The test is short, yet so complicated, I cannot describe it. As soon as it is over, my vision comes back in foggily, and I see Lily, the Candor woman who hooked me up to the machine, busily pulling wires away and putting them into several drawers. Her blonde hair is pulled back into a tight bun, and her lips form a straight line. She is the epitome of the Candor professional look. Her white blouse and black pencil skirt never seem to be out of place, and she's well put together and doesn't seem to be frazzled at all. Not like me. I sit up in my chair, and she looks over at me finally.
"Hello, Breanna," she says in her professional voice. "Have fun?"
"Not particularly," I say.
"I could tell," the Candor learn to study emotion and reaction. "I suppose you want your results?"
"Please," I say.
She wheels her rolly-chair close to the dentist-style one I sit in. "Breanna," her icy blue eyes scan my face. "This is something you can't tell anyone, ever."
I nod.
"The aptitude test is meant to determine the one faction you belong in, the key word here being one. The test was never wired for someone to be suited for two factions, but there's a glitch, so to speak. Some people are what they call Divergent, which means their test results show more than one faction is suitable. This is very dangerous, and you must keep it a secret. Your results were for both Dauntless and Amity. You are Divergent, Breanna. Go home, be careful, and don't tell anyone about this."
I nod, and head out the door, back into the cafeteria, where Finn and Sydney both sit talking.
When he sees me, Finn stands and walks over, gently resting his hand on my shoulder. "What's wrong?" He asks. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
"Just a little dizzy, that's all," I force a smile. "I'm supposed to head home, just in case."
"Heh, me too," Finn says. "I'll take you home, come on." I wave to Sydney and then Finn and I head out to his truck. The smell of the seats' old, cracked leather clears my mind a bit. We head down the road silent.
"You're Divergent too, aren't you?" Finn breaks the silence.
I look over at him. "What?!"
"Come on, Bree," he says, "I'm not stupid. Neither of us are sick, and we're way too alike to not both be Divergent. If I am, you are."
"Are you Divergent?" I ask him.
"What do you think?" He asks sarcastically.
"What aptitudes do you have?"
"Dauntless and Candor," he pauses for a second. "What about you?"
"Amity and Dauntless."
Silence rings through the truck again.
"Come with me," Finn says finally.
"What?" I ask, taken aback.
"Come with me to Dauntless, Bree. We could both make it. We would be together."
Instead of an answer, I gaze out the window at the passing landscape.
"Or have you already made that promise to vamp boy?" He takes his eyes off me and watches the road. "Well, when Dauntless initiation is over, you can tell Reza I'll stay away from his girl." He pulls the truck up to my house. "This is your stop, right sunshine? I guess I can't call you that, as you'll soon be the vampire's bride."
"Shut it, Finn," I say. I grab his face and lay a firm, short kiss on his lips. When I pull away, his expression is a mixture of surprise and pleasure. He smiles while trying to catch his breath.
"See you tomorrow, sunshine," I emphasize my nickname at the end, teasing him, and then hop out of the truck.
•••
I pace the floor of my Amity home, the smell of the night's fire burning in the stove wafting through my door. I grip the window sill tightly, coping with the pain of decisions burning in my chest. Outside, the sky is black and starless, the full moon shining in its private glory. Finally, I hear a small tap on my window, and I can breath again. I rush outside my room and I got he kitchen, where my mother reads a book.
"I'm going for a walk," I say as I pull on my red jacket.
"At this hour?" She asks, raising one eyebrow.
"I need to clear my mind." No, I need Reza to clear it for me.
She questions me no more, knowing that there's a lot running through my head. My mother was Abnegation-born, and left because it was never something she could do. She was too peaceful and loving for their way of life. My brown leather boots almost sink into the moist ground. The orchards are silent and still at night, the cold air whips around my shoulders.
"Reza!" I whisper when I see his form tucked away behind a thick apple tree. I run to him and we collide, wrapping our arms around one another. Despite the cold, he wears a black v-neck t-shirt, and a colorful tattoo peeks out from under his right sleeve. He lays a warm kiss on my cheek.
"Hello, beautiful," he says, smiling. His pale skin once again glows in the moonlight, and the way his eyes sparkle rival even the stars' shine. "How did the test go?"
"Fine," I say as we sit and lean against an apple tree. "I am Dauntless, and it's what I'll choose."
"Are you sure?" He arches one eyebrow as he often does in a playful manner, but his lips form a straight, strict line.
"Of course," I pause and look over at him. "Why wouldn't I?"
"I wasn't sure if you'd stay here with Finn," he pauses. "Optimistic piece of-"
"Reza!" I cut him off. "You have changed since Dauntless," I can't suppress the smile that creeps onto my face. "But that's also something I should tell you," I say as my smile fades and I settle back against the tree. "Finn is going to Dauntless."
Let me tell you why Reza's reaction should not be good. Ever since the three of us have known each other, Finn and Reza have been in mortal combat. Whether it be some reason I don't know, and probably never will, or because they're plain polar opposites, they hate each other. While Finn worked his butt off in the fields, supporting his family because of his father's death, Reza lounged around, carefree, and with me.
"Finn? Dauntless?!" Reza scoffs. "He'll be gone by the first morning."
"He's pretty strong, Reza," I defend my best friend. "All those years working in the orchards paid off."
"See?" Reza says. "You think so too. I'm sorry I'm no match for Mr. Sunshine."
"No, you know it's not like that," I let my fingers lightly caress his cheek. His eyes meet with mine, dark in the moonlight. He puts his hand up to my cheek and kisses me. His hand moves to my back, pulling me closer to him.
"That's my Dauntless girl," he smiles, "that's my Bree."
•••
The morning comes fast, too fast. My mother rushes me to get up and get dressed for the choosing ceremony. I put on a dress my mother bought me for the occasion. The top has sleeves that only cover the tops of my shoulders, is red, and buttons up the center. The yellow skirt is flow-y and is shorter in the front than in the back. It all cinches in just at my natural waist, and a pair it with a pair of yellow flats. My mother pulls my hair up into a tight bun, and tucks a yellow rose into it.
She must know I'm leaving.
"Mother?" I ask.
"Hmm?" She asks without looking up from my black hair.
"You know, don't you?"
"Breanna, it is what is meant to be. Even I can see you don't belong here. Go to Dauntless, I will support you."
I turn and face my mother. "Thank you," I say in a whisper, almost silent. I hug her as tight as I can, and for the first time I rethink choosing Dauntless. "Promise me you'll come to visiting day, and even come see me afterwards," I say as I pull out of the hug to look at her. Tears sting in the back of my eyes, but I won't cry, I can't.
She nods, her eyes red and swelling with tears. "I promise."
I take one last good look at her. Chocolate brown hair, small frame and features that aren't plain, but in the wrong context to be beautiful.
"I will see you at the ceremony," she says. "Why don't you go ahead and walk with Finn?"
I nod and walk out the door. Out of my room, my house, my home for the last time. Surprisingly, when I get outside Finn is already waiting.
"Hello, sunshine," he says, but for calling me by my nickname, he isn't very cheery. I don't blame him.
"Finn," I say somewhat exasperatedly, and without warning crash into his arms. He tightens his embrace around me.
"It's okay," he whispers into my hair. "I'm here."
I bury my face in his yellow polo shirt. I wait for a moment, just soaking up his warmth and knowing he'll be with me the whole time.
"Come on," he says. "You're okay. Lets go." He puts his arm under mine to support some of my weight. We hop into his truck, only to drive to the city limits, because no motor vehicles are allowed in the city durning Choosing Day. We buckle in, and Finn's hand reaches over and our fingers intertwine.
"You'll be okay," he says again. "I'll be with you all the way, alright?"
I nod, but don't let go of his hand. My life seems to swirl around in my head, memories and the present mixing together in my mind.
As Finn lights the ignition, last year's Choosing Day flashes through my head.
"You're leaving, for real," I said to Reza a few hours before the ceremony began.
"Yes," he took my hands in his own and drew me close. "It's where I belong. You can join me next year." He pulled me even closer, our faces inches apart.
"Promise me you won't find another girl?" I said as we gazed into each other's eyes.
"Promise me you won't try anything with Finn?" His lips pressed into a smile just before he drew me into a kiss.
My memory fades back, and it's no longer Reza's hand I'm holding, but Finn's. The exact person I promised to stay away from.
I look over at him, watching as his green/hazel eyes scan the road. His tight fitting yellow shirt bulges at his biceps. He looks at me, noticing my staring.
"What?" He asks with a chuckle.
"Nothing," I turn and look out the window again, and then down to my hand, to the ring Reza gave me before he left. It's ruby setting isn't only a reminder of where I came from, but also my birthstone. I think of Dauntless, the group of rowdy, punk-y people that are the daredevils of our society. I look over at Finn, and then back to the ring. I will soon be one of them.
We soon reach the city's limits, and Finn shuts the car off. He looks at me.
"I'm scared, Finn. If I'm scared, I shouldn't be Dauntless. Maybe I should-" I start.
"Hey," Finn cuts me off, his fingertips gently grazing my jaw. "You are Dauntless, you're worthy of that title. You will be fine."
I swallow the lump in my throat and nod.
"I got you something," Finn says as he reaches into his pocket.
"Finn, you didn't have to-"
"Ah, here it is!" He proclaims as he pulls out a small, velvet box. He pops the lid open to reveal a necklace with a sun pendant hanging from it, silver with black accents on the chain.
"Oh, Finn," I gasp, "thank you."
"Please," he says with some sort of needy look behind his eyes. "Allow me."
I nod, and he reaches behind my neck to latch the chain. As he pulls his hand back, his fingers trace my jawbone and push the hair out of my face.
"I must ask one more thing," he says as he looks into my eyes. "Let me kiss you, one last time?" He leans into my lips, gently grazing them. "Thank you," he says, "I couldn't let you go just yet."
•••
Dim, blue lights hang from the ceiling in the humongous room the Choosing Ceremony is held in. The seats slope downward towards the stage, and at the center there are four giant bowls to signify each faction. Dirt for Amity, glass for Candor, water for Abnegation and burning coals for Dauntless. They will call out names, in alphabetical order, and each person will walk to the stage, take a knife, and slit their hand. They let their blood flow into whatever bowl they want, and that will be their new faction. We are separated by faction, but I catch Sydney's eye and we exchange glances.
Soon, everyone is lined up and the ceremony begins. Although my last name comes early, thankfully there are a lot of "A" names, and I have a few minutes to think. I try to keep my mind straight, but my thoughts swirl again, like I'm in the middle of a whirlpool. I close my eyes and think of simpler times.
Finn's fingers intertwine with mine, giving me a little more support.
"Breanna Boggess."
My name makes my eyes fly open. I stand still, unable to move.
"It's alright, sunshine," Finn whispers in my ear. "Now go, my Dauntless butterfly."
I wobbly make my way down the stairs, feeling the pressure of everyone's eyes on me. Reza's, Sydney's, Finn's, along with entire population of all five factions. As soon as I get to the stage, the tall man who has been calling names hands me a knife.
"Choose wisely," he says, and I make my way to the center of the bowls.
I look down at my hand, the pale, unscathed flesh, and then drag the blade across it, gritting my teeth as the serrated teeth cut through my skin. I hold my hand out, letting the blood pool in my palm. I look to the Amity bowl, then the Dauntless. This is my last chance.
And then my blood splashes on the coals.
I make my way up to where the Dauntless group stands. Already, there is one scrawny looking kid from Candor that has chosen to become a Dauntless. I'm still in a daze, the events of the past couple of minutes still not getting through to me. They continue to call names, but soon all of them begin to blur together, just like my thoughts, the voices around me, everything. One name does stand out, though.
"Finn Falconer," the man's deep voice booms, almost like a voice from above, a peculiar angel telling you what you should do next.
In the midst of all my thoughts, I almost miss Finn walking down to the stage. He sets back his shoulders and carries himself proudly, the next one brave enough to choose Dauntless. He takes the knife from the "angel" and heads for the center of the bowls, just like I did. He slits his hand with less thought, everything about him screaming: "I am Dauntless, I am brave." He curls his hand into a fist over the coals, trapping the blood for his one last chance at going anywhere. As I know he's about to choose Dauntless, to stay with me no matter what, his hand shifts over to the Candor bowl, and he opens his hand, letting the blood smear on the glass. The impact hits me like a ton of bricks to the chest.
Somehow, when he looks up, our eyes manage to lock through all the people in the room. "I'm sorry," he mouths.
And then, Finn Falconer, the boy who loves me even though I can never return the love, leaves me.
And there's nothing I can ever do about it.
•••