Title: What to do when your CO won't stop snoring
Rating: PG
Summary: Some easy steps on how to stop your CO from snoring.
Spoilers: None!
Author Notes: 2nd in the 'What to do when...' series
Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
~What to do when your CO won't stop snoring ~
By Ruth
Copyright (c) 2003, Ruth
**********
Sam groaned as she rolled over in her sleeping bag and tried to shut out the incessent droning of her Commanding Officer's nasal passages.
He was snoring. Very, very loudly.
"Daniel?" she asked softly, "Are you asleep?"
"Of course not," he grumbled, "It sounds like a foghorn's being let off!"
"Teal'c?"
"I am awake, Major Carter. I believe you should try to stop him from making such disagreeable noises."
"But don't wake him up," Daniel stressed.
"Oh, I see! I have to stop him, therefore I will get court martialed if he does wake up?" Sam asked.
"Yup," Daniel said, and Teal'c nodded. "Stage one - poke him in the back."
Sam leant over and poked Jack in the back. He gave an indignant grunt and rolled over, quieting for a while.
"Thanks, Sam," Daniel said, laying back in his sleeping bag and closing his eyes.
Not five minutes had passed before the snoring started up again.
"Agh!" Sam groaned, poking him again. This time it did nothing. "We need step 2, Daniel."
"Step 2 - poke him again?"
"I've already done that - we'll have to do 3."
"Step three," Teal'c dictated, "Pour cold water over his head."
Sam smarted. "I'm not doing that! He'll wake up and kick my ass!"
"Look," Daniel said, "Do you want him to stop snoring, or not?"
"Okay, okay," Sam said, going to her water bottle and unscrewing the cap. She leant over Jack and poured a little of the liquid onto his head.
He groaned in his sleep, sneezed and turned over. The tent was quiet again.
"Good ol' step 3," Daniel smiled, closing his eyes and sinking back into peaceful oblivion.
Not four minutes had passed before the snoring started up again.
"Aagghh!" Daniel cursed, "For goodness' sake, we have to stop him from doing this!"
"Step 4," Teal'c said, "Prevent him from turning over onto his back."
"How am I supposed to do that?" Sam squeaked.
"Prop him up with our bags," Daniel suggested, crawling out of his sleeping bag and tossing his pack to Sam.
"Okay," she said, "This had better work."
After five minutes, Sam had successfully piled up all of their bags against Jack's back and settled down into her own sleeping bag, praying for some peace. Daniel and Teal'c did likewise.
They didn't get it.
"Aaaggghhh!"
"Step 5," Teal'c said, "Requires great precision."
"Slap him," Daniel replied.
"What? I can't slap him!" Sam protested.
"Then I will gladly oblige," Teal'c grumbled.
(Slapping sound, followed by continuous snoring)
Teal'c began to panic. "We have never had to go beyond step 5 before, Daniel Jackson!"
"I know, I know," said Daniel, "Let's try to stay calm."
"Daniel," said Sam, looking at her watch, "It's 0230 hours. We have just 2 1/2 hours left of sleep before he wakes us up again!"
"I KNOW! Please, people, work with me here. I need you to help me! Stage 6, stick a sock in his mouth."
"Daniel, he won't be able to breathe," Sam said.
"Precicely! Oh, God, somebody get me some coffee."
"Let's forget step 6, just move onto step 7," Sam suggested.
"I agree, Major Carter," Teal'c replied, taking off his boot and throwing it at Jack.
Nothing happened. The snoring continued.
"Aaaagggghhhh!" Daniel cried, clasping hold of his ears and rocking back and forth.
"What's step 8?" Sam asked Teal'c.
"There is no step 8, Major Carter. We have never before needed to proceed further than stage 5."
"No stage 8?" Sam shouted, "There has to be a stage 8!"
"We will invent one. Quickly." Teal'c said.
"Okay, oh, - does he have his gameboy with him?" Sam asked.
"Of course he does," Daniel replied, "It's like his bible!"
Sam rummaged around in Jack's pack until she found the gameboy, which wasn't hard because it was a glow-in-the-dark model. She held it above Jack's head and slowly removed the batteries. As she pulled the first one out, his snoring quietened. She reached for the second one, teasing it out from the mechanism, and the snoring stopped altogether.
With a contented sigh, Jack rolled over and went quietly back to sleep.
"Step 8," Sam said softly, "Maim his gameboy."
THE END
Rating: PG
Summary: Some easy steps on how to stop your CO from snoring.
Spoilers: None!
Author Notes: 2nd in the 'What to do when...' series
Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
~What to do when your CO won't stop snoring ~
By Ruth
Copyright (c) 2003, Ruth
**********
Sam groaned as she rolled over in her sleeping bag and tried to shut out the incessent droning of her Commanding Officer's nasal passages.
He was snoring. Very, very loudly.
"Daniel?" she asked softly, "Are you asleep?"
"Of course not," he grumbled, "It sounds like a foghorn's being let off!"
"Teal'c?"
"I am awake, Major Carter. I believe you should try to stop him from making such disagreeable noises."
"But don't wake him up," Daniel stressed.
"Oh, I see! I have to stop him, therefore I will get court martialed if he does wake up?" Sam asked.
"Yup," Daniel said, and Teal'c nodded. "Stage one - poke him in the back."
Sam leant over and poked Jack in the back. He gave an indignant grunt and rolled over, quieting for a while.
"Thanks, Sam," Daniel said, laying back in his sleeping bag and closing his eyes.
Not five minutes had passed before the snoring started up again.
"Agh!" Sam groaned, poking him again. This time it did nothing. "We need step 2, Daniel."
"Step 2 - poke him again?"
"I've already done that - we'll have to do 3."
"Step three," Teal'c dictated, "Pour cold water over his head."
Sam smarted. "I'm not doing that! He'll wake up and kick my ass!"
"Look," Daniel said, "Do you want him to stop snoring, or not?"
"Okay, okay," Sam said, going to her water bottle and unscrewing the cap. She leant over Jack and poured a little of the liquid onto his head.
He groaned in his sleep, sneezed and turned over. The tent was quiet again.
"Good ol' step 3," Daniel smiled, closing his eyes and sinking back into peaceful oblivion.
Not four minutes had passed before the snoring started up again.
"Aagghh!" Daniel cursed, "For goodness' sake, we have to stop him from doing this!"
"Step 4," Teal'c said, "Prevent him from turning over onto his back."
"How am I supposed to do that?" Sam squeaked.
"Prop him up with our bags," Daniel suggested, crawling out of his sleeping bag and tossing his pack to Sam.
"Okay," she said, "This had better work."
After five minutes, Sam had successfully piled up all of their bags against Jack's back and settled down into her own sleeping bag, praying for some peace. Daniel and Teal'c did likewise.
They didn't get it.
"Aaaggghhh!"
"Step 5," Teal'c said, "Requires great precision."
"Slap him," Daniel replied.
"What? I can't slap him!" Sam protested.
"Then I will gladly oblige," Teal'c grumbled.
(Slapping sound, followed by continuous snoring)
Teal'c began to panic. "We have never had to go beyond step 5 before, Daniel Jackson!"
"I know, I know," said Daniel, "Let's try to stay calm."
"Daniel," said Sam, looking at her watch, "It's 0230 hours. We have just 2 1/2 hours left of sleep before he wakes us up again!"
"I KNOW! Please, people, work with me here. I need you to help me! Stage 6, stick a sock in his mouth."
"Daniel, he won't be able to breathe," Sam said.
"Precicely! Oh, God, somebody get me some coffee."
"Let's forget step 6, just move onto step 7," Sam suggested.
"I agree, Major Carter," Teal'c replied, taking off his boot and throwing it at Jack.
Nothing happened. The snoring continued.
"Aaaagggghhhh!" Daniel cried, clasping hold of his ears and rocking back and forth.
"What's step 8?" Sam asked Teal'c.
"There is no step 8, Major Carter. We have never before needed to proceed further than stage 5."
"No stage 8?" Sam shouted, "There has to be a stage 8!"
"We will invent one. Quickly." Teal'c said.
"Okay, oh, - does he have his gameboy with him?" Sam asked.
"Of course he does," Daniel replied, "It's like his bible!"
Sam rummaged around in Jack's pack until she found the gameboy, which wasn't hard because it was a glow-in-the-dark model. She held it above Jack's head and slowly removed the batteries. As she pulled the first one out, his snoring quietened. She reached for the second one, teasing it out from the mechanism, and the snoring stopped altogether.
With a contented sigh, Jack rolled over and went quietly back to sleep.
"Step 8," Sam said softly, "Maim his gameboy."
THE END