Dear Readers! Thank you so much for all the kind reviews, it means a lot to me you enjoyed my story so much. I hope it stays that way, and chapter 2 won't be a disappointment for anyone. Good and bad feedback are both welcome. Thank you for reading!
Felicity was standing under the shower, enjoying the hot water warming her body, little drops making her skin tingle. She reflected back to last month. She was right from the beginning, she was speared after all. The only thing what made her go that day was adrenalin but even that couldn't save her from passing out at the moment she finished her rant to Oliver. Diggle enlightened her about the details of how she was rushed to the hospital, had a three hours long surgery, and another thirteen hours of sleep afterall. She should change her name to Sleepy after that but she had to admit that was one hell of a long day. Actually, those were long months. Never before she got into any kind of danger, and after starting to work with Oliver, or with Mr. Hoody really, her life became a roller coaster. The upper parts were the times when they managed to save someone, or when Oliver touched her slightly, gave her that knee weakening boyish smile. The down parts… There were more time down than up, that was certain… The times when they failed, when the city collapsed. The times when Oliver yelled at her, or stared at her with his ice cold stare, or even worse when he didn't even look at her. The constant worry that something would happen with him, or that he would harm himself. She'd always been worried about that… That Oliver would get to a point when he decided to do something terrible with himself. She didn't fail to see the marks in his palms, caused by his own nails. Nor she failed to see the bruises on his knuckles everytime he thought he failed, and punched something hard. She never failed to see the tention in all of his body, nor she failed to feel it even being a good few feet away from him. She saw all the fake smiles, the pretendence of how he was alright, the image he tried to make them believe was the real him. But she could see him, the real Oliver, lost and suffocated by the things his family forced him to try and take responsibility for, confused at times when he had to play his old self, so tensed so he wouldn't make any mistakes what could end with his secret revealed to even more people. He had so many layers, and she saw all of them, she saw Oliver Queen as a complex.
But there was no more reason for her to think of this at all, she thought as she stopped the water, and stepped out of the shower. She hadn't seen Oliver Queen in a month. Diggle visited her every day while she was in the hospital but not Oliver. He didn't show his face, not a single time. Neither of them mentioned him. Diggle told her about how renovations went, and stuff like that but never about their boss. That was fine by her. In the end, she knew this day would come when she was the third wheel. She got into this whole Hoody thing because of Walter, and Walter was saved, and safe so she might as well go back to her normal life. She was one of the worst sidekicks in history anyway. She knew nothing about fighting, and even her IT skills weren't enough to save the city.
She pulled a towel around her body, tip toeing to the room. Her new place was even smaller than the previous one but with the company being shut down for unknown time she couldn't afford to have a bigger place. It was a single room, with a bed, a couch, and television, and in the corner a small kitchenette. It was just big enough for her but she didn't mind, not that she had so many guests visiting her. She crouched down to one of her bags –yes, she still hadn't unpack but her ankle still hurt, and she was lazy as well.
"I'm not happy," said a rough voice behind her, scaring the leaving hell out of Felicity.
She spun around, holding one of her panties in her hand, clearly ready to attack the person who stood there. Her brain processed the image in front of her quite quickly.
"What the… We are so not on sneak upon terms!" She stomped her feet like a child, her panties still in her hand as she waved towards Oliver.
He was as tensed as ever, his whole body just looking like one huge piece of hard stone. And those eyes… She shouldn't see those eyes, and know what they meant, how broken they could make him look.
"I didn't mean to startle you," Oliver said, letting his eyes wander around the tiny apartment. His presence pressured Felicity, especially in such small space, he just took all the air from her, and now she had issues with breathing.
"And what do you mean you aren't happy?" She raised an eyebrow, trying to look more irritated than all over the moon by the fact Oliver Queen was at her apartment. "You aren't happy, so you visit funny girl, Mr. Queen? Is that how you think it works? And is sorry part of your vocabulary at all, or that's something you completely erased?"
"I'm sorry…" He glanced at her, and she felt her stomach making a flip-flop, way too aware that sorry was not meant to the fact he scared her, or sneaked into her apartment without making any kind of noises. She had to learn those ninja movements.
She only nodded, not entirely sure what she could say. She didn't want to get into one of her terrible ramblings and end up saying something inappropiate again so she preoccupied herself with her panties.
"Felicity, get rid of your panties," he said, in a controlled but definitely not relaxed voice. Her face turned scarlet red as soon as the words left his mouth, and she dropped the panties behind her. This was the most awkward thing ever.
"As my boss you shouldn't say things like that, I could sue you for sexual assult, not that anyone would believe me, as clearly, one like you wouldn't want anything from a geek like me but I could try, and…"
"Felicity," he cut off her nervous rant, stepping up to her, her breath caught for a second as she stared up at him. She could actually feel him, he wasn't touching her but she could feel the power, all of his energy, almost like his being embraced her entire being. "I am not your boss. I'm your friend."
"Well, that's… that's what I thought as well," she swallowed hard, trying to keep the more romantic feelings out of her brain. "And friends, they fight, and argue but they don't abandon each other because of those. But clearly, you are rather my boss as you ignored me in the past month, making it clear for me that I wasn't welcome in your life anymore. I know I said things what I shouldn't have said, and I had no right to tell those things to you…"
"Felicity, shut up," he commanded. It wasn't harsh, it wasn't the usual growl, it was… it was just a simple order what she followed. "I know you have every right to feel like I let you down, and I abandoned you, and you are right, I let you down when I didn't go looking for you after the device went off, and I should have been there while you were recovering but… I was terrified," he admitted, his eyes glued to the floor, like he was ashamed of himself.
"Terrified? Of what exactly? That I would tell you off again? Please, I don't think I'm so scarey that a mountain like you should be worried about that, because really, I'm just…"
"I was terrified by the thought of losing you, Felicity," he moved his eyes back to her, probably seeing the most stupid face she ever made, her mouth opening and closing like she was a fish. "When you fainted, just collapsed into my arms, and I realized there was blood everywhere… I just… I didn't know how to look into your eyes after failing you."
This was way too much information for her. She had to sit down, she would also need some clothes on her so she wouldn't feel so naked as he was staring at her waiting for her to say something. But what could she possibly say? She wasn't certain why he was telling her this. He was so confusing at the moment, the whole situation was confusing. Felicity Smoak sitting in only a towel, her wet hair dripping over her back making her shiver while Oliver Queen was towering above her, was the most confusing thing ever.
"I'm sorry for being hard on you that night… I shouldn't have made you feel bad about what happened, even you can't be at more places at the same time, and I most certainly couldn't expect you to come for me when your loved ones were in danger," she said, trying to rationalize this conversation as much as it was possible.
"No, Felicity, you were right," he said, turning his back to her. "Everything you said was true… You're important to me, and I should have been there looking for you, and I definitely should have seen the state you were at."
Her heart was bleeding for him, the sound of defeat echoing in every word made her want to just stand up and hug him as tight as possible, just give him some comfort.
"Well… no harm was done, I mean, I had a hole in my stomach and some cracks in my bones but nothing what a few stitches didn't make go away, I mean, I don't have a hole now, you can check if you want to… I mean, not now of course as I only have a towel on me, and that would be weird to stand naked in front of you… Not weird-weird of course, I mean, who wouldn't want to be naked in front of Oliver Queen… Did I just say that? I'd better just shut up now…" she shut her eyes, not wanting to look at him now that for the thousand of times she humiliated herself.
"It's amazing how you are all over the place all the time, and still you are the most collected person who I've ever known." he said that with a slight amusement in his voice, and Felicity let out a sigh of relief, hearing his tone lightening slightly.
"I am so not… It's only when it comes to you, just watching you constantly makes me concentrate even more, and I focus on you, and it's an IT thing, paying attention for the tiniest details…" she blushed slightly, playing with her hands nervously.
"What's wrong with me, Felicity?" That question knocked the air out of her lungs for a second. Why was he asking her? There was nothing wrong with him anyway. He was damaged, yes but who wasn't?
"Oliver, I don't think I…"
"You see me, Felicity, you see me like no one else. Help me, please," he turned to her, staring with those blue eyes.
"I… I'm not sure what you want to hear, Oliver," she admitted. She didn't want to get into another psyhological rant about the many Olivers again, it caused enough damage at the first time.
"Stop thinking so hard, Felicity, just tell me what you see," he growled in a low voice, making Felicity shudder.
"It's hard to explain, you know," she said defensively "I… I see you, as a whole, with your scars, and wounds, and your multiple personas, I see you as a whole, Oliver. You have all those Olivers in you and sometimes they crash, and sometimes you don't know which one you should pull… And you hang up on some old ideas, it's hard for you to let go things what you dreamt about on the island…"
"You mean Laurel," he nodded, having all of his attention making her selfconscious about the things she just said, it was complicated to put the notes in her brain into words after all this months.
"Yes… Her as well… I just think Laurel meant home for you on the island, you love the idea of her but you're a completely different man now, and she just… You hold onto her because she's the past you lost when that boat sink, the past a part of you wants to get back… You'll always find a reason why you can't be with her because you want to keep her in the past, and still a part of you longs for her and craves her… But you also don't want her to get hurt because she was your lighthouse on the island, and that's nice but Oliver, once the sailor go home, they don't stay there."
She glanced up at him nervously, not knowing if her metaphor was over the line, or not. That was a lot of talk for sure, even from her. She knew how important Laurel was for him but she honestly thought the woman was bad influence on him. She only kept reminding him of what he was back in time, and made him punish himself for the things he did again, and again.
He let out a sigh, his broad shoulders rising and falling slowly as he shut his eyes, processing the things she just said. Felicity was on the edge, not sure where this all would lead. Not that it could be any worse than not seeing him ever again. He sat next to her, his arm touching her bare skin, a shiver running through her by the contact. She didn't know what she should have done, her mind was clouded, and thoughts what shouldn't have been there invaded her brain. She was side to side with Oliver Queen only wearing a towel after all, that was more than any woman could make through without having naughty thoughts. She placed a hand on his back, feeling his muscles immediately tense under her touch, making her wonder if it was a good idea to do that but just as quickly as it came, the tension was gone.
"I need you," he stated as a matter of fact. That was… Well, that was definitely not something what Felicity Smoak, sidekick had ever expected to hear from him.
"And I need a bottle of whine," she laughed sheepishly, quickly standing up, and making those huge two steps into the kitchen, trying to put some distance between them.
"Would you like some…" she started, turning back towards the couch where Oliver sat just a second ago, only to bump into his chest, pouring red whine all over his white shirt. The apartment seemed to get tinier and tinier in every second. "I… I'm sorry, I just wanted to…"
She grabbed a paper towel, and tried to make the wine go away but of course, it was no use.
"Don't worry," Oliver shrugged, pulling his shirt over his head, making Felicity gasp, and look anywhere but at him. Of course, she saw him half naked many times but for one, she was more dressed those occasions, also he wasn't this close to her.
She didn't bother with the glasses anymore, she just took a sip right out of the bottle, feeling his eyes on her all along, making her anxious.
"Better?" Oliver asked, with clear amusement in his voice. Most likely, women in his kind of social group never drank whine out of a bottle but Felicity wasn't in the mood to play the lady, she wanted to get drunk so she could stop her brain from working so hard on what he just told her.
"It will be," she nodded, taking another sip, staring on the bottle, anything so she didn't have to look at him.
"I shouldn't have said what I said… I'm sorry…" he said, shaking his head, taking a step back, his face turning into it's usual stoic state, ready to walk away.
"No, no, it was fine. It's all okay. It was just unexpected… But it really is fine," Felicity said quickly, reaching after him, trying to catch his arm.
"No, it isn't," he stated, heading towards her window, ready to step out of her life forever.
"Sit down, Oliver Queen," she said angrily, surprised by the commanding voice she never thought she had.
Oliver turned to her, having just as surprised face as her but he complied to her wishes, and sat back to the couch.
"Thank you," Felicity nodded happily, and sat next to him. "I'm here, and I'll always be here for you, I promise." Even if I have no idea in what ways you might need me, she added mentally but decided to shut it.
One step at a time. Who knows where they will end up? He admitted he needed her, that was a confession she'd never expected to hear from Oliver Queen, other unexpected events might be waiting for them in the future, the sparkle of hope told her, and she felt more alive than she did in the last month ever.