Trigger Warning : Selfharm

"My glittering girl… I had so many hopes for you."

"I should have known you would only be a disgrace of a daughter."

"You deserve this. You brought this onto yourself, Carmilla."

Carmilla shot up from her sleep with a heavy gasp for breath. The walls around her were closing in slowly and there was an invisible pressure on her chest. Sweat drenched her forehead but she couldn't help but shiver. Quickly, her gasps for air became short and staggered.

Oh my god. I can't. I can't. Fuck. I can't breathe.

Her eyes were darting around the room. If she could just anchor onto something she could bring herself into reality. But no. It was the middle of the night and she couldn't see a damn thing. Her panic rose even more when she couldn't keep her mind on a single thing.

She didn't feel real anymore. She didn't think she could do anything but suffocate due to her lack of oxygen. If she kept on this track any longer, she would probably blackout. She couldn't let herself do that. She couldn't risk dreaming that again. Carmilla needed a release. She needed… no. She'd been doing so good. She couldn't even remember the last time she had hurt herself. She couldn't even remember the last time she dreamt about her Mother since… Laura.

Laura. Laura. Laura.

Carmilla shut her eyes tight and images of the blonde flooded her head. Ever since she met that little ball of sunshine, Carmilla's life had completely flipped upside down. From the moment she laid eyes on her, Carmilla was smitten. Laura, however, wasn't too enthrilled at first by the brunette's idea of flirting. But slowly and surely, Carmilla grew on her.

Laura knew Carmilla had some… struggles. The blonde had been more than happy to let Carmilla know she would be there for her whenever. Even with the offer of help, Carmilla felt so guilty to dump her baggage onto Laura.

Carmilla felt sick to her stomach. Even if she called Laura, it was the middle of the night. She would never pick up.

With her mind racing, Carmilla shakily got to her legs and forced herself into the bathroom. The lights temporarily blinded her eyes as they adjusted. She couldn't bring herself to look in the mirror; she hadn't even done anything yet and she felt disgusted with herself. She dropped to the floor and opened the cabinet. Instinctively, her trembling hand reached to the back for the little black container.

She dropped it on the counter, still shivering from her nightmare.

"Why can't you do anything right, Carmilla?"

"I put so much effort into giving you a good life and you pay me back like this? I don't think so…"

Clenching her teeth, she hastily opened the container pulling out the blade. The cold metal felt too familiar in her hands. Silent tears fell down her face, her breathing still too harsh for her wellbeing. She closed her eyes and pressed the edge into her skin, stopping before moving into the horizontal directions. And then she pulled.

*ring* *ring* *ring*

"Wha- what?" Laura lifted her head groggily. She looked around her dark bedroom.

*ring* *ring* *ring*

"Okay.. okay.. Ugh" Laura slowly turned on her bedside lamp and reached for her phone. She didn't brother looking at the ID before picking up.

"Hello?" Laura yawned.

"L-Laura.." The voice frantic and broken. But Laura recognized it immediately.

"Carm? Wha-" Laura heard Carmilla start sobbing. All alarms went off in Laura's head and she was now wide awake.

"Carm? What's wrong? Are you okay?" Laura nervously got up and started pacing her room.

"Laura… I-I messed up Laura. I d-didn't mean to. B-but…" She could hear the brunette start to hyperventilate on the other side.

"L-Laura I need you." Carmilla sobbed out.

"Carm. I'm coming. Don't move. Don't go anyway. I'll be there as fast as I can okay? I love you so much Carm. Don't hang up the phone okay?"

Laura rushed putting her pants on and a sweatshirt before grabbing her keys. Laura rushed down the flight of stairs, her heart racing a thousand miles.

"Carm? You still there?" Laura put the phone on speaker as she slammed the door to her car.

"Laura, th-there's so much…" Laura felt her stomach drop and her body go numb.

"I'm in my car. I'm on my way okay? Just try to breathe Carm."

"I-I love you so much Laura." Carmilla sobbed out, breaking the blonde's heart.

"I love you too Carm. It's going to be okay."

Laura practically broke down the door to Carmilla's apartment when she finally got there.

"Carm!? Carm where are you!?" Laura yelled running into the bedroom. She could hear Carm still crying and saw the light from her bathroom.

"Carm!" Laura opened the bathroom door. She felt so sick she wasn't sure if she was going to throw up or faint.

"Oh my god… Carm…"

Carmilla was leaning bathtub silently crying. Covered in blood. It stained her arms and some of her clothes. It looked like the bleeding had stopped. But it definitely could have been worse-it could have been a lot worse. But, God, Carmilla looked like she would keel over any second. Carmilla kept shaking her head looking down on herself.

"I didn't mean to. I… I just couldn't Laura" Carmilla slowly looked up at the blonde with a look of complete defeat. Laura swallowed hard. She had never seen Carmilla look so… broken before. It made her heart not just break but completely crumble.

Laura grabbed another towel from a hook and kneeled in front of Carmilla.

"Shh… It's okay Carm. I'm here now. Everything is going to be fine." Laura tried her best not to let her voice crack. She wrapped the towel around Carmilla's arms before pulling her into an embrace. Carmilla silently cried into Laura's shoulder.

"Shhh… I've got you. I've got you." Laura rubbed Carmilla back and held her tight.

"I'm so sorry Laura."

"I know baby. I know." Laura closed her eyes tight, fighting her own tears. She couldn't stop but imagine what might've happened of she never answered her phone.

"Carm… I'm gonna help you up now okay? Then we're gonna go down to my car and I'm going to take you to the hospital. Okay?" Laura felt Carmilla nod into her shoulder.

"Do you think you can get up? Can you do that for me?" Laura slowly let go up Carmilla and stood up. She held her arms out so that the brunette could use her for balance. Trembling, Carmilla got up but fell over onto Laura. Thankfully, Laura caught her and held up her weight.

"Okay, okay. Good. We're gonna go now okay? We're going to get you some help and it'll all be okay." Laura looked at Carmilla with watery eyes. Carmilla just nodded her head.

Slowly, they made their way down to Laura's car. The blonde helped Carmilla into the passenger side and buckled her up. Then she ran over and started the car, speeding off into the night again.

Laura took her hand and reached for one of Carmilla's

"I love you so much Carm. Okay? I love you so so much." I few tears fell down Laura's face.

"I love you too Laura."