Obi-Wan had spent most of the past three years in a drunken haze. The blame for that rested on Padmé's shoulders - or to be more accurate - on the shoulders of one of her handmaidens, Cordé, he believed. She had come up with a game where they took a shot every time Vader did something bad. The definition of bad was very vague and seemed to encompass just about everything Vader did. In the rare moments Obi-Wan managed to escape the binge drinking, he usually visited Ahsoka, who was making quite a name for herself among the dead Sith who lived on Malachor. He didn't like to go there too often though. The ghosts of the Sith liked to make fun of him for letting the galaxy be conquered by their kind.
Also, Padmé liked to yell at him if he wasn't nearby Luke and Leia. Being the only person capable of speaking to the living was really difficult.
Obi-Wan was currently watching Luke escape from a wampa while Padmé watched over Leia and Qui-Gon kept tabs on Vader. A sudden thought penetrated his drunken haze when he watched Luke summon his lightsaber to his hand with the Force: Luke desperately needed training. Leia too, probably.
"Luke," Obi-Wan called out, taking great care to enunciate clearly. It wouldn't do for the boy to realize he was drunk after all. "You will go. To the Dagobah. System. There you will. Learn from Yoda. The Jedi Master. Who instructed me."
Then, pleased with his work, Obi-Wan hid himself from view again. Luke called for him a few times, but the boy had already heard all he had to say. What more did he want?
Obi-Wan pondered this question with almost all of his concentration, what little of it remained after almost three years of doing nothing but drinking. He did note that Luke seemed to have mastered the Force-hibernation technique already, which was honestly more than he had expected. Maybe Luke would survive an encounter with Vader after all.
"Good news!" Qui-Gon shouted as he appeared next to Obi-Wan. "Solo is coming to rescue Luke!"
Obi-Wan jumped and then staggered once he hit the ground again, grabbing onto his old Master for support. "Why's Luke needa rescue? He's gotta good Force-hiberna-hibrana-herbernation going."
Qui-Gon wrapped his arm around Obi-Wan's waist. "That's hypothermia."
The blood drained from Obi-Wan's face. "Padmé's gonna kill me."
Fortunately, Padmé was too busy worrying about the upcoming Imperial attack to do more than glare at Obi-Wan. She didn't even want to hear the vague plans he had for sending Leia to Malachor to study under Ahsoka.
The battle was horrific. Both Luke and Leia had clearly inherited their parents' tendencies to put the needs of other before their own safety and ability to survive despite the odds being against them. Many shots were downed by the trio of Force ghosts.
Later, with Luke safely on his way to Dagobah and Leia trapped in an asteroid field, the Force urged them to observe Vader's report to the Emperor.
Obi-Wan felt like he might be sick as he watched Vader bow down and ask "What is thy bidding, my Master?"
Padmé, on the other hand, snorted. "Anakin always gets formal when he's annoyed with people," she explained.
"There is a great disturbance in the Force," the Emperor said.
"I'll show you a disturbance in the Force," Qui-Gon muttered darkly.
"I have felt it," Vader acknowledged.
"No shit," Padmé said, taking a shot.
"Why?" Obi-Wan asked, gesturing to her shot glass clumsily.
"He's talking to Palpatine."
"Fair enough."
The Emperor had meanwhile gone on to announce that Luke was their new enemy.
"How is that possible?" Vader asked in response to hearing that Luke was his son, despite the fact that he already knew.
Padmé, who had been in the middle of taking another shot, choked. "You were there, Anakin!" she sputtered.
Qui-Gon started laughing helplessly. He leaned into Obi-Wan, tipping over with the force of his laughter, no pun intended. Obi-Wan almost missed what they said next because of it, but he did catch Vader gloating about how he couldn't help Luke anymore.
"And whose fault is that?" he exclaimed indignantly. "You know what, I'm gonna help and go Luke now. No wait, words, ugh."
Obi-Wan left, intent on tracking down Luke and making sure he was alright, when he realized that he had forgotten something of vital importance. Yoda didn't know Luke was coming.
As soon as he appeared on Dagobah, Obi-Wan purged the alcohol from his system; he needed to be sober for this upcoming conversation.
"What're we doing here?" Padmé asked, appearing beside him.
"I need to speak to Yoda. What are you doing here?" Obi-Wan responded.
"Following you. Although now it looks like I'm going to yell at the little troll."
"Why are we yelling at Yoda?" Qui-Gon asked, appearing on the other side of Obi-Wan.
"He told Anakin that he should celebrate my death," Padmé said bluntly, immediately taking a swallow from the bottle in her hand. "So I might have a few issues to hash out with him."
"What?" Obi-Wan gasped. "That's horrible. Wait, how do you know that?"
"Qui-Gon told me," Padmé said.
Obi-Wan turned to glare at his Master. Qui-Gon studiously looked at the branches of the swamp, not meeting his eyes.
"I don't have time for this. I need to talk to Yoda," Obi-Wan exclaimed.
"Time to speak with me now, you have?" Yoda popped up out of the swamp, staring at Obi-Wan critically. "Important, this conversation must be, if sober, you are."
Obi-Wan blinked in shock. What was it with people appearing out of nowhere in this bloody swamp? "Um, yes. You remember Luke?"
"Hardly forget young Skywalker, I could. Abandoned him to his fate, you have?" Yoda asked, his eyebrows climbing up his wrinkled forehead.
"I have not," Obi-Wan exclaimed indignantly. "However, he does need a new teacher."
"Teach him, I will not!" Yoda declared, turning and hobbling back into the swamp. "Too old for another Padawan, I am. Send the boy to Malachor, you should."
"Too late," Obi-Wan smirked. "He's already on his way here."
Yoda turned to glare at him.
"And while we're on the topic of Skywalkers, Padmé wishes to speak with you."
"See her, I cannot. Listen to her, I will not," Yoda insisted, disappearing into the swamp.
"Sorry, Padmé," Obi-Wan sighed.
Padmé grinned evilly. "I know where he lives now. He cannot escape me forever!"
She cackled, and then disappeared.