AN: First of all, thanks to everyone who reviewed! I'm so happy that there are people out there who appreciate my messed up sense of humor, yeah… I'm not alone in this cold ,cold world. Alas, I am very sorry to inform everyone that instead of completing the story with this chapter, there will probably be one or two more chapters… seeing how I'm under the attack of the evil plot bunnies. All hail the great Cygnea-chan for beta-ing all the chapters!

Disclaimer: Don't own anything

Chapter 1

A dark eyebrow twitched in annoyance. His sixth sense told him that something was not right. The black eyes narrowed and glared at everyone on the street. Sure, he didn't have the best day of the year; actually, when he got up this morning, something just told him that maybe he should've stayed in bed and pretended there was no training that day. But of course, being the Uchiha that he was, Sasuke ignored the common sense… which was why he was now walking home with the largest grimace ever. In all of his memories, he had never been beaten by someone his own age before, and least of all, by that dobe of a teammate. How could he have been so careless? Usagi.

Ah yes, that was it. He woke up after a horrible nightmare about all the boys in the village spying on his baby sister while she was bathed in the hot spring. Needless to say, he woke up the whole house with his scream of horror. It took both Itachi and their father to prevent him from locking Usagi inside her room for the rest of her life and fortifying the lock with chains and seals.

The day went downhill from there. Not only did okaa-san send him out without breakfast (as punishment for even mentioning of locking her only daughter away), he was ambushed three times on the way to the training ground where he normally met his team. Due to the fact that he was starving by the time the third group of rabid fan girls attacked him, he barely made it out of their evil clutches in one piece. As it was, his new blue Uchiha clan t-shirt was now in tatters, and he had a hell of a time kicking those claws away from peeling his white shorts off in the process too.

Those damned fan girls, one day… one day he would be able to do what he had always wanted. An evil laugh threatened to escape from his lips. First, after he gained the sharingan, he would bewitch those stupid little girls with a genjutsu and make them fall in love with the ugliest, stupidest boy alive (the name Naruto came to his mind, but even Naruto didn't deserve that kind of torture), or maybe he would just make them fall in love with a monkey or pig. If in the one in million chance that he failed to develop the sharingan, then he would just gather them up in a secluded forest and do the katon jutsu on them. They were stupid enough to fall for it too, and they would make a lovely bonfire all right. Muhahaha… Maybe he should share the plan with Itachi (who after all, had an even larger following and probably even more headaches) – double the fun and the fire.

Sasuke sighed and rubbed his jaw, which was still a little sore from the punch that Naruto managed to land on him. He had been thinking about his ungrateful bratty little sister all through sparring with his teammate and didn't even notice when Naruto's fist came flying at him. Everyone expected Sasuke to dodge, heck even Sasuke himself did, but nothing happened. The blond idiot stood in shock with his fist still connected to Sasuke's face, as the dark haired boy did nothing but stare at the other boy in surprise. In the background he could hear Sakura screaming in horror and threatening to beat up Naruto for ruining the Uchiha's good looks, while Kakashi did nothing but look up from his damn porn and eye smiled at them.

Seeing how no one was in the mood after the punch (Naruto wanted to celebrate his first victory over his rival, while Sakura wanted to bring Sasuke back to her house so that she could play the naughty nurse game with him, and Sasuke only wanted to find his sister and lock her away), and since there was no mission for them that day, Kakashi ended training early. The three deserved a break from time to time.

Sasuke's hand twitched again as he brushed the place where he usually carried his kunai. The strangest thing had happened right after Kakashi announced that training was done for the day: Iruka-sensei had teleported to their training ground in a poof of smoke. After a few words between the two sensei and a lot of staring and pointing at him, the chuunin disappeared again in another poof of smoke, leaving a smirking Kakashi. Well, he kind of looked like he was smirking; one could never really tell what went on behind that annoying mask. Without even asking Sasuke for permission, the jounin had, in a blink of an eye, confiscated all of his weapons. The dark eyebrow twitched again as Sasuke remembered the answer Kakashi gave him after he demanded his weapons back.

"Can't have you running around and castrating random innocent people, now can we?" Kakashi had said in his usual lazy drawl, while he did his trademark eye smile again. "Don't worry; you'll get everything back as soon as we stabilize the condition first."

Condition? What condition? And why would Kakashi think that he ran around and castrated people for fun? He wasn't insane, and as long as those perverts kept their hands and eyes to themselves and not on his baby sister then there was no reason why he had to remove their family jewels and scoop their eyeballs out. He was a rational person after all.

Kakashi definitely knew something he didn't, Sasuke thought as he walked towards the Uchiha compound, glaring again at the people around him. Something was wrong… Where were all the men and boys? His question was answered when he finally saw one guy walk towards him, however when the nameless man saw him, the ninja physically shook in fear, backed away a couple of feet and teleported away in a poof of smoke.

The day was getting weirder and weirder. As he walked down the street, the young Uchiha couldn't help but notice that the few males on the street either ran away or teleported away if they saw him, or if they weren't ninja they would look down and walk away as fast as possible with their hands covering their crotch. Stranger yet were the random women who walked up and begged him to spare their sons.

What did he do again? For once, he wished that someone would explain to him, but it seemed like every time he opened his mouth to ask, the people on the busy street disappeared faster than Naruto when the boy was hungry for ramen.

Speaking of the devil, the dark eyes landed on a familiar sight right in front of Ichiraku. That idiot of a teammate was standing outside the little restaurant, a look of hunger on his face. Poor Naruto didn't even notice the small drop of drool that was threatening to fall from the corner of his mouth. Sasuke shook his head. How did he ever get grouped together with a dobe like Naruto?

"Yo Naruto."

The blonde boy jumped a foot high when his name was called. "What the hell do you want, bastard?! You scared the crap out of me!"

"Why are you standing outside?"

Naruto scratched his head as he thought of an answer. His stomach, however, decided to do that for him, letting out a growl loud enough to be heard by the dark haired genius.

Sasuke smirked. "Don't tell me you used up all your money again, dobe. We just got paid last week for the previous mission."

His teammate grinned foolishly and looked at Ichiraku longingly (he was too hungry to come up with a good comeback), catching the wisps of the delicious ramen smell that drifted out. "Hey, it's not my fault that everything is so expensive now, plus it's not like dinner is waiting for me at home anyways." The last sentence came out in a murmur.

The Uchiha boy sighed. No matter how much Naruto annoyed him at times, he was technically the first friend Sasuke made. "Okaa-san is making okonomiyaki for dinner tonight. If you want, you can come over for dinner."

The blue eyes widened. "AHHHH! Who are you and what have you done with Sasuke?!" Naruto leapt back a mile away and pointed his finger accusingly at the dark haired boy.

"Fine, if you'd rather starve, be that way," Sasuke glared. This would teach him about being nice. He wasn't surprised when his blond teammate shut up immediately and would have hugged Sasuke if the Uchiha didn't send his trademark glare in time.

"WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO MY SISTER, HARUNO?!"

Everything in Konoha came to a standstill. For once, the outburst did not come from Konoha's number one loud mouth…

"Welcome home, Sasuke-niichan." The youngest Uchiha sibling had the nerve to smirk at her stunned older brother as her partner in crime hid behind her in fear, despite the fact that Sakura was a couple of years older than the blonde. She had never seen Sasuke this mad before, she didn't even need imagination to see the smoke coming out of his ears, not to mention the glare he was sending her was sharp enough to skin any chicken alive… It was a good thing that after spending so much time with him on the same team, she was kind immune to his glare of death. Maybe instead of being skinned alive, she would be able to go home alive but with a bad burn instead.

"Sasuke!"

If it wasn't for his many hours of training in front of the mirror (to master the trademark Uchiha emotionless expression), the dark haired boy would've cried out in pain when his ear was pinched none too gently. Unfortunately, if there was one female in all of Konoha who he was afraid of… it was his mother.

"Is this how you treat your friend and teammate?" Uchiha Mayumi glared at her younger son. "Your father will be so disappointed in you. How dare you swear at Sakura-chan when she's so sweet to drop by and play with Usagi-chan. It's nice to have more feminine influence around your imouto from time to time you know."

Sasuke would have pulled at his hair because of the injustice of it all if Sakura and Naruto wasn't there, and, of course, he didn't miss the smug look Usagi gave him. He glared back with a silent promise of death later.

"That still doesn't give her the right to play dress up with MY imouto that way!" Indeed, the intensity of his glare increased several levels as he looked at the abomination caused by Haruno's handy work. Girl or not, tomorrow…

"What's wrong with the way I'm dressed, onii-chan?" The bunny smiled sweetly at her brother. "I actually like it; it's a nice change from all the dark gloomy colors you and Itachi-niichan force me to wear all the time." The blonde wrinkled her nose in distaste. Actually, she was a little scared too when Sakura came over with bags and bags of clothes. Everything was so…for the lack of a better word…pink…but now that she saw the horrified expression on Sasuke's face, maybe it was worth it to drown herself in all the pinkness.

"What's wrong with the way you're dressed?! You look like a freaking human Hello Kitty! That's what's wrong!"

"I don't see anything wrong with that. Okaa-san likes it too," Usagi stuck out her tongue and twirled the long pink ribbon in her hair between her fingers. "Sakura-chan said that I can keep this outfit too." The bunny looked down at the frilly baby pink dress she was wearing. The outfit had matching hair ribbons, earrings, pink silk necklace and bracelets, completed with a pink Hello Kitty purse. All in all, Sasuke had never seen so much pink inside the Uchiha compound before and all concentrated in one place. It was enough for him to wish that he could gorge out his eyeballs with a spoon.

A certain pink haired demon will be painfully and slowly tortured and killed tomorrow. She would experience first hand the heat of his katon goukakyuu no jutsu. He would show no mercy to anyone who was an evil influence to his adorable little sister.

Before anyone realized and could stop him, Sasuke tackled Usagi, and in a blink of an eye had already started to pull out the pink ribbons. If anyone was paying any attention they would've realized that a certain blond boy who was behind Sasuke the whole time had suddenly blushed to the root of his hair as Sasuke tried to rip everything pink into shreds… and that meant Usagi's dress too.

"Damn it, Sasuke!" An enraged Mayumi pulled her son away from her daughter and gave the boy a good smack on the head to calm him down before he could complete the seal of the tiger and burn her only daughter to a crisp with the katon jutsu. Of course Sasuke only wanted to burn the hideous pink dress off of his precious imouto, but at the moment he was too mad to realize his sister was inside the dress and would be destroyed in the same process. "If you don't stop right now, you won't get any dinner today either!"

"But okaa-chan!" Sasuke almost whined, the growl of his stomach reminding him of the skipped breakfast. "I can't let my imouto be seen outside like that! It's a disgrace to the clan!"

"And why is that?" The bunny snapped, baring her teeth at Sasuke. Damn it, if their mother hadn't pulled Sasuke-baka away just in time, he would have been forced to kiss his ninja career goodbye and live out the rest of his life with a couple of fingers less.

"Why is that?! Why is that?!" Sasuke all but roared out. "You are an Uchiha, Usagi! Uchiha! Uchihas don't play dress up, don't wear frilly dresses and we never wear weak colors like PINK!"

"You're such a hypocrite, onii-chan!" Usagi crossed her arms in a posture that was imitated from her older sibling. "Who's the one who dressed me up in all those Gothic Lolita dresses? Who's the one that curls my hair on weekends? Who's the one that bought the dark purple nail polish for me?"

Sakura and Naruto blinked and turned as one to stare at their teammate. Wow, Gothic Lolita dresses, dress up, curling hair, nail polish… Were there other things Sasuke hid from them? Who would've thought?

"It was Itachi-niichan who bought the nail polish, not me, and the only reason I curl your hair is because Itachi does a crappier job than I do!" Sasuke glared back at his imouto. He knew where to draw the line – clothes and hair were okay, but he left the make up to Itachi. "There's nothing wrong with the dresses I bought you. They're black, which is a color of strength and power, a color that inflicts fear in your opponents and blends in perfectly with your surrounds at night." Not to mention that it enhanced the luminance of their pale Uchiha skin, he silently added to himself.

The ungrateful little twit; he spent more than half of his salary to buy her clothes. It was true that being born into the Uchiha meant dark and efficient clothes, but after he saw the Gothic Lolita dresses for the first time while Sakura dragged Naruto and him shopping, Sasuke knew that his darling little sister would look adorable in them. And of course he made the excuse that even though the clothes he bought this baby sister were girly, at least they were all black, a good manly color.

Sakura and Naruto continued to stare at their teammate. Just what did Itachi and Sasuke do in their spare time? Did they even want to know? Was it one of those bizarre shinobi quirks that they would all develop with time and skills? Like Kakashi-sensei and his obsession with porn, Gai and his green spandex, Tsunada with her gambling and alcoholism, Genma and Asuma and their oral fixations on grass and cigarettes, Orochimaru and licking, like… There were too many shinobi to count.

"Naruto-kun?" Mayumi finally noticed the other boy still at the doorway staring at Sasuke shock. "Sorry, with all the ruckus Sasuke caused I didn't even realize you were there, too. Will you be staying for dinner?" Unlike the rest of the villagers, Mayumi always felt bad for the young boy, who not only grew up without the love of a family but was also despised by the entire village for something he had no control over. Having heard from Sasuke that Naruto's diet consisted mostly of instant ramen with Ichiraku only on the weekend, she encouraged her son to invite the blonde boy over for dinner as much as possible. After all, it wasn't too much trouble to feed four little stomachs instead of three. Plus, Usagi seemed to like the boy a lot (mostly because they liked to share embarrassing stories about Sasuke and discuss about how to pull pranks on the young Uchiha genius) and even though Sasuke would never admit it, he did consider Naruto to be his best friend.

"Hai, Uchiha-san. If it's not too much trouble." The blond boy blushed as all eyes turned on him and quickly bowed to hide his blush.

"Sakura-chan, why don't you stay for dinner, too? It's not often when Sasuke and Itachi invite their friends over." She ignored the glare her son sent her. "We're having okonomiyaki, and Usagi brought home some Cherry Flavored Ramen from school today."

"Ramen?" Naruto's ears perked up at the mention of his favorite food.

Here the mother smiled proudly at her daughter. "Usagi-chan received her first love gift today! A boy from school gave her Limited Edition Cherry Flavored Ramen, and I thought it would be nice to try it. I'm so proud of you, Usagi-chan!" Here the mother squealed like a little girl and glomped her daughter proudly. "You are truly my daughter! Why, when I was your age, I had such a large fan club that your grandfather had to pick me up in the truck because of all the gifts the boys gave me everyday." Mayumi sighed, reminiscing the time long ago before she was claimed permanently by a possessive Uchiha.

"Sasuke, can you set the table please?"

"Sasuke?"

Too late; Mayumi, Sakura, Naruto, and Usagi looked around the empty living room…

"Oh no," the dark haired Uchiha mother whispered in fear, as she stared at the missing utensil she left on the table a few minutes ago. "Where is the butter knife?" (1)

The wind carried a scream of terror from across the village, and so it began…

Meanwhile, in the Hokage tower…

"Hokage-sama." An ANBU closed the door politely. "You wanted to see me?"

The Sandaime took his pipe out of his mouth and blew out the smoke carefully before pinching the bridge of his nose. Why did this have to come up now? He was looking foreword to this time of peace…

"Ah, Itachi-kun, you can remove your mask. No need to be so formal here," The old man nodded and tried his best to smile. If there was one man who could make him uncomfortable in all of Konoha, it was this boy. Not that there was anything particularly scary or evil about the young man it was just that, well, he brought the Uchiha glare to a whole new level.

"Is there a new mission for my team, Hokage-sama?" the deep voice asked tonelessly. His expressionless face put the porcelain ANBU mask to shame. Yeap, he certainly did his clan proud.

Sandaime cleared his throat awkwardly. How to break the news without causing the destruction of his village? "Itachi-kun… I was just looking over your mission log this afternoon. It seems that lately all of your missions have been S class, and it has come to my attention that you haven't had a vacation for awhile," He paused for the information to sink in and for a more dramatic affect. It seemed that the boy did nothing but give a tiny nod, so small that the old man had to squint to see it, but he did not miss how the glare was turned up a notch. The Sandaime could feel a drop of cold sweat now forming on his brow. Damn it! He was the Hokage! The strongest man in the village, he would not be intimidated by a little boy who still probably hadn't even hit puberty yet.

"With your busy schedule, you probably don't have much time to spend with your siblings," he continued, slowly and carefully. The safety of his village depended on him, but little did he know that across the town the destruction had already started. "I have decided to give you a break from the missions. As a bonus for all the hard work, you will be given a two week paid vacation. I have already arranged an all inclusive beach resort for you and Sasuke at the Country of Waterfall. Why don't you go home to pack your bags and collect Sasuke?"

"And what about Usagi? Why can't I take her with me, too?"

"Ah…" Here the Sandaime cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Well… um… Since she just started school, I don't think it'll be a good idea to take her away on this trip."

The dark eyes narrowed as Itachi carefully assessed the man in front of him. If he remembered correctly, the last time he was given a paid vacation was… ah… Sai…

"As you wish, Hokage-sama," The dark haired ANBU bowed again in respect. "I shall collect Sasuke right now, and we will be on our way. Should I inform Kakashi-san then?"

"No, I can send someone else to tell him. You just go home and enjoy your time off. Dismissed."

The second Itachi disappeared in a poof of smoke, Sandaime collapsed in his chair. He prayed for the soul of the poor boy who had just rubbed the Uchiha brothers the wrong way. He was getting too old for this. Maybe after Itachi and Sasuke come back from their all-inclusive vacation, he should consider taking one as well…

TBC

(1) Yes, Sasuke is going to castrate all the boys using a butter knife since Kakashi confiscated his kunai, even the rusty ones ;;

AN: Again, I apologize for all the OOC in this chapter, especially Sasuke, and no, he is not gay. He just adores his baby sister a little too much, and no, not in a romantic way either… it's more like a little kid and his puppy, and in this case the puppy is Usagi ;;