Kiku does something that just makes him overflow with the words that want to pour out of him.
He's sure Kiku wouldn't like it, possibly wouldn't even believe him. Still he wants to say what's in his heart. There's only one way for him to really know how Kiku would react but doing so is the one thing he can never bring himself to do. It sucks and he hates it, hates himself mostly for being so damn cowardly, but the thought Kiku might leave him keeps him silent. He hates being silent and he knows it is the better option than having to lose Kiku just because he loves him.
The bike rumbles down the long winding path to where Kiku lives. Kuro slows when heavier populated areas come up, taking off his helmet to seem as less threatening as possible as he knows some think him scandalous for riding a bike. They are not wrong but he'd rather not scare the people. Kiku would scold him and as funny as that is they have better things to do.
He smiles up at the small house, an expression that shifts into a smirk when Kiku opens the door having heard his bike which announced his presence. Kuro snickers at Kiku shaking his head, grabbing his backpack from the back of the bike and swaggering up the steps to where Kiku has his arms crossed in a chiding way but there's a smile on his face.
"You'll disturb the neighbors," He says. Kuro just snickers and skips around him into the house knowing full well he is invited in. He flops down onto the futons Kiku has set out for them to sleep on later knowing already Kuro would complain if they couldn't sleep beside each other. He convinced Kiku to do so because he said it would be like true sleepover style if they did, and he would get lonely by himself. Really he's selfish and wants as much time as possible next to him.
Kiku makes dinner for them, shared on the floor as Kuro goes off telling him a stupid story of something he did since the last time they talked. He's animated, moving his hands about and Kiku covers his mouth a with a hand when he laughs. Pride slips into Kuro and he sits just a little straighter. He lays on thick the compliments to Kiku's cooking, lacing in enough teases to make it seem normal. Kiku sits just a little taller too.
Kuro helps with the dishes. By help he takes some of the soap bubbles and blows them in the air childishly which doesn't actually help at all. It makes Kiku smile though so it works out in his favor. After cleaning Kuro pulls him back to the futons where they sit with their knees touching, talking in soft tones. Kiku talks in soft tones, Kuro speaks just a little less loud than normal.
Conversation goes on and Kuro loses track of time. It's easy to forget everything around him with Kiku talking to him. After yawning for the third time in a row with the sky starting to turn lighter Kuro finally lets Kiku push him down to the covers to sleep. Kuro can't help but laugh in a dizzy state, his heart pounding at the low giggles that come from Kiku.
He reaches out a hand but pulls it back before it can peek out from under the covers, cursing himself for letting his mind get so far gone to think about holding Kiku. Instead he just smiles sleepily at the soft expression on Kiku's face as he drifts off. They closed all the blinds to shroud them in darkness to makeshift it still being night time though the sun will rise in the near hours.
Somehow he manages to stay awake long enough to make sure Kiku is asleep and then does he gently reach out to rest the back of his hand just on Kiku's face, enough to feel the soft skin there and grit his teeth in annoyance to himself. He pulls back to smack his face into the borrowed pillow.
As tired as he is sleep does not come easy. He twists and turns, shifting carefully to not wake Kiku up and it only serves to make him more restless. He sits up and glares at a corner of the room that has a sliver of sunlight splashed on the floor. He debates just staying up but waking up to Kiku making breakfast has him flopping back to the covers with a huff.
He freezes when Kiku shifts turning to face him and cracking an eye open in a sleepy stupor. Kuro manages a sheepish smile that makes way for shock as Kiku casually brings a hand closer just to lace with Kuro's. Kuro stares at the action wondering just how far out of sleep Kiku is.
"Hey kitten," He whispers far quieter than he has ever been before to get Kiku's attention. Kiku just mumbles with his eyes shut closed again. Kuro takes the chance to firmly hold Kiku's hand.
"Kur..ro.." Kiku sighs still out of it. Kuro can't help but feel smug at hearing his name, excitedly thinking of a way to tease Kiku in the morning for possibly dreaming of him, which makes him more smug. Kiku shifts again.
"Love you.." He breathes out and Kuro's mind practically shatters. He's positive he did not hear right.
"What?" He asks but Kiku does not respond again as he has fully gone back to sleep. Kuro stares at him dumbstruck, a deep rooted part of him hoping to hell and back sleepy Kiku and awake Kiku think the same. His mind hurts from overthinking and being awake too long. He forces his eyes shut finally falling asleep himself to thought out plans to ask Kiku about it in the morning.
He's exhausted. They really stayed up too late and Kuro is still face first in his pillow. Kiku smiles down at him and slips out of the covers to go make some food for them knowing the smell will eventually get Kuro up. His heart is happy having spent the night up talking late with Kuro. It's a usual occurrence when he comes over and it's something Kiku looks forward to even if he is the one to push them to go to sleep.
Halfway through making food Kuro stirs just like he predicted. He's a little odd ended proud at predicting what would happen, knowing Kuro so well to know he would wake up. He glances over as Kuro pads to the kitchen, he stomach dropping when he sees the devilish expression on Kuro's face. He's seen that look before and he knows what it means. Things usually end up embarrassing for him when it happens.
"What?" He asks. Kuro just shrugs trying to play off innocent but Kiku sees past that act. He goes back to his cooking as if refusing to acknowledge the smirk on Kuro's face any longer. He ignores Kuro slinking in his kitchen, playing with random things and being a soft nuisance. He jerks when Kuro hugs him from behind, resting his head on Kiku's shoulder.
"What are you doing?" Kiku squeaks, peeking down at him as well as he can. Kuro just hums happily like a stray cat that scored a filling meal.
"Do you remember what you told me yesterday?" He coos. Kiku fidgets more so the tighter Kuro holds him, his feelings bubbling and wanting to show. He fumbles with his cooking utensils, settling to put them down for fear of burning himself. His face starts to heat and he knows it.
"I told you many things," He counters not fully understanding what Kuro is getting at. He shudders when Kuro chuckles in his ear.
"You said something you never told me before," Kuro continues to tease. Kiku shifts some more, getting a little uncomfortable with the accusations he does not know the basis for. Kuro lets him go sensing so and Kiku side steps away from him and the heated surface.
"That could be anything," He says shakily not knowing where this is going but a dreadful part of him having a hard guess as to what it could be. Kuro smirks simply and comes closer. Kiku backs up smacking his back into the wall. Kuro leans down just enough be right in his face and lock their eyes together.
"Tell me you love me again~" He says. Panic is the first thing that hits Kiku. His eyes go wide and he smacks his hands to his mouth as if to pull words he doesn't even remember saying back into his head. Kuro's smirk grows and Kiku realizes his mistake.
"What are you.. I don't-" He tries to deny the claim but it's too late and he does not want to lie. Not to Kuro. He looks down and refuses to look back up. He is forced to by Kuro turning his head up. Part of him wants to cry at the sudden upheaval it all is. How is he going to explain this? There is no way he can do this. His shoulders slump and Kuro's smirk falls too.
Kiku's mind stalls in sudden unknowing when Kuro leans forward just a little more, keeping his eyes locked on Kiku, judging his every move. Kiku can feel his breathing picking up the closer Kuro gets until he's left holding his breath with Kuro closer to him than he's ever been. He can practically feel Kuro's breath then he feels the soft press of lips giving him a gentle kiss. Kiku inhales sharply with his eyes shut tight. He keeps still as Kuro pulls back.
"Tell me you love me," Kuro coos again. Kiku pushes down his jumbled thoughts to look at Kuro in bewilderment. When he does not give an answer Kuro kisses him again without warning.
"Tell me you love me," It's a closer to a demand now. There's an odd serious expression on his face now.
"I-" Kiku starts to say but Kuro cuts him off. The kiss is desperate now. He shakes softly with Kuro's hands now on his face holding him in his spot. He takes a deep breath when Kuro pulls away this time. He can see the clinging grasp to something in Kuro's face.
"Tell me you love me," It's a plea. It's a tense moment as Kiku stares at him. Small tears form in his eyes and he nods his head no longer having the energy to keep his secret hidden. He gasps hard when Kuro wraps him in a deathly tight hug. Kiku hides his face in Kuro's shoulder, holding back just as tight.
"I've kept it secret for so long," He sniffles out. Kuro is shaking now too. The food burns cause they are too busy wrapped around each other. Kiku is the one to easy out of the hold. He rubs at his nose and Kuro places a gentle hand on his cheek.
"Kitten," The nickname almost hurts. Kiku looks up though, taking in the soft expression on Kuro's face. A bit of hope grows in him. He's scared of the words Kuro will say, but in the end he should have expected nothing less.
"I love you too."