When I finally made it I entered the house. I was close enough to hear their thoughts now, and I could tell that most of them were home. I ignored Edward and Bella as I passed the living room. Esme and Jasper were in the dining room as I passed it, but I didn't pay them any attention to them either. I could tell Emmett and Rose were in her bedroom and Carlisle was in his office, but they weren't who I was looking for either. I went straight to Alice's room and found her sitting on the floor, as I had known she would be.
She didn't look surprised to see me as I stalked up to her. I pulled my sketchbook out of my bag and flipped to the right page before tossing it at her. She caught it, somewhat startled because of the strength I used to throw it and looked down at it, then looked back up at me, a smile tugging at her lips. "What is this?" she asked innocently. I knew she had known I was coming.
I could feel the rest of the family entering the room, filtering in behind me, but my focus was solely on Alice. "Tell me what you see when you look at this," I said, gesturing toward the drawing. She could usually look at my drawings and tell me how the situation came to be. She would usually have a vision that went along with them. Everyone else was crowded around behind me now and I could hear their confused thoughts. I blocked the thoughts out.
Alice, noticing how serious I was, looked down at the drawing, closing her eyes and tracing it with her fingertips. She was still for a few moments and I wanted to start tapping my foot impatiently, but I knew this took time. When she opened her eyes and looked at me, towering over her, she stood up. "I didn't see anything," she admitted, handing the sketchbook back to me.
I knew it was true, because I had been watching her thoughts, trying to make sure that it was true. I closed it quickly before anyone could peek over my shoulder. I knew Edward had been watching Alice's thoughts, too, as well as my own, probably, but that didn't mean anyone had to see the drawing firsthand. As I slipped the sketchbook back in my bag, I looked back up at her. She studied me for a minute before adding, "Can I hug you now, or will you bite my head off?"
I noticed my extremely tense posture and tried to relax. I could feel them all behind me, wondering about curious, yet hesitant because they could tell the kind of mood I was in. I could feel Jasper trying to calm me down, but it wasn't necessary anymore. It was then that I realized how happy I was to be back with my family. It really had been far too long since I had last seen them. I opened my arms and threw them around her in a hug. Then I turned and greeted the rest of my family, a smile on my face.
After I had hugged everyone I stepped back, and Alice stepped around me, so she could stand with the rest of them, waiting for me to explain why I was here, what I had been up to, that sort of thing. They had no idea where I had been, or what I had been doing. They couldn't even tell what I was hunting, because my eyes had always been green, although they ranged from dark to light depending on how long it had been since I had last hunted. My eyes wandered from face to face as I waited for one of them to ask the question that was on every single one of their minds.
Bella, never the one to be shy about anything around the family, was the one who finally opened her mouth. "What have you been up to?" she asked, glancing to Edward, wondering what he saw in my thoughts, if I was allowing him to see in my thoughts. She had removed her shield so he could hear her thoughts and he answered them with a shrug. I wasn't letting him in right now.
I took a deep, unneccessary breath, and I knew who I needed to talk to now. I met Edward's gaze once he looked up from Bella. "Can I talk to you? Alone?" I asked. I could hear Esme's reaction to this, though she would never speak it out loud, and I knew Alice and Rose also wanted some time with me, and Carlisle wanted to know what I've been up to. "I'm not taking off just yet, when we get back I'll tell you all what I've been up to," I said and saw them all relax a bit knowing that I wasn't going to come back.
With that bit of reassurance, they let me leave the house, Edward following behind. I kept silence as I walked, trying to put enough distance between us and the house so they wouldn't be able to hear our conversation. When I was satisfied that at our distance, I opened my mouth to speak before he could. I knew he was only going to wait a couple more seconds, but I couldn't find the words. "What happened when you first met Bella?" I asked. I've heard the story before, but I need to hear it again, see the memories in his point of view.
Edward's mind instantly flashed to the memory and he relived his first encounters with Bella. I could feel what he had felt as he remembered her in her human form. I could smell how enticing her scent had been. "How did you manage to convince yourself not to kill her?" I asked. He had jumped from that first memory, to the next time he had seen her.
The memories cut off and Edward sighed. If I hadn't been able to hear his thoughts, I would have wondered if I had offended him. As it was, I knew I hadn't. I knew he was just trying to figure out how to answer. After a moment of silence, I didn't need to hear the answer, I could see it in his mind. "If she smelled so good, though, how could you possibly be so intrigued by her that you could just ignore that?" I asked.
I realized I had let my guard down when he had an answer for my question as soon as I spoke the words. "I was more than intrigued. It wasn't just the fact that I couldn't hear her thoughts. It was more than that. In the beginning I tried to tell myself that I just didn't want to be a murderer, and that was it. I tried to see it as a test of my self-control, and I was probably more cocky than I should have been. There was a connection there, though, and no matter how hard it was, I never would have allowed myself to kill her," he said, wondering if his words described the feelings correctly.
I didn't know what to say. I was determinedly keeping my thoughts off of the blonde boy from school. The object of my drawing. He could sense that I was avoiding something, and he nudged my gently. "Come on, Peyton, I let you in my head. What aren't you letting me know right now? Something had to trigger your visit," he said. His thoughts added one more question. 'Who was in the drawing?' I could see it flash in his mind as he thought of it.
I instantly closed my eyes, letting my other senses guide me as I continued to walk. I wished I could close my mind against the memories as easily as I could close my eyes against the scenery. I couldn't, though, and the thought of him, this boy whose name I don't know, whom I can't know, but at the same time I want to know, flashed through my mind. I let the memories wash through my mind, let Edward see them.
It was another moment before I felt his vice like grip close around my arm as he stopped me and I opened my eyes, to find my face inches away from a tree. We had walked to central park. I hadn't been paying attention to wher I was going, and I cursed myself for that. "Thanks," I mumbled, because he hadn't let me run into it. I had put the shield back up, keeping out of his thoughts once I had let him see the memories. I wasn't sure I wanted to know what he was thinking.
He chuckled. "I was more worried about the tree," he teased. I could have laughed, I almost wanted to, but I didn't. I sunk down onto the ground, putting my face into my hands. I heard his movements as he sat next to me and I waited for whatever was coming next. "I better get you back to the house," he said, and I looked up at him. "Everyone's going to want to hear your story before you head out," he added.
I was tempted to let the shield down, but I didn't want him to hear my thoughts. Instead of asking him directly about it, though, I decided to avoid the aubject altogether for right now. Our family seemed like a pretty good subject for now. "Where is Nessie? How does Jacob manage to change out here? He's still changing, right, so he doesn't age, and he and Nessie can stay the same age together, forever?" I asked as we both stood, headed back in the direction we had come from.
Edward nodded, and he still seemed as annoyed as he had always been at the thought of his daughter's relationship with Jacob. I could have teased him about it, as usual, but I didn't feel like it right now. The blonde boy had started filling my thoughts again and I had to struggle to get him out of my brain. "Nessie was somewhere with him. She'll be extremely pleased to see you, I imagine. She's missed you so much," he said.
I smiled at the thought of Nessie. I truly had missed her, so so much. It was going to hurt again, being around so many couples, who were so much in love, but I knew I could handle it for a few days. Maybe I would spend the rest of the week here in New York, with my family, as I decided what I would do. Could I go back to Tree Hill and manage to avoid killing the blond boy? Somewhere in my heart I knew I had to try, but I didn't want to acknowledge all the pain and danger I would risk putting him through, not right now.
I looked up at Edward, a grin playing on my lips. "Let's not keep them waiting then," I said, and I didn't need to say anything else. Like a bullet, we were both off, racing back to the house. They all heard us coming, of course, and when we entered the house they were all gathered in the living room. As soon as the door closed behind us, Nessie had jumped on me, nearly tackling me with a hug. I hugged back fiercely, but remembering to be careful, of course.
When she finally pulled away, Jacob was standing slightly behind her, while everyone else was pretending to be relaxing, as if it was no big deal that I was here, though I knew all of them were wondering if I was planning to take off again, never to be heard from again. Edward had walked over to Bella and taken the seat next to her on the couch. After I had given Jacob a hug, I sat on the floor next to the couch. Nessie sat next to me, with Jacob next to her as she bombarded me with questions.
I answered most of them, but steered clear of the real reason I was here. I noticed everyone throwing cautious glances at me as the time drew on, as if they were all wondering if I was real. I was the topic of all of their thoughts, even if they were pretending I wasn't. After a while Nessie settled down and it was almost as if I had never left. We went about a normal schedule as if nothing had changed, though everything had. I tried to enjoy it, because I knew as soon as Nessie went to bed, Alice would start in on the questions. She was already planning what to ask.
When Nessie was getting ready to go to bed, Jacob following her, though they slept in different rooms, she stopped, looking at me cautiously. I could tell she wanted to ask me something, but she didn't want everyone else to know. She reached out and hesitantly touched my cheek. Her memory was of the last time she had seen me, before I took off. I knew the question. Was I leaving again? I reached out and wrapped her in my arms, trying to reassure her. "I'm here now, aren't I?" I asked, trying to answer her question without everyone knowing what it was.
Nessie nodded as she pulled away and she had a bright smile on her face. My answer had seemed to placate her. "Night, Momma, Daddy, everyone. See you in the morning, Peyton," she said before heading upstairs, to her room. Jacob nodded at me before heading upstairs after her. His room was right next door to hers. I glanced around and every set of eyes was on me, except for one. Edward had his gaze up on the ceiling and I could tell he was listening to make sure Jacob and Nessie went to their separate rooms. Once both doors closed, his gaze slid to me as well.
I slid my gaze to the TV to avoid their curious eyes. I spoke up before Alice could open her mouth. "Listen, I'm here and I plan on keeping in touch this time, so you can stop looking at me like I'm going to disappear," I said. I knew the conversation would come now, and I would have to explain why I was here. They had waited long enough, and they deserved the information. I got up and walked to the dining room. Everyone followed me and we all took seats around the table.
I reached into my bag, which I had picked up on the way into the dining room, and slowly pulled out my sketchbook. I cautiously flipped to the right page, letting the silence drape over me. I could hear Jacob's snores from upstairs. He was always quick to fall asleep. Once I had the right page I set the sketchbook on the middle of the table. "I don't know if Alice told you or not, but this is the drawing," I said, closing my eyes, not wanting to see their reactions. It was bad enough that I would hear their thoughts.
I expected them to think of me as a murderer. I expected them to think the scene had already happened, or, if it hadn't yet, that it would. Either way, I am, or I'm going to be a murderer, and I expected them to be disgusted by the thought. I really shouldn't have thought so little of my family. The thoughts directed toward me were sympathetic, and I heard a chair scraping as someone stood, then I felt Bella wrap her arms around me. "How are you going to stop it?" she asked, immediately knowing that it hadn't happened, and willing to do anything to help me. She knew how much I would detest myself if that drawing came true.
The others started tossing around ideas, and Alice suggested that I stay in New York. Bella kept me wrapped up in a hug, as if it would make everything better. Who knows, maybe it might. It felt so good to know that my family believed in me, knew I wasn't a murderer, and even if I was going to be, they would still stick by me, and help me. They weren't disgusted, and they didn't even fault me for it. If I had been human, I would have started crying. Since I wasn't, though, I pulled my emotions in, and hugged Bella back for a few seconds before pulling away. "Thanks," I muttered softly, though I knew everyone could hear it, and it really was meant for everyone.
Everyone was still going over thories about what I should do. "Have you met him yet?" Bella asked as she leaned against Edward instead of taking her seat on the other side of him. I bit at my bottom lip, a bad habit I had retained from my human days. I decided it couldn't hurt to let them know the whole story, so I nodded.
That got everyones attention. They waited patiently to hear what had happened. I skipped what had happened for most of the time I had been gone, jumping right into what happened today. I told them that I drew the picture during class at the beginning of the day, before I had even seen him. I went on to explain how the first time I saw him was during lunch, but I didn't immediately know who he was. I then told them that he was in my last class of the day and when I saw him I still didn't know who he was, until I could smell him. "I'm hoping if I stay here for the rest of the week, spend as much time hunting as I can, and then go back, I'll be able to handle the smell," I finished.
Edward chuckled, almost as if he knew something the rest of us didn't, but Bella lightly slapped his arm. I wonder if she knew what he was laughing at. I could have taken a look at his thoughts, to find out, but I instead looked over at Alice, deciding to ignore Edward completely. The look on Alice's face surprised me. She was looking at Edward and I knew she was having a silent conversation with him. She knew why he was laughing. Before I could read her thoughts and figure out what was going on, she noticed my gaze. "I think it would be great if you stayed the week," she said, a smile on her face that I knew was not caused by the thought of me staying.
It suddenly clicked, and I realized what Edward, Bella and Alice were thinking. I sifted through the rest of their thoughts and found everyone was thinking the same thing. "No, no no no. You guys can stop right there," I said firmly, crossing my arms over my chest. Edward had a somewhat smug smile on his face at my reaction and that angered me more. "I'm not falling in love with this human. This is not going to be another Bella situation. I refuse to fall in love with a human," I said, a growl rumbling in my throat.
I knew none of them believed my words and nothing I could say could convince them they were wrong. That frustrated me. There was no way I could fall in love with a human. I'm not Edward. I can't ruin someone's life like that. I stayed silent, glaring at nothing, ignoring them. Edward must have been listening to my thoughts, because I could hear his posture change as he sat forward, moving Bella off of his lap. "You can't help who, or what you fall in love with," he said to me before standing and leaving the room. No one suspected anything, but I could hear his thoughts as he left, and I knew I had offended him.
I sighed, hanging my head in shame as Istood up to follow him. Bella was already standing, ready to follow him. I placed my hand on her arm, holding her back. She threw me a helpless look and I knew she wanted to know what I had thought that had upset him. I didn't say anything, but sent her a look that said I had to fix it before following him out of the room. I found him sitting outside on the porch. I knew the rest of them would still be able to hear us, but I sat down next to him anyway.
It was a few minutes of silence and I tried not to invade his thoughts, or think the wrong thing. I knew he needed a moment, and I did too, so I searched for the right words in silence. "I didn't mean it the way it sounded. I know you didn't ruin Bella's life. She's so happy, Edward, you have to know that, too," I said apologetically. He didn't say anything and I tried to listen to his thoughts. I was surprised by what he was thinking. I thought about what he was thinking for a few minutes before continuing. "Maybe you're right," I conceded.
Edward looked over at me, surprised that I had given in so soon. Then he saw that I hadn't. He waited for me to continue, wanting me to say the words outloud even though he could hear it in my thoughts. "Maybe I am being extremely stubborn. Maybe I'm giving up my chance at love, at true happiness. You're wrong, too, though. I'm not going to change my mind. I'm going to go back and get through this year without killing him. I'm going to give him a chance to live. I won't take away his life like mine was. I know it was the only way, but sometimes I do wish I had died. I love you guys, honestly, but maybe I just wasn't meant to live forever," I broke off, the words getting too meaningful to me, and I had to get away. The emotions and thoughts behind my words were too much, and I couldn't handle it. I didn't want to handle it.
I got up and ran, needing to clear my head again. Edward didn't follow me, though he probably could have, and I guess he knew me well enough by now to realize that it had been too much. I ran until I was far enough away that I couldn't hear their thoughts and sat for a while, trying to clear my head in my own little world. When I was ready I allowed myself to lower the shield so I could hear Edward's thoughts. 'I have a condition. If I come back, for the rest of the week there will be no mention of him, at all, from anyone,' I thought to him. He talked it over with everyone and I could hear all their thoughts in his mind as they all agreed. Once they had, I got up and went back to the house, eager to just spend some time with my family.
A/N: I haven't exactly decided where I'm going with this, but I do like it. Next chapter I'll put in some of Lucas's point of view and I'll add the point of view of others, too, but mainly it'll be from Peyton's point of view. I like writing it from this point of view. It'll probably be somewhat the way Edward and Bella's relationship went, although, it'll be different, because Lucas and Peyton are a special couple who have their own way of working things out. Let me know what you think, please.
Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or the Twilight saga, though they are both amazing.