"I'm bored," Dylan complained to his parents outside a crowded restaurant as they waited for their table. "And I'm hungry. And I'm cold."
"It shouldn't take much longer, honey. We've got reservations. I'm sure they are just getting our table ready," Addison reassured her son.
"He gets that from you," Derek mumbled under his breath so their son wouldn't hear him. "They both got that from you, actually."
"What? The impatience? They were doomed from the beginning. Patience is a quality neither of us are fortunate enough to have."
"The constant complaining," Derek corrected. "You always find something to complain about."
Addison sighed. "We've got a long road ahead of us, don't we?" she asked rhetorically. "Some days you make me feel like we'll be able to get through this. You look at me and I just feel warmth and love. And then there are days, like today, where I wonder why I came out here. I question if you even like me a little, just a single thing about me."
Derek rubbed his forehead, taking a step to regroup. "I'm sorry." he offered. "Some days are harder than others. It will get better." he promised with a guilty sigh.
"Shepherd, party of three." The seating hostess poked her head out to call out the name.
Addison turned to look over the shoulder where she saw the young hostess scanning the crowd. She turned back to her husband and met his eyes for only a fraction of a second. "Do you still want to do this? We can forget it and go our separate ways tonight, you can have your space," she offered.
"Could you give us a second, please?" Derek said to the seating hostess, "We'll be in in a minute."
"Derek, I don't want our relationship to be tainted with obligation. I want to have these dinners every night together because we both want to, not because you feel like you have. If tonight you feel you don't want to be here then please don't. It would be much less painful for everyone that way."
"Lets go inside, Addie." he said, completely ignoring everything she had just said to show her that he was not there out of obligation to her. He placed his hand at the small of her back and held the door open for her and their son.
As soon as they were seated, Derek looked directly into his wife's eyes and reached out across the table for her hand. She hesitated for a second before taking it. "I'm sorry." he said again. "I might have moments like that but I'm not doing any of this out of obligation. We're gonna fight sometimes, we're both gonna say terrible things. It just means we care enough to fight, okay?"
Addison nodded her head. "Thank you, Derek."
"Don't thank me." he replied. "That implies that I'm doing you a favor or something of the sort. I'm not. I'm doing this because I want to do this, not because you want this."
"Mommy." Dylan said loudly, tugging on the sleeve of Addison's dress. "I didn't get a kids menu."
"I don't think this place has a kids menu, buddy." Derek replied in her place.
Addison shook her head. "They probably don't." she agreed. "We'll ask what they have that kids like. Worst come to worst you'll split with me or you can have something off the regular menu. You like French food."
"I got one more queshun."
"What's your other question?" Derek asked in response.
"How come Adrianne doesn't live wif us?" he asked curiously, alternating his glances between his mother and his father as he waited for an answer. "All the kids at daycare live with their brothers and sisters."
"Umm…"
"Are you ready to order drinks?" the waiter interrupted the, choosing the perfect moment to cut in.
"Yes!" Both Derek and Addison exclaimed at once, taking the opportunity to delay answering their son's question.
It was their first night together under the same roof since she moved to Seattle. He had been living in his trailer and she was staying in a hotel while they searched for an apartment or house to rent. They considered buying but it seemed very permanent and neither knew what the future held for them. They finally settled on renting a two story house fifteen minutes away from the hospital.
Addison stepped into the room in a pair of silk pajamas with her hair in a bun and all of her make up removed. She sighed heavily as she pulled the covers to get into her side of the bed. Derek looked up from his magazine and smiled at her.
"You okay?" he asked.
"I've just got a lot on my mind." she replied quietly.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No." There was a few moments of silence before she said, "Yes…"
Derek set down his magazine and turned his attention to her.
"Do you blame me for our relationship with Adrianne?" she asked, looking to her husband for an honest answer.
He was silent for a minute or so, he wanted to think out his words carefully so he wouldn't hurt her with his response. "I used to." he finally admitted. "But I realized that we don't really know what happen. It was just as random to you as it was for me. Whatever it is that happened, I'm just as responsible as you are and she's inherited an unrelenting stubborn streak from both of us. It's just a combination of things. It wasn't anyone's fault in particular."
"I'm her mother. I should have tried harder."
"I'm her father." Derek added. "It doesn't matter, we tried as hard as we could. We balanced it all as best we could."
"Well, that's just it. Maybe we shouldn't have balanced it. Maybe one of us should have left school for a little while, or dropped out. We'd be able to support her and live off of of one salary. Money may have been tight but my trust fund would help. It would have been okay. And maybe we'd have much less tension in our lives and our marriage would not have suffered like it did."
"Addie, we're both much too stubborn and determined to ever consider dropping out of school."
"I should have." Addison mumbled. "It would have been the right thing to do in that circumstance."
"The right thing to do?" Derek questioned. "You graduated at the top of our class at an Ivy League university for the second time in four years and you were the youngest person in our class. Yes, you worked your ass off but it came so naturally to you at the same time. You belonged there. Your whole life you'd be preparing for medical school, you weren't going to give it up. And rightfully so…Think of everything that's come from you as a doctor. All the little tiny babies that would have died without your help. All the babies who wouldn't have mothers without you. You're one of the best neonatologists in the country and you are internationally ranked as an ob/gyn."
"But I was so focused on my career that I ruined our relationship with our daughter."
"You did not ruin it. Addison, we were her primary caregivers while we were in school. My mom only stayed with her once in a while during finals and such. And when she was staying with my mom during our internship and residency we saw her every single time we have a day off. We saw her at least once a week, spoke to her four times a week at least. We made time for her. We did not leave her behind. You didn't do anything wrong." he told her reassuringly. "As she got older she was just less interested in the attention we gave her. All teens rebel against their parents. It wasn't anything you did or did not do."
Addison bit her lower lip as she just barely nodded her head. "Thanks, Derek."
"For what?"
"For being there for me tonight." she said with an awkward shrug. She wanted to move closer and put her head on his chest, maybe give him a peck on the cheek or something but she did not want to push her boundaries on their first night. She slid down under the covers and let out a deep breath as she closed her eyes.
"Addison?"
She opened her eyes and turned her head toward him. "This doesn't have to be so awkward." he said. "We're married, we've been together for over 14 years, married for over 11. We've got two kids and lots of history. This is not our first night living together and you don't have to walk on needles like it is."
"I just…" She stopped, unsure of what to say to actually express how she felt. "I just don't know my place here yet." she explained. "I don't want to press my luck by saying or doing something that I shouldn't have."
"What could you possibly say or do to press your luck right now?"
"Well, we both know that our relationship with Adrianne is my sore spot. What you just saw right now, that was vulnerability. You didn't make me feel vulnerable though, you tried to make me feel better and I'm really grateful. Normally I'd kiss you as a sign of gratitude, actually, under normal circumstances I'd kiss you before bed regardless of the conversations but I don't think that's okay anymore. I'm not sure that you'd want me to kiss…"
Derek swiftly moved in and pressed his lips to her before she could finish her statement. He kissed her softly before backing away. "Good night, Addie." he added and he fell back onto his pillow.
She opened her eyes to the sound of loud but restrained giggling coming from downstairs. It took her a second to realize that the strange bedroom was the new room she was going to be sharing with her husband as they worked to resolve their marriage. A quick glance to the side revealed a stack of boxes that she needed to unpack and she knew there were more downstairs waiting for her.
Addison got out of bed and reached for her robe only to realize that it was still packed in a suitcase sitting in the foyer downstairs. They had been too lazy to bring it up to the room. She walked downstairs in her silk pajamas and found her son and husband in the kitchen attempting to make pancakes in a pot. Dylan had flour all over himself and a stack of burned, torn pancakes in front of him.
"What are you boys doing?" she asked as she walked into the kitchen and glanced into the pot to see the mess of remnants of burned pancake batter.
"Well, we made pancake batter."
"Choco-chip pancake batter!" the little specified.
"Yes, chocolate chip pancake batter...and a separate secret batch of blueberry pancakes for you. Unfortunately, it wasn't until after we made the batter that I realized this is the only cooking crevice we currently posses."
"That's not ours." Addison replied as she stared at the pot.
"I know, I found it in the dishwasher and washed it again. Previous renters must have forgotten the stuff they put in the dishwasher. Anyway, I found a plastic fork from our takeout last night. It was the only thing I could use to make pancakes. But the bottom is not nonstick so the batter is sticking and I can't flip it and its burning and..it is a disaster. And my fork is kind of melting"
Addison nodded her agreement. She ruffled her son's hair to get the little bit of flour out of it then leaned closer to him to kiss his forehead. "Go wash up and get changed. We'll go out for breakfast. We'll have pancakes made on a griddle, not in a soup pot. Then we'll come home and you can help us unpack our stuff and get settled in."
"I tried." Derek mumbled, tossing the bent plastic fork in the trash in defeat.
Addison moved closer to him. She lingered awkwardly for a minute as she told herself that it was okay to show her husband intimacy and affection, that he wouldn't be upset over it. She drew in a breath and quickly pecked his lips, backing away before he could respond in any way.
"It's been a pretty good morning so far, don't you think?" Derek asked her a few minutes later as he sat on their unmade bed and watched her pull her hair into a ponytail.
"What makes you say that? The fact that our kitchen is covered in burned pancake crumbs and flour?"
Derek shrugged that off, waving his hand dismissively. "I had fun doing it." he said as an excuse, watching in the mirror as she quickly applied a coat of mascara. "You got to sleep in. Dylan and I had a chance to bond over a failed attempt to make breakfast. Its almost like we're one of those perfect families Disney movies."
Addison turned to face Derek with her makeup bag in one hand and the closed tube of mascara in the other. She placed the tube in the bag and started zipping before she spoke, "Except that I'm the unfaithful wife to an unfaithful husband, and we've got a daughter on the other side of this country who wants nothing to do with us. That's not exactly a perfect Disney family."
"I said almost," he reminded her with a laugh. "Hey, we've got a problems. That's what makes us interesting."
"You ready to go?" Addison asked, trying to change the subject.
At the restaurant Derek sat across from Addison who sat beside their son. She neatly cut up his chocolate chip pancakes into bite sizes pieces while her own stack of cinnamon french toast waited in front of her. Derek watched her carefully as she spent the time to cut equally sized pieces for their son and a smile grew on her face. The smile grew even wider when Dylan impatiently took the remaining half of an uncut pancake and took a ungraceful bite out of it.
"Dylan!" Addison groaned as she watched her son with a satisfied look on his face.
"He's a kid, Addie. He just wants food. He doesn't want equally sized ornate pancake puzzle pieces that only a slightly obsessive-compulsive surgeon would take the time to cut."
"It looks more appealing my way," Addison mumbled with a frown as she turned her attention to her own food. Just as she was about to take the first bite of her food she turned to see a pancake on her son's face. He'd bitten out two holes of his eyes and one for his mouth.
"I'm the choco-chip pancake monster!" he exclaimed playfully.
"Are you happy?" Derek asked.
"Not at the moment. Now he's got syrup on his whole face and a pile of half cut pancakes."
"I'm happy. I think I made the right choice. You're my family."
Addison smiled. "We'll see how happy you are about that choice when we're home and you're washing the syrup from his hair and behind his ears and god knows where else," she said jokingly.
They settled into a content silence as they ate their breakfast. Every time Derek looked up he caught his wife glancing at a nearby table. He tuned his head just slightly to see the family sitting at the table. It was a mother and father with a son who looked to be a few years older than their own and a pre-teen daughter who had the biggest smile on her face. He could see her bulky braces and a slightly splattering of freckles. He knew Addison was envious, wishing her own family could be so happy and complete. If he was being honest he'd admit that he was kind of envious of the father. He wished his daughter looked so awkward and unattractive. He always hoped his daughter would take after high school Addison or even natural Kathleen (pre nose job and brow lift). That way he'd never have to worry about unwanted attention from sex crazed boys. With his luck he ended up with a daughter who skipped her ugly duckling phase and went right to being a swan that demanded attention.
"Cute, right?" Addison asked when she caught him looking too. "They're a cute little family."
"The dad is balding. That comb over is not fooling anyone. And the mom needs to stop eating that muffin with her waffles. Sitting down she's got more layers showing than a Pillsbury biscuit."
Addison pulled her coffee cup away from her lips and tried not to choke on the sip she had just taken, nor did she want to open her mouth to laugh out loud and spill the liquid pooled in her mouth.
"Plus the daughter looks like Blossom from the 80s and the son...well, the son is the only decent one."
"Derek, it doesn't matter what they look like. They're all sitting at one table and happily having breakfast together. All of them."
"How do you know that they don't have another daughter somewhere across the country who loathes them?" Derek asked with a teasing smirk. "Addie, they may look happy right now but we can't judge their family based on that. We don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Look at us, unlike them, we're a good looking couple with hair and without extra layers blubber. We've got a cute kid who occasional sticks a pancake mask on his face. We probably look deliriously happy and perfect to onlookers."
Addison nodded in understanding, "I hate when you're right."
"It's rare that it happens so you don't have to get used to it," Derek replied jokingly.
I'm so excited that so many people like this story so far. I'm really excited for it to play out and I can't wait to hear what everyone thinks as she story progresses.
This chapter is a little bit of filler but it does serve a purpose. I wanted to show how heavily it weighs down on Addison and Derek and their marriage to have their daughter across the country. I'm not sure how successfully it comes across that they both constantly think about it and wonder if they did something to cause it. I hope I was able to carry that across.
Hope you liked the update! Review and let me know!