I do not own Pokemon. This story is simply for entertainment purposes.

Now that the boring prologue is over, let's begin the story in earnest!

Part 1:A Parcel for the Professor

After Blue stormed out of the Laboratory, Lolcat spoke with Professor Oak:

"So, Professor. Now that I've gotten my first Pokemon, what am I supposed to do?"

Oak replied, "Whatever you want, Lolcat. You're a Trainer now. You're legally allowed to travel wherever you want, as long as you stay away from Area 51. Trust me, you don't want to know what happened to my other grandson. The PokeGovernment would kill me if I told you what happened to him..."

Lolcat exits the Laboratory and heads north through Pallet Town, ready to walk through Route 1 by himself for the first time. Right outside of Pallet Town is a barrier of tall grass, and Lolcat waited to see his first wild Pokemon. He walks northward and westward, seeing a sign that directed him towards Viridian City to the north. About halfway down the sunny, grassy trail, Lolcat encounters his first wild Pokemon. Squirtle entered his first battle against a wild Pokemon and knocked out the Pidgey with three Tackles. After the bout, Lolcat and Squirtle continued walking down the dusty trail until they encounter another field of grass. Another Pokemon ambushed him, but it was quickly dispatched by Squirtle's Tackles. Squirtle also piceds up Bubble on the level-up.

After finishing that harrowing trek, the man and beast enter Viridian City, a medium-sized city about twice the size of Pallet Town with three times as many buildings. After reading a Trainer Tips sign giving a short lesson on PP, Lolcat entered the city from the south, seeing if all the areas described in school were actually there. There was a Gym, Pokemon Center, Pokemon Mart, but no XXX Strip Club. It seemed that Oak stretched the truth about that last building. Lolcat remembered the first rule of entering a new town: to heal up at the Pokemon Center before exploring. After that, Lolcat walked over to the second most important building, the Pokemon Mart, which sells Pokeballs, TMs, and Stones. Unfortunately, Viridian's Market did not carry any of those. Once safely inside the building, Lolcat was immediately greeted by the clerk.

"Yo! Kid! You from Pallet Town? 'Cuz we ain't a real fan a' Pallet Town around here!"

"No," Lolcat lied, using his best Viridian City accent, "I'm from Pewter City. I'm stoppin' here to get some stuff so I can go rough up sum' Pallet Town punks, you kno?"

"Yeah, I knoze! Dem Palit kweerz dink dat dey cin jess come heer an' ruff us up! Imma sick a dis crap! U no da old sciencey tree name guy in da fancy Pallet lab? Yeah, dat foo' orda a package from the Viridian shop dat I run, an' he gonna pick it up taday! Wutz you say I give it ta you and you put it somewere safe, ya kno? Somewere where da Oak guy won't find it?"

"Yeah, yeah! I knoze! Whatcha say I take da package, and put it wear da Prof wont find it! Dat'll ruff him real good! An' later we watch The Real Housewives of Viridian City lateh, eh?!"

"I like da way u think, man! Hear, take da packige!"

The guido handed the parcel to Lolcat, who plans to give it right to Professor Oak. Lolcat wanders down Viridian's streets until Route 1 reenters Lolcat's view. On the route, Lolcat and Squirtle battled a Rattata and Pidgey before reentering Pallet Town. After a short walk down Pallet Town's main street, Lolcat finds Professor Oak's Lab dominating the city's skyline. Entering the Lab, Lolcat sees the usual aides working with Oak on his latest research project. Oak usually doesn't tell younger Trainers about his plans, as he wants to keep them secret until he's ready to publicly announce his results. After observing the laboratory, Lolcat speaks to the Professor.

"Professor Oak, I picked up your package from the guido in Viridian City."

"Oh, thanks, Lolcat. That was nice of you, that parcel will help in my latest project. Now, Lolcat, I wish to see your Squirtle. I know it's only been yours for a few days, but I would like to see its condition."

Lolcat releases Squirtle from its Pokeball, and Oak begins examining its physique and emotional health.

"Hmm...this Squirtle is doing very well. I'm not going to bog you down by running any tests or anything, but a superficial glance indicates that this Squirtle has already begun to develop a bond with you. I see it's also gained a pair of levels. Now, I wanted to see both you and my grandson, so Blue should be joining you momentarily."

"Yo, Gramps! What'd you call me here for?", announced Blue, rushing into the lab.

"Blue, Lolcat, I would like to personally inform you of my current research project. As you probably know, I very rarely let anyone outside the scientific community know about my research, much less beginning Trainers. However, this project is too great for one Professor to undertake. Not even my aides can finish or even make progress on this project. It's called Project Pokedex. Now, I'm attempting something revolutionary here: the goal is to upload onto these Pokedexes comprehensive data on all one-hundred and fifty-one Pokemon. First, I should provide some background. For decades, humans have captured, trained, and studied Pokemon., amassing countless data concerning the creatures. Now, students, Trainers, Professors, Rangers, and every other field professional do not have a portable reference material to quickly and accurately recount that data. Although the Pokedex has been in circulation for nearly two decades, no Trainer has captured and recorded every Pokemon indigenous to Kanto. That is what Project Pokedex strives to do. The Pokedex is a portable device that immediately scans a Pokemon in the field with infrared sensors to detect the species, then recalls from a database of cursory information to provide a brief description of the Pokemon, much like a field guide for beginners. However, this Pokedex contains smart software that will be able to provide a comprehensive analysis of any domesticated Pokemon. It has the sensors, but not the data to recall. I want the two of you to capture one of every species of Pokemon, thus completing the Pokedex. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Professor", announced Lolcat.

"tl;dr", announced the illustrious, brilliant Blue Oak.

"Good. Take these with you.", Oak said, handing the two prototype Pokedexes and five Pokeballs each to Lolcat and Blue.

"Ha! I got a Pokedex! You won't be necessary for this, Lolcat. I'll catch every Pokemon known to Kanto before you get halfway there!", stated Blue.

Lolcat exited the Laboratory and entered Blue's house, as Blue's hot sister has a Town Map. She hands the map over to the Trainer and Lolcat thanks her, unfortunately not picking up a phone number. After stopping at home to heal up Squirtle, Lolcat sprints back onto the beaten trail of Route 1, smiting Pidgey and Rattata along the way. After an uneventful trek to Viridian City, Lolcat realizes that the road branches two ways, westward and northward. Not knowing the way around, Lolcat takes the western path, also known as Route 22. Wild Pokemon populate the tall grass on this Route, so Lolcat can double his team's size. The odds for each Pokemon:

Mankey, 45%
Rattata, 45%
Spearow, 10%

A rare Spearow emerged from the thick, green grass, but it was a paltry level 3. Not wanting to waste it in one shot, Lolcat shoots off a Poke Ball hoping for a quick capture, but it doesn't even shake before releasing the bird, who strikes Squirtle with a Peck attack. Knowing he needs to hurt the little bird ,Squirlte fires a bevy of blue bubbles at Spearow. The attack hits for moderate damage, knocking the bird's health to half its maximum. Although the bird burst out of Lolcat's second Ball, the third time was indeed the charm and Spearow became the second member of Lolcat's team. The next couple days of Lolcat's journey were spent in the wilderness of Route 22 where Lolcat ordered his two sluggers to knock out any Pokemon they could get their hands on. One mountain of dead Rattata, Pidgey, and Spearow later, Lolcat's two warriors found themselves on Level 9. However, one day while training up the team, a haughty, aloof voice rang in Lolcat's ears…

"Hey, Lolcat, still lagging back here? Typical, you always seem to be two steps behind me!"

The painfully annoying voice belonged to the illustrious Blue Oak, who wasted little time invoking the Pokemon Population Control Act of 1813 to begin his second battle with Lolcat in four days.

Blue was the master of a Pidgey and his Bulbasaur, so Lolcat led the battle with Squirtle who rammed Pidgey with his hard head despite the effects of Sand-attack in his eyes. After a short while, Squirtle felled the Pidgey who was quickly replaced by Bulbasaur. Obviously, no Squirtle ever wants to trade punches with an equally-leveled Bulbsaur, so Lolcat withdrew the weary turtle and sent his little brown bombshell into its first Trainer battle. Spearow flew into the sky and rammed his beak into Bulbasaur's green body. Bulbasaur, noticeably weakened, fired off a Vine Whip that failed to faze Spearow. A final Peck attack ended the battle as quickly as it began.

"You'll pay for this, Lolcat! I'm going to be the Champion one day; I'll build the best team ever seen on this planet and humiliate you! Just you wait!"

Lolcat snickered to himself as to how Professor Oak's genes produced such a fool, but wasted little time checking into the Viridian Pokemon Center for the night.

End of Part 1

Well, that's the end of this chapter. Thanks for reading, and stay tuned for the next chapter of the story. The story's been pretty lighthearted so far, but it'll get much more serious when the game picks up.

On the next chapter of The Nuzlocke Wars: Fire Red!

...The man next to him explains that the Gym Leader disappeared months ago...

...Lolcat marches up to the Pewter City Gym, ready to take on the first of eight Gym Leaders...

..."I'm going to lead with the team's newest member..."

Will Squirtle and Spearow survive the venomous Viridian Forest? Can Brock end Lolcat's challenge before it begins? Find this out and more in Chapter Two!