Ezio's mother swears he was born with a penis, but he's not really sure he believes her. After all, his father can swear with equal fervor that when he'd first held his second child in his arms, it had been a daughter. There had been weeks of arguments, of frantically trying to keep an impossible secret, of wondering what strange sickness Ezio could have been born with.

Finally, Ezio's father decides that since his child can't seem to decide between being a boy or girl, he might as well make the choice himself. And so Ezio is, finally, named. He is given a boy's name because in this time and this place, men have an easier time making their way through the world than women do. It is not a pleasant truth, and it is a dilemma Ezio will become very familiar with during his lifetime. He becomes, in the eyes of the world, male.

Ezio grows up thinking of himself as- well, himself rather than herself. In all honesty, he spends nearly as much time living as a woman as a man, but it is surprisingly comforting to have some certainty to cling to during the hardest times.

And there are hard times- puberty is especially bad, going through two sets of changes to his body at once. He starts to really notice his body for the first time- it seems like he's in the middle of a growth spurt that never really ends, and sometimes he feels like nothing but knees and elbows and strange bits that don't quite fit where they're supposed to be. He grows hair in new places- on his chest, his legs, his armpits, his face. For the first time, he starts to notice girls. And boys, a little, although in the end, he decides he likes girls better. He does spend more time as a boy than a girl, and maybe that has something to do with it. Or maybe not. Ezio has learned not to question his body too much.

He also learns… other things.

He learns to be alone, because he doesn't get much of a choice. From the time he is old enough to understand that he is different, Ezio knows that being found out by strangers would be the worst thing that could happen to him. Nobody would understand, they would think he was just some sort of freak, or a monster, or something even worse.

There are many ways to hide, and Ezio learns them all. How to stay in the shadows and not be seen, and how to watch people without being watched in return. Until he's about fifteen, he knows how to hide his strangeness from everyone but his own family, who know him best. Then he gets curvy and after that there's no way his female form can be mistaken for anything but a woman.

So then he learns to disappear, and to do it quickly and quietly. There are signs he starts to recognize when he's about to change from one gender to the other, and he knows well enough to make sure he's alone when it happens.

Luckily, Ezio spends maybe one day a week as a woman- had it been any longer, he might have gone crazy from boredom. There's not much to do but sit up in his room by himself on those days, and it's awful. He spends the time pacing around or staring out the window- the rest of his days, the ones when he is himself, and free to go where he will and do what he wants, are spent causing as much trouble as he possibly can. He's always half afraid that one day he'll get stuck as a woman, and then-

"You could just learn to be a woman," his sister says one day when they're home alone together. Ezio is a woman and Claudia has a head cold, so while the rest of the family is away, having dinner with some friend of their father's, the two of them are left alone.

"What do you mean?"

"Wear a dress," Claudia says vaguely. "Do something with your hair, learn how to walk and talk and act like a woman."

"I'm not a woman," Ezio complains, utterly ignoring his current biology.

"At least you wouldn't be stuck inside all the time," she says. "And I wouldn't have to keep listening to you whine about it."

Ezio shakes his head and they don't mention it again- but he remembers.

-/-

When Ezio's father and brothers are killed, hanged right in front of him, Ezio's self-control slips for the first time in years. He's learned to be aware- almost painfully aware- of exactly what his body is doing at every moment of every day. It's better than not paying enough attention, and suddenly turning into a woman in the middle of a crowd. But the arrest and the hangings and the flight have turned everything upside down, and Ezio doesn't realize he's about to change until it's already too late.

It happens, appropriately enough, in a brothel. La Rosa Colta, run by a woman named Paola who tells him what he needs to know so that he can survive. Then, when he has done what he needs to do and returned to the brothel, she offers the services of his girls. Ezio accepts, even though he knows the loss of his family is something that can't be fixed or dulled by a night in bed with a strange woman. The look in Paola's eye as she makes the offer is enough to tell Ezio that she knows it won't fix anything either, but she offers anyway.

This is far from Ezio's first time with a woman, although it has been a long time since he's lain with anyone other than Christina.

(he'd loved her, he'd hoped to marry her- but she doesn't know his secret, doesn't know who or what he is, and so maybe it's better that she chose not to come with him)

Ezio considers himself a good lover. After all, he has spent time (more than he wants) as a woman himself, and knows exactly what to do in bed. He knows what is satisfying and what is simply taking things too far, and even though no two women are the same, and no two are looking for exactly the same things from a partner, Ezio still thinks he has talent.

The girl (he never catches her name) apparently agrees, because they stay at it until late into the night, when finally they fall away from each other. The pain of the day hasn't gone away, but for the moment at least, it has faded a little. For now, Ezio can sleep. Tomorrow there will be new problems, decisions, responsibilities that he is not at all ready to shoulder. But when he finally fades into a deep, dreamless night of sleep, Ezio is more than happy to stop thinking for a few hours, and just… sleep.

The next morning, he's awoken by a scream, high pitched and terrified, only inches away from his face. Ezio sits straight up, startled, and almost falls out of the narrow bed he's still sharing with the girl from last night. She's sitting- perching, really- on the opposite end of the bed, staring at him with eyes as wide as saucers. Ezio stares blankly for a second, then abruptly realizes that he's changed during the night.

He gapes, not sure at all what to do, utterly exhausted by what he's had to do already and what he still has left to worry about. There has to be something he can say, or do. Somehow, he has to fix this, because his whole life is already in pieces around him and he can't let his secret get out too.

The door bangs open and Paola comes striding in. Her eyes flick back and forth between Ezio and the girl, and for a second there's an expression of absolute shock on her face. Then she schools her expression into one of calm, and makes her way to the bed. "Go," she tells the girl, helping her to her feet and edging her back toward the door. "Tell no one of what you have seen."

"But-"

"No one," Paola says, more forcefully this time. The girl allows herself one last glance over her shoulder, but flinches when she sees Ezio, and hurries into the hall as quickly as she can. Paola closes the door behind her, then turns to face Ezio. She looks- angry, and Ezio feels his stomach twist in something like blind panic. This is what he's been afraid of for his entire life- that someone will find out. That they'll see.

"I didn't expect this," she says at last.

Ezio opens his mouth, then shrugs and closes it again. "I can't help it," he says. "It's just the way my body works." She continues to look at him, with a constant, steady gaze, until eventually Ezio has no choice but to give in and explain everything.

Paola is relentless.

She insists on hearing every detail, often more than once. Ezio gives her everything she asks for without argument- he knows he's screwed no matter what, and that his only chance now is to somehow persuade Paola not to do anything. That means not doing anything at all to make her angry.

Her questions are wide ranging, and cover everything that could even possibly be related. They cover the frequency of his changes (sometimes two or three times in a single day, sometimes no more than once a month, but usually around once or twice a week). How it feels before and after and during (completely unremarkable, except for a little bit of dizziness, sometimes). What his family thought of it all (in general, they seem as confused about the whole thing as he is, and also vaguely relieved that none of them have the same problem). If there are any other problems with his body, besides the obvious (not really- Ezio has always been healthy and fit, no matter which gender he happens to be at the moment). She has a million other questions, and after a while they blur together. Ezio answers dutifully, but his mind is far from focused. He's exhausted and worried by the time she runs out of questions, but Paola seems almost invigorated by it all. Ezio reflects that is must be fascinating, for someone looking in from the outside. He's never been able to see it himself, of course. Too close. "You're impossible," she announces at the end.

Ezio manages a self-deprecating smile. "So my mother's told me," he says.

Paola laughs. "For somewhat different reasons, I imagine." Ezio nods- specifically, his mother had been lamenting his inability to stay out of trouble. He's always been good at finding fights, and coming home scraped up and bloody. She smiles at him, and goes on, changing the subject abruptly. "You told me that you spend about one day a week as a woman."

"Sometimes more," Ezio says, not quite sure where this is going. It still feels weird to be telling all this to someone he's just met. "Sometimes less."

Paola nods. "Then my question is why you haven't learned to conduct yourself as one?"

"Because…" Ezio hesitates, because honestly the reason he hides his female half from the world is that he is ashamed. There is something wrong with him, something deep and insidious and rotten. It should be physically impossible for his body to do what it does, but still the transformations continue. On bad days, Ezio feels like he's barely even human. It's not so much that he changes into a woman, it's that he changes at all.

He can tell by the look in her eyes that Paola wouldn't understand. She is a proud, strong woman, one who has fought against a male run world for everything she has. She would hear him say he is sick of being a woman, and understand it as a criticism of her entire gender. So Ezio stays silent, shrugging and staring at the floor in front of him.

Paola waits a minute, but when she realizes he's not planning to say anything else, she sighs and puts a hand on his shoulder. It is probably meant to be comforting, but it burns like fire and shame. "Well," she says. "That's not an option for you anymore."

"What isn't?" Ezio asks.

"Hiding." Paola straightens and leaves the room, leaving Ezio alone. He barely has time to wonder what on Earth she's talking about when she's back, carrying an armful of cloth that makes Ezio's stomach twist at the sight.

"I don't pretend to know what is coming next for you," Paola says. "But I can tell you that hiding won't be an option for you any longer. There are few enough safe places left in the world…"

"I don't understand," Ezio says, and she drops the fabric unceremoniously onto the bed between them.

"You must learn to pass as a woman," Paola says, bluntly. "In other circumstances, I would suggest binding, but I think your body would be too… uncooperative for that." Ezio winces, because she's right. There are certain parts of his body that tend to stick out, no matter what he does. It's always annoyed Claudia in particular that she has a brother that's bigger than she is.

"I don't want to," he says, fully aware that he sounds whiny at that moment. Even as he says it, he knows that she's right. If he's going to leave Firenze with his mother and Claudia, he needs some kind of a plan. Just in case something happens on the road- if he changes- well, it's bad enough already that one person knows.

Paola ignores him completely, and begins lecturing on the clothes she's brought in with her. To Ezio's relief, she's brought simple clothes, sturdy but plain, and not nearly as bad as he'd been dreading. They're traveling clothes, made for walking in, and good enough for now.

"Of course there's more to an identity than what you wear," Paola says. "You need to change the way you walk, the words you use, how you act and where you go."

"But that's everything," Ezio objects.

"Men and women are very different," Paola says, smiling. "You should know that already."

"I guess," Ezio says. "Only…"

"What?"

"Why are you helping me?" Ezio asks. "You don't have to. You could do- I don't know. Anything. You could tell everyone."

"Why should I?" Paola asks, and for the first time in a while, Ezio manages to relax a little. Somehow, for some reason he cannot understand, Paola has become his ally.

-/-

There isn't enough time for Paola to teach Ezio everything he needs to know before he leaves the city, but she forces what she can into his head and then, when he leaves, writes to friends and contacts, asking them to teach him more if they happen to cross paths with him. Sometimes she tells them the truth, and sometimes she invents a story that explains Ezio's naiveté without mentioning his condition.

At first, he resents her for meddling, but in the end he comes to accept it as necessary. Besides, as he gets older, as he becomes more deeply involved in the world of the assassins, he realizes that she is protecting him. The only people she ever tells are members of the order, and within a few years, it's common knowledge within the assassins that Ezio is, sometimes, a woman. By the time he moves on to Roma, and becomes the mentor there, very few people even bother to comment on the strange affair. New recruits are frequently surprised (one is so shocked she falls off the roof of a building, and needs to be rescued from the Tiber), but no one really says anything.

Not to his face, anyway. Ezio is not quite convinced that no one at all is interested, because after all, how many people are there like him in the world?

None, as far as he knows. He's spent some time looking, as he gets older, but no matter where he goes or who he asks or what books he reads, Ezio can't find as much as a whisper of a rumor about people like him. He hears about men and women who choose to abandon the gender they're born with, to dress and act and live as though they were men instead of women (or women instead of men). But none of them have bodies that physically change, and so Ezio becomes still more convinced that he is the only one.

It's very lonely.

He tries not to think about it, of course, but that only works for so long. Eventually, Ezio finds himself wishing there was someone he could really talk to about whatever he is. Except that's not possible, because there is no one in his life that could really listen- he is supposed to be the mentor of the assassins, a leader, not someone that is afraid of his own body and what it can do.

He shuts himself deep inside his own mind, brooding. He knows it's not healthy, but he also doesn't care. When there are other people around, he puts up a show, not exactly happy, but not as miserable as he is in private. It's a feeble pretense, but one no one seems to see through.

Except for Leonardo.

They have been friends a very long time by now, and Ezio knows immediately that Leonardo can see right through him. Still, it is a while before he tentatively brings the subject up, asking Ezio why he has been so upset lately.

Ezio only shrugs, because he can't quite bring himself to lie to his friend. He also can't bring himself to tell the truth- it would be terrible if he knew, and left, and… Ezio shakes his head sharply, realizing himself for the fool he is. He should know Leonardo better than that- he does know Leonardo better than that.

So he tells him everything. Not right there in the open, of course, sitting on a bench in the middle of a public thoroughfare where anyone can hear. They take rooms at an inn, one on the outskirts of the city where neither of them is known, and Ezio spills his secrets. All of them.

At the end, the artist's eyes are wide, and he's looking at Ezio like he's the most interesting thing in the world. Ezio has seen expressions just like that before, mostly on the faces of raw recruits, but it doesn't bother him when it comes from Leonardo. Other people always give him the impression they're seeing him as an object, some strange curiosity. Leonardo, on the other hand, looks at him like someone special, and it makes Ezio feel more human rather than less.

"Can I see?" Leonardo asks.

Ezio hesitates, then shakes his head. "I can't really control when it happens," he explains. "And even if I could, I wouldn't… I mean…" he trails off, completely at a loss. He's more or less accepted that there are people that will have to see him as a woman. As mentor of the order, he really can't afford to disappear without warning. But Leonardo is different, because he's not an assassin, he's a friend. And Ezio is-

Changing.

"Perfect," he mutters, but the complaint is halfhearted. He knows the signs well enough by now- there's no doubt about what's going on.

Leonardo watches in fascinated silence as Ezio feels his body shudder and change. He blinks and shakes his head, like a dog coming in from the rain, then looks anxiously toward Leonardo, waiting for some kind of reaction.

"Fascinating," the man breathes, and suddenly he's inches away from Ezio, practically vibrating with the obvious desire to look more closely, to touch, to examine. "Ezio, I wonder- you know I study the anatomy, right?"

"Yes," Ezio says, but cautiously, because he's pretty sure he knows where this is going.

"Would you- there's so much I can learn from you, and I mean, there's never been anyone like you before."

"Don't I know it," Ezio mutters, but he hesitates. As much as he hates to admit it, Leonardo is looking at him in a way that no one has ever looked at him before. Not like a freak. And he is the oldest friend Ezio has left. Surely there can't be anything wrong with letting him see… "Alright," he says.

Leonardo's eyes light up, and he dashes off to fetch supplies. He doesn't have much with him, but there's enough to make sketches, and Leonardo cheerfully announces that will be enough.

Ezio strips without waiting to be asked- he knows by now what Leonardo wants out of his models- and for a while he lets Leonardo examine him. The room stays silent for a long time, until finally Ezio decides he can't stand the awkwardness. "So," he says. "What do you think?"

Leonardo, obviously intent on his work, mumbles something that might contain real words, then colors slightly. "Sorry," he says. "I think you are beautiful."

There's an instant of absolute silence as Ezio wonders if he could possibly have heard that right, and Lsonardo seems to realize what he just said. His sketchbook falls to the ground, forgotten, as he leaps to his feet. Ezio watches in stunned silence as Leonardo's face goes red and hasty apologies spill from him like a waterfall.

"I don't mean anything, of course, he babbles. "Just that you are- strictly aesthetically- you are well proportioned, you fit the conventional ideas of beauty very well. Of course you are always an attractive person, I don't mean to insult-"

It's not an insult. Ezio has never heard anyone call him beautiful before, and it shouldn't matter. But it does. It matters a lot, because in his own mind he will never be anything but a misformed freak of nature. But Leonardo is an artist. He knows things about beauty.

Ezio can feel a small smile form on his face, almost against his will, but doesn't bother to fight it. In any case, it seems to calm Leonardo, who sees it and hesitates. Finally, with his face as red as a tomato, he asks, "have you ever... Slept with a man? As a woman?"

"No," Ezio says. He's never felt up to trying (even though he's wanted to for years, just to see what it's like, if it's different as a woman or not). How could he? There would be a risk to that, a much bigger one than he is willing to take. Greater than the risk he takes as a man. It's not just that he might change genders while naked and alone with someone, a naturally vulnerable time because there is no way to hide the transformation. Ever since that night at La Rosa Colta, he's been more careful about looking for the signs that tell him he's about to change. So far, there have been no more accidents.

So far.

And that's not the issue, anyway. Ezio would have satisfied his curiosity a long time ago, had that been the only problem. He would have, if only…

If he didn't…

It's just that the thought of lying with someone as a woman makes him feel naked in a way that has nothing at all to do with the sex. To expose that secret, hidden part of himself to anyone makes Ezio feel uncomfortable and unsafe.

But he really wants to know, all the same, and suddenly a thought occurs to Ezio. After all, this is Leonardo. If he can't trust him, he'll never be able to trust anyone. And this might be the best chance he ever has to say something. Ezio can feel the question start to form on his tongue. "Do you want to..? Would you mind- Just as an experiment…" It's filling his mind, begging to be asked, but the words trip over themselves and he can't think of a good way to say it.

And in the end, he can't say anything.

The room falls again into silence, so thick and heavy he imagines he can feel it settling on his shoulders and weighing him down. Leonardo looks like he's feeling it too, and Ezio watches his hand slow and eventually stop altogether. He looks up at Ezio, who reads in his eyes the same unasked question he's trying to force out.

They share a look, and neither of them says a word. They don't have to. Just that look is enough.

-/-

Ezio and Leonardo share a bed for two and a half weeks. It's a strange time- Ezio feels like a virgin again, learning things about his body he never even suspected. It's absolutely strange, but not quite as bad as Ezio expected. Except that while he's learning about himself, Ezio learns about Leonardo, too.

He learns that Leonardo is in love with him.

The revelation comes to him all in a rush one night, while he lies next to Leonardo on the bed, trying to figure out… everything. His life is suddenly upside down, and he's not exactly sure how to get it back under control. It's not just Leonardo, although that's part of it of course. For some reason, Ezio has been a woman for nearly three weeks now, longer than he ever has before. It's… concerning, to say the least.

But he's even more worried about Leonardo. There have been more than enough hints lately- lingering looks, certain words and phrases and comments, and suddenly it all falls into place and Ezio knows that Leonardo is in love with him. Which makes everything suddenly so much worse, because Ezio has never even thought about his friend in that way. The past two weeks have been all about experimentation for him, trying to find out what his body can do. He'd thought Leonardo was interested in the biology of it all, but now he realizes how stupid he's been. There's no way this isn't going to end in pain.

And he's right. Ezio can't bring himself to explain why he has to leave, so he just slips out before Leonardo wakes up the next morning. It's cowardly and he hates himself for it, and altogether he's in an absolutely horrible mood for the rest of the day. The guilt of leaving sits heavily on his stomach, and Ezio spends most of the morning fight off wave after wave of nausea.

It's not fun.

Time passes. Ezio continues to avoid Leonardo like the plague. He also continues to be a woman, which after a few months starts to really worry him. He's never gone that long without changing, never. He sort of starts to worry that he'll be stuck like that forever. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, but he really misses being a man. No matter how long he spends as a woman, that body just feels unnatural.

More so every day, actually, and eventually Claudia convinces him to go to a doctor.

"I don't think they'll be able to do much," Ezio protests. "There just aren't people like me."

"You said you haven't been feeling good," Claudia says, half forcing him out the door. "It doesn't have to be related to your…" she waves a hand vaguely at her brother. "Other problems."

"But-"

"Come on," she insists. "You probably should have been months ago, honestly."

But Ezio doesn't come on. Instead he stops and stares at her in absolute confusion. "You sound like you know what's wrong with me already."

"Maybe," she says, and pushes him again. This time, Ezio allows himself to be pushed, and soon enough they're talking to a man who looks at the pair of them with an expression of completely uninterested. He asks a few questions, pokes around a little, and then looks up at Ezio.

"You're pregnant."

Ezio gapes at the man in utter confusion, his mind momentarily wiped blank by the complete impossibility of that. "What?"

"With child," the man says. "I'm sure you know what I'm talking about."

"I don't-"

Claudia thanks the man, passes him a few coins, and manages to drag Ezio away. Once they're on the street, Ezio manages to get his head back together enough to start protesting. "This is a joke, isn't it?" he demands. "You-"

"Ezio." She gives him a look. "Why would anyone joke about something like this?"

"Because it's impossible!"

"Why?" she asks. "You are a woman. You've been a woman for several months now, which as you've pointed out yourself is longer than ever before."

"But-"

"Maybe you can't change back because you're pregnant. Where would the baby go if you were a man?" She hesitates, then adds. "Unless of course you mean it's impossible because you haven't been with a man."

Leonardo. Ezio feels his face go red and then very quickly white. It's been three months since he left in the middle of the night without a word of goodbye and now- if Claudia is right, he's going to have to go back and explain that he's going to have the man's child. Suddenly, Ezio realizes he's shaking uncontrollably, because this isn't a situation he's imagined in his wildest dreams.

"What do I do?" he asks. "I can't have a baby."

Claudia sighs, her expression softening a little. "It's not necessarily a bad thing," she says. "Haven't you ever wanted a child?"

"Maybe," Ezio says. He's never really thought about it before. "But I don't want to give birth to it."

"Neither do a lot of women," Claudia says. "Do you know how many mothers would kill to see their husbands have their turn?"

"But I don't want-"

"Ezio!" And now Claudia looks angry, her eyes narrowed, glaring at him in a way that tells Ezio he should probably shut up and listen. "You are not special. I know you're not a woman all the time, or even most of the time. But when you are, you're just like the rest of us. You're just as capable of making stupid decisions, and you're just as responsible for living with the consequences." Ezio opens his mouth to say something (although he's not quite sure what), but his sister isn't ready to listen, and talks right over him. "You fucked up," she tells him. "You did, and now you're going to have a baby. It's too late to change what already happened, so all you can do is decide what happens next."

Ezio hangs his head, suddenly ashamed. Of his decision, of his body, of his reaction. He can't argue with any of what Claudia just said- there is a child growing inside him, and there's nothing he can do to change that. Later, he will have to sit down and decide how he feels, but for now he has a more pressing question.

"What do I tell the- the father?" his tongue trips over the word, because if Leonardo is the father, that makes Ezio the mother. Not only is he going to be a parent, he is going to be a mother.

"Do you know who it is?" Claudia asks. Ezio nods and she smiles a little, but just a little. "How about 'we're having a baby'?" she suggests. "It doesn't have to be a bad thing. It might even end up making you happy."

-/-

Leonardo, to Ezio's complete surprise, isn't even mad at him for walking out. If anything, he seems slightly embarrassed. Before Ezio has a chance to explain why he's there, Leonardo is apologizing. "I've wanted…" he waves a hand vaguely, clearly at a loss for an appropriate word to describe their brief relationship. "That for a long time. But I never thought you would be interested, and then I found out you're also a woman, and I just…" he shrugs, determinedly not looking at Ezio. "I thought, well, it's not what I wanted, but if there's no other way for us to ever-"

He looks so miserable that Ezio takes pity on him, and interrupts before Leonardo can keep talking. "I'm sorry too," he says. "I thought we could just try it out, and then go back to how we used to be. When I realized it meant more to you, I… ran away."

"I shouldn't have tried to pretend we were something we're not." Leonardo smiles, but it definitely looks forced. "It doesn't matter. We can just… move on from here. Pretend it never happened."

Ezio shakes his head. "No," he says. "We can't."

"Why-"

"I'm pregnant."

Leonardo has an extremely expressive face, and Ezio watches it pass through shock, horror, confusion, and disbelief before finally settling on awe. "We… made a baby?"

Ezio nods, not quite sure how to interpret the man's tone. "We did," he says. "I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but-"

"Why would a baby be bad?" Leonardo asks. He's smiling like a loon, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Ezio! We made a tiny little person. That's incredible."

"I…" Ezio frowns, because he can't share Leonardo's optimism. Not when he's the one that's going to have to give birth to this child, not when he feels completely unprepared for the next few months, and even less prepared for the years after that. He's an assassin- his life is dangerous, all of the time. It's not a good place for a kid to grow up, and with Leonardo still under the eye of the Borgia, his life isn't much more stable. And on top of that-

"You don't want it," Leonardo says, suddenly drooping a little.

"It's complicated," Ezio mutters.

"Oh," Leonardo says, and drops into a chair, not too close to Ezio and not too far away. "I guess it is." He takes a deep breath. "What are you going to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you going to keep the baby?" Leonardo asks.

"Of course," Ezio says, frowning. He's seen the dark rooms and dirty alleys where desperate women go when they have no other choice. Killing an unborn child isn't an exact science, and can be just as dangerous to the mother as the baby. Ezio has absolutely no intention of going there. But what he will do is a little less certain.

"I need to go," Ezio says, as the silence in the room gets worse.

Leonardo nods, and stands up to see Ezio out. At the door, he hesitates and then says, "Give it some time, Ezio. I promise this isn't a bad thing."

-/-

Ezio has a lot of time to think over the next few months, because the more time passes, the less he's able to move around the way he's used to. And the more he thinks, the more he starts to think that Leonardo is right. Whatever happens with this baby isn't going to be normal. But abnormal and bad are two different things, and somewhere around the six month mark, Ezio realizes he does want this.

Coming to that realization is sort of like waking up from a long nightmare, or having a huge weight lifted from his shoulders. Ezio spends the next month feeling happier than he has since the day his father died. This is gaining family instead of losing it, and Ezio realizes he already loves the baby, realizes it almost before he knows why.

For three days, Ezio walks around in a state of almost delirious happiness, until finally Claudia walks in on him whistling and almost falls over from laughing so hard. After that, Ezio keeps his excitement better hidden.

That doesn't mean it's not there, though, and Ezio's forced semi confinement only makes things worse. If he had work to do to distract him, maybe it would be different, but he can barely leave the hideout without falling over himself. His center of balance changes on an almost daily basis, and whatever his training as an assassin, right now he's six months pregnant and not exactly in shape to go wandering the streets on his own. He knows he won't be able to keep the baby safe forever, but at least he can for now.

Just about the only time he ventures out is to visit Leonardo. At first it's still awkward and uncomfortable to spend any time together, but once they stop trying to force themselves into roles they don't belong in, it gets easier. When they stop pretending to be lovers and remember how to be friends (friends who happen to share responsibility for a child) everything is better.

And then…

Everything goes wrong.

Of course it does, because this is his life and he's not allowed any kind of happiness. He should have seen it coming but he doesn't, and that only makes it worse. It starts out innocently enough- aches and pains and cramps that quickly turn into a fever. For three days and three nights, Ezio is trapped in a sweaty haze of nightmares. They seem so real that most of the time Ezio can't tell what's real and what's only happening in his head. Sometimes he hallucinates, too- one night he wakes up to see a shimmering, humanoid figure sitting at his bedside. It's sort of hard to tell, because the person is hardly more solid than a patch of light, but it looks as unhappy as Ezio feels. Its bowed head and slumped shoulders manage to convey a posture of absolute misery without having a real body.

Ezio stares at him or her or it for a solid half an hour before the fever calls him back to the land of hazy nightmares.

Then, on the fourth morning, the fever breaks. Ezio wakes up feeling almost as well as before the fever hit him. He's not sick anymore, but there's something wrong with him, something he can't exactly put his finger on.

To his surprise, Leonardo is there, sitting on a chair in the corner and looking like he's recently been crying. Crying. "What's the matter?" Ezio asks, and his voice comes out hoarse and rough, grating through a dry throat. Still, three days with a fever- a sore throat isn't exactly unexpected.

Leonardo opens and shuts his mouth several times, then shakes his head and laughs in a way that sounds like he's about to start crying again.

"Seriously," Ezio says, struggling into a sitting position on the bed. "What's-"

And then he stops, because he knows what's wrong. He didn't recognize it at first, because it's been so long, but he's been a woman for half a year by now, and anyway he's still groggy from the fever. But he knows now.

"You changed," Leonardo says, in a voice that's flat and completely unlike his normal tone. "While you were sick. Your sister said your body was looking for a more familiar form."

Ezio nods. It had happened all the time when he was sick as a kid but now- "What about the baby?" he asks.

Leonardo shrugs. "We won't know until you change back," he says. "But…"

He doesn't finish his sentence, and Ezio is glad because he doesn't think he'd be able to stand hearing that their child is more than likely dead.

More than a week later, Ezio changes back into a woman. Immediately he starts cramping, and everything feels absolutely wrong, in a way that's fundamentally different from anything he's felt before. The fever is long gone by now but he suddenly feels lightheaded. The whole world is fuzzy and full of a pain that goes deeper than any physical wound. There's blood everywhere and people around him and someone's shouting instructions that Ezio does his best to follow. And then, a long time later, it ends.

Someone comes into the room, and Ezio squints through tired, bleary eyes to recognize his sister. His body shudders and changes and at least now, as a man, some of the pain is gone. Only some, though. Ezio's pretty sure that some of it will never go away. "What was that?" he asks.

"Miscarriage," Claudia says, and Ezio flinches like the word is a physical blow. "As soon as you switched back to being a woman, you- do you remember?"

"Sort of," Ezio says, and then closes his eyes because he doesn't want to cry. Not now. "It's kind of a blur."

"Premature labor," Claudia says. "The babies weren't big enough."

"Babies," Ezio says. "Plural?"

"Twins," Claudia says. "A boy and a girl."

Ezio feels his mouth twist into something that might have been a smile, only he's never felt more miserable than he does now. Not since his father was hanged, anyway. "How fitting," he says.

"The boy was stillborn," Claudia goes on.

"And the girl?"

Ezio suddenly feels something small and warm being pushed into his arms and opens his eyes, startled. There's something- someone- impossibly small and fragile there, and Ezio can't bring himself to look away from her.

"She won't last long," Claudia says quietly. "She's too small. It was too early."

"No," Ezio says, and Claudia puts her hand on his shoulder.

"Leonardo was here earlier," she says. "But he said he couldn't bring himself to stay."

Ezio can't blame him for that, but he can't agree with it either. For the next half hour he sits in bed with his daughter in his arms, talking to her because he knows she'll be gone soon. And then it will be too late, she'll never hear his voice again.

And he'll never hear hers. Or her brother's. He won't get to see them grow up, or learn to walk, or fall in love. He'll never really know either of them. "What's her name?" he asks Claudia.

"That's up to you."

"Leonardo didn't pick one?"

"I told you," Claudia said. "He didn't stay."

So Ezio decides on a name on his own, and he whispers it into his daughter's ear, something secret that no one but the two of them will ever know. He whispers her brother's name too, on the off chance that there is an afterlife, so she can tell him when they meet again. Ezio has never been too sure about any of that, but right now he really hopes it's true.

He doesn't let go of the infant until she takes her last, shuddering breath, and goes completely still. When the body starts to go cold he tightens his grip for a moment. "Requiescat in pace."

Then he lets her go, and feels a part of himself dying along with her.

-/-

He tells anyone that asks that he's leaving Italia to go in search for Altair's library, and Leonardo is the only one that seems to realize he's lying through his teeth. Of course he does- who else would understand the burning need to leave, to be someplace that isn't just a constant reminder of everything he's lost. But not even Leonardo tries to stop him, and so Ezio leaves.

His wanderings take him across the world (or Europe, anyway), to Masyaf and then onward again. He keeps himself intentionally busy- he wakes every morning at dawn, and spends his hours running from one side of Constantinople to the other, until he's ragged and exhausted. Then he falls into bed sometime past midnight, and sleeps so deeply he doesn't even dream.

Of course, none of this goes unnoticed, but Ezio has never met any of the assassins here before. So while they give each other worried looks and whisper behind his back, no one actually says anything to him. And that's good, because Ezio knows that if he stops moving, he'll fall apart. Because the truth is, what happened with Leonardo is completely his fault.

If he hadn't been born with- with whatever sickness or curse or whatever it is that's wrong with him, everything would have been different. He would never have slept with Leonardo in the first place, would never have been able to conceive, would never have carried children for seven months.

Would never have had a son who never even lived, or watched a daughter die in his arms.

Ezio has never really liked the way his body switches between being a man and a woman. It's a hassle and vaguely uncomfortable. He knows there's something wrong with him, but until now, Ezio has never actually hated himself.

And now he can't stand to be in his own skin.

So he buries himself in assassin business, embroiling himself in the affairs of the city, and chasing down the keys to Altair's library in whatever spare time he has. Not that he cares if he ever gets it open or not. He's finding it extremely difficult to care about anything these days. But he keeps going, because stopping would be worse. He takes bigger risks, makes stupid decisions, because he just… doesn't care anymore.

Until he finds the first key.

Something amazing happens, because when Ezio takes the time to sit down and really study the thing, it shows him something. He would have called it a vision, except that vision only implies sight, and this is so much more. What the key shows him encompasses all of his senses, pulling him in and wrapping him in the… memory… until Ezio feels like he's really there.

He's living through another man's memory, and Ezio barely has time to react to the sheer impossibility of that before he gets an even bigger shock. Because as the memory unfolds, Ezio realizes something about Altair he'd never even imagined.

The man is a woman.

He's like Ezio, changing back and forth between man and woman with apparently no control over his own body. And more than that, from what Ezio sees, Altair doesn't even care. His wife knows, and doesn't care. His children know too, and so does his friend (Malik- not a name Ezio knows, but clearly someone important to Altair).

Altair manages himself in a way that makes Ezio almost jealous. He doesn't seem to care at all, not even when he changes genders in front of an entire crowd of assassins. Of course, Altair's figure is smaller than Ezio, and his robes would make it difficult for anyone to realize anything was wrong. Still, Ezio would have felt annoyed or angry or something- Altair only blinks and shakes his head, then goes on with what he's doing like nothing's happened. He's almost jealous, but not quite, because there are too many other emotions crowding his mind at that moment for there to be any room left to be jealous.

When the memory ends, Ezio sits back in his chair and laughs until his throat hurts. This. This is what he's been hoping for his entire life. Finding someone who's like him is… it's… amazing. For the first time in his entire life, Ezio allows himself to believe there's nothing wrong with him. That maybe he deserves to be happy, even if he is a little bit weird.

After that, things are better. Not everything, obviously. He still gets a cold, dead feeling in his gut whenever he thinks about his dead children, like someone's stabbed him in the stomach. There's no way he's moving past that, not ever.

But at least he can learn to live again, just a little. He even manages to fall in love, with a woman who seems to love him back. Sophia is beautiful and clever and happy in a way Ezio can't ever remember being. He doesn't tell her everything, of course- even when he explains the assassins and their beliefs, he keeps his own illness out of the story. The last time he told someone- it hadn't ended well.

Then he goes back to Masyaf. This time, Ezio has all the keys he needs to unlock the library under the keep. And there, he finds one more key, filled with one last memory- Altair's death. Ezio stands in silence, watching respectfully as the greatest mentor the assassins have ever known goes to his death. And then- just when it looks like the old man has breathed his last- someone else appears.

The specter steps out of thin air to stand right in front of Altair. He or she or it- Ezio can't even guess- is barely even recognizable as human, just a shimmering light in the air in front of him. The figure kneels down in front of Altair, and reaches out for his hand.

"I'm sorry," he says, and Ezio takes a step back, his eyes going wide. He doesn't exactly hear the words, but the meaning pops into his mind with no explanation. "It's all my fault."

Ezio might have thought he was going crazy, except that Altair seems to hear the silent words as well. His eyes go wide, and he sucks in a wheezing, rattling gasp of surprise. Then his whole face seems to soften, and he even smiles a little. He seems to have suddenly understood something. "It's alright," he says, and his words are the normal, spoken out loud kind. "I forgive you."

Those are his last words. Ezio watches as he stops breathing, and his eyes dim. He spares a moment of silence in honor of his passing, then steps back, expecting the memory to end. And it does- now that Altair is dead, there's no one to keep the memory going, and Ezio finds himself back in his own time.

Only- the thing (the ghost, specter, whatever it is) from so many centuries ago is still there. It's turned to look at Ezio now, and Ezio can almost feel sadness and regret coming off him in waves.

"I've seen you before," he says. "When I was… sick. With that fever." The thing nods, a barely perceptible shimmer in the air.

"I'm sorry," it says, and Ezio narrows his eyes.

"You said that already," he says, gesturing toward the long dead body of Altair. "To him."

The thing ignores him. "What happened to him- what happened to both of you- it's my fault. If I hadn't- if I weren't-" and here it stops, apparently unable or unwilling to go on. But when Ezio looks at it- really looks- he can see something there, and he feels his face go pale as an impossible understanding rushes into his mind.

The knowledge is almost unbelievable, but Ezio finds himself believing it anyway. "It was you," he says. "This whole curse- it's your fault."

"I never had a choice," it says, and Ezio can feel the pain in its silent voice. "I know what you've been through. You didn't deserve it."

"No," Ezio says. "I didn't. But…" he hesitates. For a very long time, he says nothing, just thinks of everything he's gone through in his life, and of the obvious regret the thing shows in his voice, and of Altair's last words. So Ezio swallows down his anger, and echoes the ancient assassin. "I forgive you."

And more importantly, he forgives himself. Because after everything he's seen today, he can't lie anymore. And the truth is, there's nothing he can do to bring his children back to life. They are gone, and he will never get to see them.

But there is a woman waiting outside the keep who loves him, and maybe it's not too late to have a happy life. Ezio nods to himself, determined and suddenly unashamed. He nearly runs back to Sophia, feeling light and happy for the first time in decades. "Sophia," he says, sliding from a run to a dead stop, barely two feet in front of her. "I have something important to tell you."