I picked up my fixed guitar on Monday morning. It's tuned and looks good as new. I'm nervous for school. I washed my car with Prim on Saturday. Annie didn't show up, and I didn't want her to. I miss my blade, and now my wrist is just scars, and Mama keeps putting that scar cream on it. I'm on depression medicine. It won't work for a month and Mama and Daddy have to be watching me to see if I'm having some weird reaction to the medicine.
I'm scared shitless for school today. The deputy at the school is supposed to be keeping an eye on me, and they brought in another deputy that's supposed to keep an eye on Glimmer.
He isn't doing a very good job because right when I walk in the door, she calls me a bitch and slams the books from my hands.
I sigh quietly and pick them up, and then don't say a word to her as I go to my table. Everyone immediately gets up and moves.
I go to my phone and pretend to be playing a game. I don't see Glimmer come, until she's almost to te table and a loud female voice echoes across the cafeteria and causes the whole room to go quiet.
"God dammit Glimmer, stop being such a fucking cunt to her! She's such a good person and you're such a bitch!"
Everyone gets quiet, and there stands no one other than Johanna Mason. Annie's crying with her face in Finnick Odair's chest, and Peeta Mellark looks irritated with Glimmer, his arms crossed, his hands in fists.
Glimmer turns around, and I just stare.
Annie waves me over to them, and I grab my shit and stand up.
"Excuse me? What the fuck did you just say?" Glimmer snaps. Johanna drops her bag.
"I said to stop being a cunt to Katniss. She's a good person and you're a bitch. If you had your hearing aid turned up, you probably would have heard me!"
Glimmer does actually have hearing problems and she does actually have hearing aids.
Johanna Mason looks at me. "Katniss, come here. Annie's been worried to hell about you all weekend."
Why? Annie isn't my friend and…how the fuck do all these people know my name?
Walk past Glimmer, over to Annie, who ditches Finnick and hugs me instead. I hug her back, and she pulls away to look in my eyes. "Are you okay?" she asks. I nod, and she grabs my guitar case and puts it on the table, and she opens it up, and she smiles. Johanna looks over her shoulder and picks up my guitar.
No. I don't like people touching my instruments, especially people I hardly know.
"Look bitch. It was fixed. Now you have community service and you didn't even faze her."
Finnick disappears and comes back with an amplifier and plugs it in.
"Play it." Johanna says.
"Um…" I hesitate.
"Do it, or I will." She says, and she strums, and starts playing shit, and it almost makes me cringe. I take it from her hands.
"What am I playing?" I ask quietly.
"Play Free Bird, by uh, god, I don't remember. Just do the super hard solo. You know that, right?" Finnick Odair asks.
I sigh. "Fine." I grab my pick from my case. Everyone is watching me, but this is what I want to do for a living. "It's four minutes long, just the solo itself um…"
"She can't do it. Free bird is fucking impossible. She has no talent. She just has so many guitars because she's spoiled."
That pisses me off, so I adjust the sounds. I have it memorized, and I take a deep breath, and I start the solo. People's jaws drop because it's one of the most complicated guitar solos in guitar history.
The bell rings right as I finish it, and I hurry to class.
…..i…..
On the way to seventh period, I stop at my locker. Glimmer walks by, and knocks all my books from my hands. The tardy bell rings. The pain I feel today is so great, that I just slide down my locker and just sit there, with one leg up, and the other out in front of me. My books and pencils are all over the floor.
I sit here until the last period ends, and then I grab everything, and I shove them in my bag and I slam my locker. Annie, Johanna, Peeta, and Finnick are walking towards me. they see I'm crying, and just as they're about to stop me, I run, shoving people out of the way, my bag slung over my shoulder. I get in my car, and I speed out of there, and I go home. Mama and Daddy aren't home and neither is Prim. I go to my bathroom, and I grab my razor. I drag it right across my wrist five times, and then go up and down twice.
It hurts, but god, it feels so good at the same time. I kick my door shut and lock it, and I lean against the counter with my eyes shut, and feel the warmth drip down my arm and fingertips. The doorbell rings, and rings again, and then rings nonstop, and I know it's probably Annie or someone. The front door slams.
"Katniss!" it's Johanna, and it's Annie.
God! Why can't they just leave me alone? I was so much happier alone!
I clean off my wrist and the floor, and I wash my razor and cover my wrist in ointment and a Band-Aid, and then I walk out of the bathroom.
"I don't know what room is hers." I hear Annie say. "All I saw was the kitchen."
I hear the front door shut, and I hear Mom's voice.
"I'm Johanna." Johanna says to Mama.
"What brings you guys here?" Mama asks.
"Katniss ran away from us today, and she came here and she's silent. Um…Glimmer did something. She skipped seventh period, and she was crying." Annie explains quietly.
I lay down on my bed and let tears fall.
I hear three sets of footsteps, and then Mama tries to open my door, and since it's locked, she can't get in. I hear her sigh.
"I got this." Johanna says. Thirty seconds later, the door opens.
"Katniss." Mama says. "What happened?"
She sits down next to me, and Johanna and Annie sit down too.
"Katniss." Annie says.
"You can talk to us." Johanna says. I stand up.
"I can't keep doing this!" I snap, and I'm crying so hard that it's difficult to speak. "I'm sick and tired of feeling worthless and ugly and like a whore or…or whatever she decides to call me! After four years of it, you start to believe it! I'm tired of doing this all the time!" I show them my wrist. "I hate having no friends! I haven't had a sleepover since I was fucking thirteen! I'm tired of hating myself, and I'm tired of dreading school. It would be so much easier to just swallow the pills and get it over with. I'm going to die one day a-a-anyways!"
Mama looks like she just got slapped. Johanna is impossible to read, and Annie looks like she's on the verge of tears.
Mama gets up and goes to my bathroom, and she grabs a ton of stuff, and then she comes back and makes me sit down. She takes the Band-Aid off my wrist, which is still bleeding, and she washes it with a wash cloth and soapy water. She pats it dry, and puts ointment and scar cream on it, and then she puts a Band-Aid on it and stands up, grabbing my shoulders.
"You listen to me and you listen to me closely. Are you listening?" I nod, wiping my tears. "You are a beautiful young woman. You are the strongest person I know. You've lasted nearly four years. You have friends, they're sitting right there. Just because you just met them doesn't mean they're not your friends. They're here for you. Do not ever give up, do you hear me? You have a few more months and you never have to step a foot back in the building! You have an excellent voice and you are very talented. You have dreams, Katniss! Don't let her win! Don't throw all your dreams away because of one bitch! Don't let her win. Don't throw your life away. I have the utmost faith in you. Honey, tomorrow, you're not wearing a sweatshirt. You're going to change, and I'm going to help you. I want you to change your clothes to what you'd wear away from her. A sweatshirt is not your weekend clothes. You want friends? Make some. Stand up for yourself. Fight her if you have to, just don't start it. Be yourself, not this depressed little girl. That's not you."