AN: Okay, so if you're the kind of person who likes listening to music while you read, then open yourself up another tab and play "I'm Not Alright" by Shinedown. I thought it worked pretty well considering Dean's state of mind. Anyway, enjoy! Please write me a review or pm me. I'm open to criticism, requests or suggestions.

Dean was well aware that Kyle's gaze hadn't left Dean since the demon incident. Dean had basically just shoved Kyle in the passenger seat of the Impala and drove to his motel. He didn't feel like answering questions because without a doubt, Kyle would figure out who Dean actually is and begin probing about his involvement with the Apocalypse.

Dean sat on his bed, resigning himself to the interrogation that would be shortly taking place. Sure enough, Kyle dove right in.

"Are you Dean Worthington or somebody else?"

Frankly, Dean was surprised, yet also relieved that Kyle hadn't heard of him. He must be new in the business, or he just doesn't tune into hunter gossip. So Dean lied. Straight through his teeth-well sort of.

"My name is Dean Smith." It was a non-lie that was a lie, because technically, Dean actually was Dean Smith for a horrific three weeks' time. He mentally cringed. Dean Smith had been an incredibly dull man who enjoyed diets far too much.

"How long have you been in the business, Dean?"

Dean, who had to remind himself that Dean Winchester didn't exist anymore, replied, "A couple of years. I worked a desk job in Marketing. Apparently vengeful spirits like guys who are married to their job."

Kyle nodded, at ease with Dean's answer. "I started out in the business at nineteen. A mean, ol' Wendigo. I was a real go-getter until Claire came along when I was thirty. So now, I'm a therapist and in between appointments, I basically just listen to the hunter gossip what with the Apocalypse and all."

Dean inwardly grinned and then asked with fake innocence, "Yea, those Winchesters, man. All they do is bad. What would you do if you got your hands on one of 'em? Think I'd shoot 'em. How 'bout you?"

Kyle looked thoughtful for a moment before answering, "I think they've got a story just like everybody else. I'd be willing to hear them out... if they were tied up." Kyle grinned a little, so Dean did the same, just to get on Kyle's good side.

Both men were quiet for a moment, and it was pretty awkward, so Dean wanted to get the subject off of him, so he asked, "Does your family know? About hunting?"

Kyle nodded, which didn't surprise Dean. It was kind of hard to keep information like that secret for long. "Yea, my family knows. I wish they didn't, but it might come in handy one of these days. Claire and Susan know how to kill any supernatural creature out there, but they've never actually done it."

Dean nodded along with what Kyle was saying, and wished he could say he'd never killed anything, but he opted for saying, "Yea, and let's hope they never have to." He silently wished he had never had to kill anything. Then, maybe then, Dean would have a family and would have people who loved him always nearby. He wouldn't have to save people and make all the sacrifices. Why can't Dean be that innocent civilian who has no idea that ghosts or demons or wendigos exist? Oh that's right, it's his destiny, it's in his blood. That's what Zachariah had tried to prove when he stuck Dean in a monkey suit and played House.

Dean shook himself slightly, as if to clear his mind and found Kyle looking at him with his head cocked to the side. It reminded Dean of the way Cas looked at him. It was almost as if Cas was in the same room as Dean. He could almost hear the flap of wings or the whish of the cloth of his trench coat as the wind blew through it.

Dean choked down the memory of Cas and tuned back into whatever it was Kyle was doing before Dean began to lose his marbles. Oh that's right, he was just looking at him.

So in the regular Dean Winchester- no, Smith way, he stuffed Cas' memory into a box, locked it and threw away the key. He needed to have his head in the game because who knows how Kyle will react if he finds out who Dean really is.

Kyle still hadn't said anything, he just had his head cocked in the same damn way Cas used to cock his, and damn if it didn't make Dean want to shoot himself in the head because the memory of everyone he had once loved was pounding on his skull and heart, and damn it, it hurt like none other.

So Dean, still somewhat minding his manners, excused himself to go to the bathroom covered in Pepto Bismol Pink wallpaper, and man, it made him want to puke.

He closed the door and turned the water on. Bracing his hands on the cheap sink, he looked at the mirror and almost screamed. It wasn't Dean's face he saw in the mirror- it was Sam's. Dean almost started crying, but his protective older brother skills kicked in when he saw Sammy's face.

Sammy looked scared, tired, relieved and worried all at the same time. His lower lip wobbled for a minute, but then Dean unmistakably heard his younger brother whisper his name.

Dean blinked, and his brother was gone.

"Sam?", Dean whispered cautiously at the mirror, "Sam! Sammy!"

His breath started to come in short pants, and his vision began to blur around the edges. He thought he heard his name called again, but his world tilted and he hit the floor. His head hit the door, and he heard Kyle call, "Dean? You alright?"

A tear leaked from his eye as he took in the momentary silence. He hadn't heard or seen Sam, and Cas hadn't been in the same room as him and Kyle. They were dead.

"Yea, Kyle, I'm fine", Dean called out. Dean ran a hand haphazardly through his hair, pausing when it got spiky. His vision was blurry, but for a moment, he swore he could see the bottom of a trench coat from the corner of his eye, but when he turned his head, all he saw was the cold, unforgiving tile of a cheap motel bathroom.

He clutched his head and stood up, cautiously taking a look in the mirror. He was greeted by a ghost of himself, a shadow of a man who once held the world in his hands. He was still clutching his head, but his new headache would never amount to the pain he felt in his heart, and one thing was for sure, he was most definitely not alright.

AN: Ta da! I hope you liked it! If you didn't listen to the song while reading this chapter, go look up the lyrics, they're great. Anyway, leave me a review, bye! I'll update super duper soon!