Taylor wants to get away and figure things out. Earlier, as we were lying in the afterglow of a morning fuck, he told me that his parents have his life all planned out for him. Attending some fancy business school. Becoming a partner at his father's company. Marrying some well-to-do girl. He doesn't want any of it. He wants to attend art school, become an artist, and live as an openly gay man. Unfortunately, without their help, he won't be able to go to school at all. So he needs to decide what to do. Making it on his own won't be easy, but living up to their expectations won't be a life at all. He knows his parents will come looking for him, and, apparently, they have tremendous resources, but he thinks he can evade them for a few days, maybe even a week. He asked me to come with him. I didn't even blink before I was smiling and nodding. It's summer, and I don't exactly get the spa treatment here at home. A week away from Jack and Joan is a more than welcome respite. Add Taylor to the mix, and I'd call it fucking paradise. Literally. He's afraid that his parents or someone they know will snatch him away before he can say goodbye, so he gave me enough money for a train ticket home and made me promise to hold onto it.

*******

I still can't believe it. Brian and I are going to "hop a boxcar" headed to Chicago. Once there, we'll travel to Mexico. Or as close as we can get. I've read about teenagers doing this, hopping boxcars and traveling from city to city all across the country, but I never thought I'd actually do it one day. Something about Brian makes me courageous enough to do anything if it means I can spend more time with him. Thankfully, I had fallen asleep in my clothes, and I'd just gotten paid. So I have a few hundred dollars, and things are cheaper here. We went to the Liberty Diner for breakfast (fortunately, Deb was off today) and, then, to the market for traveling supplies: bread, cold cuts, fruit, and snacks; a flashlight; a small radio; condoms and lube (thank goodness K-Y has been available over the counter since 1980); smokes; a new sketchpad and #2 pencils (shudder); and bottled water. Brian is currently packing toiletries and clothes, while I am making sandwiches. I am literally tingling with excitement.

Brian walks into the kitchen, sets down one of the two bags we're bringing with us, and comes up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my neck. Sigh. This is heaven.

"Aren't you done yet? We have to make it to the tracks near the station by 11:30 if we're going to catch the noon train."

I shove a strawberry in his mouth and finish packing the sandwiches I made.

I turn around and say, "All done."

He pulls me in for a strawberry-flavored-Brian kiss. Yummy. He squeezes my ass, and I let out a small moan. He pulls back and asks huskily, "One for the road?"

I just smile. Seconds later, he's got me pushed over the counter, my pants down, his cock in my ass. You'd never know he was a virgin yesterday.

*******

Taylor and I top the hill next to the train station. We start walking down to the tracks when we see the noon train pulling out of the station. Fuck! I grab Taylor's hand and run. I knew I should have said no when Taylor offered me that blowjob, waggling his eyebrows at me seductively like a siren. But once you've had one, refusing another is nearly impossible and absolutely impossible when you're also a horny teenager.

We reach the train and see a few open boxcars. We head for the last one. I toss my bag in and, then, take Taylor's and do the same. The train is still going pretty slow, but it's speeding up. I take a running leap and make it on, and, then, I lean over the edge and reach out for Taylor's hand.

Taylor's panting and flushed. Fuck! He's having trouble keeping pace with the train.

He yells despondently, "Brian, I don't know if I can make it."

I'm scared, but I laughingly curse, "God damned artists! Come on Sunshine, you can do it!"

I have no idea what possessed me to call him Sunshine, but I think he likes it because he smiles brightly and runs faster.

Finally, I feel his hand in mine. Once I've got both of my hands on his arm, I pull him in. We go tumbling across the car and land in a heap, Taylor on top of me. His head is on my chest. I put my arms around him. He starts laughing, and I can't help but join him. We spend the next five or ten minutes like that, in a hot, sweaty, giggly heap. I was right. This is paradise.

*******

I scanned the signatures, printed them out, and took them to a handwriting specialist today. They look the same, but I need to know for sure. The handwriting specialist told me to return tomorrow. I'd also avoided Justin all day. I didn't go to the diner, I didn't go to Woody's or Babylon, I didn't call him, and, in fact, I'd turned my phone off. Until I know for sure, I just can't look at him, speak to him, touch him, kiss him, or fuck him. I have no idea what I'll do if I discover that somehow, some way, the impossible is possible, and Justin is Taylor.

*******

Taylor and I are sitting on the edge of the boxcar. He's on one side of the open door, and I'm on the other. Our legs are stretched out, and our feet, touching. We took our shoes and socks off shortly after we jumped on. At first, we hung our feet over the edge. Feeling the wind against our bare skin was incredible. But we thought someone might notice if we kept it up. So we switched to our current positions. Taylor's smiling at me now. I have no idea why I suddenly called him Sunshine before, but it really is the perfect nickname. Seeing Taylor smile and feeling his bare skin on mine, I'm so happy that it hurts. Sounds crazy, right? But, for me, it's not. I know it can't last. I learned long ago that if I was ever lucky enough to be happy, the moment would pass quickly, and, once it had, I'd need to pay dearly for the joy I'd experienced. All good things have a price. Taylor will most certainly be taken from me, probably forever, and who knows how Jack will make me suffer later. But Taylor is with me right now. I need to enjoy his presence with a light heart, as though tomorrow will never come. I smile back.

Taylor has been eyeing me curiously for some time. He's probably reading my mind again. He always seems to know what I'm thinking or how I'm feeling. He stands up, walks to the center of the boxcar, and begins to undress. His body is flushed with desire, his cock erect and leaking, and his nipples hard from the evening chill. He crooks a finger at me and bites his bottom lip. That always does me in. In that tiny act, a nibble, there is innocence and desperate need, shyness and undisguised lust, pleasure and pain, just a few of the many contradictions that make Taylor the person he is. Seconds later, I am naked and standing in front of him, ready to give him whatever he wants, whatever he needs. Stupid as it sounds, at such times, I feel like this is what I was made for. To be Taylor's everything.

Taylor pulls me down to a sitting position, slides a condom on me, spreads lube on my cock, and, then, impales himself on it. Fuck! The combination of the tight wet heat enveloping my cock and the way he's looking at me, so intensely and with such love, drives me wild. I try to thrust, but Taylor holds my hips still, licks his lips, and, then, starts riding me. Slow at first, but then faster. So fast that I let out a visceral moan. Now he's squeezing me as he slides up and down my shaft. Fucking Christ! I can't take much more. I've never seen anyone or anything more beautiful than Taylor at this moment, the diffused pink orange light from the sun setting falling on his creamy white skin, giving him an otherworldly glow, the wind rustling his hair, and a mixture of wanton lust and deep love in his eyes. Taylor cups my face and kisses me hard. A moment later, we are both cumming like it's our first time.

******

I knew Brian was thinking about our inevitable separation. He was staring at me with unseeing eyes wearing a look of resignation. I wish his world weren't so bleak. My inability to help pained me, so I did the only thing I could do; I tried to make the right-now more pleasurable.

The train is approaching Chicago now. From this vantage point, it doesn't look too different from Pittsburgh, except that the downtown area has many more buildings, and they are much taller. I know we can't stay on the train until it reaches Union Station because it's underground. If we did, we'd be caught for sure.

"Brian, we need to look for a good place to, uh, 'disembark.' We can only stay on a few minutes longer."

He replies cheerfully, "Ok." I guess my 'Band-Aid' worked, for the moment at least.

We each grab a bag and peer out.

"Oh, there. It looks like we're going to switch tracks. The train will need to slow down. We should jump off there, that clear spot right by the river."

"Oh yeah…Wow, you have a good eye."

Brian just smiles in response, but, then, in a serious tone, he says, "Taylor, when your feet hit the ground, bend your knees and roll. Okay?"

I nod. He's trying to sound relaxed, but I know he's as nervous as I am. He's probably remembering the difficulty I had jumping on the train. I've never been good at anything physical, well, except sex and dancing, but those are very different from all the action-movie stunts this trip requires.

A minute later, we're holding hands and leaping off the slowing, but still moving train. I bend my knees and roll and end up rolling right into Brian's arms. He's hanging over the edge of the river holding me tight. If he hadn't been there, I'd have fallen into the water for sure. He rolls away from the edge and on top of me. We both start laughing uncontrollably. When our laughter subsides, Brian kisses me tenderly and, then, stands up, pulling me with him.

"Where to now?" he asks.

"Well, the train to Texas won't be here until 5pm tomorrow. So…I guess we should figure out where we're staying tonight and, then, hit the town. After all, Chicago's Boystown is the most famous gay neighborhood in the country."

"Really?"

"Mm-hmm. It was the first."

"Cool. Are we far?"

I pull out my Chicago map and study it for a couple of minutes. "No, but it's too far to walk. 5 or 6 miles, I think."

I look around. I know Chicago has a good subway system, and we're downtown. There should be a station nearby.

"Oh, oh. Over there. Across that bridge, there's a subway entrance. Let's go." I grab Brian's hand and start running down Roosevelt Road.

He laughs. "Why so fast, Sunshine?"

I smile and shake my head. Silly Brian. "We don't have a schedule yet. We might miss the train we need."

I know he thinks I'm crazy, but he doesn't slow down. We reach the subway entrance in just a couple of minutes. I grab a subway map/schedule and start getting my bearings. I look at my watch and beam.

"We are so fucking lucky. It's 8:25pm. We have 15 minutes until the next train, and it just happens to be the one we need, the Red Line. We need to take it north."

Brian laughs. "It's all you Sunshine. I only started getting lucky when I met you, and I don't just mean the incredible sex."

My breath hitches, and I pull him into a passionate kiss. Then I groan. "We need to buy tickets and get to the platform."

I pull him toward the stairs.

******

The handwriting specialist confirmed my…what? My irrational hope? My deepest fear? I don't know which. Maybe it's both. Yesterday morning, Justin didn't have any knowledge of my first time or any memory of our trip. How is that possible? Was he just playing dumb? That can't be. Can it? Justin has never been one to cruelly toy with another's emotions. At least, not the Justin I know. Someone knocks on the door. Must be Justin. I called him 20 minutes ago and asked him to come over. I have no idea what I'm going to say to him.

I open the door, and Justin jumps into my arms, planting kisses all over my face and neck.

I laugh. I think he remembers now. Wait, I'm pissed at him. I set him down roughly and walk toward the bedroom. I turn around and look at him, trying to read the expression in his eyes and his body language. He seems confident and genuinely happy to see me. Not a trace of guilt. But his eyes wear a knowing look. He must realize what I want to talk about.

Just to be sure, I pick up the drawing Taylor made for me and hand it to Justin.

His eyes light up, and he flashes me a million-watt smile.

"Recognize that, Sunshine?"

"Of course, I do. I drew it."

I pinch the bridge of my nose for a moment and, then, look back up.

"How is that possible? The person who drew it for me made it 12 years ago."

Confusion in his voice, Justin replies, "I have no idea how it's possible. But I know that I drew it."

"So…you were the person who met me at Mikey's sleepover, you took my virginity, you traveled with me to Texas, and you gave me this bracelet?"

Justin answers evenly, "Yes."

"But yesterday, you had no memory of doing all that."

"No. For me, the trip ended this morning, when I woke up in the present day."

Annoyance evident in my voice, I say, "I see. It's a strange coincidence that you were asking me about my first time just yesterday, isn't it?"

"I'm not so sure. After I left the loft, I went back to sleep at Deb's. I was trying to imagine how you lost your virginity when I fell asleep, wishing that, somehow, I could have been your first. The next thing I know, I'm waking up at Deb's in the past, about to meet the 16-year-old you."

"I see." I turn away, trying to keep my feelings in check, but I just can't. I told him that I loved him, many, many times. I waited for him for years. I kept pushing him away in the present, making us both miserable, because my feelings for Justin of the present had me racked with guilt over Justin of the past. I felt like I was betraying my first love. Even though I now know they are one and the same, I still feel violated and betrayed. Tricked.

I wheel back around.

"How could you violate me like that?"

"What? How did I violate you?" Justin asks in shock.

I spit venomously, "You took advantage, contriving circumstances and lying to me so that I'd give you there what you wanted so desperately from me here! …and what the hell were you thinking when you said you'd just be waiting to come back to me? You knew how long it would take! That's fucking cruel! You co-opted my most important memories! My first time, my first and only love, my bracelet…How dare you?"

Justin stares at me, too astonished to speak.

"Get the fuck out! I can't even look at you right now!"

"No. Fine. You're right! I'm a horrible person. My staying was a complete violation. I should have locked myself in Michael's bedroom closet until the world started spinning on the right axis again. But I had no way of knowing it wasn't a dream. How the hell can you expect me to avoid you in a situation like that? Especially since you'd already seen me. Yes, I wanted you. I'd want you in any incarnation. But you wanted me, too! Before I'd said a fucking word, well, beyond hello, you'd decided that you wanted to lose your virginity with me. Don't you even try to deny it! I could see it in your eyes. Yes, yes, I began to fear that it was real somehow, and I made sure that you didn't know I was from the future. Why? Because every movie I've ever seen involving time travel warns against that. But beyond that, all I cared about was that you'd be okay after I disappeared. I needed you to know that you meant everything to me. That I wasn't leaving because I wanted to. I knew that you had trust issues, and I didn't want to add to them. I assumed we'd only have the one night. But then, I woke up there again, and I had no clue when I'd be sent back. So I told you what I needed to tell you. I didn't want my disappearance to be a surprise, and I didn't want you to worry about me after I was gone. But I never lied to you. Not once. Whatever feelings you developed for me as a result of your first time being with me and our trip were real. Nothing was contrived. This was fate! I have no clue why I decided that we should head toward Mexico. I didn't know you'd gotten your bracelet in El Paso. But when I saw it, I knew, I knew, I was meant to buy it for you. When I drew that picture and left it in your room, all I was thinking about was preventing you from being sad later. I was not, NOT, trying to leave a mark on your life or wheedle my way into your heart. But if you can't see that, then fuck you! That first night…our trip…they mean something, and not just to me. I wouldn't give up those memories for the world! Not even for you!"

Justin, in tears now, turns to leave, slamming the loft door on his way out.

Shocked by his animated response, I start thinking about what I would have done in his place. Probably exactly what he did. And he's right. I had wanted him the minute I saw him. I had felt a special connection the moment I looked into his eyes. His smile was the clincher, but he hadn't said much before then. Nothing a stranger wouldn't have said. His last words ring in my ears: "That first night…our trip…they mean something, and not just to me. I wouldn't give up those memories for the world! Not even for you!"

If he had been trying to play me, why would he be willing to give up now? That would defeat his purpose.

Shit! I fucked up big this time, didn't I? Ruining what should have been a happy reunion…one I'd spent 12 years longing for!

******

Well, I called Justin's cell phone. Went straight to voice mail. Then I called the diner, Deb, Mother Taylor, and Daphne. No one has seen him. Now what? I guess I'd better put shoes on and start combing the streets. I can't leave things like this.