I still don't own Big Time Rush.

Kendall's POV.

From this height California looks like an indistinguishable patchwork of forests, beaches, and cities; not nearly as intimidating from such a distance. I wonder if this is what my friends will eventually look like when I think of them, just a tapestry of memories and emotions that doesn't make me feel like a scared 12 year old boy faced with his family splitting in two. I was stronger then, I had my friends and more importantly I had Logie with me. I didn't understand why my father would abandon us back then. He had a family, he had a fulfilling job; I thought he had a life that other people would envy. I didn't realize being deprived of the one you loved meant the hole in your heart could never be filled, no matter how many accomplishments you tried to fill it with, you were always empty. I get it now Dad, I get why you left us for Zack.

Goodbye California. When Gustavo gave me the opportunity of a life time two years ago I thought I imagined all of the ways that we would leave California; I was wrong though because going separately was never an option. I didn't expect to be going to live with my father, but I don't think anyone else can understand what I've been feeling this past year. He is the reason I vowed never to be fake, I could never convince someone I loved them for fifteen years, I could never let someone believe they were living a dream just to wake them up and tell them it's a nightmare. That's why I don't blame my mother for what she said, I can only imagine what it feels like to have the only two men you loved both turn out to be gay, but telling me that I wasn't her son felt like the final piece of my heart had been crushed. Funny how the things we should keep to ourselves we always say, and the things we should shout from the rooftops we keep to ourselves. I closed my eyes for what seemed like the first time in days, I let the tears fall through my closed eyes as I drifted to sleep.

Logan's POV.

James and I were getting back from our nine month anniversary dinner. As we kissed in the elevator ride back to 2J I couldn't imagine things going any better, in the beginning I had my doubts about James. No one was sure about James' sexuality, we thought he just liked the attention; honestly, I thought he would flirt with a tree if the wind blew in the right way, but for all his narcissism and James-sexual view of the world he has never put me second. I know I'm not that special, I'm an ordinary guy with extraordinary friends who have changed me for the better. I was never the popular kid in the group; I was more interested in studying the innate social hierarchy of the class than being a part of it. Or as Carlos would say, I was a geek. James and Carlos worked to change that, they taught me to just go with the flow and how to dress "cool", whatever that means. And Kendall…

I can't think about Kendall while kissing James, it's not fair. It seems wrong to think about the past when you kiss the future.

"I love you, Logie."

"I love you too." I hate when James calls me Logie, Kendall has called me Logie since we were twelve and his parents got divorced. It was kind of our thing. I did love James though, we gave each other balance and acceptance. We got off the elevator, and I was shocked to see Mama Knight crying on the couch with Carlos trying to calm her down.

"It is ok…" said Carlos, "I'll fix the vase promise!"

Carlos, despite his good hearted fun loving nature, was a bit dense at times.

I sat down on the couch and put my hand on her shoulder, and said "Is everything ok?"

She got off the couch as fast as I sat down and said "I'm fine… I just need some space it has been an eventful afternoon, thanks", she practically ran to her room.

"Dude, what the hell did you do?" James yelled at Carlos while smacking him up side the helmet.

"I came in and I was really excited about my date with Stephany, and I sort of crashed into the vase. So I called out to Kendall to help me fix it and that's when Mama Knight came in and saw me piecing it together she started crying and… I didn't mean to break it!"

"Carlos, relax I don't think that was about the vase. I don't know what it was…" then it clicked "where is Kendall?"

Carlos checked their room, but Kendall wasn't there. I told James to call his cell, but it went straight to voicemail. I started getting nervous. Kendall never turned off his phone just in case one of then needed him. Thinking back he has been acting strange the past few days, in fact it started when Gustavo gave us two weeks off because he needed to make some "artistic adjustments" to our songs. "I think we should go find him. Why don't you guys go find Jo and Camille, I'm going to stay here with Mama Knight just in case she comes out."

James and Carlos left and I decided to check Kendall and Carlos' room to see if Kendall left his phone here, that would at least settle my mind. The room was clean; we knew Carlos was a neat freak but Kendall not so much. His bed was made, his clothes weren't all over the floor, and his desk was empty. If I was nervous before, now I was scared. I went to my room to think for a second when I saw an envelope on my pillow. What I read didn't make me cry, it made me numb. Kendall was gone. I laid in my bed and no other thought crossed my mind.

This will be the last chapter whose main focus is the present for a little while. I just wanted to give a taste of how James and Logan's relationship is going now. The next few chapters will be concerned mainly with specific past events of the past year. It will alternate perspectives between Logan and Kendall. It may get confusing because I'm going to have them tell the stories in reverse. Logan is going to tell his view from beginning to end, Kendall will start with the ending and move to the beginning. They will meet briefly in the middle for some Kogan. Yes, Kendall is really gone for now. Our characters won't be crossing paths again for awhile. But when they do, the friendship gloves are off.