Never underestimate the power of obsessive love
Chapter 2: Lily Evans
They'd been discussing the war when the house was attacked – things had gone very badly for the Order since Voldemort killed Dumbledore in a one-on-one duel in Hogsmeade, and gone very badly for the Ministry, too, because it wasn't just terrorism any more, it was a full-scale civil war. Actually, they'd been arguing about the war - whether the peace negotiations between the Ministry and Voldemort had any chance of succeeding, OK, there was a cease-fire, but how long before it was broken?
Then they'd argued over why so many pure-bloods hated Muggles and Muggle-borns so much, and sometimes she thought that James and Sirius hadn't paid any attention during History of Magic; witchburnings weren't just funny stories about Wendelin the Weird, the Muggles had killed people – she was Muggle-born, she knew that Muggles could be dangerous ... and the gap between magic and Muggle technology has narrowed a lot since the days of Wendelin the Weird, the Muggles have put a man on the moon and found a way to turn matter into energy.
And then they'd argued over whether all Slytherins are evil, Voldemort was a Slytherin, and many of the known Death Eaters were Slytherin, but Horace Slughorn wasn't, and neither was Alastor Moody or Dorcas Meadowes - that was why Voldemort had gone to the trouble of killing them all personally – and it made life very hard for the rest. She'd pointed out that Gryffindors dominated the Ministry, the only high ranking Slytherin was Bartemius Crouch, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, but Sirius couldn't see that, he was so angry with his family, and James - well, James was a Gryffindor and House loyalty was everything to him.
James and Sirius had kept dismissing what she said, they'd told her that she was Muggle-born, she didn't understand wizarding politics, and dammit, she wasn't trying to justify Voldemort and his terror tactics, but she couldn't help fuming over the fact that Severus, nasty Slytherin bastard that he was, never patronised her, never shrugged off anything she said just because she was Muggle-born - and that had started off yet another argument.
James and Sirius hated Severus, they were convinced that he was a Death Eater, but she'd defended him, because Dumbledore had hired him to teach Potions - Dumbledore would never have allowed a Death Eater under the roof of Hogwarts - and Severus wasn't that bad, really. Not that there was anything to get excited about, they'd been friends in their NEWT year but she hardly saw him these days, she hadn't spoken to him for months.
And why shouldn't she have sent him a wedding invitation - James' parents had invited heaps of people that she either didn't know or didn't like, Narcissa Malfoy nee Black and her husband Lucius, for example. And Lucius was almost certainly a Death Eater, she didn't dispute that – and a very bad influence on Severus. She'd seen them together on Hogsmeade weekends a couple of times, and Severus had pretended that she was invisible – which hurt, and he wasn't like that when they were alone in Professor Slughorn's classroom together, late at night, bent over a cauldronful of one of Slughorn's more temperamental elixirs.
And she knew Severus didn't believe in all that pure-blood nonsense because he was a half-blood himself - when he'd told her that she'd been overwhelmed with pity for him, because it must be a special kind of hell, being a half-blood Sorted into Slytherin, and she'd promised that she wouldn't tell his secret to anyone, and by that she really meant the Marauders. She'd asked, "Which is the Muggle parent, your mother or your father?" And he'd said, "My father", and he'd had such an ugly look on his face that she hadn't asked any more questions.
It was kind of weird that one of the people that she'd felt most comfortable with at school was Severus Snape, the nasty little Slytherin who'd feuded relentlessly with the Marauders from the day they'd all started school, but James - who'd hex anyone who called her a Mudblood to hell and back - was in so many ways a typical pure-blood, he didn't know anything much about Muggles and he wasn't interested in knowing anything about them. She loved James dearly, but he was clueless sometimes, he claimed to have been crazy about her from the day that he first set eyes on her, but he'd thought that being handsome, charming, athletic, wealthy and popular was enough to attract any girl - he hadn't thought for a minute of taking an OWL in Muggle Studies, of trying to get to know anything about her world.
And Severus had apologised for the Mudblood insult when Slughorn teamed them together for the NEWTs, he'd muttered an apology, and she'd known that he was as embarrassed as she was ... and from then on she'd made a concerted effort to be nice to him, and once he got to know her a little he'd been surprisingly good company, he had a wicked sense of humour, and he knew a lot about Muggle stuff – books and films and music, and even mundane things like how toasters worked - she'd wondered even before he told her that he was a half-blood how he could have picked up so much from a couple of years of Muggle Studies.
James and Sirius had kept banging on about Severus being a Death Eater, and she'd thought – and if he has joined Voldemort, who's fault is that? The way James and Sirius had tormented him at school - and that was a memory that still stung, that incident during the OWLs ... Go on ... go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again, and she, she'd been as bad as James, she'd joined in the taunting, I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus. When she'd cooled down, she'd been ashamed of the way that she'd behaved, because how was a teenage Slytherin boy going to react to being rescued by a Gryffindor, a Muggle-born, a girl? Boys are so funny and touchy sometimes ... so she'd gone to Professor McGonagall, told her the full story, and demanded that something be done.
She'd been furious with Remus, too, pretending to read a book, pretending it wasn't happening, and she'd wondered if he'd been the right choice for prefect, because to James' credit he'd grown up a lot in seventh year, when he was made Head Boy - and if he'd been given the responsibility of prefect duties earlier, he might have lifted his game, risen to the occasion, and reined Sirius in, because Remus wasn't strong enough to stand up to Sirius. But she couldn't be too hard on poor dear dead Remus ...
And then the door had been smashed in, flashes of green and red light everywhere, and James had shouted to her, Lily, take Harry and go! It's them! Go! Run! We'll hold them off ...
She would have fought with James and Sirius if it wasn't for Harry, she would have fought, and sold her life dearly, but she couldn't risk Harry's life – so she'd crept away, trying to find a way through the cordon of Anti-Disapparation jinxes, holding Harry pressed close to her body with one hand, the other clamped over his mouth to prevent him from crying and giving them away, and there wasn't a spare hand to hold James' Invisibility Cloak tightly around them.
The cloak had snagged on something, and the tall man in the black robes and silver mask had snatched her wand, snapped it in half, and then he'd reached down and ripped her robes, and she'd thought, he'll take Harry from my arms and kill him in front of me before he rapes me, because that's what they always do with the Mudblood witches ... and she'd been so sure that they were both going to die, she'd begun to repeat the prayer her Muggle parents had taught her as a child, Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us ...
But he hadn't hurt her, he'd pulled off his mask, and she hadn't really been surprised to see Lucius Malfoy's face. Malfoy had shaken out his mane of silver blond hair, and then he'd dragged her to the man who was clearly their leader, and that had been a shock, because it was Severus – although she'd been too numb with fear and grief to really care, because when he'd cast the Morsmordre she'd known that James and Sirius must be dead, the Death Eaters only cast the Dark Mark when they've killed.
But when they'd Apparated to that smelly river bank, for a wild moment she'd hoped that he was going to let her go, for a wild moment she'd hoped that Severus was a double-agent, one of Dumbledore's spies ... but he'd stared at Harry, screaming hysterically in her arms – babies hate Apparating – with that look of loathing that at school he always reserved for James, and then at her, with a hungry, wolfish look on his face, and she'd been terrified.
He'd slipped an Anti-Disapparation bracelet – she'd recognised what it was, Voldemort's own invention for restraining prisoners - onto her wrist, and escorted her through the winding streets, gripping her firmly by the arm, but what could she have done, even if she had seen a Muggle police car? Severus had a wand, he could kill a couple of Muggles easily, even if they did have guns ...
He'd shown her around the dingy little house, she'd guessed that it must have been his childhood home, and when he'd taken her into the room with the double bed and said, "This is our room," she'd understood why she was still alive – but why hadn't Severus killed Harry, if he wanted so much to be revenged on James?
She'd got Harry settled down - it had taken a while, because he didn't like being in a strange place – and then she'd showered, but she couldn't find any shampoo so she hadn't washed her hair, and then she'd crept into the bedroom, wrapped only in a towel, and slipped into the bed beside Severus. He'd stunk of smoke and blood and Dark magic, and she'd lain beside him, stiff with fear, while he kissed and stroked her - at first he'd been as tentative as James on their wedding night, but then he'd been frenzied, as if he was trying to exorcise the memory of James from her body, and she'd just wanted it to be over as quickly as possible. But it could have been worse, he could have forced her to swallow a love potion ...
Afterwards, Severus had thrown his arm around her and gone to sleep, but she'd stayed awake, waiting for Harry to cry in the night, and she wasn't a pure-blood witch, helpless without a wand, she was Muggle-born, she could use a knife, a frying pan – stab or bludgeon him, and once he was dead, she could ransack the house, find where he'd hidden his wand, escape ... but if she failed, what might he do? And Harry was asleep in the next room ...
So she'd done nothing, and the days turned into weeks, and it was ... bearable; Severus always spoke to her with careful civility, for all the world as if they were still friends - she'd realised that he was trying to court her, to woo her with little gifts, but she'd nearly been sick the first time she saw the Dark Mark burning black on his arm and realised what it was. And Severus was often Summoned, the Death Eaters were becoming bolder, there were frequent raids in broad daylight - she'd listen to the reports of the raids on the Wizarding Wireless Network, and then she'd switch on the Muggle radio, to hear about train derailments and collapsing bridges and theatre fires, and it was clear that the Department of Magical Catastrophes was struggling to keep up. She'd wondered, was Voldemort trying to start a war with the Muggles? And she'd been really frightened, because the Muggles have weapons of dreadful power, nuclear weapons - and if they knew what they were up against, they might use them.
Then one day the Wizarding Wireless Network had fallen silent, the Muggle radio was full of reports of massive explosions in central London, the IRA were denying all responsibility, and she'd known it was the end. She'd sat in the kitchen, while Harry wriggled in her arms, and wondered what she was going to do if anything had happened to Severus. Without a protector, they had no hope, because there was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, Mafalda Hopkirk had told her once how the Office for the Improper Use of Magic detects underage magic and they'd find her as soon as Harry started to manifest his magic - and it wouldn't mean a Hogwarts letter, it would mean death.
When Severus finally came home, she'd almost wept with relief, there was blood on his cloak and she'd been afraid, but the blood - most of it - wasn't his. He'd fumbled at her robes, too eager to even take her upstairs, and afterwards she'd dared to tell him that she was pregnant. He'd stared at her with narrowed eyes, she'd been afraid that he was angry but he'd stroked her hair, kissed her, assured her that he loved her and that he could protect her, he had the favour of the Dark Lord and he could protect her and her children.
Afterwards, as they'd snuggled on the couch, she'd switched on the wireless and they'd listened to the Dark Lord's address to the wizarding community. She'd heard him say that he'd already informed the Muggle Prime Minister of the change of regime, and then the Dark Lord had gone on to say that the wizarding world will be isolated from the Muggles, magical elementary schools will be established so that wizard children never have to mix with Muggles; half-bloods will be tolerated - but they must give up all contact with their Muggle parent and other Muggle relatives, and there are to be no more mixed marriages. And then the Dark Lord had said that Muggle-borns were to report to the Ministry building, their wands will be broken, they'll be Obliviated and re-settled amongst the Muggles – but from the way that Severus' hand had tightened on her arm, she known that it was a lie, the Muggle-borns who turned themselves in would be shipped off somewhere and killed.
So Severus had gone to his Dark Lord and begged for permission to marry her, and to her amazement it had been granted – she'd realised then, for the first time, how high Severus had risen in the Dark Lord's favour - and they'd gone to Ollivander the next day and got her a new wand.
Shortly afterwards they'd moved into an echoing empty mausoleum of a house, and she didn't even want to know the identity of the blood-traitors who'd been the previous owners. But it had beautiful grounds, a swimming pool, a maze, swings and a treehouse - and a Quidditch pitch, not full size, but an excellent practice pitch – and the confused, bereft house-elves who'd lost the family they'd served for a dozen generation had latched on to her and Harry, the Mistress and the Young Master.
After their engagement was announced, there'd been visitors, respectable pure-blood witches, agog to see the Mudblood whore who'd ensnared one of the Dark Lord's chief lieutenants. But she didn't care, really, provided that they were civil to her face and brought playmates for Harry - Harry dearly loved his Kneazle kitten and the beautiful Snowy Owl that Severus had bought for her, but Harry needed children to play with.
And Narcissa wasn't so bad, really - she was an empty-headed twit who never thought of anything but Lucius and Draco, but there was no real malice in her, she wasn't like her sister Bellatrix Lestrange, Narcissa Malfoy parroted the pure-blood propaganda but without any great passion. It helped that they were both expecting their second child - the babies would be born within a couple of months of each other - and Narcissa had softened towards her when she saw how nicely Harry and Draco played together. And Draco was a dear little thing, it was hard to believe that Lucius could have sired such a sweet little boy, and if anything she felt sorry for Narcissa - Narcissa was spoiled and vain and wilfully blind, and not very smart, but she was punished a thousand times by the tragedy of loving a monster like Lucius.
Their wedding had been something of a nightmare, the Dark Lord had been the guest of honour, she'd danced with him, and it had made her flesh crawl when he put his hand on her waist, he'd let it slide across her stomach and he'd wished her well in her pregnancy, expressed the hope that she would give Severus many sons, many sons to raise as faithful Death Eaters, and daughters, too, to be the mothers of future Death Eaters.
She'd had to dance with Lucius, too, he was the best man – and the most evil wizard she'd ever met, after the Dark Lord. She hated the way that he acted as if he owned Severus, their friendship was like a twisted parody of the rapport that had existed between James and Sirius – best not to think of James, though – better never to think of James ... Yes, she loathed Lucius Malfoy, in the privacy of her own head she thought of him as the Prince of Darkness, and when Lucius put his hand on her waist it had frightened her, because Lucius hated her, he hated all Mudbloods - and he would be merciless, it would make no difference to him that it was Severus' baby, she'd imagined him holding his wand against her stomach, saying the spell that would kill her unborn child in the womb.
And then she'd realised that Severus was watching them, watching them closely, and she'd thought, Severus doesn't like Lucius touching me ... and she'd known then that she'd won, her children are safe, the Dark Lord himself has blessed her marriage - and for her sake, Severus would be ready to destroy even his best friend. She'd thought, the Dark Lord will mark Harry as a servant as soon as he's of age, as soon as he's seventeen, but he will live, my son will live ...
And when Harry had showed his first sign of magic, she'd been so thrilled and excited, she'd called Severus to see it and she'd confessed to him that she'd been afraid that Harry might be a Squib, because she was Muggle-born. And he'd just raised an eyebrow, and told her that he'd never considered it for a minute, because, my love, you're a brilliant witch. And then he'd scowled, it had looked as if it hurt him to say the words, and added – and James was a powerful wizard ...
But they'd agreed that it would be better if Harry took the name of Snape and was brought up knowing nothing of his biological father, that Harry didn't know that he was only a half-brother to the new baby ... and now she's in St Mungo's, holding the tiny pink scrap, it's a little girl, and she's afraid for a minute that Severus will be disappointed, he'd been so sure that it was a boy – but when she sees the look on his face at the sight of his own child in her arms, she knows that everything is going to be all right, and he wants to name the baby Eileen, after his mother ...