Started November 6th

Completed November 11th

So, guess what? In celebration of this being the beginning of a long and winding story, I'm doing a double-upload week! Yay! Let me know your thoughts!

Chapter One

Depression

Depression: (Noun) A condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason.

o.O.o.O.o.O.o

Looking back, the first choice that I had made that put everything in motion is rather obvious. The day I had followed them—the Black Organization—gotten tangled in their intricate web of conspiracy. When my life was turned completely upside down.

The second? That one, too, is rather distinct. Without a doubt, it was my decision to break out of my lingering depression.

o.O.o.O.o.O.o

"…And that's how the trick came together—enabling him to have been in this room just 4 hours ago—whilst simultaneously making it seem as if he were actually a few cities over."

A silence descended over the lavish sitting room, adorned with expensive furniture and priceless textiles.

The Beika detectives pondered over the famous detective's words, completely overtaken. No matter how many times they saw his wit in action, Mouri Kogoro was indeed an impressive individual, rendering them speechless time and time again. From the plush couch, a wail issued from a lanky young man as he slipped limply to the floor. The other (former) suspects looked down to his form with expressions ranging from disbelief to pity.

Takagi and Sato-keiji stepped forward to apprehend the man as he began pouring his heart out, lamenting over his decision to murder his once-beloved wife. Megure-keibu followed the two out as they escorted the man to the car, closely followed by Chiba and the small group of people that had been the other suspects.

Ran made her way around the couch, quietly breathing a sigh of relief before stepping before her father and eyeing him with a look of pride. "Good job, Dad! That was a really intense…" she trailed off when he failed to react. Abruptly, her face took a turn for the worse and her eye twitched before she pulled back her arm, knocking him upside the head with a fist. As the man fell to the floor (with a rather loud yelp), Ran folded her arms across her chest. "Jeez! Every time I turn around..! Why do you always do this, falling asleep as soon as you're done explaining the culprit's trick…" She muttered to herself, twisting around and rolling her eyes.

Kogoro slowly made his way to his feet, blinking as he took in her words. Explaining the culprit's trick? …So he'd solved another case? Why is it he can never remember it happening..? He shook his head and shuffled to the door, covering his ever-growing confusion with a boisterous laugh. "It was only natural for one such as I to solve a case with such ease! Of course it would take a lot out of me!" His continued bragging faded away as he disappeared into the hallway. Ran was just about to follow him when she suddenly remembered something.

"Conan-kun? Where are you?" She whipped around, eyes searching her surroundings worriedly. She calmed as a child emerged from behind the chair that her father had been occupying just a few moments prior, tucking his red bowtie into his pocket. "Ah… here, Ran-neechan." He rubbed at the back of his head as if embarrassed. Ran raised an eyebrow as the bespectacled child made his way to her side, walking with the grace of someone far older than he.

"Same goes to you! Always hiding behind things when Dad's explaining the case! Sometimes I wonder about you…"

The 19 year old girl grinned down at Conan teasingly, eyes glittering with mirth. Conan might be an exceptionally smart child, but he certainly did have his odd little quirks.

Now, while the older girl might have been teasing him, the child in question paused, an odd, worrisome expression flitting across his features for a split second. She didn't notice.

The two made their way to the front yard of the house, stepping into the cold December air. When her father caught sight of Ran, he made his way over, stopping and regarding Conan with a testy look. "And where have you been, ya little freeloader?" He clenched his fist as if restraining the urge to bop him upside the head. Conan took a panicked step back, waving his hands before himself.

"I was there in that room the whole time! I was just thinking about your amazing deduction and lost track of time, honest!" He sent the older man an innocent smile. Kogoro preened at the praise and made a 'so-so' gesture with his hand. "Of course," he boasted, "It's only to be expected of the great Mouri-tantei!" Conan rolled his eyes.

As the middle aged man continued, they made their way to the rental car. They were momentarily stopped by Megure-keibu who congratulated Mouri on a job well done. They exchanged a few more pleasantries before the large officer was making his way to the cop car, shouting over his shoulder, "No need to come down to the precinct, Mouri-kun! I'll handle the paperwork!"

Lightened by the prospect of being freed from writing up a report, the private eye practically skipped to their own car, humming under his breath. The three from the agency piled into the car—Kogoro driving, Ran in the passenger seat, and Conan in the back. Conan's eyes were drawn to the cop car, now housing someone who was undoubtedly going to be spending the next few years in prison. His face shadowed over, thoughts now taking a more haunted route. For as long as he had been involved in detective-work (which had been a surprisingly long time for one so young), he had never been able to understand how someone could commit murder. How could someone do something so terrible and decisive? So…

Final?

Most of the people he'd met and encountered through his cases understood the consequences of their actions. They understood that to murder someone would be to rob that someone of life, of a chance to change for the better. They knew that there would be no future for them and no chance to make any more memories for themselves.

It put him at a loss. How could they…?

But whenever he ran into cases similar to these… lost couldn't even begin to describe it. Murder is one thing (though on an admittedly high level), but the murder of someone that you loved? That just put it to all-new heights. How could one have the ability to commit their entire heart and soul to one person… only to turn around and end that person's life? Each and every time he found a case like this, it put him in a somber mood for weeks to come. It broke his heart.

If he were to be honest… It made him doubt love.

o.O.o.O.o.O.o

For the past few days, it had been raining: a miserable, drenching downpour. Conan had spent his time at the window, eyes staring unseeingly at the dreary surroundings outside, thoughts lost in an endless turbulence.

Ran was beginning to get worried. School was out for winter break a little earlier than expected due to the predicted bad weather, and thus they got a good week of extra vacation. But the only thing that Conan had done was sit at the window and stare outside. He never talked to his friends from the Shonen-tantei-dan, never answered his phone when it rang, and never participated in their active conversations around the house.

He just sat there at the window, lost in thought.

"Conan-kun…" she murmured, face crumpling in worry. She set down the bowl of soup, crossing the threshold to crouch in front of the boy. This time, she called to him to get his attention. "Conan-kun… hey…"

Hazy blue eyes slowly turned away from the endless downpour, locking onto her face. Her stomach dropped. Why did it look like he had lived through so much pain? She frowned, her eyes stinging with tears. "Is… there something wrong? Did something happen?"

It took him a minute or two, but Conan was finally able to decipher the meaning of her words. He blinked back to awareness, about to answer when he heard the screeching of a crowd from the television across the room. Instantly, his attention was drawn to the screen, where a reporter stood in front of a crowd of excited teenagers

"…Ever since KID's notice showed up in this morning's paper, fans have been showing up at Beika's local museum of jewels—regardless of the fact that the announced time is still a good 5 hours away. It seems as if high-school detective Hakuba Saguru's prediction from KID's last heist was successful if the collection of task-force officers is anything to go by." In the background, task-force members were clearly seen corralling the rampant fans.

Conan rose from his seat and moved past Ran, not noticing the look of hurt on her face. As he settled down in front of the TV, the newscaster cleared her throat and pushed a stray hair behind her ear before continuing. "It seems as if his target this time is the Tear of the Goddess—a rare silver Sapphire on loan to the museum until New Years." The screen flashed to a picture of the gem.

The Tear of the Goddess was actually one gem split into two—or rather, very precisely cut. The first part of it was an upside-down pentagon (roughly the size of a child's palm), laid precisely into the base of a necklace—metal twisted and melded into a sort of intricate tribal marking. A part of the pentagon was obviously cut out in the shape of a tear drop—which dangled elegantly from the bottom. Both gems were surrounded by a single trail of tiny blue sapphires.

Once more, the camera cut back to the newscaster. She smiled before declaring, "There are currently 4 hours and 52 minutes before the announced time of the heist."

Ran seized the chance presented to her. "Look, Conan-kun! How about we go to KID's heist? We might see KID again!" She kneeled beside the child, a large smile plastered on her face. She was desperate to get the young boy out of his funk. She missed his too-knowing personality and active thirst for knowledge—traits closely resembling those of the detective she had grown up with.

Slowly, dull blue eyes shielded behind too-large frames slid away from the glow of the television before landing on her face. He stayed silent for a moment before giving a slow, shallow shake of the head. "No thanks, Ran-neechan." Conan turned on his heel and slunk into the room he shared with Kogoro, the door shutting with a quiet click behind him.

Disheartened, Ran sank into the couch, precisely folding her hands into her lap and biting her lip. She couldn't help but get the feeling that, whatever was plaguing the young boy; she could do nothing to help.

o.O.o.O.o.O.o

Conan sat upon his futon, staring blankly at the wall.

No, he reminded himself. Not Conan. Shinichi. Kudo Shinichi.

He pulled the blankets closer, engulfing himself in as much warmth as he could manage. Still, he shuddered, thoughts taking a more draining route.

How long has it been? He asked himself. Quickly, he calculated how much time had passed since the day that his life had taken an unexpected turn. A little over a year, he answered. One year and three months.

Shinichi fell back onto the futon, holding his hand up in the darkness and eying the tiny outline with a scornful gaze. When was the last time that he had been in his real body? Months? Years? Everything was starting to run together. Time wasn't making any sense any more. Was he eight, or was he eighteen? The more time that passed, the more he began to fall into the role of "Conan".

To the point that he was beginning to think that Conan wasn't much of a role anymore.

The thought terrified him.

What if Haibara never managed to complete the cure? What if he was stuck having to repeat his life under someone else's identity? Someone who shouldn't even logically exist, at that. How could he face that? How could he just… continue putting on a mask like that, enforcing a lie? What would happen to the person named "Kudo Shinichi"? Would he just disappear? Fade away as if he never existed in the first place?

Shinichi felt he would go insane. He couldn't stand this much longer. How could he? One of his closest and oldest friends constantly fretted over his other persona, worried for his safety—and he couldn't even speak up, say, "I'm alive, I'm well." He couldn't speak to anyone that he had known as Kudo Shinichi—because they didn't know Conan. Or if they did, he was known as someone completely different. They didn't know him. He was cut off from the world and forced into the body of "another". The change was inadaptable. Kudo Shinichi still managed to slip through the façade. Even though Shinichi wanted desperately to be able to be with those he loved, he couldn't—it was dangerous. He knew that. He understood that. But no matter how well he understood that… it didn't make it any less hard. So Conan and Shinichi couldn't be connected.

"Oh great," he muttered aloud. "Now I'm thinking of myself as two different people. Maybe I have finally lost it…"

Rolling onto his side, Shinichi shut his eyes tightly, processing his thoughts as best as he could. I'm tired, he thought. Maybe I just need a break. To get my mind off of everything. I'm tired of being like this anyway. Moping isn't going to get me anywhere…

The man turned child stared blankly at the wall. He couldn't keep wallowing like this. There was no point—it got him nowhere. The only thing he could truly do is pick up his feet and keep moving. Perhaps a distraction was in order.

Suddenly, the newscast flashed through Shinichi's mind. He sat up abruptly, jerking his head to the side to glance at the alarm clock. "Eight-sixteen…" A little over an hour had passed… He pulled the blankets off of his too-small legs, making his way to his feet and then out the door. Shinichi found Ran sitting on the couch, thoughts apparently lost in a whirl. He cleared his throat loudly, wincing guiltily when she jumped.

Ran turned her attention to the boy, a smile twitching at her lips when she saw the fire burning in his eyes once more. "Yes, Conan-kun?" Her hair swayed as she tilted her head in a curious fashion. Shinichi ignored the sting at his heart induced by the name "Conan". No. He couldn't fall victim to self-pity. He wasn't going to let himself end up like that.

Shinichi gave her a bright smile before asking in a sweet childlike voice, "Can we still go to that heist, Ran-neechan?"

Outside, the last few drops of rain abated, the dark clouds continued to their next destination. Not long after, soft flakes of snow made their descent upon Tokyo.

Chapter One

End

This is a shorter chapter compared to the ones to come… Actually, the first couple of chapters will probably be relatively (if not obviously) short compared to future ones. Just a warning (or promise for those who like longer chapters :D).